I Expected To Be Single Forever

It hasn’t been edited by The Great Men Project.

Chapter One: I Expected To Be Single Forever


How many amazing relationships do you see out there? I don’t mean enduring relationships. I am speaking about caring relationships in which you enable each other to be as good as possible — if you’re honest, there aren’t very many like this.

This was something that I knew well, because when it came to picking bad connections, I was not any different from anyone else. Previously I had been well known for dating guys who would judge me and my entire body. That energy matched the judgements I had of me. So if these guys judged me and my entire body, then our judgements were the ideal match!

I also was not ready to be vulnerable enough to acknowledge that caring and kindness exist on this world. So for many, many years, I refused to have a connection.

It was easy to justify this choice because looking around, I didn’t see any fantastic relationships. So why would I pick one?

My desire was to create something that had an effect on Earth and changed the way people perceive and judge each other. Since I loved to travel the world, I believed I’d have my own company, as I consider business to be the most enjoyable and imaginative thing you can do.

Travel and company were the 2 things in life that I wanted most from my youngest days. I definitely didn’t want to get married and have children; this seemed too hard. I never knew how you could look at somebody and say,’I want to be with you in 20 years’ time, in 50 years’ time’ You do not even know if you’re going to be residing in the same state in 20 years’ time!

My unassailable point of view was,’I’m not doing connection — ever.’

No, because there is not one; it’s a complete and utter conclusion. Every conclusion is a enormous limitation. Whenever you have a decision about something, you reduce infinite possibilities from your life.

Allow me to give you an example. If a person has the conclusion {} strictly vegetarian, then they are making a huge no-choice. I am not saying they must go and eat meat. If you’re a vegetarian by choice, then each day you’d say,’I prefer to not eat meat now. I like to be a vegetarian’

It’s a fresh choice that you make every day. You do not eat meat, but you haven’t eliminated it as a possibility from the menu of alternatives available to you.

Likewise, choosing to maintain a relationship, or not, allows greater chances in your life.

By saying,’I do not do relationship,’ I’d eliminated the decision to have a terrific relationship, a nurturing relationship and an empowering relation-ship.

I did not realise I was working from no-choice until a day when I had a conversation with the creator of accessibility Consciousness®, Gary Douglas. {I was speaking to him about wanting to have sex with someone whom we {} . |}

Gary’s answer was,’He’s mean and he’ll judge you.’

I answered,’No, he’s cute and he’s amazing.’

Even though it was not cognitive, this guy would validate everything I’d already determined was wrong about me. He was someone who would judge me and my body the same way I did. That was exactly the type of person I decided to hook up with each and every time, without thinking about why I chose this sort of man.

Gary kept asking me questions about this guy who I wanted to have sex with and the more questions he asked, the crankier and more petulant I obtained.

Eventually, I place my hands on my hips and said,’Great! So I simply never get to have sex?’

Why would you say that?’ Gary responded.

I shrugged them off since they’d never even crossed my mind.

The fact that they wanted to have sex with me, I had determined, wasn’t appealing. Does that sound familiar?

If someone did not want to have sex with me, and particularly if they were judgmental, I believed them as winners. There was a third group of individuals, the’no counts’. They were guys who did not lust after me resist me.

At some point I had created these classes in my head and automatically place the guys I met into them. Strangely, this was not something I did.

Then Gary said,’Rather than needing to have sex with this other individual, you should sleep with Brendon.’

What? Why?’ I said.

Gary replied,’Because then you’ll find out what it’s like to be with somebody who is kind, caring and nurturing.’

Now I’d just met Brendon about six months be-fore that. He fell into the category of’no counts’ because in case you’ve ever met Brendon, you’ll realise there isn’t any conclusion in his world. He definitely didn’t judge my body. Strangely, this was one reason why I wasn’t attracted to him. I thought he was handsome and sounded nice, then again, I met a lot of different people all the time…

This dialog with Gary made me realise that in connection I was functioning from no-choice, though I thought I was choosing to be with the guys I desired. This was a huge consciousness because

I finally got to see just how much my point of view was limiting me.

Since I wanted to make my life from boundless possibilities, I knew I had to push all my barriers to relationship and sex. I must be completely neutral. I need to have no point of view if I never have sex again, and no point of view if I have a great deal of sex; no point of view if I’m in a relationship or not.’

