The Way to Get a’Proper’ Breakup


I get asked a lot about how to”correctly” break up with somebody. Breaking up is a really tough thing to do. I have written about this previously, but I keep getting this question. So perhaps I need to tackle this subject again.

You can do it like Sylvester Stallone and split up with someone via FedEx.

You may also can sit down someone, look them in the eyes and be 100% honest with about how you’re feeling. You may tell the person exactly how you feel about them that you love them as a person but you no longer romantically feeling them. You may let them know that you are great as friends but not good as fans.

Honesty is really, really tough for certain men and women. By being honest, however, you’re allowing someone to not live at any questions or doubt, and it enables them to proceed. It will of course hurt in that instant, but then that person can begin healing and proceed.

Too many of us don’t allow a person to heal. By being honest with somebody when breaking up, however, you’re allowing them to begin healing.

So share with me now some of the toughest times you’d breaking up with people. I’d really like to hear from you guys.

This post was formerly published on Davidwygant.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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10 Ways to Escape Depression after Breakup


Things might even go worse if these downfalls arrive with a lot more intensity. 1 such downfalls is a separation. Depression, being its worst response.

However, as they say, where there’s a will, there’s a way.

Embracing the Difference

First of all, it’s important to see that there are some striking differences being sad and being depressed. Both arise from some severe psychological harm but they differ in their intensities. Breakups, regardless of what the length or intensity of the connection continues to be, flips your world upside down. You break down, you’re feeling sad, you shout, you fall and things get completely crumbled up. But these are simply some indicators of being sad, not depressed. Depression is a far intense situation where these signs have prolonging effects and may even make you feel suicidal if not detected and treated in time. So, firstly it is important to know whether you’re only sad or it’s actually depression!

Professional Assistance

Next thing that’s crucial here is treatment and acceptance for whatever the situation is. While going through all those emotional ups and downs, lots people fall in severe depression and even wind our lives!

What can probably do the job here is seeking skilled support or a psychologist who will mentor you and help you out with the injury. Someone who can support you and treat you ideally. Timely treatment can be a life saviour here.

Staying Prone to risks of Self-medication

After a relationship becomes over, somebody feels a lot broken up and might even push himself towards suicidal ideas. Oftentimes, it’s been noticed that a person gets into self destructive behaviour and even get hooked on drugs, merely to feel fine. In such a circumstance, it is always a good idea to look for some suitable guidance.

Break ups are a tough pill to swallow however, disastrously distracting at precisely the exact same time. It’s a stage that not only gets you in a challenging time but in addition, it makes your everyday life harder than before. In such a circumstance, if you’re slowly falling into depression, attempt to engage yourself in creative and productive activities as far as possible. Attempt to incline yourself into things that make you feel light. This can potentially divert you from all of the disturbing thoughts and make you feel comfortable on your own.

Stay Close with all the loved ones!

O matter how much, but breakups make you feel empty and alone within. At exactly the exact same time, you feel drained from love that is obvious. With individuals who drop in depression after, things get extra sensitive to them. The smallest thing can impact them. In such a circumstance, it’s always better to get in business with the individuals who love you back. Friends, family, or a close friend, it can be anybody you may talk out your heart to. Emotional and moral support can assist you a lot.

Mother Nature heals!

Now this might not seem much relevant to what our purpose of discussion is, but this may actually transform your problem. Remaining in the lap of nature has been shown to be much effective in reducing stress levels and calming you down. You can even have a trip to some gorgeous place and just spend some perfect time with nature and enjoy the beauty around you.

Learning new skills!

Break ups are hard and contributes to low levels of soul afterwards. Some people even get into self destructive behavior and only stop living their life simply due to a bad breakup. In case of depression, things always stay extra sensitive. Learning new skills can result in plenty of positivity in you. For the person who’s in melancholy and going through a challenging time, learning new and creative things can cause you to feel lively throughout feel!

Exercising and Physical Activities

Obviously, exercising and physical actions are effective at keeping you healthy, not just physically but mentally and emotionally also. Participating and engaging yourself frequently in exercises makes you feel a lot more positive about your self and bring about the confidence in you. Especially for the men and women that are experiencing depression, these actions can prove to be much helpful in raising your spirits and gradually bring you out of all of the traumatic suffering you’ve been going through emotionally.

