Are you over 40? Are you worried your union might fail? Too many mid-life unions go under, just as soon as the couple could eventually be enjoying their time together. If you answered”yes,” to one of these questions, I hope you will read on.
After working with thousands of couples for at least forty years, I understand how difficult a time this is. First, mid-life itself turns out to be the toughest period of life for most people. Studies from around the world demonstrate that people are happier when they’re younger and get more happy again later in life. However, the pressures of life between 40 and 60 weigh heavily on people.
The statistics aren’t heartening. Somewhere around 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce and 60% of second marriages end poorly. Even marriages that stay together aren’t always happy and several folks deal with emotional problems because of this. Divorce rates for adults over forty have doubled in the past twenty decades.
Anybody who has gone through a uncontested divorce understands how devastating it could be. There’s the loss of this dream of happiness in this stage of life as we recall the words of the poet Robert Browning,”Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.” There’s also the loss of financial stability for a couple dismantles all they have built through the years. Finally, there is the possibility of starting over and rebuilding a life when you’re 40, 50, or 60.
Fortunately, there’s a way to avoid the mid-life marriage meltdown so many folks fear. There’s a way to move forward to a life that’s even more passionate, strong, and effective than ever before. You may attain real, lasting, love.
As the majority of us know, necessity is the mother of innovation. Once I had gone through two hopeful unions and two painful divorces, I decided I’d stay single forever or discover the secret of real lasting love. Fortunately, I discovered the secret. Additionally, I found my true love. Carlin and I’ve been together almost 40 years. I wrote about what we learned in my novel, The Enlightened Union: The 5 Transformative Stages of Relationships and Why the Best is Still to Come. You can get your copy here and .
The trick to preventing a midlife marriage collapse is knowing the 5 Stages of Love and especially, the goal of Stage 3.
- Phase 1: Falling In Love
- Phase 2: Getting a Couple
- Phase 3: Disillusionment
- Stage 4: Making Real, Lasting Love
- Phase 5: Using the Power of 2 to Change the World
Most everyone knows the first two phases. In Stage 1, we’re drawn to that special someone and we fall in love. We believe the next stage is the last one.
We do not understand the actual aim of Phase 1 and 2. From an evolutionary standpoint, falling in love is nature’s trick for us to pair up. Becoming a couple is nature’s way of getting us to have children so the species goes on. It was not designed to make us happy.
So, what’s the real goal of Phase 3, Disillusionment? From an evolutionary standpoint, its to pull us apart so we will go find different partners and have more kids. However, what I heard is that there is a far more glorious purpose that could lead us to Stage 4, Actual Lasting Love, and Stage 5 Finding Your Calling as A Couple so that you can change the world for the better.
The possibility of Stage 3 is to induce us to get real with ourselves and our spouse, to give up the illusions we project on to each other. Additionally, it can help us become the person we were supposed to be. It may also help us heal the past wounds in the family we grew up in (and yes, we have all been wounded and most of us have some healing to do).
I’ve found the job we do in Phase 3 might be the most important work we will ever do, both for healing our relationships and for becoming the person we were supposed to be. I believe relationships to be the grad school of life. We are in need of training, support, and courage to browse through all 5 Stages of Love.
I also discovered that we do not just go through Phase 3 one time. We often dig deeper and deeper as we return to the issues which Stage 3 brings up and we could cure more. I ask that you join me on the trip.
I have developed three programs to help you successfully navigate all 5 phases:
#1: The Self-Help Program That You can follow with my novel The Enlightened Union: The 5 Transformative Stages of Relationships and Why the Greatest is Still to Come.
#2: In-Depth, private, private, sessions for individuals and couples.
#3: Combine the Diamond-Tribe in which you are part of a special community of high-quality women and men led by me.
Many select 1, 2, and 3. Some choose additional combinations. If you would like more info about how to attain real lasting love, drop me a note to [email protected]. Place”Real Love” in the topic line and tell me what point you are in and what challenges you’re facing and I will send you all of the information.
Originally published on Men Alive
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