It took a degree of vulnerability for me to do this and from the very first time, I was incredibly thankful. It did not matter if we ever had sex again. I now knew the sort, caring and nurturing energy I wanted to have in my entire life. Yet I also did not have a dire need to hold onto Brendon.

The next morning, I told Gary, ‘Wow. You’re right.

Before, I’d neverlooked for someone who had been kind and caring. To Tell the Truth, this was some-thing I hadn’t been willing to get; I did not think

I was worthwhile. It can seem like a cliché and I was really living all those clichés.

From the start, Brendon and I had a good deal of fun together. When are we going to find each other again?’

At the time I was traveling frequently to America, so I used two cellular phones. When I was in the Unit-ed States, I barely used my Australian telephone. At most, I checked my messages about once weekly. When there was a text from Brendon, I’d reply. I was not intentionally playing hard to get! I like my job and creating my entire life. At one point Brendon was considering flying to America to be with me since I was away for quite a while. When he said that, I began to get butterflies in my stomach and heart palpitations because he’s really sweet, very kind and so much fun to be around.

Brendon and I have lived together for approximately eight years and my life wouldn’t be as great as it’s with-out him inside. The degree of gratitude I have is for his very being. It’s not for some financial contribution; it isn’t the normal analysis of gratitude. That’s what connection should be based on — gratitude. Not on projections and expectations of one another.

If you look up the term relationship, you’ll discover that is defined as the space between two objects and ironically this is what most people in the world wind up creating! When you first meet somebody, you’re yourself. Then all of a sudden, or maybe 1 month later or six months later, you begin cut-ting off parts of you so as to keep in the relation-ship. How often do people give up doing what they love because it {} their new status as a couple? This fact says, if you’re in a relationship you need to do everything together. I see so many men and women use their connection to reduce themselves to the point where they can not rely on anything else but their connection.

That isn’t what a relationship ought to be. Relationship shouldn’t be the distance between two objects. It must be a degree of honouring of and gratitude for, and allowance and vulnerability with, another individual.

The reason for being with someone else is so you can create at least 20 times greater than you’d create alone. Being in a relationship can be a growth of your own being, by simply letting the contribution that another individual is to you and your life. Not many folks talk about that.

Chapter 1 Gear


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How HIV Affects Dating Within the LGBTQ Community Today

Having HIV means that some lifestyle changes will need to be made both in your daily life and your love life, but with a positive attitude and the perfect strategy, long and rich life is ahead of you.

Members of the LGBTQ community are still the most affected by HIV. Within this group, you’ve got the maximum HIV/AIDS outbreak’s impact on gay and bisexual men, and transgender women. Sadly, though we’ve come a long way since the 80s and today have means of maintaining this virus at bay, the only community where there is still a gain in the amount of HIV infected people is the LGBTQ one. These numbers impact the dating pool in a community that’s already marginalized. But it does not mean it’s hopeless, but there are a great deal of singles around the HIV homosexual dating scene, it just takes time and patience to get the individual who’s ideal for you.

Don’t hesitate to seek help

Due to the stigma across both HIV and members of the LGBTQ community, a great deal of individuals are embarrassed to seek medical treatment. Firstly, since they’re afraid of discrimination they may be exposed to by their health care provider. And also because lots of them come from poor family situations and do not have the perfect support network to help them get through it. But it’s important to not forget that there is nothing to be ashamed about. Members of the LGBTQ community have an individual right to good health care, and shouldn’t be judged according to their lifestyle choices. Consequently, if a part of the community has engaged in unsafe sex for one reason or another, they will need to get tested and seek treatment immediately if the test comes back positive. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, and with all the improvements in medicine, HIV therapy is more powerful than ever, and people with HIV have the exact same life expectancy as those that aren’t affected. Timely identification and treatment can prevent a good deal more complications further down the street.

This is vital, HIV prevention is our duty. To protect yourself, condoms and Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) would be the best available choices. However, there are cases, particularly in vulnerable groups, that even with the best intentions individuals still get infected. In those cases, it’s necessary to take adequate measures in order to not spread the infection. As was mentioned in the preceding paragraph, if there’s a reason to think that one has been infected, testing is the essential first step, then treatment and lifestyle changes. 1 significant moral obligation is to inform future partners about your condition, but also to instruct them about the entire issue and how it is something that you can live with.

