7 Tips to Help You Start Dating Again

Galia Pennekamp sees herself on a shared journey helping singles get back in the match, the old fashioned way, in person! After reentering the dating kingdom ten decades back, she can maintain a deep firsthand knowledge of the good, the bad, and the ugly of relationship now. She based SOMETHING IN COMMON, a theory focused on empowerment, changing habits, and above all, building relations with the appropriate individuals. Through a series of one-on-one and team training and organized private occasions, she prepares individuals for the dating scene, and attracts the dating scene direct to you in a manner that’s safe, approachable, and ultimately helps individuals find their own happiness. Whether you’re interested in one-on-one training, or only want to meet people, SOMETHING IN COMMON is for you.

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This Is the Reason a Relationship Needs to Be a Fair Game

Let’s face it — we can’t think everything must be black or white today.

We will need to accept that anything in the world we live in has grey areas–and so do our relationships. Fear not! It’s truly a fairly good balance, but for this to be so, we {} agree on such a reality.

Once we’ve acknowledged that belief, it all starts with self-acceptance. Therefore, what we consider our own true selves, and how we respect ourselves brings the lines and construction of our connection.

Once we’ve settled our own values and criteria comes the opportunity to consider how we want to deal with our love with a specific person we met at any stage.

Be prepared for it since we might follow some directions –such as when we were playing Monopoly–so we could finally be successful in creating strong bonds with this particular individual and make them last.

A connection is somewhat like a match. A game with directions. A game that’s supposed to have two winners.

Rather than competing, we’re encouraging an exceptional game with an exceptional teammate–the ideal teammate we might ever have. That game has rules, boundaries, and strategies, yet we ought to be certain that both people agree to the directions based on a win-win circumstance.

It needs to be a fair game that does not lead us our beloveds to be a hermit, that does not make them feel mistreated or not as powerful, which does not allow any control freak.

With that said, we should never {} that that individual can make us feel whole. If we do this, we may not feel happy for many, many years during our lives. Why?

Just because some relationships aren’t meant to be. Some relationships do not work any longer after a while.

And let’s be realistic hereif a separation needs to become official, if a divorce must be signed–What do we have left if we put our energies in this connection? What do we have left if we have always sacrificed our own needs to be able to adapt our partner’s needs first?

It’s nobody’s function to make us feel happy or accomplished in our lives, it’s our own duty before anything else. As a special individual, most of us have some issues to take care of. All of us have some concerns to consider. All of us have some issues to face… and that is a great deal for a human, is not it?

Thus, when it comes the opportunity to fulfilling that person, spending some time together, creating feelings for them, and sharing love together, we clearly do not expect this relationship to be an extra issue in our own lives (as we genuinely do not wish to give them a hard time.) We’re just prepared to live that love story of ours at the best conditions, and it’s in fact understandable.

Because of this, that individual who sincerely loves us makes us feel great, comfortable, calm, and all of the rest.

Yet, those”great” feels aren’t about our personal well-beings, but about the relationship per se.

The planet is made of a wide assortment of kinds of people. Nobody is the same, and we will need to accept the fact that you, him, her, and I think, speak, act, act, and feel otherwise. The world is moving ahead, and so are we and our fans. But again, it’s all on us to make a choice, and it’s our private jobs to inquire –Are we ready for this? Are we prepared to believe in it?

Most of us have different interests–thank God. Sometimes we meet people who enjoy the same things as ours. A few other times, we find individuals who do not share the same passions. This fact might be true in our relationship also, but it is okay; we do not have to fake it, we do not have to pretend anything.

Therefore, we do not need to step back because we do not like everything our partners enjoy or because they do not have the same hobbies as ours–we do not need to step back because they do not binge on Netflix or do not enjoy the Marvels.

We can’t criticize that someone for liking something that on our own we do not feel any significance for. Actually, we can’t blame them for anything. Period.

We’re in control of how we feel and how we wish to take care of our emotions. Thus, if something does not work out how we would like it to work, it’s because we’re confused in our beliefs (or we finally gave up.)

Again, we can’t put the blame on somebody else, and certainly not on that somebody. This rule works the other way around also.

But we do have the right to earn a stand. We do have the right to encourage them if this is what we want.

