From Emilia Gordon
Do you still miss your abusive ex?
Trust me, there’s nothing wrong with you.
BUT EVEN WHEN I STOP CRYING, EVEN WHEN WE FALL ASLEEP AND I’M NESTLED IN HIS ARMS, THIS WILL LEAVE ANOTHER SCAR. Nobody WILL SEE IT. BUT IT WILL BE THERE. AND EVENTUALLY All THE SCARS WILL HAVE SCARS, AND THAT’S ALL I’LL BE–ONE BIG SCAR OF A LOVE GONE WRONG.” — AMANDA GRACE, BUT I LOVE HIM.
How often have you believed that that your ex was an abuser which you’ve been fortunate enough to eliminate them? You may pretend that grin when your peers tell you that you should be happy as you aren’t in that damaging relationship anymore. However, you can not confess that you miss your ex, knowing well that they were abusive.
You may ponder upon the fact that you’re in pain throughout the connection and now that it is over, you should be happy about it. Why then do you miss them? What is wrong with you?
Well, the reality is, there’s not anything wrong with you. An abusive relationship requires a toll on the victim’s mental health that’s the reason why you miss your abusive ex. It may appear to you that you’ve been able to escape the relationship but that getting out is essentially withdrawal. What you’ve done is pulled yourself while deep inside, you miss your ex that is perfectly legitimate.
5 Reasons Why You Still Miss Your Abusive Ex!
Stockholm Syndrome is a psychological illness once the victim is made to create a mad compassion for the abuser. You love your abusive spouse so much so you warrant the abuses and wouldn’t wish to leave them. No matter how much abuse you’re, you wouldn’t leave because you’re emotionally attached to your spouse . For each violent action, you will attempt to justify it by blaming yourself by taking compassion on the abuser.
‘She had been bullied in school’,’ he had a dreadful childhood’,’ she had been ill-treated by her relatives’,’ he lost his dad’, etcetera are your explanations . Since the individual has already uttered their love upon you, it is going to be difficult for you to feel that they’re abusive. Even after leaving them, you will still miss your abusive ex.
(2) You miss the good times you spent with your ex:
Abusive partners aren’t in any way abusive at first. They spend a great amount of time demonstrating testimonies of the love for their partners before showing their true colors. Thus, you believe in these moments of love while your abusive ex was faking it all along.
These good times make you think that this abusive relationship isn’t permanent; maybe your spouse will change and you’ll receive back these moments. What you don’t see that there is no question of altering for your spouse. Your spouse had these traits and faked love before you.
(3) Your spouse had a traumatic past:
Our life isn’t a merry journey on a boat. We all have our share of chaotic waves. We’ve got our traumas but the intensity may be different. It may happen that your ex had more injury than you. As you loved them so much, you thought that the abuses are simply their way of coping up with their injury.
But regardless of how much trauma you’ve gone through, it is inhumane to make others suffer for it. You want to see that it is an act of foolishness to warrant such harmful behaviour by previous injury. If your ex had a problem coping up with the injury, you’re there for them to support. There are many different support groups and counselling centers too. You can’t be a punching bag. So, stop considering your abusive ex.
In abusive relationships, the predator makes the victim suffer with shame. They make things seem as though it’s your own fault. This makes you believe that you’re the reason the connection failed and thus, you should be ashamed of yourself. So, even after getting out of this connection, you think that you should be blamed for the break-up; you miss your abusive ex because you’re made to believe that they’re not accountable for it.
(5) You still think things could have been different:
You fell in love with your abusive ex due to certain good qualities you’ve observed inside them. They had been the person you’ve always wanted to be with. When they became abusive, you’re manipulated into thinking that everything is your fault. As you’re in love with all the good qualities they’ve displayed, you still feel that perhaps things might have been different had you never behaved in certain ways.
It is important that you come from these ideas and understand that you deserve to be loved back also. You can’t eliminate the memories but you can ignore them. Do not let yourself manipulated by this kind of negativity. Very good luck!
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