Together with the LGBTQ community being marginalized and lots of its members having difficulty with being approved and finding a support system, including HIV into the mix can be deadly. LGBTQ youth has among the highest suicide rates, and of course that a recent study has revealed that around 40 percent of homeless youth are LGBT. The principal reason for this is the lack of approval from their loved ones. This causes fear of judgment and rejection that later on reflects in their willingness to seek help or get tested for HIV. This is why it’s essential for members of the LGBTQ community, particularly those infected with HIV to have support groups arranged within their inner circle. When it’s in the area or the district, using a support team that will assist you work through the issues of rejection while bravely fighting HIV may be a life-changing experience. And it may result in the infected people leading lives that aren’t on the edge of survival, but instead rich and full lives surrounded by loved ones.

Dating as a member of an LGBTQ community has its own obstacles, but adding the HIV component makes it look hopeless. But this does not have to be true. Accepting the identification, seeking help and finding the right relationship pool may mean that you get to have a long life full of love and support. It only takes some time getting there.

This material is sponsored by Stefan Simonovic.

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Man Alive! –You’ve probably heard of emotional intelligence.It’s discussed in many realms nowadays, including company, where it was once thought of as a”soft” or unnecessary ability.Developing your emotional intelligence is a highly effective means to create stronger connectionseverywhere from work to love.  It isn’t something to overlook.While I work with guys on cultivating their capacity to recognize and communicate their feelings, in addition to notice and react to others’ emotions, they frequently tell me life gets richer and more meaningful.They feel closer to their partners, friends, and children. They’re more motivated and less burnt out by life! If you have explored emotional intelligence and are still interested, or are interested in more equitable connections and wonder what is next, I’ve got two other intelligences to present to you, together with a guy who made a way for you to explore all three!The extra two intelligences are Energetic intelligence and Erotic intelligence. They’re lesser-known but are very powerful in their influence on your {} and your relationships with others.On today’s Man Alive podcast episode I was joined by Joe Bernstein. Joe coaches men to get healthy and concentrate on love and family, without forfeiting  what they have built.   In this conversation Joe and I spoke:The advantages of getting more emotionally, energetically and erotically mature  What happens when you give up the need to prove yourself How men can stop trying to become powerful and rather relax into a deeper, more stable power Joe’s travel with risking losing what mattered to him because he saw he had been settling for good, rather than good in his lifetime Practices to become more conscious of yourself and attuned to other people I have deep trust in him and always love what he has to say. I highly recommend this podcast to get a dose of wisdom about how to feel stronger as you make a more purposeful and passionate life!Even men on top of the game find themselves wanting more from life. Man Alive is your source for men who want to have more meaning, a larger effect, unshakable confidence, a hotter sex life, more money, deeper love, strong friendships or a strong legacy.–A version of the post was initially posted on ShanaJamesCoaching.com and is republished here with permission from the author. Do you wish to be a part of creating a kinder, more inclusive society? Combine like-minded people in The Great Men Project Community. ◊♦◊Photo supplied by the author.

What happens when you give up the need to prove yourself.

The article Man Alive! Emotional, Energetic and Erotic Intelligence for Men appeared on The Great Men Project.

