Why You’re Ghosted and Things To Do

It can leave you with unanswered questions which make it tough to proceed. Although ghosting also happens in friendships, it is usually related to dating. More devastating, but less common, is when a spouse disappears after years of marriage. It is like a sudden death of the individual and the marriage. But the unexplained, unexpected end to a short romantic relationship may feel like betrayal and shatter your confidence in yourself, in love, and in other men and women.

It is a shock to the heart when you care about somebody who suddenly cuts off you without any explanation.

If you insist on understanding and receive a response like,”I just don’t feel it anymore,” it is not satisfying. You still need to know”WHY?” We’re information-seeking animals. Our mind is wired into wonder and search for answers. Once we pose a query, it looks for answers. We attempt to reconnectwhy babies shout when they want their mother. Rejection can cause obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior, like stalking your ex’s social media, which fuels more pain and more queries.

Ghosted in a Romance

It is devastating to be ghosted throughout the romantic phase, but that is usually when it happens. Your hopes for the future might be unexpectedly and inexplicably dashed. If this ends the connection, at least you have an understanding of why it did not work and possibly agree.

This takes two people compatible and dedicated to making the relationship work. They have to also have sufficient self-esteem and freedom to provide without feeling dizzy or dizzy and get without feeling unworthy or smothered.

In dating, frequently there is less responsibility, depending upon various factors: How you met (a chat room or hookup program ), the person’s maturity and values, length of the connection, and frequency of face-to-face contact. Technology promotes less emotional involvement. If instead, you met through mutual friends, there is more incentive to be on good behaviour or other friends will hear about.

Ghosting might begin with an unanswered text or telephone, or long silences between answers, until there are not any. Here are eight reasons why Someone might ghost Rather than communicate:

  1. They are chicken: Folks who do not handle conflict well fear confrontation. They expect criticism and drama and would like to prevent a breakup conversation. They may rationalize to themselves that they are sparing your feelings by not recognizing that they no longer need to in continue the connection. But leaving without a word, let alone closure, is much more cruel and painful.
  2. They are avoidant: Ghosts are more likely to have intimacy problems, which explain why they leave a connection that is getting close. They are emotionally inaccessible  and might have an avoidant attachment style.
  3. They are ashamed: People who have low self-esteem wish to avoid criticism and the pity they expect if you get to know them –one reason for avoiding intimacy. They also expect to feel pity for hurting you. Their lack of bounds makes them feel responsible for your feelings, even though inverse is true. They are responsible for how they communicate, but not to your response. If they would like to end a connection, you’re eligible for an honest explanation. Thus, in attempting to prevent false responsibility, they err by not accepting responsibility for their {} , causing you the unnecessary pain that they were hoping to avoid.
  4. They are busy: When you are not exclusive and admit that dating somebody else is fine, your spouse may assume that the relationship is casual. While dating others, you or your messages may have been overlooked or forgotten. Your date might have already moved on or simply not made time to react. When later realizing this, he or she’s too embarrassed to answer and rationalizes your”thing” was not serious in the first location.
  5. They are  game-players: To a daters, especially narcissists, relationships are only a way to satisfy their own egos and sexual demands. They are not interested in a commitment or concerned with your feelings, even although they may feign that if they are seducing you. They are gamers , and to them, relationships are a match. They are not emotionally involved and can act callously once they are no longer interested, particularly in the event that you express expectations or needs.
  6. They are depressed or overwhelmed: Many people are able to hide depression for some time. The ghost may be too sad to continue and not wish to reveal what is really happening in their life. There can be other life events that you do not know about that take precedence, like a job loss or family or personal illness or emergency.
  7. They are seeking safety: If you have raged before or are violent or abusive, you might be ghosted in self-protection.
  8. They are setting a border : If you have annoyed and smothered your buddy with regular texts or texts, especially if they have asked you not to, then their silence is sending a message, since you have ignored their boundaries. You probably have an anxious attachment style and are drawn to people with avoidant styles. “

Things to Do if You Have Been Ghosted

If you have been ghosted, the most important thing to understand is that in the huge majority of instances, ghosting behaviour reflects on another person not you. It is time to let go.