Meditation

Another most powerful weapon which could be used against all of the negative things that depression brings in you. Meditation helps you in recovering and healing from all the sufferings {} been going through, since it’s capable of helping you feel secure mentally and emotionally. The only requirement is that these procedures should be followed with the discipline and dedication that’s only possible when it’s being done under the guidance of an experienced mentor with appropriate instructions. Or else, it might be get even more messed up.

Trust the process!

Getting from depressed condition is significantly more challenging than that which one can even imagine. But if you’re willing enough go rise up above all, you {} understand and trust the entire healing process.

Yes, healing is an entirely slow process and never comes easy. All you really have to do is hold your view up and see the wonders happening!

I truly hope this article helped you.

Drop your comments and let us know!

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Hey Doc,

I’m a huge fan of your site. I discovered it after doing some googling to make a decision and help my mental state of being with my connection of over two and a half years. I am a young, 24 year old man who’s struggling with the decision to break up with my girlfriend or not. I have made an expert con list, I have talked to family and friends, and I {} come up with a conclusion.

We have been dating for two and a half years and fulfilled some friends in college during the fall of the senior year. When I first met her, she was just getting over a catastrophic relationship with a boyfriend who’d cheated on her, abused her (emotionally physically and emotionally) and was an all around poor dude. The first few months are rugged and she pushed me away because of her natural anxieties of getting in a relationship, and used the space to hookup with other men, have fun, and find herself. I did exactly the same, but only after being extremely hurt by this decision from her. Fast forward to early spring, she comes around and realizes that I am a fantastic guy. Apologizes for it all and blames her fears and beyond. I take this and we opt to check out the relationship, irrespective of our post-grad programs (she moved to Boston to go to law school, I remained in CT).

After a month or two, she expected me to move to Boston because she wanted to be there for college. I didn’t want to move there, but I looked for jobs no matter and she wasn’t happy when I could not find any. She asked me to sail to Boston while working my job in CT (a 1.5-2 hour commute each way) and eventually asked me to just move there with no job, which I denied. This was the beginning of where things got rocky.

Ever since that time, about a year ago, she’s been picking fights with me about things she’s insecure about, probably stemming from her past relationships. She has plenty of trouble moving on from previous issues. She brings up old things a lot. I’ve comforted her and restricted what I endure, as I do not think it is healthy to let insecurities to get worse. This is my first relationship, and I am a pretty confident man with a great deal going for him and come out of an old-school household of values and customs. I have never brought a woman home before her, since I’m pretty picky and don’t commit to relationships unless I’m serious.

That said, I am tired of everything happening. She’s asked me to pick her morals and beliefs, saying she ought to be well worth the sacrifice. My brothers and friends have gotten angry at hearing the things she says to me and for being with her since she picks fights all of the time. And of course, she takes up plenty of my time. I’ve seen her every weekend I could and put a great deal of miles on my car, missed family events and things I wish to go to so that I could be with her. She tells me every day she loves me and appreciates me and what I do for her. She constantly reassures me we are a team. She writes me notes, calls me a few times a day, texts all night and day. She treats my family so well, always bakes for them and checks them up. But I am tired from the constant fights Repeatedly about BS. I don’t hang together with other girls whatsoever, I do not go out to pubs, I do not look at other girls online, etc.. I find myself skipping out on things I’d normally do with family or friends so that I could be with her on the weekend.

We’ve mentioned about a dozen times that we are going to change and communicate better, not shout, etc.. And we wind up continuing to argue about the exact same old things she’s upset about. I have made some adjustments but they are not helping. At times, she can even speak to me like shes my mother and try to tell me exactly what to do. I care about her, but I am so exhausted and hurt to the point that I am falling out of love with somebody I’ve committed so much to. Can I go on? Or throw in the towel? The choice is finally my own, but I don’t want to let this drag out any longer and would love to act urgently.

I get a whole lot of letters from people who do not really have questions. What they are actually doing is asking me for permission for what they want to do. They just can’t, for several reasons, bring themselves to pull the trigger themselves, so they want another person to let them know that it is ok to do the thing.

