The 5 Worst Places to Choose a First Date

The 5 Worst Places to take a First Date

The 5 Worst Places to take a First DateThe first date is sort of like an audition. You want to specify the best first impression possible so if the woman you take out is someone you’re interested in you’ll find a call back. Wherever you go there’s always likely to be the awkwardness and anxiety of exchanging information about friends, family, jobs, ect. Thus make it easier on yourself by avoiding these areas in your first date.

1. Nightclub/ Bar

Going to a crowded pub or pub isn’t the ideal environment to get to know somebody. The music is loud, odds are you will be standing a vast majority of the time and you must take care of other drunken patrons. The point is, stick to someplace with a little less distractions such as a restaurant or perhaps a coffee shop.

Out with Friends

All relationships at some point or another must pass the friend test. However the first date isn’t a good time to introduce someone you are going out with to the entire gang. She might feel like she’s on the place and trying to impress everyone and your focus may be spread too thin to produce your own conversation.

3. Romantic Movies

Any movie is truly not the ideal place to have a first date. It is quiet and dark and certainly not a good place to talk and get to know each other. Even more if you visit a romantic comedy you are setting yourself up never to be as intimate as the man on screen. So unless you’ve got a flash mob waiting outside with a special serenade bypass the film for later on in the connection.

At Your Location

Obtaining a girl over to your place for an initial date sends the message that you’re either cheap, dull or horny. None of which make for a excellent first impression. Step up your game and select a wonderful venue away from the house.

5. Family Function

The first date is far too premature to be meeting the household. Not only is it super embarrassing for her just think if she turns out to be a sort of lunatic you always have your family”what ever happened to that one girl you brought over?” Spare and your date the problem and maintain the family introductions for serious relationships only.

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Dating on a budget can be a real set back when you want to woo a new woman in your life. But there are loads of cheap date ideas that could make you look romantic and considerate and not just like a cheapskate. • In home couples massage If you believe a couples massage is wholly out of your price range think again. If you’re fortunate enough to have a massage school in the regional area most masseuses-in-training need to log a certain period of time until they could get certified and this means that you may grab a massage for generally less than $50 per person, score!This may sound cliché or very cheesy but a picnic is a excellent way to explore a neighborhood park or outside area and jump out on a fancy restaurant bill. Proceed to the store and stock up on all sorts of picnic foods such as hummus, crackers, olives and cured meat and spread-out on a blanket with a bottle of wine. This will help you get serious love points while saving you a couple of bucks. • Have a beach day If you live near a beach pack up and head outside to grab some fun in the sun. This is a excellent excuse to pack a cooler filled with goods and even your favourite cocktail mix in a thermos and revel in your hottie in her cute bikini. Talk about a win-win.• Visit a museum or local exhibition Head out to your local museum or seasonal exhibition. Not only will you save some money but this also makes you seem cultured and interesting and girls are totally into that. Also in case you head out throughout the day and want to stop by a restaurant many lunch menus have reduced costs from their dinner selections so that you can still save money whilst out on the town.

Dating on a budget can be a real set back when you want to woo a new woman in your life. But there are loads of cheap date ideas that could make you look romantic and considerate and not just like a cheapskate. • In home couples massage If You Believe a couples massage is […] Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here

7 Finest Foods to Boost Your Libido

If you are fighting to get in the mood to have sex, then you are probably experiencing a loss of libido.

If you’re fighting to get in the mood to have sex, then you are probably experiencing a loss of libido. Most experts recommend keeping a healthy lifestyle to make certain it is also possible to enjoy a healthy sexual life. Together with learning how to correct your attention during sex, think about eating these 7 finest foods to boost your libido.

Exercising regularly will help to keep you in shape and keep your testosterone levels. This can greatly improve your lifestyle in addition to your performance in bed.

Having said that, let us return to food. Many foods can have a negative impact on your libido. Foods which you need to completely eliminate from the diet include wheat, sugar, preservatives and corn syrup. These foods can lead to fatigue and might be one reason you do not want to have sex or why you do not enjoy sex.

Various studies have proven that there is a link between food and your libido. Particular nutrients found in certain foods play an very significant part in boosting your libido in addition to offering you a healthy sex life.

Sex Issues Additionally Cause Low Libido

If you realize that you are more interested in resting and sleeping instead of having sex with your spouse, then it might need more than food to enhance your libido.

