Frequent Sex for a Healthier You

Frequent Sex for a Healthier YouSex is significantly more than a way of procreation or recreation. Sex is also a potent indicator of our overall health and fitness. The ability to have sex at all is a manifestation of a specific amount of wellness in the body. As an example, a man who’s routinely not able to attain an erection may be suffering the early signs of diabetes, kidney disease, nerve damage, hormonal imbalance or some kind of vascular disease.

Importance of a healthy sex life

Are sexual dysfuntion issues at play?

Women that are not able to climax might be coping with a hormonal issue, a psychological disorder like depression, or a negative effect to medication. Anyone unable to participate in sex without getting short of breath or anxiety may have a cardiovascular disease. And guys struggling to ejaculate may have a growing prostate issue.

Numerous medical specialists think that gender and health are interrelated in more ways than one. As an example, there’s a strong consensus that prostate health and the frequency of the sexual activity are directly. The justification is based on how the body produces semen. The prostate, which produces semen, draw citric acid, potassium and zinc from the blood flow.

So, any dangerous, or carcinogenic (cancer-causing) agents within the bloodstream may also be drawn into the prostate. Voiding that fluid also voids contaminants, and the more often this is done, the less likely those carcinogens would be to cause cancer or other ailments.

However, no definitive study has been done to establish exactly this circumstance, even though a number of related studies have revealed that men who ejaculated at least five times per week during their 20s revealed a reduced chance of developing prostate cancer through middle age.

Bottom line, just do it

Although this theory may be contested by a few, there are other advantages to frequent intercourse. Pain management for migraines, back pain, muscle cramps can be achieved through the natural endorphins and corticosteroids released during arousal and orgasm.

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Sexual Difficulties - Too Drunk to Get Lucky

Sexual Difficulties - Too Drunk to Get LuckyPerhaps you have been outside enjoying a few drinks with friends or your girlfriend, and a couple of drinks become several beverages , or shots, along with the party really gets going strong? Of course you have… it is a huge part of why we continue to go out for happy hour after week. It’s a fantastic time. So you go home, hit the sheets and… nothing. Or, you get things started, but your little buddy taps out early. Or, you are deep in the action at just can not orgasm. In each of these scenarios, a whole lot of disappointment and humiliation is soon follow your sexual problems. What happened?!

Guide to figuring out your Sexual Difficulties

How alcohol affects your libido

The brief answer is that the alcohol is to blame. Butobviously, sexual problems do not follow every day of drinking. So it is not the only culprit. Since alcohol acts as a vasodilator (expands blood vessels), the change in blood flow required to support an erection can occasionally fight with other regions of the body where blood is rushing.

Likewise, alcohol is a nervous system depressant, meaning that sensations and bodily reaction can be slow, diminished, or less extreme. Along with the effects of alcohol are more powerful when you have not eaten, are dried, or have not slept.

Prepare ahead of your night out

So in case you know you are going to be knocking back a few alcoholic drinks, be certain that you also knock back lots of water and a few nutritionally balanced snacks (catch some peanut butter carrot sticks until you leave for the pub, or try to find something such as a veggie spring roll appetizer on the pub menu). And, based on the day of the week, consider a fast 30-minute power nap before you venture out to the club. You and your spouse will be better for this.

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Using and Abusing Erectile Dysfunction Drugs

Using and Abusing Erectile Dysfunction Drugs

Using and Abusing Erectile Dysfunction DrugsFor many guys that officially suffer from erectile dysfunction, drugs such as Viagra, Cialis and many others provide a opportunity to enjoy life to its fullest. But like any medication, these prescription drugs carry a range of risks. And for the ones that utilize the drugs recreationally for sexually pleasure, these dangers are amplified.

Guide to using Erectile Dysfunction Medications

Most erectile dysfunction drugs are vasodialators, so they cause blood vessels to enlarge. This allows more blood to flood the penis, creating an erection, but in addition, it creates increased sensitivity to touch in erogenous zones and in the lips. It’s because of this that ED remedies first worked their way to the healthy people’s sex practices.

The Risks of ED Medications

Studies found men and women both report heightened pleasure and sexual gratification. But they are also taking on a considerable risk. As an example, the active ingredient in a number of these medications has a negative response with nitrates, which can be observed in heart drugs, but also exist in most wines. This response can onset quickly, and cause death through a sudden drop in blood pressure and cardiac arrest. Considering alcohol and foreplay often go together, this may be a deadly situation just waiting to happen.

At the same time, extended use and abuse of these drugs can cause problems with vision, headaches, fainting or blood vessel damage from priapisms (erections that last exceedingly long). These side effects may vary greatly from one medicine to another, though all are known to respond poorly with other prescription drugs.

Add to this the fact that after a drug has been obtained out of a trusted medical setting, there are certain to be counterfeit drugs entering the black market situation. These are especially dangerous as they are uncontrolled and laced with possibly harmful fillers and by-products. If erectile dysfunction are actually within your life, consult a doctor for a valid prescription and diagnosis.

