1 Question Struggling Couples Never Ask Themselves

Several houses, a ship, a wholesome family. But in his union, that wasn’t the case. He was with his wife for 17 years. He struggled to speak to her. And he took it to heart.

“How is it I am so powerful at work, I am so in my zone, at my best? But at home, I feel like a fumbling idiot?”

Sandra had a similar issue. Except she had been on the other side of this work-home spectrum. A stay at home mother, she loved her home life. She was raising two children she felt deeply connected to. And then there was her union.

“I believe I am invisible to him.”

Jason. His main flaw in his wife’s eyes, she told himwas that he had been nearer to their children than to her. While he appreciated how hard she worked, and how she encouraged their loved ones, he felt like he could nothing right with her.

“At work, she is a powerhouse. At home, she has nothing left in the tank. She gets irritated when I ask her out on a date. We have not had sex in two decades.”

A lengthy period of unfreedom must proceed a period of liberty.

Nietzsche

Wow. Is not it true?

Unfreedom. Consider It. It is a powerful word. And it describes the condition many couples find themselves.

Why is it so damn common?
How can we lose one another from the day to day?
How can we lose ourselves?

I lived it for decades.
I understand it.

My mission in life is to change it. And still, the unfreedom is a gift. A gift to the emerging period of liberty. A present for the thickness of hunger it generates for liberty. The freedom to love openly, to connect openly, to see one another openly.

There is a way to get there. It is inside of a question that I asked Mike, Sandra, and Jason. It is a question struggling couples do not ask themselves. And it offers a road map to the relational freedom, connection, and love all couples hunt. And it is simply this…

How can you withhold from your spouse?

Consider it for a moment, in your present relationship, or by a prior one. Pause for a minute and ask yourself…

How do (or did) I never show up?
What do I not speak?
Where do I accept the status quo?
Where do I never ask for what I need, and instead merely complain?

This is the start. This is the beginning. From here, you’ve got the keys to the kingdom — to cultivate an energized and satisfying relationship. Now you need to ask yourself…

Do you need to measure in further?
Or simply hold the keys
?
What is the charge not to stepping in?

Pause. Answer these questions.

At the end of the day, when it is our turn to die, we ask ourselves…

Can I give my best to those I loved?

At death, we approach our anxieties. We’ve got nothing to lose. We visit scariest place within — itself, between me and me.

Summon that courage now as you’re alive. Own that distance between you and you. In my experience, that makes all of the difference.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?

Where would you subtract from your spouse?

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Previously Released on stuartmotola.com

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