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I had been watching a Dan Peña movie on YouTube another day. Between all the intense Alpha 1.0 crying and swearing he said something that I’ve heard before but had forgotten about. He said,”You’re 2000 cold calls off from being wealthy.”   I had been taught much the exact same thing when I was in sales training in my twenties once I was building my first company.   The concept works like this: You make X amount of cold calls and track how many sales you get and so how much money you earn. Then you return through the numbers and work out how many cold calls you will need to make to be able to generate Y quantity of money.  As soon as you figure this out it is extremely motivational. It changes your whole view of sales generally and making and cold calls in particular. If you understand, based on a great deal of stats you have been keeping on your performance, which you are going to generate a $5,000 commission (or whatever) as soon as you create 27 cold calls (or whatever), then all of a sudden you realize now you can make all of the money you want.  You simply have to create 27 calls and you will receive your $5,000, at least mathematically. Even if 26 of these calls lead to people telling you to fuck off and hanging up the phone on your ear, it does not matter, you will still receive your $5,000. (For you nitpickers and math nerds, I am speaking statistically here. I am not saying telephone call #27 will literally cover $5,000. You know what I am trying to illustrate.)  That is what Dan Peña was saying. You may argue with the specific numbers if you would like, and that is fine, but the idea is sound.   This leads me to the most important number you need to track on your online dating attempts. Needless to say, there are numerous numbers you need to track, and I go through all {} in The Ultimate Online Dating Manual. I moved from sexless divorced beta man dad ten years from relationship practice to a guru-level internet dating pro in less than two decades, and I did it mostly by monitoring my numbers and focusing on improving them.  The most significant number, for online dating at least, that you will need to monitor is this: the amount of times you have sex with a new girl per spoonful made or openers sent (depending on if you’re using dating websites or relationship swipe programs ).   You carefully monitor your numbers throughout the whole time.   You return through the numbers, do a little basic spreadsheet math, determine that you made 1100 swipes so as to nail down those five first dates. Do not take them literally.)   This means your “swipes per place” typical is 550, or 1100 swipes divided by the twice you had sex with new girls.  If you wish to nitpick the mathematics (and, Jesus, I know some of you will), maybe you could argue that the actual number isn’t 550, but somewhere between 550 and 1100. Perhaps. For simplicity’s sake, I am going with 550.   That is exciting! Why? Since the next time you go online to locate a new girl, all you’ve got to do is perform 550 swipes, and statistically speaking, you will have sex. It signifies that all of the flakes and non-responders now do not fucking matter whatsoever . All you will need to worry about is doing those 550 swipes no matter the outcome. Probably, the next time you do another swipe blitz, your online game will probably be a bit better, having learned from the experience of the first blitz.  Attitudinally, it really helps to know that amount. You do not care who doesn’t need to meet up with you; all you care about is getting out your 550 swipes.  This, really helped me back in the days when I was hitting online dating hard. I knew my magical number of openers I had to ship that would lead to having sex with one new girl. Not answers, not dates, but gender.   Sure, I tracked those additional amounts as well. They’re helpful also. But they are not as important as the major one, the magical number!  You could argue that you can not make this decision based on a single blitz alone, especially if it’s your very first one. You might have gotten lucky. It happens. I have had amazing blitzes where I have laid left and right with only a couple openers and on the very next blitz I’d shitty results (although not zero; I have literally never had a blitz where I did not have sex with someone new unless I was testing something fresh and odd ).  This means {} need multiple blitzes to actually nail down that amount. Butagain, that amount should decrease over time as you get better at all this. If it remains the same forever, you are not doing this right. You are not modifying your strategy, testing new methods, testing pictures for your own profile, etc. You are not doing all of the things I did for a long time.   The very fact that you have that amount on your pocket will make it more probable you will test these items. For those who don’t have any clue what your numbers are (and most men do not ), then you are just pissing in the wind. You’ve just a vague (and probably inaccurate) idea of what type of effort you want to expend to be able to bring a new girl in your sex life.  There are other numbers that I monitor in my dating life that have nothing to do with online dating like the amount of first dates I want to really get to sex, the amount of women I have sex with that wind up in longterm relationships with me, how long they last before the first LSFNTE, etc. So, this notion extends out to real life dating and relationship management also.  Figure out that amount. Then do it. Then improve it.  Your online dating will be so much easier when you’re doing.  

As soon as you decide your Magic Number, it is extremely motivational. It changes your whole view of dating.

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Men, Tears, and Strength

Something opens in him. He can not hold in his pain. His heart hurts. His wife has left him. Or he’s left her. In any event, he grieves.

Men cry. I see this frequently in my job.  Contrary to common belief, they are powerful guys. Strong enough to…

Trust others to assist them.
Visit the scary places inside.

These aren’t men who crumble into a whole mess and can not pick up themselves for months or years later. That is a Hollywood cliché, designed frequently for entertainment purposes, not reality.

The reality is a man who cracks open out of his anger, through his rage, and to his tears, to resurface with a brightness, simplicity, and strength — a light that was not there before.  This man has a courage that’s frequently not viewed in the public eye.

This man gets it when I say to him –“Feel the hurt.

And it’s here, stripped from his armor, a man answers the call of his heart, of what the world hungers for from men — their complete loving hearts.

Strong AND loving.
Consistent AND flexible.

Stripped of self love, bare of machismo, at his {} ground zero, a man starts the job of rebuilding himself.  Here he frees himself of prior resentments, judgements, and arrogance, so as to be relational and romantic with his spouse, his loved ones, and the world. Giving weight, bringing into balance, his relational character with his transactional character.

It begins with his tears.

Until then, until he gets to the source of his own pain, he hobbles around, emotionally crippled, half a human being, including a time bomb inside. That is… until he can not contain it anymore.