We’re the one in charge of making any choice for ourselves, in precisely the exact same manner as we are the one and only one to understand what our actual feelings are toward that person. And we should not lie to ourselves in this respect.

Listening to our heads without ignoring our hearts is something we have to take under account. While the latter communicates with us through emotions and feelings, our minds, at the contrary, always attempt to be reasonable. It is inclined to question ourselves (so you can be sure we get confused at some point.) So, here is what we will need to do: listen to both.

If we pick both of those, the end result may not wind up being great. It’s in fact hard work. It’s tough, demanding and very time-consuming. The procedure is very lengthy, if not endless, but it’s worth it. It’s definitely worth it.

Neither is love just a sense that brings us a few benefits or advantages in life is it only a feeling which makes us”love” ourselves. Love is nothing else than a sense we’ve got toward that someone and vice versa. And having the ability to follow our heads and our hearts may help us to love–love.

Our partners certainly have amazing sides yet, we must learn how to take their flaws because if we’re being honest here; nobody is ideal.

Neither them nor you (and certainly not me)–and it is all nice, it means we’re humans.

-From Mathilde Clemence Personne

A version of the post was formerly published on TheMindsJournal and is republished here with permission from the author.


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Let’s face it — we can’t think everything must be black or white today.

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Four Ways a Man Reveals His Love

I’m in a newish and fantastic relationship with a guy who gets me and makes me feel loved daily. He’s not the wine & dine, send flowers, buy gifts type of man. He’s a man who pays attention and says and does the easiest things that make my heart melt.

He’s supportive. When I am stressed out, he sees and hugs me and says,”I got you, you are not alone”. The strain disappears and is replaced with a hot rush of yummy feelings. He frequently asks,”How can I help?”

He’s consistent. We’ve created rituals that anchor our relationship in the middle of hectic work and family needs. Our java time and Friday Nights on the sofa are sacred. We honor and look forward to our regular check-ins through phone or text daily. The predictability makes me feel so close to him when he’s halfway across the world.

He’s empathetic. Frequently I share events that occurred or a new idea I’m noodling. He listens and always strives to comprehend. Even when I’m having difficulty identifying my feelings, he reflects my words so well that I gain clarity from his non-judgmental method of expressing himself. Sometimes I realize my time is not great,  I pause and say,”we can discuss this later”. In those cases, he always says,”I can tell this is valuable to you” and says”let us discuss this now”  or sets a time to talk afterwards. The cool thing is, he recalls and brings it up afterwards.

He’s the president of my fan club and I feel it daily. His unique words of encouragement fill up me and my cup runneth over. He understands my love languages and provides me daily doses of everything I need. His everyday words of affirmation and physical signature allow me to be the best version of myself. Sometimes it is as simple as a hand on my shoulder with”I think you’re amazing” or”nice ass” it’s the how and when that hits the mark every time.

I turn to him for reality-checks, information , laughter,  stillness and excitement.

It’s uncommon for me to just know that I am loved. It’s a new experience absent of this wondering, anxiety, and worry I have historically experienced.

I want to think {} fate, or God’s plan and maybe that is part of it, but I think {} a decision he and I make daily.

We make each other a priority, we make time for one another and we give each other space. 

Do you wish to increase your clarity and self-awareness?

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10 Signs You Are Emotionally Wounded That No One Notices

You cry easily over little things.

Whenever you have psychological wounds, it is for you to be in tears because you always feel the pain within yourself. You may cry over books or movies and you become emotional when you see something which touches your heart. When you end up crying too much, listen to your internal well-being as it may be a sign that you are hurting inside.

2. You eliminate interest towards the things you used to enjoy.

Emotional wounds will make it tough to concentrate and focus on the things you used to do. You’ll be demotivated as your negative emotions are probably more in charge than you understand. The more you do nothing, the more you’ll feel the pain of your emotional wounds.


Having psychological wounds will make you triggered emotionally by people’s behaviours around you. The emotional wounds that you have had will force you to stay away from interactions with others and it results in social withdrawal. Even though having an excellent time with yourself is important, bear in mind that being open with other people can also help you reduce the pain of your emotional wounds.