The other individual has decided to proceed for whatever reason. Accepting that’s more important than understanding why. The ghost can also be demonstrating he or she does not respect your feelings and lacks essential communication and conflict resolution abilities which make relationships work. Your feelings aside, think about whether you actually  want a connection with them.

Understand that you can’t work out the ghost’s motives in mind. Let go of obsessive thoughts, and permit yourself to feel both anger and despair, without falling into pity. Open your heart to yourself with additional doses of self-loveeverything you wanted from another person.

AVOID SELF-BLAME

Deal with ghosting in a wholesome way. Rejection can be painful, but you do not need to pile on unnecessary distress. Do not blame yourself or let someone else’s bad behavior to reduce your self-esteem. Even if the ghost considers you were not what he or she was searching for, that does not mean that you’re undesirable to somebody else. You can’t make anyone love you. You just might not have been a fantastic match. He or she’s not your final hope to get a partner!

If you are tempted to write or telephone, think of how the conversation goes, how you will feel, and if you’d even get a truthful answer from the individual. Quite often, the individual ending a connection will not be honest about the reasons or might not even have the ability to articulate them, since they’re only going with their gut feelings. Men have a tendency to do so more than women, who examine and ruminate more. Additionally, the odds are you will be rejected another time. Would that hurt? To cure faster specialists advise no touch after a separation, including all social websites. Read more hints  about the best way best to recover.

If you find it difficult to give up your ghost and pursue a dialog, resist any temptation to lure them back. Instead, communicate that their behaviour was unacceptable and hurtful. To put it differently, be solved that you are now rejecting them. Then, proceed. Beware that if you are still vulnerable and hurting, contact may prolong your despair. If you do not feel powerful, such a dialogue may not help you let go, Also, bear in mind that anger is not always strength. It might be a temporary period of despair, followed by more overlooking the individual.

DON’T ISOLATE

Get back into life, and organize activities with friends. You may require a break from dating for some time, but socialize and do other things which you enjoy. Don’t let yourself fall into melancholy , which is different from mourning.

© 2019 Darlene Lancer

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Creating Distance to Create Wish


He had a gorgeous night with his spouse. It was difficult to leave her side.

That morning, on the job, the urge to call her was strong. To text, to stay connected. He felt her touch, odor, and feeling.

And it felt… really great. The bliss of connection was with him.

He wanted to share just how delicious it felt. A fast text. Perhaps even take the day off from work and maintain the spell going.

Instead, he did something else. He did not contact her, hoping she would reply immediately. He came back to himself.

He took the delicious energy that he felt with her and circulated it. Inhaled it in his heart and chest cavity, like opening a love river.

Wow! He did not know it was possible to enjoy loving like that.

And Lucy, a coworker, her arm resting on the lip of his cubicle wall, hovering above him, suddenly said,”What are you doing?”

He opened his eyes, pulled from his spell. He felt embarrassed. He detected an impulse toward defensiveness but then he relaxed.

And picked the spell again.

“Oh, just loving myself” He smiled.

She shook her head, murmured “weirdo” and walked on.

His grin grew bigger. He chuckled inside. And closed his eyes, to swim in the yummy river again.

The expansion of relationship from the night before swirled in him. And he was stunned he could do this.

He felt love climbing within himself, co-created with his spouse but savored in himself.

No need to call or text, seeking affirmation. Rather, he relished the notion of connecting with her afterwards.

Knowing that he had been the source of love and she was the stream, a tributary of the love flowing back into himself.

Containment — a highly effective practice in relationship. That’s what he’d done, not even being aware of it.

He held distance from her, allowing the desire for link to grow again. He didn’t cling or seek her to finish him.

How can we attach in connection? Does it serve us? And yet it sounds so natural. Consider otherwise.

Make the call? Sure, but first comprise.

Dating Warrior, you have this!

Inspired by a true story from an anonymous customer.

A version of the post was previously published on Stuartmotola.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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