And I am getting the impression that this is exactly what you’re searching for, ETD. It is possible to list the experts all you need, but there is no quantity of texting, love baking and notes you can do that is going to compensate for continuous struggles and unreasonable demands. Demanding that you proceed, getting angry when you can not find work and then demanding you create a long and expensive commute rather are examples of somebody being unreasonable. These are times when you undermine — two hours is not far to get a long-distance relationship, for example — rather than sticking to your guns and insisting that somebody uproot their life and throwing things into chaos. In the same way, demanding that you give up family events for her — you WILL go to every weekend, no exceptions — rather than allowing for you to have your own life is just as unreasonable.

While it’s a shame that she has been hurt and has her insecurities… that is a her problem, not a you trouble. It would be one thing if it had been only 1 thing that you do this sometimes triggers something… well, then you may learn how to avoid doing this one thing. But when it is a neverending chain of insecurities that she desires you to handle for her? That’s when you are well beyond the point of”I have some scars from past relationships and I could sometimes use some reassurance” and well into “You may conform your whole life around not bothering me”

It’s time to confront the fact ETD: this connection is already over. You are having the same fights, making the same resolutions and nothing is changing. That’s among the surest signs that things have ended, and all that is left is the revived husk of a connection. You have come to this conclusion. The only question now is if you are going to finish it now or wait till this connection has floor away whatever happiness and affection you have for her and left you with only bitterness and resentment.

And honestly? You do not need that pro/con listing, you do not need to record her sins or the disagreements you have had or why. If you have decided that you will need to leave, then you have all the reason you will need to leave. And I think you already have.

Do what you will need to do, ETD. You will be much happier once you’ve got.

Very good luck.

I had been in a long distance relationship with a woman who I sort-of grew up with (I live overseas, but see during school breaks). This hurt me a lot; she was my first ever crush, love, etc.. Now, almost two decades later, I’m still not over her. Despite not speaking to her for more than a year, I think about her daily.

Our families are extremely close, so this is my dilemma: I can’t avoid seeing her unless I avert my loved ones. So, the way I see it, I want to find some way of getting over her which is not merely to cut out her. However, I’ve tried a great deal of things and nothing has changed. I have gone through trying to despise her, ignore her, be friends, and so on, but my romantic love for her does not dwindle.

I don’t have any clue what I can do to remedy my situation. I’m exhausted by the pain this causes me, and fear just how much worse it is going to be when I live nearer. I think that the best way to describe my ideas would be like we are still in a relationship, and I never got the memo that it is over (albeit with much more obsessive behavior than a connection should have).

It seems to me like you have done everything except really proceed, SIL. Almost whatever you have done has been concentrated on her, especially, as opposed to on yourself. You have made her the middle of what you do, whether it’s trying to force yourself to hate her or ignore her or attempt to form a friendship. But what you have not done is focus on you.

The difference here is important. It doesn’t matter whether you are considering how much you”hate” her or how much you are consciously NOT thinking about her… you are still allowing her occupy your thoughts 24/7. Small wonder that you could not get over her; she has been dominating so much of the time which I would be amazed that you had the time to consider other things.

One reason why I advocate what I call The Nuclear Option — blocking them on social networking, deleting their texts, putting off all the letters, emails and photos and cutting them from your own life — is because you will need time to not consider them. You will need time to get space and view and let yourself heal… none of that can happen when you’ve got all these reminders surrounding you and the urge to keep checking. You want to let yourself have time without her — time to rediscover who you are when you are not The Guy Who Got His Heart Broken, time to remind yourself that there are countless amazing women out there who are not her and that you have a life and a future that does not revolve around her or the relationship you used to have.

It’s also one reason why folks say”the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else”. It is a primitive saying, but reminding yourself that there are other folks out there that you find attractive and find you attractive is a excellent method of realizing that your ex is not the ONLY woman on the planet. It permits you to realize that she was not your last chance for love, you will see other folks that you will care for as much as you cared for her… and it frees you from considering her 24/7.