Sexual problems such as premature ejaculation (PE), Erectile Dysfunction (ED) and being not able to orgasm all tax an individual’s desire for sex. In the event you or your spouse are experiencing any of these problems, it is likely your libido will not be fully restored until these sexual dysfunction problems are addressed.

1. Strawberries
Strawberries are thought of as among the sexiest foods and they are also great for your heart and arteries also. They’re full of antioxidants and vitamin C that has seen them connected to a higher sperm count in men.

Dip strawberries in chocolate and enjoy eating off them your spouse during foreplay. This can boost your libido when putting you in the mood for much more enjoyable sexual activities.

2. Almonds
Almonds are rich in the vitamins and minerals crucial for sexual and reproduction health. Also becoming rich in zinc and selenium, almonds aid to help in infertility difficulties.

3. Cloves
Cloves are thought of as a libido increasing super-food. Use them in many diverse dishes so as to improve your libido. Cloves have been used for centuries to treat impotence amongst men, whilst they’re also invaluable for removing bad breath also.

Containing a powerhouse of antioxidants, antioxidants are a vital food for improving your libido.

4. Eggs
It really does not matter how you prepare your own eggs.

The fat/protein content in eggs might help improve your endurance, whilst also being beneficial in managing conditions like erectile dysfunction and heart issues.

5. Ginseng
Ginseng is another gender super-food that’s proven to increase libido in both women and men. Researchers have discovered that people who comprised ginseng in their own food experienced a remarkable improvement in their sexual life.

Connected: Lack of Libido and Sexual Dysfunction

6. Saffron
This libido enhancing food could be somewhat expensive, but it is definitely worth it to help boost your libido. Saffron has been associated with increasing sexual appetite in addition to enhancing the sexual performance of men.

7. Watermelon
Researchers have discovered that Watermelons are among the best foods for boosting your libido. This is because they contain phytonutrients which aid in blood vessels together with boosting the libido.

Conclusion
It’s important to recognize and correct any significant health issues which might be affecting your sexual drive. These 7 finest foods to boost your libido may definitely help increase your overall appetite for sex as long as no other sexual or health problems are found. Most of all, with your own thought and activity sequence corrected, a reduced libido and other sex issues can easily be converted into a healthy libido and powerful desire for sex.

This post was formerly published on EndTheProblem and is republished here with permission from the author.

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Relationship Alive! Sometimes you just need to Stop

In this event, I give you three specific approaches to”stop” which can possibly reevaluate the”flow” in your relationship — especially when things have gotten trapped.

With all the focus on ways to enhance your connection, growth and change can become something of an obsession. Particularly if things are painful! However, sometimes all of the attempts to change can cause even more problems. So…it is helpful to know when it is time to just…stop. There are particular methods of”stopping” which can actually be beneficial — to your health and the health of your connection. In this event, I give you three specific approaches to”stop” which can possibly jumpstart the”flow” in your relationship — especially when things have gotten trapped. It is a bit edgy (especially my third suggestion) — but may at times be exactly what you require.

LISTEN HERE:


A variant of the post was initially posted on NeilSattin.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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Justin Timberlake Apologizes After Being Caught Holding Hands With Co-Star

  • Justin Timberlake is in New Orleans filming Palmer with actress Alisha Wainwright.
  • The co-stars were seen holding hands at bar on Bourbon Street.
  • Timberlake issued an apology insisting nothing romantic or sexual is occurring between the two cast mates.

Married person Justin Timberlake has apologized after he was caught holding hands with not his wife.

The SexyBack singer was caught hand-holding with Alisha Wainwright, his co-star in the upcoming film Palmer. Right before Thanksgiving, the two were seen out together at a bar on Bourbon Street in New Orleans, where the movie is being shot. The pictures were initially posted by The Sun.

In addition to holding hands, there’s a picture of Wainwright’s hand gently resting on Timberlake’s knee, and one picture with her hand on his inner thigh.

Of course, the 10-time Grammy winner has been married to actress Jessica Biel since 2012. Last night, Timberlake issued a formal apology to his wife on Instagram and attempted to set any rumors about an illicit tryst to bed.

“A few weeks ago I displayed a strong lapse in judgement—but let me be clear—nothing happened between me and my costar,” Timberlake wrote. “I drank way too much that night and regret my behavior. I should have known better.”

The 2018 Super Bowl singer continued, “This is not the example I want to set for my son. I apologize to my amazing wife and family for putting them through such an embarrassing situation, and I am focused on being the best husband and father I can be. This was not that.”

