The Role of Confidence in Relationship

If you read some of Gregg’s novels , or lots of the blog articles or pages on this website, you find the term”confidence” quite often, and you are probably wondering why in the world we harp on optimism so much. It is Kirbie today, and I will start off by clearly defining what optimism is:

Confidence is knowing what you’re good at, what sort of value you bring to others, and having the ability to behave in a manner that conveys your confidence to people around you.

Do not confuse confidence with arrogance — something which is simple to do! Arrogance comes about once you believe you’re better at something than you are, but you act as though you’re providing more value than you are. Confidence is hot. Arrogance isn’t.

Studies have demonstrated that men are more attracted to the assurance that the woman exudes with a grin than they’re to her general attractiveness.

In the study mentioned above, people were found to favor a confident partner. Confidence makes someone appear more trustworthy — in other words, once you’re confident, guys will believe your relationship sales pitch!

Here are a few ways you may unknowingly be showing your lack of confidence

Giving reasons for things that occur

Let’s say you’re walking up to meet your new man and you trip over something. Somebody who lacks confidence will instantly begin with”There has to be a bump in the carpet there! .” A confident person will most likely chuckle and say”oh well” IF they say anything whatsoever!

Imagine you and your man are out on a bowling date — you figure out how to bowl a 75. Your guy may say something like –“Wow 75! You are like a bowling pro!” Whether it is a top score for a low score, a non assurance individual may say something like”Weeelllllll I had a blister on my head and my shoes were too tight”. Somebody who has great confidence will most likely say something like”YAY ME!” , should they say anything whatsoever! I might note that such a criticism from him reveals his lack of confidence!

Nobody, and I mean nobody, is great at everything, regardless of their desire to be. Someone who lacks confidence expects herself to be good at all and attempts to compensate when confronted. By way of instance, let’s say one of your girlfriends states”Girl you look really beat now!” If you are a certain individual, you might just say”Yea I had a rough night” or something like that. Someone who lacks confidence might say”I am never tired! I do not need sleep!”

Body Language is Everything

We have all heard about using body language to our very best advantage. This goes for confidence also. This arms-folded, legs crossed body language not only shows you as being shut off, but it indicates a lack of confidence. Confident people reserve this place for when they are absolutely freezing OR they’ve been offended. It really says something when you use it correctly!


This sort of goes back to our poor performance over. Perfectionists do not feel that they can ever make a mistake. It can cause you a lot of turmoil and stress. It may even be painful to some people. Facing an environment where failure may happen can be paralyzing for many people. This goes back to not having sufficient confidence to believe in your abilities to overcome errors. Confident men and women know mistakes are a part of life. As opposed to sweat errors, they realize that a mistake is a learning opportunity and they proceed.

If someone pays you a compliment, how do you respond? Do you get embarrassed and uncomfortable? If so, this shows a lack of confidence. The positive person will hear a compliment and just say”Thank you”.

If you lack confidence, you most likely find it difficult to keep eye contact with someone. In a relationship, this can be quite detrimental as keeping eye contact helps build intimacy and shows you’re paying attention. When you don’t wish to keep eye contact, you’re really suggesting that you don’t need someone to look too far beyond your façade.

Decision Making

I once knew someone who took over a year to purchase a vehicle. At the moment, I could not know it, but now I get it. Bad man (still) can not make a decision to save his life. This is a normal experience for men and women that lack confidence. They do not believe in their capacity to create a decision about the simplest things, hence the biggies, like a car, can be paralyzing.

This list of signs isn’t complete, but these are the highlights. You do not have to do them all, and I believe most people can see ourselves in among these, but the trick now is to identify whether you do lack confidence, so that as you build your confidence back up, you may see it on your activities — and so will others!

This post was formerly published on and is republished here with permission from the author.


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