Alternatively, if you’re using an ED medication illicitly, think about the side effects and why you feel the need to use the medication in the first location. It may be that there’s a much better, healthier solution for improving your sexual life.

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How to Identify Your Worth as a Person

Let’s pretend I have the world’s biggest diamond collection.

Because diamonds have high market value, I’d be”worth” a lot of cash.

They’re stones. Like the ones we jump across ponds or kick into the side of the road.

Simple supply and demand, which I knew but did not really get in high school economics course.

When many individuals want something not easily available, prices go up. “Worth” goes up. It’s why there are empty chairs at each Cleveland Indians regular season game, but you must pay double or triple for standing-room only tickets for playoff games.

Diamonds are rocks. They are extremely valuable as precious stones coveted by luxury jewelers and gem collectors. But they are just rocks.

Exactly like paper cash or treasury bonds or gold coins, diamonds are not worth anything during crises or within a post-apocalyptic society. Diamonds are helpful for looking pretty (and clipping items; but mostly just looking pretty).

Water, as an instance, is a far more valuable substance than diamonds. Water offers life-sustaining support to animal and plant life. Water is essential to Life being something.

Without water, everything dies and becomes a Sandbox of Horribleness.

Sometimes known as the Diamond-Water Paradox, water and diamonds best demonstrate the contradiction of water using MUCH more usefulness and inherent worth than diamonds, but the majority of us dump out water on the floor or down sink drains daily.

And diamonds are one of our highest-valued financial possessions.

The Paradox of Value, it is called.

So, you tell me: What has greater value? Diamonds or water?

Worth –What’s Worth–Is Just Subjective

To put it differently, you get to pick.

Listen, water is more precious than diamonds. Right? Right.

But when the Diamond Fairy and Water Fairy both appear at my home offering me a bucket of the finest offerings, I am telling the Water Fairy to go kick rocks.

If I was dying of thirst in a sea of desert sand, I would likely make a different option.

A longtime writer went through a current break-up, she stated in her email. She stated it was the next break-up that finished with her walking away and feeling as though the men were not fighting for her or their relationship.

She said this: “Please just tell meam I worth something? I am so depressed and lonely. I ask myself,’What’s wrong with me that I am not being appreciated?’ It is so hard.”

I get it.

I put on a fairly good show because I’m not the crying lame-ass I was four decades ago when the sky was falling at home. Because I am”healed” today, I probably look less pathetic and”okay” to casual observers.

But when I understood what my wife was picking over being married to me, and exactly what she had been forfeiting up to her time with her son as part of the choice, I must feel the full brunt of hardcore human rejection for the first time in life.

It blew ass.

And I am still…regaining? Coping? Coming to terms with myself?

I don’t understand.

I only know that I understand what it seems and feels like to let other people affect how we feel about ourselves.

If she is picking THAT, how much can I actually be worth?

I had a problem with this thought for almost all of my life.

Because soccer is wildly popular, nationally televised, and generates billions of dollars in advertising, merchandise and ticket sales; I believed it was reasonable to tell my wife she had been wrong when she chose something else.

If she enjoyed some derpy, cliché-riddled romantic comedy better than a spectacularly awesome movie I enjoyed, I’d use some metric to”prove” my favorite was more valuable than hers (if they contradicted each other), such as the amount of positive film reviews or a huge box-office haul.

Allow me to be clear–I was not trying to”win.” I was hoping to convince her to enjoy all the very same things as me because it was super-inconvenient we largely did not enjoy the exact things, and I wanted to change that without me needing to become an accomplished ballroom dancer or snow skier.

It did not work.

I’m not certain why, but I think it’s because people like different things, and telling someone their views and tastes are”incorrect” generally does not make people magically change all their personal tastes.


The 4 Types of Value

There could be more variations. I don’t understand.

However, I think it looks like this:

1. Intrinsic Value — the notion of something having value”in itself” or”in its own right.”

I think human beings have intrinsic worth. If people have inherent value, we do not rape, rape, steal, injure, defraud, defame, or otherwise harm them. As a rule of thumb. So I think it is a wonderful belief.

2. Market Value — a constantantly varying metric based mostly on supply and demand.

3. Personal Value to Other People

4. Personal Value to Me


What’s Your Worth?

If you believe what I believe, you have inherent value by virtue of being a living, breathing human being.

Your market value depends ENTIRELY on circumstance. If you’re the world’s best computer developer, you are going to be the coolest and most”precious” person in the room at your next conference or hackathon, but perhaps you suck in other things, such as long-distance swim races, or even building a deck, or coaching K-9 unit police dogs.

Your personal value to other folks?

Even strangers. But when I get really intentional and thoughtful about it, I come to the conclusion that nobody else’s opinions matter.