Unfortunately, it is somewhat harder to do this when you know you are going to be up in each other’s space. So right now the best thing you can do? Speak with your folks. Let them know that you are still stinging after the break-up and, if at all possible, you can use a little breather from her. That does not mean that you are going to have the ability to prevent her completely… but getting some advance warning that she may be about can provide you the opportunity to make alternative plans or get some time and relative dimensions in space off. Getting that time where she is not omnipresent will be important… even when she is literally the girl next door.

You will need to focus on you for a little, rather than her. The more you can recover your life and understand {} be ok and proceed, the easier it’ll be. And then perhaps you’ll have the ability to come back around and have a new and different relationship with her. One that is not based on the one you used to have.

Very good luck.

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Should you regret breaking up with your ex and think that the whole relationship was a waste of your life, then there are a whole lot of things moving inside you that you may want to have a close look at. I was speaking to a customer the other week, and he said he regretted a yearlong relationship that had lately come to a conclusion in his life.This is not the first time I’ve heard somebody saying that they wanted they could reverse the fact that a romantic relationship had taken place.If this is a thought that you have had about a particular connection, then this short, dense article will be a small mind fuck for you.Alright, no longer preamble. No foreplay. Here is what’s up.One of two things is going on in the event you want you could take back a connection. 1. Either you are not completed processing your pain, or2. You have not given up the victim mindset, taken responsibility, and gleaned your lessons from the connection yet.Every relationship we engage in… no matter how frustrating, tumultuous, or painful it is… was drawn into our lives to teach us something special.It doesn’t matter if the relationship lasted for a day, or for 100 years. It is all valuable content to your never-ending character development.So if you are in a place where you’re telling yourself you wish you could strike a connection from your psychological records, you {} to process your harm or search for the lessons.Ways To Process The Hurt You Still Carry 1. Set aside an hour to listen to sad songs, look at photographs of you and your ex, locate the harm inside your body, and breathe deeply to it. Give the hurt your entire attention and inform it,’Pain, you’ve got a house here. It is okay that I feel this manner’ 2. Write an angry letter to your ex in which you let it all hang out. Adopt the victim mindset and state each the nastiest shit you can consider. Then, burn the letter. Or split it up into tiny pieces and toss it in the recycling bin. No, you can not send them. Your pain is the pain. 3. Vent all your residual pain, frustration, and ideas to a close, trusted, a non-shaming buddy who will hold space for you. Tell them exactly what you need from them upfront (probably, to not have them provide any hints or guidance, but only to hear you out entirely until you are done), and then purge the words from your mouth. There is a therapeutic advantage to being observed in our truth… even if our truth is temporary and being shared through the lens of our harm. Share your ideas, release any feelings which come up if that happens… and then take a deep breath, then hug your friend, and proceed forward.Approaches to Bring Lessons From A RelationshipStill can not find any small sliver of the possible benefit that might have come from the connection? Totally at a loss for why you had to go through it? 1. Is one annoying aspect of the connection that it was like other relationships you’ve had in the past (possibly in the way in which the connection was day to day, or how it ended)? Then there has to be a lesson that’s attempting to make itself known to you. As Pema Chodron once stated:
“Nothing ever goes away until it’s taught us what we will need to know.” If you keep finding yourself in exactly the exact same sort of relationship or suffering from a similar kind of the relationship end, then there’s a pattern that’s attempting to emerge on your conscious mind. Then ask yourself, What lesson do I want to incorporate from what this pattern is attempting to show me?
2. In the earlier years of our relationship life, we frequently need to experience a series of partners so as to simply find out more about ourselves what we enjoy, and what we do not like in a romantic partner. Perhaps you dated someone who was extremely like you in a lot of ways and found that this lack of sexual control wore on you. Or maybe you dated someone who was too different from you, along with the absence of overlap was overly challenging. From time to time, the relationships we bring into our lives are only mirroring for us to look into, realize something new about ourselves, and then, armed with our newfound improved self-awareness, we consider that lesson and discover a more highly aligned partner.3. Ultimately, some relationships come into our lives just so we understand to prevent that sort of connection in the future. I say this stage last intentionally since a lazy mind can want to race towards this option when, in fact, they are just bypassing their course and avoiding looking inwards in a fair manner.If someone rushed into a relationship and then broke your heart by leaving suddenly, have a look at your relationship to time, familiarity, and your {} , to see how you could have drawn such a spouse. Or, in the event that you attracted someone who had been exceptionally vain and shallow, and you found yourself being drawn to their charm and put off with it, take a look at your own propensity for superficiality.In all these cases, the master question is,”How am I like this?” . When we honestly look at the overlap that we had with our exwe stop giving our power up and placing the blame on them, and we take responsibility for ourselves and proceed with greater clarity and psychological freedom.JordanA version of the post was
formerly published on Themindsjournal.com and is republished here with permission from the author. ◊♦◊Have you read the first anthology which was the catalyst for Your Great Men Project? ◊♦◊If you think in the work we’re doing here at The Great Men Project and wish to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, now. All Premium Members get to See The Great Men Project with NO ADS. A whole list of advantages is here.–Photo credit: Istockphoto.com