In his splitting open, a man may go to where…

He fears most.
He had been programmed NOT to go.
He faces his fears of”being weak, a sissy, or a wimp.”

In the passing of his previous programming, he might be born to a different way of being a guy. He might understand his tenderness is an untapped strength. And he might reevaluate his tears frequently to tap the well.

He has to feel his harm so as to develop strength and compassion, to maintain the hurt of his spouse .

And only then can he be completely trustworthy to her. Only then can he be the guy she dreams of. Only then can he…

Stand in the fire.
Stay calm when she cannot.
Hold her when she’s struggling.

And it’s here, a question that girls frequently ask me gets answered.

“How come my guy is so closed down?”

I often say, he was raised to be that way for a boy. He was educated feeling…

Stress makes him a”wimp.”
Joy makes him “gay.”

He had been raised in”The Man Box.” * A limited container, limiting him to a restricted assortment of emotions.  It began at age five or even sooner — at school on the playground or at home with his dad or brother.

“Be a man.”

“Do not cry.” **

The Man Box dilutes his gifts as an adult man. Compromises his accessibility to empathy, patience, love, kindness, existence, and a selection of emotions.  From The Person Box, he resides in a black and white world, his liberty to live as an enlivened, lively man badly handicapped.

To escape The Man Box, he should fight… till his death, until his old means of masculinity dies.  And he can reclaim his psychological life.

But he will not go there until it is clear his present life is obviously no longer functioning. Until crisis hits. Until he loses things and family members. Until he pops his tears.

What he needs to realize is this.

“Only boys keep their lips dry.
Only boys are scared to cry.
-Rain, Vachel Lindsay

Tears are a present.

Tears are peacemakers.

Tears bring peace to a person’s oppressed heart.
Tears raise his rate of survival.
Tears strengthen his bond to other people.

Tears of the heart include the compound leucine-enkephalin, an endorphin that reduces pain and improves mood. ***

Tears don’t rob a man of his masculinity. In actuality, they enhance his masculinity.  By heartbreak, he learns his healthful powers of assertion, supplanting old patterns of violent aggression.

Tears don’t make a man a woman. They make him an emotionally richer and more empathic man. A man to whom the world can relate.  A guy who can fight for what is right in the world, rather than just what is ideal for his pocket .

Tears allow a man to maintain strong connection with himself, so as to maintain strong relationship with his spouse, his loved ones, and the entire world. Yes, back to self-relationship for healthy venture.

I’ve shed many tears. Over the last five decades, particularly. Enduring and fighting older selves that had to die. Ritualizing grief in passing. Crying tears for life.

The death of a marriage.
The passing of a career.
The near death (amputation) of a leg.
The passing of a Nation.

Gently washed off the muck in my soul, begging to be cleansed.