4. You feel unworthy and impossible .

Having emotional wounds will almost certainly make you look back on yourself and feel unworthy. You may blame yourself and feel dumb for being hurt so much. You’ll also feel hopeless and broken beyond repair. When you feel like you’re at the lowest point of your life, try to reach those folks that are really close to you. Let yourself be cared for and loved, because social support could boost your self-esteem and make you feel better with your own circumstances.

5. You keep replaying the terrible memories in mind.

When you can not overlook a painful experience on your past and it keeps replaying in mind, there is a risk that it has come to be one of your emotional wounds. Your inability to forget a painful experience is in fact a sign that you ought to acknowledge that adventure and accept the harm. Try to identify and search for the reasons why it made you hurt so much and accept being hurt because of the experience is wholly okay and normal.

6. You feel too much until you are numb.

The majority of the time, your emotional wounds are so debilitating it makes you feel instead. You may go through the day almost on autopilot that makes you care less about your environment. You do not feel sad or happy; you just exist, but you do not feel alive. Your numbness is in fact your coping mechanism to endure from your emotional wounds. Attempt to regulate your emotions because it might also be a coping mechanism for lowering your emotional distress.


You overthink since you don’t want to get hurt again. Therefore, you may feel that it is important that you think and control everything about you and instead of feeling better, your overthinking habit will make your psychological wounds even worse.

8. You get a chaotic sleep program.

Due to your overthinking habit towards your emotional wounds, it is going to not be easy for you to fall asleep at night. Your mind will be filled with ideas and the night is normally the time when you’ll feel so desperate, lonely, and depressed. Your sleep schedule will change as it is difficult for you to sleep at night and you’re going to overcompensate through the day.

9. You feel stuck and helpless.

Emotional wounds may also make you feel so lost and confused. You may feel like you have nowhere to go and no one can truly heal your wounds. You’ll have so many negative self-talks inside of you and your head is usually tangled all of the time. Try to restrain your confusion and untangle your ideas by writing in a diary and remember to take it one day at a time.

10. You realize that you will need to be healed.

Even though it’s difficult for you to describe it to others, you just feel as though you’re broken inside and you understand precisely what you will need to be healed. You will search for many distractions to get over your emotional wounds and as time goes by, you may understand that they will not be cured within one night. Having psychological wounds is completely okay as long as you admit and admit it. Look for some cathartic actions to heal your wounds like writing, playing music, meditating, and doing sports.

In the long run, no matter how painful your wounds are, you will heal and get over it sooner or later. You’re doing okay.

A version of the post was formerly published on TheMindsJournal and is republished here with permission from the author.


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Having psychological wounds is completely okay as long as you admit and admit it.

The article 10 Signs You Are Emotionally Wounded No One Notices appeared first on The Great Men Project.

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Dividing Against Yourself Sucks

Today, a story about the best anguish — forgetting who we are.

The Client

Tim comes into my office. He’s torn up inside. He’s been married for several years. But… something’s not perfect.

He says that his wife is a sweet man, great to him, and a terrific mother to his children. And he says,”I’m miserable. And I have not the slightest clue as to why.

We talk for a little. Very quickly, it’s apparent that we are getting nowhere. He is completely stuck in his mind, swirling in his guilt with what a terrible guy he is, for being unhappy with such a fantastic family.

I wonder, should I get out the boxing gloves and pads? Change things up with this man?  Perhaps he can beat the shit out of the demon he feels inside of himself.

Rather, I have him get up and stretch his body, move around. Anything to escape his head. I have him perform several minutes of jumping jacks to change his energy.  Sometimes the mind is a tyrant that only circles itself.

After the motion, we stay standing. I see he’s more relaxed, even milder energetically. “A little workout during a training session,” he says. “Bonus.” He laughs.

I ask him to remain standing, feel his breath, through his or her body.  I direct him to take complete body breaths, from head to toe and then back down.

The Change

We sit down again and suddenly he is more alive. He’s prepared to step in with more bandwidth to research his unhappiness and his union, without so much painful self-judgment. He is opening to himself.  He is no more dividing against himself.

Maybe he states,”I want to explore other associations, other freedoms in my own life, take space and time away from my loved ones.” At the notion of it, his face glows.