Some people today eat cabbage and sauerkraut and canned spinach on function.

Some people today believe chocolate tastes bad.

Some people today believe ultra-tight skinny jeans look good on guys.

If disagreeing with them is wrong, I do not need to be right.

I can only conclude: If the idea of VALUE is purely subjective, then only a person may determine their own value; and others’ remarks (or maybe what we mistakenly believe they are) are unreliable and irrelevant data points in the equation.

I know it hurts when you break up.

I know that it hurts when people you like do not appear to like you back.

I know that it hurts when folks appear to appreciate a connection less than you.

What she is worth.

What he is worth.

What I am worth.

You do.

I do.

We decide.

I can’t let you know what to believe. But I can encourage you to determine that you matter, because your view is the only one that counts.


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Diamonds are stones. They are extremely valuable as precious stones coveted by luxury jewelers and gem collectors. But they are just rocks.

The article How to Identify Your Worth as a Person appeared on The Great Men Project.

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How Are We Cheating On Our Partners Every Day

are we cheating on our partners every day?

Let us begin with a common premise. We’re discussing long-term, dedicated, relationships. And in such relationships, we need to remember to create our partners a priority in our lives. We will need to remember the small details which will support their happiness. Here are a number of simple ideas that could keep you close even as you might be apart daily, or perhaps (on a business trip) weekly.

  • A fantastic morning text
  • A”just thinking about you” text
  • A”last night was amazing, I am excited to see you tonight” text
  • A”I am heading home, can I catch anything from the shop?”
  • A”Good night sweetheart, I will be dreaming of you” text when you are off
  • A loving touch in their back as you pass them at the kitchen
  • A sensuous gift that you can exit for them to locate
  • A”hold everything, I am so in love with you” text

It is not about something, it is about everything. Each and every action we take in our relationships builds trust and love or moves away from these feelings. Have a moment to contemplate your morning routine. Is there more you can do to express your affection and care for your spouse? Can you stop for a minute at the beginning of each day and provide an appreciation for your loving partner? Actions are the key here. Touch. Ask. Do supportive activities that provide your partner more time or more versatility in daily.

In this post on The Great Men Project site, the author’s name is provocative: In Modern RelationshipsWe Cheat Each and Every Day. And while this name has caused this article to be shared quite a bit, the assumption of this post isn’t exactly about the”adulterous” we do, but more about the”loving” we do not do.

The subhead is also tripping, but I feel, untrue:”This sort of cheating causes a lot more harm than that of a sexual affair.” Here’s the opening debate:

We have accepted a lot of unacceptable items: sitting at the dinner table together with out our phones, arguing over text, publishing each minute of our lives on social networking.

Do you understand what trumps all that?  That society has approved relationships where we’re being cheated on daily.

I don’t believe we have accepted these things. I really don’t think phones in the table is a fantastic idea. I attempt to cut text disagreements with a”can we have this discussion in person.” Maybe these are the challenges of millennial relationships, but I am not certain this is a given truth, as the report suggests. But these upcoming lines are where this author veers off into a premise that I do not agree with at all.

Sure, sex is cheating and may be the most hurtful situation, but have you ever stopped to think you are being cheated out of your connection daily?

We experience a lack of communication, focus, enthusiasm, intimacy and even lack of love.  Why are we okay with this and {} communicating shortcuts which have become so prevalent?

This sort of cheating causes a lot more harm than any sexual affair.

I will go out on a limb here and guess that this author hasn’t yet been cheated on in the conventional sense: sexual infidelity. And I would start to question them about how”damaging” lack of focus is compared to”any sexual affair.” In case you’ve experienced a sexual affair I do not think you’d make such a casual statement about it.

I think what this author is trying to express is that our everyday actions and acts of affection are significant and ought to be concentrated with loving attention. And further, that our social networking obsessions can frequently entertain us at the cost of connecting with our spouses. The”sexual affair” part, however, is the greatest betrayal and could end most relationships where casual indifference is obviously damaging over time, as it proceeds.

Here are the actual messages of remaining connected and not”cheated” on

  • Do not take your spouse for granted
  • Pay more attention to your fan than you do your Facebook friends
  • When given the chance (and it happens many times a day) reach out and give your partner a love tap

Here’s the final line of the Guide,

But, most of all, put your phone down, and dial to what is in front of you.

Nice. Pretty dull, but yes, that is the soul of this report. It is not about cheating in the biblical sense, it is about cheating them from the complete, authentic, and attentive you. In this idea, I agree.

