The Controller and the Caregiver–2 Characters Who Keep You Little

Withholds — it is not a word frequently spoken between couples. And yet withholds are everywhere in connection.

Withholds — it is not a word frequently spoken between couples.

Perhaps you don’t talk a difficult truth to your spouse. Or perhaps you don’t ask for what you require.  Or maybe you don’t put the job you need to into your main relationship (i.e. look at yourself, fix conflict, etc)

When you are in a withhold with your spouse, they feel it. You are less trustworthy because your dishonesty is in the space between you and them.

You have hidden your authentic best self from your spouse. The connection stalls along status quo street at a fizzle.

In a relational withholdwe conceal from a portion of ourselves that we do not need to deal with, a part we fear being seen.  Below are just two parts of myself that I monitor always.  In addition, I call them characters.

Sometimes, I write to them. When they’re facing you, they can not hijack your relationship. 

  • Do both of those characters — The Controller or Caretaker — reside in you?
  • What is the price of those characters running your connection? Your life?
  • How can they permit you to withhold?

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