Previously Released on stuartmotola.com


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Real-ationships. Real-ation ships are a continuous transformational workshop. I love the reflections this beautiful being offers me daily. I’m extremely grateful to keep on dying and falling into the abyss of love with this happening. While I don’t tag Dara Stara as a women, as a partner, in a relationship, or some other limiting notion of what we are. I then get to meet this amazing creative expression of life force anew each and every moment.It has been 4 years since your smile came to that dance hall and captivated my soul. 4 years you’ve shown me what unconditional love feels like. 4 years you’ve shown me the beauty of girls beyond surface and form picture. 4 years you’ve called me on my bullshit and asked me to show you that the grander version of me. 4 years you have shown me a mirror so that I can detect my lies and false patterns of security and closing. 4 years you have cared for me, danced with my pain and accepted me when I’ve shut off to love and life. 4 years we’ve laughed, cried, striped and danced ourselves NAKEDly bare. 4 years we’ve consented to showing up transparently regardless of how challenging it’s been. I know we both believe time is merely a restriction and a man made construct. What is 4 years in the core!Each time I fall into the abyss of love with you, every minute I genuinely see you, genuinely see you, your struggles, your smiles, your small actions of loving kindness, your pain body activates, your beauty, your silliness, your lies and truth, your inquisitive mind, your glow, your life, your mothering, and also the force which animates you. WOW it is in fact a present to learn more about the freedom of love, sexuality, and life with you. To come together to free one another. True commitment to this exploration is the liberty.Why do I share this now? Not to get some enjoys or dopamine. I share this to honor and acknowledge the power and significance of connection and to provide to all people out there, I believe we have a duty to show what’s possible when we truly honour another being. To the guys I say honor the Yoniverse, what do I mean by this statement? — I believe that a women is a huge sea of boundless power that if cultivated and educated, can crack us open to love in ways we can’t even comprehend. No words can express what I am pointing also.This isn’t about romantic, co-dependent, man women love. A women is the carrier of life, yes the guy offers their vital life force too and men must be honoured and respected just the same — But in this case I’m inviting that we change our views on what men, women, love, and relationships are really for. What is there true purpose in this present stage of evolution?A women has a yoni (vagina) for those unfamiliar with that name. And this is a bridge, a door if you will, into a huge ocean of intelligence. When we as guys quit thinking a yoni is simply for sexual needs. But instead begin realizing this is the entrance point, the gateway into a complete Yoniverse, multi Yoniverses! .And when we as people are ready to educate ourselves on how genitals function, how polarity energizes and magnifies our creative capacity, how a women can be opened to her own innate power, the way the yin yang unifies, how we can cultivate the energetic control of 2 electromagneticforces, and then use that power to move mountains… this is the tip of the iceberg I am pointing to and humbly exploring (with vulnerability and resistance ).I’ve had a glimpse of the potential. Imagine if we as beings come along with the pure intention of serving humanity by enjoying ourselves and honouring another with the willingness to encourage the freedom of our suppression. We’re all sexually suppressed. It’s in the oppression of the ability of our genitals which has the entire human species locked in fear, helplessness and powerlessness. (And the rest of the survival decreasing e-motions we feed daily). We aren’t only here to create more infants and get a home and job that pays the bills! Our bodies have Intelligence we’ve been to distracted to research. Genital power.We’re aLIVE at a time when we are being called to what is greater. To THRIVE. What’s our goal as mythical gods in the flesh. If we have our power as electromagnetic forces of production. If we bring coherence into mind, soul and body (the same thing) if we do what’s necessary to bring us back to radical wholeness. Is it that our comprehension of genitals, sex, human body, our entire capability, our power, our potential, our freedom has indeed been suppressed in order to keep us locked into invisible prisons and our energy harvested and used to serve these illusionary cult-ures {} agreed to serve — willingly or unwillingly. From me. From close to openness. From survival to production.– — ◊♦◊Have you read the first anthology which was the catalyst for Your Great Men Project? ◊♦◊If you think in the work we’re doing here at The Great Men Project and wish to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, now. All Premium Members get to See The Great Men Project with NO ADS.Need more info? A whole list of advantages is here.–Photo credit: Dara and Simon

Real-ationships are a method of constantly transforming yourself.

The article Real-ationships. Power of the Yoniverse appeared on The Great Men Project.

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Q: My parents fought a lot when I was younger and I feel like that’s {} {} 25 and haven’t been in a relationship. How do I get beyond this hangup?

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A: My love, first we will need to bring notice that we’re responding to the past, letting it affect the gift, which will have an influence on the future. You’re factually accurate but we will need to heal the past, forgive your parents, learn from it, then you can move on and make what you would like.

To see my whole reply, check out the entire article and video post on Digital Romance, ideal HERE.

Also, in case you’ve got a burning question about love, relationship or life in general for me, comment below, or ask me on Twitter @AllanaPratt and just use #AllanaQandA.

A version of the post was previously published on allanapratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.