I make no conclusions. At least, his energy is shifting. He has more access to parts of himself that he was formerly shutting down.

Needless to say, I don’t encourage him to go have an affair. I have often said, if you can not make one woman happy, how are you going to make numerous women contented?

I’m amazed at his change and not, since I see it often how a person gets much more access to themselves, once they eliminate their moralistic and judgmental perceptions of these. Neutralize the brutal inner critic.

Tim is no longer thinking about what a terrible guy he is for not enjoying his loved ones. He’s actually beginning to think what a fantastic guy he is for loving himself. And while an affair or big trip away probably will not be the avenue to supreme happiness, it is an avenue to get parts of himself against which he is divided.

The Debrief

Yes, all of us have crazy ideas, not all of which we will need to act on. But how can we get the energy of these thoughts and incorporate them into our own lives, rather than judging and dividing from ourselves?

I have heard it said often and I lived it for a long time — that the best suffering is dividing from one’s self.  It happens every day and if it does, we neglect the requirements of our soul.

It can occur in an office, sitting all day, feeling agitated, not understanding why, in front of a computer all day. It can occur in a relationship, feeling grumpy over nothing.

And we benefit greatly if we find a way back to ourselves in the hardest moments.  And it may be as straightforward as yeah, this sucks, I feel separated from myself, and I am OK.

Tim leaves our session, not booking a plane ticket to Honolulu or Guatemala, but conscious that he wants to give himself more time and energy and space. He can not be so hard on himself and then project his distress onto his union.

“It is me, not her. I’m the person who’s messed up,” he says. Ironically, he is glowing. And not ironic because he is back in his power to do something about it.  He’s no more dividing against himself, beating himself up for his own distress.

And for this, he’s a better man for everybody around him — his spouse, his family, and his friends.

Do you know a fighting man who needs help? There are many people out there. Are you that guy, going it alone? Get help today.

Previously Released on stuartmotola.com


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Why Are We Always Arguing?

Fed up with always arguing? A study conducted in the UK has shown that many couples argue 312 times annually. Minor irritations have a tendency to be over frivolous matters like leaving the toilet seat up and other unwanted household customs. We argue for several reasons, often without understanding the underlying cause.

Many arguments are brought on by long-standing serious problems such as continuing sexual”malfunctions” in either or both spouses. Other disagreements happen due to incompatibilities in the health, financial and lifestyle industries of a connection. These are frequently brought on by conflicts of values.

Irrespective of the challenges you’re facing, clear communication is important to resolving all related problems. But have you ever wondered why you do not feel heard?

Without first eliminating the element of resistance, you may constantly feel as if you’re going around in circles without ever resolving the principal issue. This is the reason why so many couples visit numerous marriage and relationship counselors and don’t resolve their primary issue. They’re searching for an answer to the problem without recognizing that a major chunk of the problem is truly occurring within themselves!

Always Arguing With Yourself?

When you are fighting yourself and the emotional responses triggered within you, it is a natural progression to feeling out of sorts. This feeling of disconnection can naturally lead to irritable, bullying or fault-finding behaviour toward others.

This is because when we believe that burr of annoyance kick in, we’ve got a propensity to dig in and maintain our purpose. This is often to defend our view in our struggle to feel heard. This often leads to a individual believing they need another person to change so that they can feel better.

Whether an issue is large or small, arguing your point never works. Arguing has a synergistic impact on all involved. It creates even further immunity so rather than feeling heard; you feel that uncomfortable wall of immunity which keeps everybody feeling separate.