Who knows exactly if anything is actually happening between the co-stars. It seems like a leap to assume that they’re sexually or romantically involved just because they held hands, even if that’s what the tabloids will have you believe. What I will say is that I was completely unaware that Timberlake was even filming a movie prior to this, so perhaps any press is good press?

Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, culture, and entertainment.

Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here

Can Watching TV Decrease Your Sperm Count?

Can Watching TV Lower your Sperm Count

Can Watching TV Lower your Sperm CountIt is a question that guys have been asking for decades. Does watching TV actually decrease your sperm count? Answering that question begins with the studies which were done on this subject. However, there’s little doubt that the semen count in men has declined in recent decades.

The Rochester Study

1 recent study in that happened from 2009 to 2010 studied the reduced semen count in men as it pertains to watching TV. Nearly 200 men participate in this study and they were awarded two distinct tasks to complete on a weekly basis.

The research took place over a three month period in which a questionnaire was used to collect information regarding their activities. Their sperm quality was also quantified in terms of morphology, concentration and overall count.

At the end of the 3 weeks, the information had been gathered and the results demonstrated that physical activity and sperm count coincide with one another. The times where the men engaged in moderate to heavy physical activity caused a sperm count that was almost 75% higher than those who didn’t participate in such activity.

Does Watching TV Actually Reduce the Sperm Count?

Concerning a direct correlation, watching TV alone doesn’t really lower the sperm count. It’s the inactivity brought on by sitting and watching TV that really impacts the amount of sperm. It follows that increasing physical activity levels could have a beneficial impact on increasing the sperm count when engaging in a more sedentary lifestyle may result in a lower sperm count.

There’s absolutely not any proof that the TV itself is the cause for lowering sperm count, just the absence of activity that’s present when viewing TV.
What is Suggested to Boost Sperm Count?

Evidently, engaging in more physical activity, particularly moderate to vigorous physical exercises can indeed make a difference. Such physical activity doesn’t have to be high impact, but rather needs to engage the cardiovascular system to help boost the overall heart rate.

While the amount of sperm present in men who don’t participate in physical activity remains high enough to prevent infertility difficulties. Men who wish to parent a child would be well advised to improve their own physical activity levels to increase their sperm count and concentration. In this way, they can help offset the effects of a sedentary lifestyle which includes watching TV.

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Can I Tell Someone We Are Never Having Sex?


Hey Doc,
I truly enjoy your blog. It has helped a lot with picking myself up after my long term girlfriend cheated on me.

I am a bisexual woman in my early 20s who is moving to a different area where I will be hanging out with beautiful cool nerds, a few of whom I might want to date.

Things are going fairly well, with one lingering problem: in my past relationship (… that was also my first), I found out that any type of penetration (v) for me is horribly, soul-crushingly debilitating. (Before you suggest anything… look, we tried it all. Just take my word )

The desire is there, but the pain is worse than a rib tattoo and there is also a feeling of”something has gone horribly wrong” that takes the disposition back and shoots it like Old Yeller. At the moment, I am at a place where women’s health stinks. The state pushes abstinence-only sex-ed, and even the Planned Parenthood I went to to get this checked out essentially tested me for STDs (all clear, at least), said”man, that’s some weird pain,” and shrugged. Some health digging later, I have the possibilities narrowed, and also the most likely culprit is Vaginismus, an involuntary contraction of the muscles which occasionally occurs without a clear cause.

Now, you are not a real doctor, so allow me to cut to the meat of the question. Even ignoring the move, getting settled, medical expenses, scheduling, etc… most solutions out there will take a few weeks to do their thing, if everything goes smoothly and this is what I think it is.

However, I’d really like to locate my way into the dating scene and hold hands and kiss and have sex (that does not include penetration) very soon!

I am fucking scared of one of them thinking I am lying and subjecting me to horrible pain at a vulnerable moment, and I do not need to introduce this as an”oh, well… someday” thing, since I do not want someone sticking around for what might be instead of what is there at the moment. And also there is my anxiety brain whispering this is why she cheated on me, even when I know quite well that my nervousness brain is filled with some hot bullshit.

When do I tell someone that a kind-of-expected-and-easy-for-most-people sex act is 100% off the table? In a perfect world, everybody would be cool, but sadly, there are Stealth Assholes and folk who never did the supplemental sex-ed and believe penetration is supposed to hurt.

And of course possible hurtful gossip and stigma when I truly misjudge someone.