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Hi Ladies, Tiffany today. Do you need to learn how to spark an instant connection with someone new? Below are some easy to follow dating ideas that will allow you to make a wonderful first impression!Of course you need to make a terrific first impression when you meet someone new, especially if someone is a handsome possible boyfriend. It is really easier than you would believe! Here are four easy dating pointers that will assist you shine….It’s easy to get caught up in a one-sided dialog, where you speak non-stop about yourself in a bid to impress, especially if your nerves take over. Regrettably, this tactic will often backfire, leaving him disinterested, and leaving you wondering why. Next time you meet a new guy, avoid the temptation to over-share. Rather than making it all about you, keep the dialogue flowing back and forth. Needless to say, do not interrogate him with questions. Respond with real interest, and actually get to know each other!Stay Cool, Calm, And Collected It is normal to feel somewhat anxious and jittery on a first date. But do not let your nerves get the best of you! Take a deep breath, relax and concentrate on him. Odds are he is just as nervous as you, so make him feel at ease and the conversation will flow naturally! Speaking of conversation, be sure to speak slowly and clearly. Rambling on is a certain indication of insecurity. Men are attracted to confidence, and when he feels comfortable when he is with you he is going to want to spend more time with you!Be Aware Of Body Language According to Psychology Today, being in sync with another individual is attractive. If you correct your posture to meet his, and follow his gestures, it is going to make you infinitely more alluring. To establish an immediate connection, mirror the tip of his head, make eye contact, smile when he smiles, and change your body along with him. We can communication volumes with our own bodies! Occasionally lean in toward him when he says something interesting. Keep you feet pointed forward towards him, with your legs uncrossed and comfy. Arms should be also be uncrossed in a natural position with your hands open and relaxed. And be somewhat flirtatious by touching your jewelry or your own hair. This is considered positive body language, a hot topic when it comes dating tips for women!Keep Things Actual All of us know and love Gregg Michaelsen, Boston’s shirts dating coach, and bestselling writer of dating information books. If you have read any of his novels, you know self-esteem is an integral issue in his dating tips for women. Gregg reminds us over and over again that we’re quality ladies, and we should never change ourselves for anybody or give up who we are, especially for a guy. Do not lie and say things simply to impress a man. Be honest and open about your likes and dislikes from the beginning, and allow him to get to know the real you, and how amazing you are! If he does not like you for who you are, or if you do not have anything in common, he is not a great fit for you anyhow! Do not sweat it. You can have your pick of men, and your ideal match might be just around the corner waiting to have an immediate connection with you! Nerves can find the best of him also, and there might be an excellent man hidden under all that narcissistic, insecure drifting. Now if he makes it all about him when you meet again, that is a whole’nother story!This post was previously printed Who Holds the Cards Now? and is republished here with permission from the author. –◊ ◊Have you read the first anthology which was the catalyst for Your Great Men Project? Purchase here: The Great Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood ◊ ◊If you think in the work we’re doing here at The Great Men Project and wish to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, now. All Premium Members get to See The Great Men Project with NO ADS.Need more info? A whole list of advantages is here.–Photo credit: iStock

The article How to Create a Great First Impression on a Date appeared first on The Great Men Project.

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Dating Website Showdown: eHarmony vs. Match

That Is More Value Your Money: eHarmony vs. Match

The AskMen editorial staff thoroughly investigates & reviews the best equipment, principles and services for life. AskMen can get paid if you click on a link in this report and buy a service or product.

Signing up for internet dating can be a laborious job. There are a lot of choices out there and it’s easy to gravitate toward the most recent fad, rather than take the opportunity to discover the option that’s most appropriate for you. Although dating programs come and go, the internet dating platforms which have been in the sport for some time tend to bring more serious daters.

RELATED: Best Online Dating Sites

Because they’ve lasted so long, these longstanding dating platforms have researched systems which work. Any bugs or non-essential add-ons are eliminated over time. When these sites smartly adapt to relationship program culture, they examine first to assure it is beneficial, and if it does not add to the general dating encounter, features are quickly kicked to the curb.

Throughout their time in the limelight, these mainstream relationship platforms have racked up impressive memberships, making your odds of finding”the one” that far better. A brand new app may be popular for some time, but longstanding dating websites like Match and eHarmony have years and years of manhood signups, making for a enormous user base and better chances at finding your perfect match.

Match, around since 1995, and eHarmony, emerging five decades later, have matched millions of singles all around the world. In the last reported quarter, Match’s paid member count equates to over nine million consumers, whereas eHarmony’s amounted to approximately 750,000 paid subscribers and 10 million daily users that are active.

Beyond the numbers, we did some deep digging to understand how these two dating website giants stack up against each other. Curious to see who’ll come out on top? Let us find out.

Match vs. eHarmony: Characteristics

EHarmony provides more of a guided relationship experience, one where you have to depend on the website to match you, whilst Match provides you freedom in locating potential games, offering an assortment of different alternatives.

While eHarmony has a lot of special attributes, such as its 29 Dimensions of Compatibility, Match includes various features that permit you to locate matches in diverse manners. It lets you filter games by particular specifics like eye color. Match boasts an impressive variety of search options, which is a place where eHarmony falls short. Though this is part of the science-driven procedure, it might also be their biggest downfall.

Match screenshots

Ultimately, Match gives you more control over your relationship experience, with options to browse privately and enhance your profile, whilst eHarmony sticks tightly to a more lengthy (and possibly dull ) day-by-day strategy, requiring more patience.

