My Very Best Friend’s Husband is Giving Me the Cold Shoulder

Now, it’s been about two decades and every time she would like to visit — he’s conveniently busy. It does not matter what it is, he somehow finds a way to disappear. Do I want to be friends with him also to maintain my relationship with my very best friend?

Response: This is inquisitive and I trust your consciousness that something’s up or has changed. Yet honestly, I would not let it disturb you. It is preferable of course that everyone’s one big happy family and’ not really realistic, is it? He could encounter and it would be strained or uneasy… this way he is not around and you have girl time.

There has to be something you activate in him, perhaps you are super confident, you’re highly intuitive, maybe he is shy, or perhaps simply your styles of comedy are different and he is not his very best self around you. That’s cool. That is his stuff.

I would not make your friend wrong about it. I would not take it personally. Just maintain allowance and let it all go. Hell, maybe he is super turned on by you and wants to honor his wife by remaining away! Maybe he hates your own cooking!

What is important is that your friend is happy. And your connection with her keeps expanding and growing. See if you’re able to enlarge your heart even wider than before and love her even though her husband does not want to hang around you.

Last, and I am not saying that is happening… yet if you’re highly intuitive, and you smell a rat a mile away, and he is using your friend, with an affair on her, stealing from her and he senses you are onto him, this could make him prevent you… that is highly improbable and you don’t have to search for something that is not there… just stay on your heart open consciousness and all will unfold as it is meant to.

All my love,
Allana

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My Mom’s In Love With My Personal Trainer

Question: My mom is in love with my personal trainer. She does not know he exists. We think she’s making up a connection in her head. She took his picture and is showing it to her friends, as though he’s her man. What can we do before this gets awkward for everybody?

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Answer: It is pretty awkward now! I’d look at it first from empathy, that she’s so lonely, that she’s prepared to live in denial and make a dream to feel good enough. So if we address it by believing that she’s mad, that would be complete judgment and judgment wouldn’t get us anywhere when it comes to connecting with her in an honoring way to bring her back to reality and have a conversation about it.

So making her wrong isn’t going to help, having empathy that”Wow, she’s really so lonely that she’s not operating in fact.” From that place of empathy say”Hey mom, I just wanted to have a conversation with you.” I mean maybe, behind your back, she’s having sex with the personal trainer ask her”Hey mom, Are you on dates? If she’s not, you need to state with all the kindness in your heart,”Mother, are you lonely? Mom, are you craving a connection? Mother — do you really want someone in your life? Mom, do you really want someone that’s powerful, noble, and constant in your lifetime?” Just make sure safe space for her to have a meltdown, have a cry, tell the truth and finally if she can not hear you, you’re only going to need to let her be.

Be an allowance, let her create a train wreck. Also, notice where you are awkward and you do not have a sense of self, which you believe that you’re only defined by what people think about your mother. Just let her be — let her live, let her wreck, let her soar, let’s do anything. You’re not a reflection of her. You do not have to change her. You do not have to fix her. You’re not defined by her. Simply send her love, be compassionate, and breathe.

It is quite a big lesson for you too — can you be unconditional and adoring in allowance to allow someone do what they will do. It’s not a simple path. In terms of how to cultivate that sense of existence, capacity to not judge, capacity to not resolve those sorts of things, all of my work is based on that. So any of my programs, my books, my cds, my guided meditation, my cirriculums, and a training session with me, would take you to this location where you can give up control and allow whatever will unfold to unfold as a way to have a conversation with her from that place of non-judgment and allowance rather than awkwardness and judgment. So contact me or my supervisor at [email protected] and inquire about a strategy session or simply go and start to drive into some of my goods which can help you escape your head and into your heart, breathe through the distress, lower into your stomach where your instinct is, and your connection to all that’s live.

I look forward to hear from you again.

Allana

A version of the post was previously published on allanapratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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Look at it first from a place of empathy.

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