Always Love,

John McElhenney — life trainer austin texas

The Dating a Divorced Dad series continues:

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Hey Doc,

I am dealing with a problem with my spouse that I am not sure how to take care of. I am a 32 year old straight man who has lately come off a very long single series. I am settling into a new relationship with younger girl that’s going swimmingly with one glaring issue. My spouse in the past year lost a whole lot of weight, to the tune of over 70 pounds. Right now I’d say she’s still 10-20lbs short of a really appealing and healthy weight. As soon as I got into our relationship I took this as an indication of someone who had decided to turn their life around and get fit, something I could really admire. As our relationship has progressed however I’ve realized that she’s decided that her present weight is ideal and ideal. This might have something to do with her family and friends who seem to delight in teasing her for being”so small”. I’m trying to determine how to deal with this on several levels.

On a superficial level I’d really like to see the girl I really like looking as great as possible. More importantly I have a personal hangup with fictitious body positivity. I don’t mind people being obese however I have a very difficult time with those who glorify fat as”curvy” or just deny the condition of their bodies. I am a reasonably attractive individual but far from perfect and that I always work to improve how I look and I am very open about my ongoing commitment to health. In contrast my partner appears to reflect the image of being tiny her family and friends tease her around back with no consideration of her real weight. This is what I have the most difficulty with as if she makes a comment glorifying something about her weight and how tiny she is I know that I freeze up as it really rubs me the wrong way.

I am conscious that this is a personal issue with me, not necessarily her, but this is something which I know I want to address in order for us to continue to have a long term relationship. On the flip side however I am unsure how to have the dialogue in a manner that does not come off as”hey, I think you are fat”.

Not Searching For A Little Extra

I am gonna be honest with you, my dude: I went through about three distinct drafts in my answer to your letter since the first few were just my biting your head clean off. Possibly entertaining for my readers, not so beneficial for you. So I will give you the advice that you really need, not just my knee-jerk reaction.

Here is what you state NLFLE:”I believe we should see other men and women. It is not you, it’s me.”

Because it is true. The issue isn’t her, it is you. You are not right for her, and she is not what you’re searching for.

Here is the thing: you’re welcome to decide that you just want to date people of particular weights, body types or levels of activity and athletic vision. If you wish to date people that are within a specific weight range or body fat percentage, that is valid. That’s legit. That makes you happy and thus that you do you, bro. You can even feel that your partner may be more appealing if she lost a few more pounds.

What is not legit is that you shit on someone else’s advancement and happiness on account of your hangups. You do not have to tell someone that she is wrong to celebrate her accomplishments, that she should not enjoy how happy it makes her or him love the support of her loved ones. You do not get to take something which clearly brings her joy and satisfaction and a feeling of accomplishment as it doesn’t satisfy your sense of aesthetics.

What you are asking me to do this would be to unpleasant somebody else’s joy as it doesn’t make you happy and honestly I would rather jam my dick in a sack of angry badgers.

The issue here is that you are making her accomplishments and her enjoyment of her body about you. Like I stated in this week’s podcast: the feminine body positivity movement is not about getting male acceptance, fat people pretending they’re not, or convincing men to be drawn to specific body types, it is about girls and femme-presenting people learning to love themselves, regardless of what shape their body is. It’s about recognizing your value and validity is not based on meeting a particular hip-to-waist ratio or body-mass indicator. If you are not mad about the body positivity motion, then that is your look-out. Trying to take it away from others as you don’t like it’s literally self-centered and that ai not a fantastic look on you chief.

You are right: this is something which you will need to address in order for the both of you to have a long-term relationship. You are also right in assuming that there isn’t any means of phrasing this as anything other than”I presume you are still fat” since… well, that is pretty much what you are saying. You are just trying to avoid saying the word”fat”. And even when you try to frame it as”I think you’d be so much hotter if you lost 20 more pounds”, then all she is going to hear is”well I do not think you are hot now”.

Do not get me wrong: I do not think telling a spouse that something they are doing is unattractive for you, especially if it is a change over the duration of the connection, is off limits by definition. Time and gravity make fools of us all, but putting in the effort to become sexy for our partners is component of what makes a relationship work. But telling someone who’s put in lots of time and effort into not only altering her body but her way of life and is happy about it that she could still stand to lose more weight is telling her that she did not do enough and she should not be happy about what she has achieved.

That ai not cool dude.

(And all this is without even getting into the very real problem of not losing considerable amounts of weight but keeping it off.)

And while I agree that this is the problem, not hers, I am forced to wonder if this is all about her weight or what other people would consider you for dating her. I mean, she is clearly someone you are attracted to, otherwise you would not be dating her. After all, we do not date someone purely on the capacity of”well she is not bad now but should I get her to lose 20 more pounds, she would be sensational”. We do not date people’s future selves, we date that they are now. However, here you are, somebody who tries to keep fit, dating someone who’s softer and less cut… what does that say about you?

Well, if you are insecure, it states”I fear that other people would see her and suppose that I am the sort of person who can simply’get’ girls like her.” If you are not insecure it states”This is my girlfriend and is not she fucking awesome?”