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Internal monologue goes something like this:”Holy shit! What did I just say?! I did it again… My loved one triggered something within me and I lost my temper.”   Noooo dear lover — You did not LOSE it. You could not lose that f****r in a Where’s Waldo animation in the event that you tried.You tomahawked it in your loved one’s mind — HARD. You blew up like a bomb (again) and left shrieking shrapnel throughout the goddamn living area.  Bits of rectal blood, guts and gore stuck anywhere. You can not even see your loved one through all of the dripping, gnarly words. It was an articulated assault of viciousness. Extra strength Pine-Sol will not wash their pitted soul readily.Self-recrimination sets in:”I am such a loser. I am an unlovable wart on the ass of an ass. They’re for SURE gonna abandon me today… I just know it. I’d leave me if I could. Why can’t I ever learn?  I hate myself. I am the world’s worst spouse… no, the worst partner in the UNIVERSE! Yeah… I am a entire pile of doo-doo. I’m the sort of caca a coprophagic canine would not even consume on its wretchedly, ravenous moment.” Well dear lover, as soon as you’ve wallowed adequately enough to be covered head to toe in plenty of shame you have to work on it. You lean into the flywheel and begin that heavy shit moving.  (Hard work and the patience of a demi-god is necessary.) You receive therapized, examined, and read each self-help book as quickly as Amazon (with Prime free delivery of course) can get them into a searchable mailbox. You attempt woo-woo energy work, request advice from your hairstylist, gossip and shout with your BFF and pick up some interesting tools along the way your parents forgot to teach you.  (“Thanks mom and dad — way to go… I will send you the invoice in my $150/hr. You eventually track that shitty response to its source, back that small f****r to a corner pointing at it with a long, drawn-out “Youuuuuu…. !” Then stab your finger into its torso as you tell it to”GO AWAY! F**k off and die why not?! Why the hell can not I get over this shit once and for all?!!! GodDAMN IT! I am TIRED.” Alllll-riiiight dear lover… get back to work!  Whining is for toddlers and you wish to be the arbiter of your own fate dontcha? Lean back in the flywheel and twist that good, emotional disc until your back is aching, your tears have run dry and your palms and pits are moist with perspiration. Trust me lover, it is well worth the effort.You may never feel so free as when that wheel starts to spin by itself and you finally have REAL control over your lifetime.  You are gonna love it! Life will no longer happen TO you… you get to make whatever reality you desire. It F***’IN ROCKS!!*Shift to the present — your new reality* Guess what? That activate shit never goes off.  Enjoy never gets neat enough to place on a shelf, you do not suddenly turn into the connection guru dispensing penny advice to all and sundry AND your previous NEVER stops cooperating with your present. I thought it was gonna be simple after I leaned to that flywheel! Sometimes you’re the pigeon and sometimes you’re the statue. Regardless of what we do, when we’re triggered, our mind is so damn fast it’ll take us into the past at a split microsecond.  (Who knew we were such amazing time travellers!?) All we can do is select another response.We start by learning how to identify the start of a rapid heartbeat, nausea in our gut, or the choking feeling in our throat that suggests a cause is on its way up from the depths of our mind. Bodies never lie, dear lover… NEVER. This is our opportunity to choose an alternate reaction. It is a message from our future selves if we hear.Learn how to recognize those body signs and follow this up with two synchronized, learned activities. (Notice I said activity — not REaction.)To begin with, and honestly, most significant — ZIP IT.  Just shut the F**K upward for an instant .  Whatever verbal vitriol you have bubbling behind your uvula can wait till you have had an opportunity to analyze it and then, if you have to, consciously CHOOSE whether or not to unleash the unholy harangue from hell upon your loved one.Trust me fan, a few seconds will not make a little difference in the event you finally continue on your initial anger track.  It is going to do equal harm whether you choose to prematurely upchuck your previous onto your current or if you decide to wait and, after a cursory examination, opt for ultimate relational annihilation vis a vis your flapping jaws. The big difference is you’re taking responsibility with the next option.Let us assume for the moment that you (sensibly ) opt to have a breather and zip it. Second is to acknowledge your cause and then ask yourself this {} question as you’re looking into the eyes of the one you love:”Who would I wish to BE at the moment?”If your response is,”A crying, salivating orc in the pits of Mordor.” Or”An arrogant, self-important know-it-all who’s always perfect.” then by all means, let ‘er rip and consequences be damned — again.However, if you’re able to examine your loved one and decide that you need to BE somebody who calmly, compassionately, maturely expresses how you feel about the cause you just experienced in their unwitting hands, then you may opt to BE just that.It is a choice, people.   No, it will not be simple. Nothing worth having ever is. If you do your inner work, monitor your routines, stories, sorrows and pains back to their roots and wrap that child in a huge, heartfelt hug, participate in primal scream therapy or anything else it is that floats your metaphysical boat then you’ll have the beginnings of a custom of owning your shit and a opportunity to speak your truth like a rockstar.Notice I said”clinic”.  Nobody is born knowing this stuff and practice is the path to sustainable behaviour. More than anything precious lover, be kind to yourself as you begin down the street towards personal accountability.  Nobody ever develops without failure. Consider it, if you are in a heavenly state, why on earth would you change anything?! It’s our screw-ups that create the chance for change.So as you practice grabbing your body’s signs and your reactions, ensure that you allow yourself to chuckle at your own mistakes.After all, laughter IS the best medicine dear lover!–Previously Released on gracegetzen.comShutterstock

No, it will not be simple. Nothing worth having ever is.