Have a Look inside you.

The article What Regretting a Relationship After a Breakup Actually Means appeared first on The Great Men Project.

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6 Subtle Signs Your Relationship is Over, Even if You Still Care for Them


Posted by Theo Harrison

Sometimes, love just isn’t enough.

I know it sounds unfair, but so is life. We have all grown up on the concept of ‘happily ever after’. But the more we face reality, the more we realize there is no such thing when it comes to relationships.

You can love someone as much as you want, but there is no guarantee that you will be spending the rest of your life with him or her. Love is a crucial ingredient for a lasting and meaningful relationship. However, we tend to forget that it’s not the only ingredient. And that is perhaps our biggest mistake.

Is Love Blind? Or Do We Just Keep Our Eyes Closed?

Love can blind us so much that we often fail to see the splinters and hairline cracks that crop up slowly…those subtle signs your relationship is over. This is why love can be dangerous. We often choose to ignore the initial signs that not everything is perfect and convince ourselves that it’s all going to be okay.

We just need to try a little bit harder. We just need to love them a little bit more. We just need to compromise a bit more than yesterday. We just need to hide what’s bothering us for a few more days. We just need to ignore the pain a little bit more. Everything will work out just fine. You’ll see. They always do. Or do they?

No. We Don’t Want Our Hearts Broken

We never want to end a relationship where we have willingly invested our emotions and ourselves. That is perhaps the most unsettling part…a reluctance to letting go. So we ignore the signs the best we can. And then comes the red flags, the glaring warning signs where we feel heartbroken at the realization that we failed to make the relationship work. Now it’s all over. And we are all alone..again.

But if you can spot the subtle signs your relationship is over, may be, just may be, you can give your relationship a reboot. These signs will help you analyze what might go wrong down the line by taking a deep look at yourself and taking charge. Understand that it is not about finding faults in your partner or pointing fingers. It is about pulling your socks up and re-positioning yourself to make sure your relationship has a better chance at survival.

So without further ado, here are some subtle signs that your relationship is headed for splitsville.

1. You Don’t Talk Anymore

And by talking, I mean about deep conversations about life, about your beliefs, philosophies and your feelings. You don’t have meaningful long talks about how you feel about each other. Realize that the way you communicate can affect your relationship. Ask yourself, do you guys talk about the basics of life? How the day went. What happened at work. How your boss is an A-hole. How you are planning a couple’s vacation this winter. How excited you are to watch that movie you guys are excited about. Simple daily conversations about each other, friends and family, co-workers. But most of all, conversations about your feelings.

Communication is the very core of a good relationship, including the one with your own self.

Meaningful and deep conversations allow us to know the person our partner has grown, matured and evolved into.

Otherwise you are just stuck with the person they used to be. Enough with Netflix and chill. Now it’s time to start talking about what actually matters.

2. You Don’t Touch Them Like You Used To

No, I am not talking about sex. We often express our love and affection through subtle physical gestures like holding their hand, putting your hand on the small of their back, stroking their hair, hugging them, a simple kiss on the cheeks, caressing their legs, and holding their face softly while you kiss and pulling them closer. These small things can often mean deeper things in a relationship. Every touch you make creates a connection and transfers energy to your partner.