While you’re doing this, I think you will need to work under the premise that she is happy in her current weight and will not lose another pound, period. If she’s absolutely going to remain at precisely the weight she is at now, are you going to be able to be happy and keep dating her? Because if your fascination with her is based on who she is 20 pounds from today, then you will need to take this as a sign that she and you simply are not compatible and you are better off letting her move so that you may find somebody else, while she finds someone who can love her for who she is.

My very best friend works in a games shop. A few weeks ago, I met one of her colleagues, who she has talked about a long time. I will be honest, I was judgy and expected not to like this man based on her description. She made him out to be a very extroverted person which isn’t the type of man I mesh well with. But this guy. He is incredibly attractive and incredibly funny. And he’s genuinely great! My interactions with him have been restricted, but there is undoubtedly the beginnings of a crush brewing. I said to my friend that I thought he was adorable and she promptly prattled off a list of reasons why he is so wonderful. Damn.

In the past month or so, I have unpacked lots of my own psychological issues associated with some past heartbreak. I feel now that I am better equipped to attempt to seek out a connection. But I am not sure whether it would be smart to take the risk with this man. My friend said that, although she is only known him to date women, everyone else in the shop suspects that he is not straight. However, the doubt is terrifying. The notion of simply straight-up asking this guy if he likes guys petrifies me. Another friend suggested I simply ask him out and see if he says yes. That is out too.

If I were to do both of these things, I would want to get to know him {} , but I am hesitant. I have not gone through the trials and tribulations of getting to know someone and then asking them out in a lengthy time, and I am frankly afraid to do so. I have had my heart broken too many times to count, and I am just now coming back from it. Am I just setting myself up for this by thinking of pursuing my interest in this man?


There is no reward without risk CB. Regardless of who you are, regardless of what your circumstances, there is never going to be a place where you could date someone without the possibility of disappointment or pain. When it’s the pain of being rejected, the pain of being into somebody who is not into you, the pain of breaking up or what-have-you, there is always the possibility of getting hurt. There is no getting around that.

The key, then, is to determine whether that risk is worthwhile.

Now that does not mean that pain is inevitable, nor does it imply that all pain is equivalent. As we can handle our odds once we play blackjack, we can deal with the possible pain of rejection. Part of that is extremely simple: do not fuck around and invest so much in someone you do not understand that you give them the ability to destroy you if they turn you down. One of the ways people wind up screwing themselves is they spend some time trying to maximize their odds of getting a”yes” when they ask out someone without really getting around doing the asking. Before long, they are so emotionally invested in that person that they don’t dare ask for fear that they would be turned down and have their dreams be ruined.

On the other hand, asking them ancient means that in the event you do get turned down… well, it kinda bites, but it ai not that bad. You will probably get over it over the length of time necessary to have a beer, or even earlier.

Therefore, like ripping off a bandage, it is best done early, fast and in one smooth movement. By asking someone out on an unambiguous date — not to”hang out a while”, not to”get together” but a real date you find out if they are to you or not and get a date at the exact same time if they’re. Waiting around”until the time is right” or”till you understand for sure” or”understand him better” will simply up the stakes until they’re so large you don’t dare risk it.

Now that having been said: the fact that you are bi and you do not know whether this guy is into guys means that there is some valid risk here. Loads of LGBTQ people, in addition to straight girls , have been on the receiving end of full-scale freak-outs from shitty people, which range from yelling to blatant attack. That is a valid reason to be careful. But I am assuming that your BFF understands this man well enough to know whether he is the sort of person who would lose his shit in a guy flirting with him or if he is the type of person who would take it in stride. So in case you wish to be a bit cautious here, I would totally understand. You could conceivably attempt to thread the needle by inviting him into a convo between you and your friend as you discuss dates and boyfriends past and see what he says. You could attempt to feel him out through queries, though that’s a greater potential for comedic harassment than real, actionable intel.

Or you might just cowboy up and say”hey, I do not know whether you’re into men, but if you’re, I think you are kinda awesome and I would like to take you on a date sometime.”

But even in the event that you don’t necessarily opt for this man, at some point you are going to need to get back in the pool. And you can either torture yourself by attempting to ease in 1 millimeter at a time… or you could just dive straight in and start splashing around instantly.

Up to you. You know my vote.

Very good luck.

This post was formerly published on and is republished here with permission from the author.