The article Dear Lover, I Lost My Temper — Again appeared on The Great Men Project.

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15 Things Introverts Crave In Romantic Relationships

Are you currently dating an introvert and not quite sure about what an Introvert wants from a relationship?

Let’s talk about details. Introverts are terrific lovers.

They aren’t as tough as you believe them to be. These dreamy-eyed lost souls will keep you wondering’what is going on in that gorgeous mind.’

They’ll take you to get a’mystery ride’ but leave you madly in love as soon as you click well together.

Here are 15 things An Introvert wants from a relationship:

(Promise, we do not need much from you, except for these few things)


on a lazy Sunday afternoon, while watching our favorite show.

2. We crave your approval,

Just the way we’re — mad, daydreaming, overthinking, cluttered individuals.

3. We kiss your protective arms

Like we’re babies, who must be loved and pampered.

4. We crave to plant the seed of our never-ending, ceaseless, love,

That will one day grow in leaps and bounds.

5. We crave to look deep in your eyes

Until every ounce of our love is sipping through and drowning you inside.

6. We crave your patience to wait

Until we say exactly what we want. We’re slow in processing, but when we start doing this, our mind is going hayward.


To believe in our capacity to express everything once we are overwhelmed with emotions.


We need time to unwind, energize ourselves, and steer clear of all kinds of social interactions and what we’re expected of.


With the life-giving energy potion, and return to you with replenished power to appreciate and care for you.

10. We crave your compassion, to understand us and connect to us outside the Standard

So you can feel us deeply, more intensely and our marriage happens at a higher kingdom.

11. We crave one to be our muse, our rhythm, and inspiration;

We would like you to be the reason for our masterpiece, our love child.

12. We crave your mastery over the understanding of us.

We would like you to notice our small declarations of affection, the tiny attempts we make to make you feel special — the parties which we both rocked, laughing and drinking with our friends.

13. We crave to go for a couple of trips with you —

Where we could both enjoy quality and private time in the lap of the quiet nature embracing us and curing us.

14. We crave one to take a tour in our thoughts, in our dream land,

One of the many characters from our favorite books, that we fell in love with. Do not be jealous of them, as you’re the protagonist of the distinctive story we’re writing.

15. Last but not least, we would like you to know that we’re trying our best to love you the way you deserve to be loved.

We try our best to never let that lovely, glowing smile fade from your face.

Introverts treasure the near

relationships they’ve stretched

so much to create. — Adam S. McHugh


An editor and writer keeping keen interest in painting, creative writing and reading. I did my Masters in Clinical and Counselling Psychology and have been a counseling psychologist in a primary school for the last 1 year. I enjoy doing absolutely anything that mends a mind and soothes a soul. Most often than not, I ponder over to produce poems. A wandering soul in search for significance.

A version of the post was formerly published on TheMindsJournal and is republished here with permission from the author.


Have you read the first anthology which was the catalyst for Your Great Men Project? Purchase here: The Great Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood


If you think in the work we’re doing here at The Great Men Project and wish to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, now.

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Photo credit: istockphoto

Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here

Hacks for Feeling Better About Relationship

Transparency, trust, vulnerability, uncomfortable and scary are merely a few of the things which make love (and lifestyle ) grand! 

If you would like a better attitude and a greater degree of satisfaction pick it! 

Talk to yourself!  Stop the negative self talk like”I am not good enough,” I am too old/ obese /  busy/ etc.”Rather make it a habit to search for the good rather than the bad in yourself, in others and in every circumstance!