EHarmony gets points for supplying a more innovative profile design that blows most online dating sites from the water, but the profile {} sufficient to trump Match’s extensive collection of intuitively designed and useful fitting features. EHarmony favors ease, which eliminates many common dating website features and can feel limiting.

Match takes the opposite approach, giving singles free reign in their own search.

Winner: Match

Match vs. eHarmony: Sign-Up Procedure

While both online dating websites provide handheld signup processes, they are very different. Match’s registration takes about 15 to 30 minutes to complete, while eHarmony’s can take an hour or more. Registration is where eHarmony’s notorious 29 Dimensions of Compatibility fitting system comes into play, as you answer a laundry list of character questions which help the site determine how to best fit you.

While the questions themselves do not feel exhaustive, the length of the signup process can be. That having been said, eHarmony’s method fast-tracks the”get to know you” process, so it may better match users with compatible options right off the bat.

eHarmony screenshots

The Match signup procedure is much more common, offering a step-by-step guide to completing your profile. The significant drawback, however, is that your profile has to be accepted, and this process can take up to 24 hours. Once approved, the website still takes some time to”learn” your preferences, so you don’t find much value upon signing up as you would on eHarmony.

Considering they are both paid websites, we favor a longer signup procedure that efficiently seeks compatible matches from the get-go, instead of a shorter registration that doesn’t only make us wait a day to be confirmed, but also to offer whole matching benefits. Both signup processes are somewhat long, but eHarmony uses scientifically backed data to account for the time investment, whereas Match’s is the standard, drawn-out procedure to complete your profile.

Winner: eHarmony

3. Match vs. eHarmony: Pricing

Since both dating sites are excellent, this class all comes down to that costs less, making Match the winner by a substantial amount.


1 month: $35.99
Three weeks: $19.99/month
Six months: $17.99/month
12 weeks: $15.99/month


1 month: $59.95
Three weeks: $29.95
Six months: $29.90

Winner: Match

As of 2015, Match has eased 517,000 relationships, directed to 92,000 marriages, and accounts for the arrival of 1 million infants , whereas Harris Interactive found in 2010 an average of 542 eHarmony members in america marry daily.

Both stats are impressive, so the winner will be decided by how games are being made. While eHarmony matches mostly based on your answers to the first signup procedure, Match foundations their matching abilities on the criteria you’re searching for, in addition to your activity on the website.

By way of instance, if you say you’re searching for blonde-haired, blue-eyed women with a college education, but you are inclined to browse profiles of brunettes with green eyes of different educational backgrounds, Match will marry your preferences and activity to demonstrate a mix of both kinds of women.

Another factor to consider is that eHarmony reveals a restricted number of games every day. Match will handpick matches for you and enables you to navigate the whole website, giving access to its entire database. Although eHarmony might help you find your soulmate after a couple of years, we believe Match provides better, more quality games because of the freedom to navigate and its distinctive algorithm which works according to your self-supplied information and action.

Winner: Match

EHarmony has one of the most unique website interfaces on the market while Match’s is much more comfortable and engaging. EHarmony makes you feel like you’re in your own online dating trip, limiting just about all distractions and honing in on how your online dating is going day by day.

The eHarmony design is minimalistic and chic, with profiles that seem as though they have been crafted by graphic designers. Match is quite standard, offering a variety of options to locate others, including daily games, various search options, a Tinder-like swiping game, live chat and much more. Match monitors all interactions, which lets you see who’s viewed your profile, and it has shown other types of interest.

While eHarmony provides a creative design, it is not as simple to navigate as Match’s, which is much more comfortable. While we love the imagination of eHarmony’s unique interface, Match proves a classic, when done well, will always prevail.

Winner: Match

6. And the Winner Is…

EHarmony vs Match Chart

All in all, the winner comes down to your own online dating preferences. If you desire a fully-stocked internet dating platform with various alternatives to communicating and unlimited matches to discover, Match are your best option. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you prefer a more personalized relationship experience that feels like you are consulting an electronic matchmaker, you’re going to get more satisfaction from eHarmony.

For us, the delayed gratification that eHarmony offers can be dull and outweigh the fairly aesthetics, and that’s why we have to prefer Match — though it’s a really close call.

EHarmony certainly provides a unique, highly personalized experience, but that experience is extremely limited and requires a whole lot of patience in a world that favors instant gratification. Match has better adapted to changing times, with its comfortable design and also the freedom to discover and convey. EHarmony might have science on its side but Match finally provides a more rewarding online dating experience.

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