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But in the past few decades, numerous studies have been hard that very thought. Does era decrease decreases male fertility? The truth, it appears, is that just like girls, male fertility decreases steadily with time. Not necessarily at the exact same pace, or starting from exactly the identical era , but the decrease definitely exists. For many guys, the rapid decent starts at age 35, when sperm count takes a first dip from its peak in the 20s. Following that, the decrease is slow, making noticeable drops decade by decade. So while those 80-year-old moguls are not as virile as they once were, they have still got some gas left in the tank. Research show guys sperm count weaken as early as age 40. What is even more interesting in line with the research is the quality of semen as men age. In spite of a high sperm count, older sperm may have incomplete or weak genetic information, resulting in health and developmental problems in fetuses. Autism, schizophrenia, cancer, Down syndrome… the dangers all increase together with the age of the father. And the shift in {} in this sorts of ailments occurs as early as age 40 in certain men. To put it differently, it happens faster than you would expect. Together with lower-quality sperm as men age, there’s also evidence that sperm count decreases with age also. This may mean either fewer sperm per sample or fewer reside or motile (moving) sperm per sample. Since only motile sperm can make the trip to satisfy an ovum, they are the only ones who count. Really want children in the future try freezing your semen until you reach age 40s plus. So what is a guy to do if he is in his 20s or 30s, does not want children now but certainly wishes to protect his odds of having a household later on? Some investigators suggest freezing the trials for future use, only in case future fertility turns out to be caused by something on the male side of this equation. The up-side of earning a deposit for the future is that the sample will be screened at the time it’s given, so if there are any early issues, you will know about it now instead of later. At exactly the exact same time, there is no guarantee you’ll need to use your backup plan, but it is great to know it is there.

When you hear about 80-year-old billionaires impregnating their 20-year-old trophy wives, you begin to think that age has nothing to do with male fertility. But in the past few decades, numerous studies have been hard that very thought. Does age decrease decreases male fertility? The truth, it seems, is that just like girls, male fertility […] Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here

Here’s How to Handle Sleep More for the Very First Time

The Best Way to Handle Staying the Night for the Very First Time

For one reason or another, dates often take place at night. 

While some people might attempt to get a daytime first date over coffee or a walk in the park, the dominant cultural script we have for dates (dinner, movie, bar) is one which starts some time after 5 p.m. and winds its way throughout the course of the day. 

Meaning, if you are having sex with your date, it is probably late at night. And there’s a fantastic opportunity that may lead to a single person sleeping over following the hookup. 

In some cases your date will probably be sleeping over at your place, but particularly for men dating girls, they are often invited to their date’s location as opposed to vice-versa. 

Why? Well, a lot of women will feel more comfortable in their own home. Being alone with a person they do not know very well yet can be somewhat frightening, and having the interaction perform on their turf is much more likely to place them at ease. (Also, let’s be real, most single guys do not have very appealing living circumstances.)

Regardless, that first sleepover — if it is occurring the night of the first date, the first hookup, or later on — can make or break a fledgling romance. 

Out on the town and dressed well, people may have the ability to put up a tiny façade, but at a more domestic setting, fresh from having sex, it’s easy to let your guard down and reveal the real you — and when that is not somebody your date is into, things may be over in a hurry. 

So as to assist you pull off a comparatively mistake-free first sleepover, here are a few dos, don’ts and specialist tips from a collection of relationship coaches and psychologists. 

1. Things to Do When Sleep Over for the Very First Time

The most important point to bear in mind while sleeping with a date is their experience matters, also — and how they feel about things could impact whether you ever see each other again or not. 

“It is not just about you and what you are hoping for,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of”Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today.” If you are hoping to get a connection, what you do tonight (and after) can make or break the deal.”

To this end, Tessina suggests being normally considerate and kind. 

“Be amiable, but not overeager,” she says. If you are dating a girl, you need to consider that she may not be used to having a man in her space. “Girls are often feeling fragile with this very first sleepover, so take it easy.

She also adds that if you are invited over directly, instead of after going out together — like being hosted for a romantic dinner, possibly as a second or third date — that bringing flowers is not a bad idea. But whether that is the case will depend on your age — younger generations may be weirded out by this overt display of traditional courtship. 

Meanwhile, Connell Barrett, the founder of Relationship Transformation and a dating trainer with The League, says you ought to attempt to spend the sleepover seriously — even when the connection is not yet. 

“The morning after, you need to make your date feel good about the decision they made — to take you into their bed, to be romantic,” he says. “While you are not in a relationship yet, treat them like your spouse, not a hook-up. Whisper sweet nothings, spoon, speak, tell them how great last night was.” 

In accordance with Jor-El Caraballo, a relationship therapist and co-creator of Viva Wellness, it is not to make too many assumptions. 

“Ask, ask, ask,” Caraballo says. “Every man desires different things, so there’s no one’right’ way to show somebody that you are a gentleman.”

“As a rule of thumb, it’s wonderful to be polite and treat people with courtesy, but if it is not real and coming out of your heart, odds are your date can sense that,” he says. “Either they will dislike that and allow you to know or will not think about your gentlemanly efforts significant and just proceed. The golden rule –‘treat someone how you would like to be treated’ — is a fantastic place to begin, and with occasionally checking in for optimistic cues you can make certain you’re on the path toward creating a fantastic impression.”

2. What Not To Do When Sleep Over for the Very First Time

When it comes to things to avoid, there are also a small number of those to think about. For starters, it is important not to treat the experience using a’been there, done that’ mentality, says Barrett. 

