I Expected To Be Single Forever

It hasn’t been edited by The Great Men Project.

Chapter One: I Expected To Be Single Forever


How many amazing relationships do you see out there? I don’t mean enduring relationships. I am speaking about caring relationships in which you enable each other to be as good as possible — if you’re honest, there aren’t very many like this.

This was something that I knew well, because when it came to picking bad connections, I was not any different from anyone else. Previously I had been well known for dating guys who would judge me and my entire body. That energy matched the judgements I had of me. So if these guys judged me and my entire body, then our judgements were the ideal match!

I also was not ready to be vulnerable enough to acknowledge that caring and kindness exist on this world. So for many, many years, I refused to have a connection.

It was easy to justify this choice because looking around, I didn’t see any fantastic relationships. So why would I pick one?

My desire was to create something that had an effect on Earth and changed the way people perceive and judge each other. Since I loved to travel the world, I believed I’d have my own company, as I consider business to be the most enjoyable and imaginative thing you can do.

Travel and company were the 2 things in life that I wanted most from my youngest days. I definitely didn’t want to get married and have children; this seemed too hard. I never knew how you could look at somebody and say,’I want to be with you in 20 years’ time, in 50 years’ time’ You do not even know if you’re going to be residing in the same state in 20 years’ time!

My unassailable point of view was,’I’m not doing connection — ever.’

No, because there is not one; it’s a complete and utter conclusion. Every conclusion is a enormous limitation. Whenever you have a decision about something, you reduce infinite possibilities from your life.

Allow me to give you an example. If a person has the conclusion {} strictly vegetarian, then they are making a huge no-choice. I am not saying they must go and eat meat. If you’re a vegetarian by choice, then each day you’d say,’I prefer to not eat meat now. I like to be a vegetarian’

It’s a fresh choice that you make every day. You do not eat meat, but you haven’t eliminated it as a possibility from the menu of alternatives available to you.

Likewise, choosing to maintain a relationship, or not, allows greater chances in your life.

By saying,’I do not do relationship,’ I’d eliminated the decision to have a terrific relationship, a nurturing relationship and an empowering relation-ship.

I did not realise I was working from no-choice until a day when I had a conversation with the creator of accessibility Consciousness®, Gary Douglas. {I was speaking to him about wanting to have sex with someone whom we {} . |}

Gary’s answer was,’He’s mean and he’ll judge you.’

I answered,’No, he’s cute and he’s amazing.’

Even though it was not cognitive, this guy would validate everything I’d already determined was wrong about me. He was someone who would judge me and my body the same way I did. That was exactly the type of person I decided to hook up with each and every time, without thinking about why I chose this sort of man.

Gary kept asking me questions about this guy who I wanted to have sex with and the more questions he asked, the crankier and more petulant I obtained.

Eventually, I place my hands on my hips and said,’Great! So I simply never get to have sex?’

Why would you say that?’ Gary responded.

I shrugged them off since they’d never even crossed my mind.

The fact that they wanted to have sex with me, I had determined, wasn’t appealing. Does that sound familiar?

If someone did not want to have sex with me, and particularly if they were judgmental, I believed them as winners. There was a third group of individuals, the’no counts’. They were guys who did not lust after me resist me.

At some point I had created these classes in my head and automatically place the guys I met into them. Strangely, this was not something I did.

Then Gary said,’Rather than needing to have sex with this other individual, you should sleep with Brendon.’

What? Why?’ I said.

Gary replied,’Because then you’ll find out what it’s like to be with somebody who is kind, caring and nurturing.’

Now I’d just met Brendon about six months be-fore that. He fell into the category of’no counts’ because in case you’ve ever met Brendon, you’ll realise there isn’t any conclusion in his world. He definitely didn’t judge my body. Strangely, this was one reason why I wasn’t attracted to him. I thought he was handsome and sounded nice, then again, I met a lot of different people all the time…

This dialog with Gary made me realise that in connection I was functioning from no-choice, though I thought I was choosing to be with the guys I desired. This was a huge consciousness because

I finally got to see just how much my point of view was limiting me.

Since I wanted to make my life from boundless possibilities, I knew I had to push all my barriers to relationship and sex. I must be completely neutral. I need to have no point of view if I never have sex again, and no point of view if I have a great deal of sex; no point of view if I’m in a relationship or not.’

It took a degree of vulnerability for me to do this and from the very first time, I was incredibly thankful. It did not matter if we ever had sex again. I now knew the sort, caring and nurturing energy I wanted to have in my entire life. Yet I also did not have a dire need to hold onto Brendon.

The next morning, I told Gary, ‘Wow. You’re right.

Before, I’d neverlooked for someone who had been kind and caring. To Tell the Truth, this was some-thing I hadn’t been willing to get; I did not think

I was worthwhile. It can seem like a cliché and I was really living all those clichés.

From the start, Brendon and I had a good deal of fun together. When are we going to find each other again?’

At the time I was traveling frequently to America, so I used two cellular phones. When I was in the Unit-ed States, I barely used my Australian telephone. At most, I checked my messages about once weekly. When there was a text from Brendon, I’d reply. I was not intentionally playing hard to get! I like my job and creating my entire life. At one point Brendon was considering flying to America to be with me since I was away for quite a while. When he said that, I began to get butterflies in my stomach and heart palpitations because he’s really sweet, very kind and so much fun to be around.

Brendon and I have lived together for approximately eight years and my life wouldn’t be as great as it’s with-out him inside. The degree of gratitude I have is for his very being. It’s not for some financial contribution; it isn’t the normal analysis of gratitude. That’s what connection should be based on — gratitude. Not on projections and expectations of one another.

If you look up the term relationship, you’ll discover that is defined as the space between two objects and ironically this is what most people in the world wind up creating! When you first meet somebody, you’re yourself. Then all of a sudden, or maybe 1 month later or six months later, you begin cut-ting off parts of you so as to keep in the relation-ship. How often do people give up doing what they love because it {} their new status as a couple? This fact says, if you’re in a relationship you need to do everything together. I see so many men and women use their connection to reduce themselves to the point where they can not rely on anything else but their connection.

That isn’t what a relationship ought to be. Relationship shouldn’t be the distance between two objects. It must be a degree of honouring of and gratitude for, and allowance and vulnerability with, another individual.

The reason for being with someone else is so you can create at least 20 times greater than you’d create alone. Being in a relationship can be a growth of your own being, by simply letting the contribution that another individual is to you and your life. Not many folks talk about that.

Chapter 1 Gear


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