Sorry, Dr. NerdLove, but this was weighing on me.

Sincerely,
The Spirit is Willing, but the Flesh is not Having It

This is a fantastic news/bad news situation. The good thing is that, sadly, there’re a whole lot of people for whom penetrative, PIV sex is a must-have. Anyone going into a relationship with you will need to go in with the understanding that the chance of penetrative sex is months or maybe years later on, if ever. That is going to be a deal breaker for a whole lot of folks.

The fantastic thing is that there are individuals around who do not necessarily want or enhance penetration, and there are others who will be cool with either extending or extending their sexual horizons beyond the conventional acts. Now these folks might be a bit thin on the ground, but they’re out there. And in what is, admittedly, a mixed blessing: your condition will make finding them a great deal easier. See, you have what is called a Sorting Hat condition. When you tell someone that penetration is off the table — no ifs, ands, possibly butts — you are telling them something about yourself.

How they react to that information will tell you everything you will need to know about them. You’re going to find the whiners. You’re likely to find the problem solvers, those (guys, especially) who believe they have got the secret to getting what they need (and, incidentally,”fixing” you). There’ll be the people who say they are cool with it but will keep nudging up from the boundaries {} it can not be THAT bad, can it? There’ll be people who’ll begin getting impatient.

But there will also be the ones who know, the people who think you are awesome and are prepared to take a scarcity of PIV sex for a price-of-entry into the relationship. These are likely to function as okapi — often tough to find, considered to be legendary but really out there in the event you go looking.

So where do you FIND stated okapi?

Well, ideally you would like to check in places where you are most likely to find people who have expanded their definitions of what they consider”gender”. You also want to check in areas where people are accustomed to negotiating boundaries or that functions are acceptable and which ones are not. The kink community could be a fantastic place to start. Even when you’re not always kinky yourself, the secure and dependable kinksters in the scene are people that are utilized to different sexual practices which may or may not involve penetration, and are utilised to agreeing to what is and is not on the table. You’re also more inclined to come across those who are open-minded about sex in general and better able to use their own words. Additionally, it is fairly common practice to vet potential play partners within the community, which may help weed out people who might believe that your objections are discretionary.

But that FetLife and munches are not the only places you can search for partners. Online dating might well be your friend here… but this is an area where you are going to have to disclose what is or is not on the table right up front. Possibly on your profile, almost definitely before you meet in person. While it might feel a little weird to bring up sex until you know for certain that you would want to sleep with that individual, the last thing you need to do is waste your time with somebody who’s likely to be fundamentally incompatible with you. Well… that is an area where you’re going to want an Awkward Conversation early on. You will want to become comfortable giving what’s called the safe-sex elevator address : the elevator pitch of your must haves, your can do’s and complete no’s. “here is what I am up for tonight, here is what turns me on, here is what I want to get off, here is what I absolutely can’t do… now how about you?” The more comfortable you are with talking about this, openly and honestly and without doubt, the more you will not just find people that are down for what you have got to offer, but the further you will be encouraging others to start up and be clear.

Meanwhile: just because you’ll need partners that have an expansive definition of sexual activity, it will be good for you to start getting creative with sex also. There’re all sorts of choices for happy fun nude time which do not involve penetration… as well as a few that do. Some are obvious; mutual masturbation, frottage, oral sex, anal sex and so forth, but the list does not end there. Remember that masturbation sleeves such as Fleshlights and Tenga are out there; these may be integrated in the bedroom for a means for your spouse have penetrative sex with you, without causing you huge amounts of pain in the procedure.

And the advantage of becoming conversant with all these other methods of getting you and your spouse off means that you are going to have a lot more to provide a spouse than somebody who’s ideas of sex are common and standard. Sex with you will not be dull, and it might well encourage them to broaden their own horizons in the meantime. That is a pretty awesome thing to be able to provide future partners.

Just remember: when you do roll this out to prospective partners, do not explain it like you are broken or that there is something wrong with you. This is not something to be ashamed of, nor is it a deep dark secret that you have lurking in the background. It’s a part of who you are and what is made you the woman you are now. And if someone is not going to be fine with that? Then they have just let you know they’re not appropriate for you.

Very good luck.

Hi Dr!