“A major mistake is treating it in a casual, transactional fashion,” he notes. This makes the other person feel used and means you probably won’t be spending another night in their place.”

In terms of concrete specifics to take into account, Tessina notes that making a mess and having bad toilet hygiene are large don’ts, especially for a female date. 

“Be clear in her place. Do not leave your things around,” she says. “If you use the toilet or shower, ensure that you leave it tidy.”

Caraballo agrees that a man’s usage of a woman’s bath can be a tricky hurdle to clear. 

At the same time, if your date has roommates or lives with family, it is essential to be aware of that. 

“Ask how you should act in accordance with their home rules (maybe do not walk around to the bathroom in the middle of the night, etc.),” Caraballo suggests. 

Another great suggestion is to not be overly demanding or over-assertive. You may be accustomed to sleeping in a specific way, but at a new area, it is a fantastic idea to allow your date set the tone concerning how things function. 

Needless to say, you can make requests — believe something like”Can it be cool if we leave the fan on? I get overheated easily at night” — but being persistent or simply doing exactly what you need may leave your host feeling annoyed or uncomfortable. 

As before, the guiding principle here is courtesy. Irrespective of whether it is a cramped apartment or a sprawling multi-story home, their home is their distance and inviting you there’s a small gamble — so treat it (and them) with respect. 


1 possible conundrum of sleeping for the very first time is that it can be a very romantic moment. 

Sleeping in the same bed with somebody implies a certain amount of trust, and it is something which we traditionally associate with married or long-term couples. But if you’re just beginning to date, you probably do not know each other really well — which could make for an awkward mismatch. 

If you lean into being intimate and affectionate, it may send another person a signal that you are very serious about them, even when you are not; alternately, in the event that you intentionally set the brakes on things like post-coital cuddling and pillow talk, they may think you are rude, remote or uninterested. 

The best way to manage that uncertainty, based on Caraballo, is to be communicative, as opposed to overconfident about what your date is searching for. 

“While I know lots of folks frown at the concept of being explicit in communicating, it’s always useful to check in with your partner to be certain they’re feeling comfortable and that you understand what their expectations are and if you’re able to meet them.”

Barrett agrees that being receptive to communicating is significant — and notes that you ought to concentrate on ensuring your host does not feel as though you’re just using them for sex. 

“Be present to how your date’s feeling and do not overdo this, but tell them that although this is casual, it is about more than sex. They wish to know you enjoy them for who they are.” 

4. The Way to Handle Leaving in the Morning

Among the main elements of a post-hookup sleepover is the way it ends. 

Why? Well, that is the last time you’ll see each other for some time — it could be only a couple hours or it may be weeks. Or, if things go poorly, it might be for good. 

If your time together was going well but you botch the end, that could leave an unpleasant aftertaste in your host’s mouth, as it were, and change their view on how they feel things actually went. However, by the same token, if the hookup was just so-so, you may still possibly turn things around by nailing your death. 

Tessina suggests planning for the morning after the night before — this way you have some sort of strategy — rather than simply deciding what to do if you wake up. 

“If you need to leave at a particular time, let your date know the night before,” she says. “Do not just rush out.”

Barrett agrees that talking the morning plan before you fall asleep is a fantastic move. 

“If you are not sure you will want to lounge the morning away with your date, the night before, state that you are meeting a friend in the morning,” he advises. “This way, if you want to get a long, lazy sleep-in and spend more time together, you could always say you moved the appointment. And in case you’d rather get going earlier, you can bounce with no bad feelings.”

That having been said, if things are going well, Tessina suggests sticking around for whatever your host provides, such as coffee or breakfast, and possibly re-initiating a few of last night’s physical affection, such as kissing or hugging, and telling them you had a fantastic time the night before — unless you did not.

“If it was not wonderful for both of you, then say something like’I guess that did not go so well,”’ she advises. 

Caraballo suggests taking what, if anything, you know about your date’s personality into account when you wake up the next morning and are thinking about how to proceed. 

“This is highly subjective, and obviously pretty tricky land,” he says. “If you have not talked about the morning programs before the sun rises, I think the best bet is to be honest on your exit.” 

What does this imply, exactly? 

“Do what feels right for you, and think about what seems like a reasonable and ethically compassionate exit, given the interaction,” Caraballo explains. “Does your date seem like somebody who you love a simple note left? It all depends on the mood, but take the situation under account.”

1 thing Barrett cautions against specifically is staying too long — a situation which may make people too shy to ask you to leave or feel trapped in their own house, especially if they were not expecting you to be there originally.

“Do not overstay your welcome,” he advises. “Your date may have things to do. Ask them first thing in the morning,’What is your day looking like?’ They might have someplace to be. If they don’t and you wish to enjoy more time together, suggest taking them out for brunch, coffee or doughnuts.”