It is normal to not have the same passion of being physically close all the time like you used to when your relationship began. As we get more comfortable with each other, life starts to happen. That’s fine. But if you now feel differently when you touch your partner, then it’s one of the signs your relationship is over.

A loving touch can heal a lot of wounds and nurture a relationship by making us feel loved, safe and warm inside.

You can’t play a guitar without caressing the strings fondly. Can you?

3. You Feel Indifferent

Does your relationship still feel engaging? Have all disagreements completely disappeared? Does your partner’s behavior and actions matter at all? Co-existing without being engaged can be a relationship killer.

When both partners are agreeable & indifferent instead of passionately arguing about things they feel strongly about in the relationship, it’s one of the signs your relationship is over.

Fighting all the time is definitely not a sign of a happy relationship. However, simple arguments helps to develop a deeper bonding among couples. When you are not engaged or present in the relationship, it’s a clear sign that not all is well in your partnership. This is where communication comes in.

A real open honest conversation about how you both feel about this relationship at this current moment. Ask them how they are, what is bothering them, if they want to share something. Instead of jumping to conclusions, have a heart-to-heart discussion showing that you care. Listen to them and understand what they are going through.Things can change faster than you realize. Start talking.

4. You Don’t Look Deep Into Their Eyes Now

Do you still look in to their eyes with love? Do you still experience butterflies in your stomach when your eyes meet? Do you feel that connection when you make eye contact even today? If not, something is wrong my friend. If you avoid eye contact, then either one or both of you are avoiding something. Your partner may not be having an affair, but they are definitely hiding something from you. It can be anger. Frustration. Dissatisfaction. Or simply their feelings for you. No matter what it may be, if you avoid one of the main subtle signs your relationship is over, it may be too late to salvage it. Eventually you will stop looking at each other.

Eye contact is one of the most natural ways to build a connection and look into someone for who they are. It’s a doorway to understanding their true self.

You can connect to your partner’s soul if you truly look into their eyes with all the love in your heart.

When you make that connection, you will know what I mean.

5. You Start Feeling Heavy

Relationships are never easy. There are days you feel like you are the happiest person alive. And then there are days you wonder why you are even alive.

One day loving someone can feel effortless, while the very next day it can feel overwhelming.

That’s normal. But when you start feeling the heaviness coming from inside, you know it’s sign that needs your attention.

There are various factors like work pressure, bills, family and situations that can make us feel heavy. Life can be like that sometimes. But if your heaviness stems from feelings of anxiety, anger, discomfort, resentment, doubt and uncertainty, then you need to look into it. These feelings will keep getting heavier unless you address them.

6. You Feel Lonely, Even Around Them

If you feel alone, unloved and unsupported even when you are with partner, it can be the loneliest feeling ever.

Do you feel you cannot openly communicate with your partner? Are you suppressing a lot of emotions and thoughts about your relationship inside you? Then you must understand its one the signs your relationship is over. If your partner is not as concerned about your well-being as you are about them, it is simply going to make things worse down the line. A relationship is not about one partner giving their all while the other just ignores everything. It’s a mutually nurturing and loving bond that you share with your partner.

When you stop looking away from the truth and living in denial, you will realize your instinct is giving you signs about how you truly feel. The sooner you listen to your emotions, the earlier you will be able to face the truth and start working on it. When you are not as happy in your relationship as you pretend to be, it’s time to take notice.

Understand This.

These are only subtle signs of your reality. These are not red flags that you will get a panic attack about losing the love of your life. There’s still a good chance of making things work. Start by asking yourself what you have done that has led your relationship to this place. Before blaming your partner, identify your own mistakes. That’s rule number one.

Then start by fixing your faults and do what you can to re-develop the attraction in your relationship. When you take charge, you will instantly see a momentous shift in your relationship dynamic. Make sure you talk to your partner about what you feel they are doing to affect the relationship in such a way. Approach them with love, understanding and compassion. If they are unwilling, take it as another sign.

Remember to approach them with an open mindset. Your goal is to understand them, not to make them understand. Do not hold on to limiting beliefs. And let go of your expectations. And finally, when they want to leave, let them. That’s how love works. Plain and simple.

Do you feel you are losing yourself in your relationship?


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A version of this post was previously published on Themindsjournal.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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