–Three loaded words. They imply infatuation, fascination, hope, desire, despair, happiness, fear, jealousy, devotion, and a shit-ton more. We state them when we think we mean them when we expect we mean them when we know we do not mean them when we can not help but mean, when we just utilized to mean them. They’re a watershed for each affair, hopefully, when you have exhausted your capacity to express affection and gratitude for somebody by saying that you like them, love them, love them, etc. You say them once you end up prefixing every compliment with”actually,” using more superlatives than an over-caffeinated preteen, and you’re powerless to convey your feelings in any other conditions.You say them if a individual becomes the axis around which your ideas and feelings revolve, and you know you could not deny them whatever it was in your power to give them. You say them once you know you could forgive a person for so much your sanity and well-being are theirs to undergird or dismantle. You say, like someone who’s just sober enough to understand {} drunk, waving helplessly and thankfully goodbye to a sense of control and objectivity.The first time you opt not to say them, when you admit to yourself that you have not supposed them in a while, or when you would still imply them, but it has become immaterial, is often the most painful experience of your lifetime. They’re, possibly, the three riskiest words in the English language, and anyone who has lived, really lived, knows they’re as much of a precipice as strong bedrock. When you have everything to lose and you are prepared to put it down for somebody, you say, a prayer and a promise,”I love you”–What’s Next in The Great Men Project? Improve your relationships. Join our Love, Sex, Etc..  Connect the Sex, Love Etc.. We think you will enjoy our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS–WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to talk, gain insights, build communities– and help resolve some of the most troublesome challenges the world has now. Calls are for Members Only (though you can combine the first call for free). Join now! Join The Great Men Project Community All levels get to see The Great Men Project website AD-FREE. The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS–combine as many groups and courses as you need for the whole year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to some ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–along with other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission, and have a {} ad-free viewing experience. <! Please note: If you’re already a writer/contributor in The Great Men Project, log in here prior to enrolling. (Request a new password if desired ).◊♦◊ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 annually ) includes:1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Combine all of our weekly forecasts, Social Interest Groups, courses, workshops, and personal Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or internet class each and every day of the week. 2. See the site with no advertisements when logged in! 3. MEMBER commenting badge. ***ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 annually ) includes all of the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class. ***ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you aren’t ready to join the complete conversation but wish to support our mission anyway. You’ll still receive a BRONZE commenting badge, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time (Friday calls only). This is for men and women that think –just like we do–that this conversation about men and changing characters and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can get now. Need more details? Click here. ♦◊♦We’ve pioneered the biggest worldwide conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspirational and valuable. What We Talk About When We Talk About Guys –Photo courtesy iStock.

They mean everything.

The post Three Small Words appeared on The Great Men Project.

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Men, Sex Won’t Make You Whole

Every man has felt it.

Yes, he’s felt it. I’ve felt it. He’s inside of her.

“Ooh baby, you are so remarkable. I love you. I love you. I love you!’

He’s gone back to his infancy, to his roots, to the uterus.   As Robin Williams once said, a guy spends trying to escape and the rest of his life trying to reunite in.

“Ooh baby, if I could stay inside of you forever…”

He seeks the entering, the being indoors, the thrusting, the loving, and then… the moment of orgasm, when he gives himself away.

How good it seems to give it all away.

To say”f*#k it” with all his energy, after an entire day of keeping it together.   The best freedom.  The little death, “la petite mort,” as the French say.

As much as he needs to sustain the bliss, it all ends in a split second.  And frequently he feels empty then — exhausted, depleted, half dead.

He no longer wants to remain inside of her forever. His member is taken.

His illusion is dismantled. He knows it’s not possible to stay inside.  She can’t make him whole.  He feels empty.

“Tell me how much you love me,” she says.

“Huh?” he says.

And in the moment, he crashes into reality. He’s pulled from his myopia, the nearsightedness of his own pleasure.  He’s alerted to another. And he might even feel like a boy who has been found out.

“You mean, you do not really love me. You were only pleasuring yourself in my body.”

And sure, there are girls that are fine with a man pleasuring himself in her body. But that is a fling, not a serious long term relationship.

Nevertheless, a day or even an hour after, his appetite rises again. To re-engage the illusion that life and all things will be perfect once he is back inside of her. And the words come from his mouth.

“Awww baby, I adore you! If only…”

He is back to where he began. What is going on here?

Well, he has been removed — worked by his libido, his testosterone, his desire, or love. He’s not the master of it.  He doesn’t operate with his sexual energy, but has worked by it.

And he does not feel the price of the cycle until he is in his late twenties and frequently elderly. The relational cost to himself and his spouse. The expense of eventual…

An interior relational deadness.

In the absence of facing the issue, many men develop bitter. Job, blamebark. “Frigid Bitch.”

Or they spend years, searching for other girls, chasing the same”make me whole, baby” booty call. Many men finally just resign themselves to a sexless marriage or dating.

Rather, a person may answer the telephone.

The call to discover what he really seeks in sex — link and intimacy — and the way to experience those things, incorporated with his sexuality, rather than in lieu of.

The call to see her vagina as a sacred part of her that enhances familiarity, rather than a vehicle by which to simply delight himself.