Even if you don’t go out somewhere together, finishing on a high note is a fantastic idea, Barrett adds. 

“Leave your date feeling great,” he says. “If you wish to see them, tell them.”

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So you have played all of your cards right and now it is time to have a connection to a higher level… and just as you get your partner to the bedroom, they change their mind. Or, you’re beginning to realize you never have sex in your place — always at your spouses. Your mattress might be the reason. Everyone appreciates presentation — it is why Brookstone makes such trendy displays in their stores and why the iphone kicked serious butt when it came out with its sleek minimalist design. And, though it’s unconscious, demonstration also matters in the overall look of the bedroom. The normal bachelor appearance of an exposed bedframe (or worse, mattress on the floor) and a classic pair of sheets does not say”come hither,” it states”get away.” A single flat pillow does not say,”I wish to share an experience with you,” it states”I wish to do you fast and then get you to leave me alone.” You can change that with a simple visit to the home decor section and a tiny bit of knowledge.The higher the better. This will not just help your mattress linens last longer, they really get softer with each and every washing. Satin-finished cotton is far better than lace for everyday use, but for a special event the slinky sexiness of lace is difficult to beat.Feather pillows are a broad term… Actually feathers can refer to both down and feathers. Feathers provide some stiffness and structure along with fluff. Down is all fluff and squish. Most people today would rather have a mixture of the two. But, natural feathers can aggravate allergies. A fiber-fill pillow made from bamboo or polyester fibers can be just as comfortable without the coughing and sneezing.Modes: You don’t need to go crazy here, but buy a bed skirt of some sort. Plain white works well with almost any color scheme (meaning you do not need to change it if you’ve got multiple diverse colours of sheets), and they are pretty straightforward and affordable. Helpful Hint — it goes between the box spring and upper mattress; not under the box spring. You can now store things under your bed without everyone being able to see it. Apart from that, get some type of nice quilt, blanket, duvet or comforter to place on the top. Even if it’s folded neatly in the base of your mattress, it shows you care about somebody else’s comfort.

So you have played all of your cards right and now it is time to have a connection to a higher level… and just as you get your partner to the bedroom, they change their mind. Or, you’re beginning to realize you never have sex in your place — always in your spouses. Your mattress could be the […] Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here

Ever meet a man doula? Here is your chance.Listen to Real Men Feel, #146, “Men’s Role in Birth” here: Male doula, William Moore, joins us to talk about the importance of men being involved in the birthing process.”There are those who think inside the box. There are people that are commended for thinking outside the box. I say why are you in the box to start with?” ~ William Moore William Moore, C.P.E. is a Semi-Professional Football player, an artist, a public health professional, a doula and most importantly a guy who cares about his community. As a Certified Perinatal Educator, Doula and Lactation Educator who’s sensitive to expectant mother’s and father’s needs, William is an advocate for them in the physician’s office and during the birth procedure.This wide-ranging interview covers what doulas do, the importance of men being involved, the stereotypes against guys being involved, the energy of a great Grandma, toxic masculinity, joy, and being weird.Issues and Questions Include:(1:34) What’s a doula? (4:56) Postpartum and breastfeeding support (7:25) Is it common for men to become doulas? (10:40 ) Break out of the domain of labels. (19:06) Infant and maternal mortality rates (20:30) Let’s get more guys involved in the birth process (24:05) Reasons for the disparity in infant mortality and maternal death rates — systematic racism. (27:40) Are men resistant to being more concerned? (29:24) Ideas on toxic masculinity. (36:39) Will’s philosophy for life. (42:40) The slow death of letting someone else define you. (45:24) Being bizarre and embracing it (51:16) After your eyesight (52:39) What do you need more guys realized about the birthing procedure? (56:56) What both parents want for their children. ◊♦◊[embedded material ] [embedded material ] “Many men and women see birth function as women’s work. But caring for your family is not women’s work, it’s family work. It’s incumbent on everyone.” ~ William Moore Interested in being on Will’s podcast? email [email protected]For information on his doula work, contact [email protected] Will’s podcast, Chill Time is Will Time. Let us know what you thought here in the comments or shoot an email to [email protected].Subscribe to the podcast in the Actual Men Feel show on Facebook down to the author bio for all the links to get more #RealMenFeelA version of this article was previously published on and is republished here with permission by the author.–If you think in the work we’re doing here at The Great Men Project and wish to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, now. All Premium Members get to See The Great Men Project with NO ADS.A $50 annual membership provides you an all-access pass. You can be a part of each telephone, group, class, and community.A $25 yearly membership provides you access to a single class, one Social Interest group, and our online communities. A $12 annual membership provides you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community. Register New Account Need more info? A whole list of advantages is here.–Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash

Taking good care of your family is not women’s work, it’s family work.

The article Guys ’s Role in Birth [Podcast] appeared on The Great Men Project.

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