I will go to the point: I am 26 and never kissed, hugged or had sex with a woman and I am thinking losing my virginity with an escort. It really hurts knowing I will pass through life without experiencing how it feels to love someone that loves me back and have a girlfriend or get married and have a family of my own. I have been told enough times how awful I am and I’ve given up at this stage. It is just not for me. And since there’s absolutely no solution, I was thinking maybe at least cover have a glimpse of what ordinary people do. I mean, I do not only want sex with her, I’d love to hold hands, put in bed talking crap or just looking into each other eyes and cuddle.

I’ve done my research and hiring a few”girlfriend experience” could be ideal for me. Except it does not feel like that. However, the other half is fearful. I am scared that I’d feel even worse. I imagine myself holding hands and looking at a person who’s faking being drawn to me and it makes me cry. It is too awful, meaningless and empty.

So I am in a limbo. I need to try it, since I will never encounter it in my life and I do not want to die without knowing how it feels. But at exactly the exact same time I don’t need to, since I will be with somebody who does not like me at all and it’s not a replacement for a true and sincere relationship.

You always give great advice, can you help me?

There is a lot to unpack here D&S, and lots of it’s coming from an area of bullshit and dread. We’re going to begin with the concept that you’re likely to never be loved, never get married or have a family. This is the beginning of the bullshit. It is not the truth, it isn’t prophecy and you are not Nostradamus.

(If you were, then the best thing you can do would send me the winning Powerball numbers).

What you are feeling is melancholy and despair talking, not truth. It only feels like fact because we have an inherent bias towards negativity, where negative thoughts, emotions and experiences affect us five times more than positive ones do. Negative beliefs have a much stronger impact on us because, well, they hit us harder. This is the reason it’s a lot easier to think — without real evidence — which you are doomed to be Alone.

I’ve lost track of the amount of individuals I’ve worked with who have insisted — like you — that they are too ugly, too socially awkward or simply too late to know love, relationships or loved ones. Funny thing: every single one of them has gone to get all those things. Yes, there are those who die without having found somebody, nobody denies that. But here’s a truth: there’s literally no way to know {} be among them until the minute you truly die… and sometimes not even then. Life is only the prospect of change; the question is if you are going to allow those changes occur or take charge of your life and make them happen.

Because, if I am perfectly blunt? Your problem is not that you are a virgin. Your problem is that you have been surrounded by assholes. All they are doing is kicking your spirit in the nuts for grins. As is becoming a cliche within this column: when I had a nickel for each average-to-cute looking dude who insisted to me that he was really too ugly to date, I would be needing mecha fights with Elon Musk in San Francisco Bay.

And as I am also always saying: your looks have far more to do with your presentation and your dressing than your bone structure or your symmetry. Appears are malleable; all you need to do is watch an episode of Queer Eye to observe that the transformative power of a nice hair cut and a few clothes that actually fit. Plus, to be perfectly blunt: men coming back from Iraq with massive burn scars over nearly all their body have the ability to find love and get married.

Now let us talk about your needing to employ a sex worker, because that’s coming from a place of ignorance also. If that is something you need to do — and I am all in favor, if it’s — then you will need to come to it from a place of understanding and truth, not from the internalized self-loathing. You’ve got this idea that escorts can not stand their customers… and honestly that is not true, any more than psychologists and counselors are pretending to care or to want to help you. I speak with and am friends with several sex workers throughout the spectrum from amateurs to porn stars and frankly? When there’re always asshole customers, there are also the customers that they’re amazingly fond of and have real affection for. It might not be a romantic relationship, but it is a genuine fondness and admiration for them as individuals, not as ATMs with thighs. Someone offering you a girlfriend experience is not internally rolling her eyes while counting down the minutes until it is over, they are giving you a real moment of relationship.

If you would like to be among those customers that they think of fondly? Then treat them with consideration and respect. Do your research, find an escort who offers what you’re searching for — one who is an independent, who is not being trafficked etc. — undergo her screening process and set up an appointment. Pay her rates and provide a wonderful tip. I suspect that you may actually have a much better experience losing your virginity with someone who’s spent in providing you with the best experience possible than, say, a random person you met at a pub.

However, if we’re being perfectly honest: Losing your virginity — if with an escort or not — is not going to fix things for you. Everything you want more than anything else would be to concentrate on breaking these self-limiting beliefs of yours. I think, more than anything else, you need to focus on finding a therapist and learning how to split these negative patterns you have found yourself in. That, more than anything else, will help you realize exactly how much amazing, boundless potential you’ve got and how amazing your life and future could be if you take active control.

You have got much more going for you than you realize, a lot more possible than you could ever hope for and the power to create the future you are longing for become. You only need to step up and take charge.