Ask yourself, what’s the worst thing that could happen? By imagining negative and unlikely outcomes, you understand you will be fine and can handle a great deal more than you understand. You may even crack up yourself by imagining ridiculously funny and improbable outcomes.

Recognize and celebrate your little wins! 

When coping with unpleasant tasks, start looking for the things which are beneficial and concentrate on that.

Keep talking to yourself… my favorite questions to ask myself are “why not?” ; “is this worth it?” ; and my favorite which is the question which helped me find the love I have now is,”if you do not do so, will you regret it?”

Tell people exactly what you want. People today want to give you exactly what you want, but they’re not mind readers.

You do not know anybody else’s story.

  • Another person is not perfect, and neither are you.
  • Transparency, trust, vulnerability, uncomfortable and frightening are merely a few of the things which make love (and lifestyle ) grand! 
  • Should you slip into old patterns, grab yourself with no judgement, and make better decisions. 
  • Everyone just wants to be heard and seen. 

Do you wish to boost your clarity and self-awareness? Coaching can help you become more intentional, empathetic and caring for yourself and others.  Call Galia!

To find out more and support in your Dating journey contact [email protected]

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When Your Partner is not The Issue, Perhaps You Are

It was classic one finger pointing at my spouse, three pointing back at me.

The Problem

Man, I was pissed off. For the second time in a week, she changed plans. Then she decided she couldn’t meet me, as intended.  Damn, it was her idea in the first location.

She left me one of these voice text-memos. “Listen, I’m headed home. I want some time alone. I hope you will come by later.” I wasn’t even part of her choice.

And who feels the effect?

Speaking My Truth 

And then I thought, I want to tell her truth. This isn’t working for me. I really don’t feel like a priority for you.

She wants to know where I stand. I have been enjoying”flexible nice man” and it is not serving me. No more withholding.

Damn! Relationships are such a pain in the ass.

I begin recording a voice memo back to her.

“Hey babe, that did not work for me. For you to send me a voice memo and then go home. We had plans and besides… it does not feel right for me to now drive to you… and also…”

She said she wants some alone time. I don’t need to dump this on her today. I delete the voice memo.

I take a breath. Damn, I am jacked up.

I toss the telephone on a table. Shit, I do not know what to say to her. I pick up the telephone. I text a reply –“Got it. TTYL.”

I am proud of not escalating, making something from nothing. However, it is not nothing. Then, what is it?

I want some time. I am able to reply in one hour. Let her have her time. I want to determine what’s happening inside of me.

I tap in. It is clear to me. I’m angry.  And I know that under anger is frequently sadness.  I am sad, disappointed that I didn’t get an opportunity to see her.

I feel some more, I think, Did I tell her to call me before she made her choice? I believe it further. Shit, I did not. I advised her to come by or text me. I wasn’t very clear.

In actuality, I understand, I advised her to care for herself and allow me to know what she chose. I was being my classic, flexible nice man. A mask I have worn often previously. A pleaser, a caretaker…before my mad jerk shows up.

Wow! Instantly, my jacked-upness deflates, like hot air gushing out of a balloon. I feel relieved, humbled, and even proud for pausing and viewing things.  Old patterns die hard, but with work die nonetheless.

I was pissed off at myself for not advocating for what I wanted. And I was ready to dump it {} , in the guise of”speaking my truth.”

I laugh. What an great realization.   A large mistake to educate me, to not wear the wonderful man / mr. trendy”all great” mask. But instead, to talk for what I need — respectfully. Superior stuff. I smile.

The Debrief 

So, what’s the takeaway here?  Just how easy it is to project at our partner exactly what we’re avoiding in ourselves.  And what a superpower in order to do otherwise.

A couple of questions to ask yourself the next time you are in conflict.

  • What am I upset about?
  • Is it at myself for not behaving a particular way?
  • How would I do the interaction differently next time?

The point is that we can always do better.  Ultimately, our best powers lie in the way we appear, not in how we could alter or control our spouse.   Sure, we could create requests.

And… love yourself when you screw up.  The comparison is moping, beating yourself up, and then projecting it in your relationship.

Remember, each of us is fully responsible for the connection, not one another.

And finally, it is not conflict in relationship that is the issue, but one’s inability to take care of it skillfully.

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Previously Released on stuartmotola.com


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