You will be ok D&S. I promise.

This post was formerly published on doctornerdlove.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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Watch Strangers Match Sex Toys for Their Owners

  • Three individuals were asked to match sex toys for their owners in fresh Cut video.

Can you guess that sex toy a individual owns based off of the character? That is the premise of a new video from Cut, the friendly people who brought you that other viral movie where a mother and dad had to guess who their son had sex with.

Three individuals –an office manager, a sex therapist, and a Cut worker –were asked to fit sex toys for their owners; they had to pick from a row of eight people standing behind them.

The guessers were permitted to deal with the group as a whole, or request one person a question to {} if they would be interested in a specific sex toy.

“Raise your hand if you truly love dick” was one of those questions. “Raise your hands if you prefer to get smacked around a little bit in bed” was another. (A lot of people put their hands up.)

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At one point in the movie, the Cut worker is attempting to work out who owns a silicone lip gag, which compels your mouth open for oral sex. He asks one of the male participants, “Are you the sub or the dom?”

I am a change ,” the guy replied.

“Just like me,” the Cut employee responded. I did an online quiz.”

It turns out it is not so easy to guess who owns a sex toy by simply looking at them! Watch the full video here:

Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based author, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, culture, and entertainment.

Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here

Close to the Pleasure Gap and Save Your Sex Life

“ARE YOU CLOSE?”

“ARE YOU THERE?”

Christine was hooking up with a man from the club that was determined to not come unless she did–therefore decided, in actuality, that he repeatedly asked how close she was to orgasm. For Christine, who often has trouble getting off with new partners, the sex was not anywhere near enjoyable. It was stressful.

“It was like he had watched a whole chain of pornos and compiled a list of places,” she recalls. “He kept asking me,’How much do you like that? Tell me how much!’ I was like, ‘What do you want me to say, 8.34 out of 10? ”’ As he monitored Christine’s progress–or lack thereof–he called for five-minute breaks in the action, lest he orgasm before fulfilling his obligation.

The guy was on a mission. And it did not matter that Christine was miserable.

It’s easy to see why some guys approach sex this way, says sex educator Lawrence A. Siegel. “[It is ] what we teach men to do: be target oriented, conquest focused. Everything should have a clear, winning target.” Research indicates that men can feel less manly when their female partner does not orgasm; when they consider failing to get a woman off, they feel ashamed, distraught, or insufficient.

And, to be clear: Men should take care of their partner’s orgasm, not just their own. By now, you have probably heard about the climax difference, the undeniable reality that girls get off far less often than men during heterosexual experiences, possibly because the guys they are using –be they hookups or husbands–are not listening to their requirements.

But men sometimes take that mandate and warp it into horrible sex like Christine and Club Guy’s, insisting that the girl must come–and frequently arrive first–even though that may not be practical or desired for her. This generates what researchers call an”orgasm critical,” a belief that any sex that does not end in orgasm for both parties has been a complete failure.

Nothing sucks the fun and enthusiasm from sex like a man who is angling for a gold medal at the Orgasm Olympics. Women say it places undue pressure on them to get off, which may make it harder not simply to get there but to enjoy sex whatsoever. Sex therapist Renée Burwell, L.C.S.W., says both spouses wind up in”a cycle of shame and anxiety that reduces connection and enjoyment of sexual encounters.”

Overhead view sensual couple in pajamas cuddling on bed

So let us throw out the climax checklist and consider shutting the pleasure gap instead. “Removing the objective of orgasm can decrease pressure and reunite –or present –the pleasure of being sexual,” says sex educator Lisa B. Schwartz, Ph.D., L.M.F.T.. The less pressure she is under, the more she can actually enjoy the experience. Paradoxically, letting go of the orgasm critical might even make women’s orgasms more likely.

Initial step: Stop with all the asking. Mid-coitus isn’t the time to ask about her orgasm. Instead, have that talk before getting active, says sex therapist Vanessa Marin. Let her know you are game to do whatever makes her feel great –as long as it is within your comfort zone–and that you’d love to get off her but are totally nice to stop what you are doing if she says she has had enough.

Then, during sexual activity, you can concentrate on enjoying the experience. Elisabeth Lloyd, Ph.D., a leading scholar on the biology of the female orgasm that helped pioneer the notion of the orgasm gap, says it’s still possible to check in with each other, but with non-insistent questions such as”What seems good or might feel good to you right now?” Rather than”How near coming are you?”

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