The call to learn his own sexual energy, rather than something which masters him.

And this takes training.

To challenge the complacent pieces of himself.
To grow.
To become more relational.
To get larger in his capacity as a lover and ally to his spouse.

Sex alone will not make him whole.

But most guys won’t do the job until they’re forced to, until their marriage or relationship is near an end.

Yes, women’s sexuality is strong. Super powerful. The Yoni. The origin of all life. How can a person not be in awe?

Sex in a long term relationship ceases for a single reason.  Since there’s been a kink in the relationship between spouses.

It will not only get turned back magically.  It requires work — speaking hard truths, risking vulnerability, rebuilding trust, and frequently even risking divorce or separation.

Am I just wanting to party men?

Hell no.  I wish to help men, and women, have an energized and satisfying relationship.  And decent sex is definitely a part of that.

And let us be clear, girls have their role in the dynamic also. More on this next week.

Previously Released on stuartmotola.com

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The Four Stages of Desire: From Everything to a Thing

Posted by Ana Waller

Kabir teaches us the four phases of want that rules our lives.

Bertrand Russell is considered as one of mankind’s most lucid and luminous minds, He’s an oracle of timeless wisdom, talks of the fundamental rationale driving human behavior,

All human activity is prompted by desire. There’s a wholly fallacious theory advanced by some earnest moralists to the effect {} likely to resist desire in the interests of obligation and moral principle. I state this is fallacious, not since no guy ever acts from a sense of obligation, but since obligation has no hold on him unless he desires to be dutiful. If you would like to know what guys will do, you need to understand not only, or mostly, their material conditions, but instead the entire system of their needs with their comparative strengths.

Indeed, there are barely any means by which you are able to contradict the words of Russell. All of us work and are motivated by desires in a lot of ways. A number of them work so subtly we’re unaware of them. Human beings differ from other animals in the aspect that there’s an ever-flowing river of desire in us, never drying us of existence.

There are a lot of forms of want working together to push us through life: Physical desire is hunger and thirst; intellectual want is curiosity, the need to acquire knowledge; sexual desire is bliss and financial desire is the demand for power and ownership of materials. The overall cultural and economic structure of society is based on our needs.

Russell continues to state,

But man differs from other animals in one very important respect, which is that he’s some desires that are, so to speak, boundless, which could not be fully gratified, and which would keep him restless even in Paradise. The boa constrictor, when he’s had a decent meal, goes to sleep, and doesn’t wake until he desires another meal. Human beings, for the most part, aren’t like this. When the Arabs, who was accustomed to living sparingly on a couple of dates, obtained the wealth of the Eastern Roman Empire, and lived in palaces of nearly unbelievable luxury, they didn’t, on that account, become inactive. Hunger could no more be a motive, for Greek slaves provided them with exquisite viands in the slightest nod. However, other desires kept them busy: four in particular, which we could label acquisitiveness, competition, vanity, and love of power.

The Indian mystic, Kabir Saheb, a poet, and philosopher, argued that appetite constitutes the genuine wealth of humanity. Among the top 20th-century Indian interpreters of Kabir’s teachings was a religious teacher and writer named Eknath Easwaran, who explains how Kabir seen the desire to have four phases of evaluation.

Most people human beings are born with Many desires
True, that it’s the will or desire to acquire something that pushes us to take another step in life.

With no defined desire, we become clueless and drop track of our own life. We set a goal and work towards achieving it and that’s the way our life rolls on. But when we have a lot of desires, we could follow none of them with conviction and dedication.

The majority of these concern the superficial aspects of life, such as outside appearance, material possessions, power, position, fame, reputation, and cash. Individuals who have the most desires, Kabir believes, are the weakest of all.

These folks are a complete failure. They wind up achieving nothing in any areas of life.

Kabir goes on to state, you can find other people who are born with a few desires:

These are the ones that succeed in life. They make judicial decisions of goals and {} to successfully achieve them. Regardless of what field of endeavor they choose, they wind up attaining what they need to since they have a numbered desires to operate on.

And the most lucky ones are born with a few desires:

Out of them come the geniuses of all time like a few of the great thinkers of all time, who left a substantial mark on this world, Mother Teresa, Marie Curie, Albert Einstein, some terrific musicians, poets, humanitarians, and political leaders.

Our life is a gift to not add on to the list of our wants, instead reduce them to a profoundly impactful desire. Individuals who have one desire, that’s the greatest look for truth, are the mystics, spiritually actualized people. These individuals have risen over the ensnaring desires of the earthly dimension and have attained the zenith of religious freedom. They utilize the imperial power of meditation to reach a condition of salvation.

Kabir says you can use meditation as a tool to decrease the amount of desires a individual has from many to a, from some to couple and from a few to you personally.

Kabir also explains the relation between the amount of desires and the psychological and spiritual prosperity of somebody.
Individuals who have many desires, have to experience emotional turmoils in life. They get mad easily; they calm down fast. One benefit of having superficial emotions which don’t run deep is that no pain can last long for all these folks. On the flip side, their satisfactions are neither significant nor enduring.

Individuals with few desires are driven by passion.

Whatever area of lifestyle they devote themselves to, they have a huge enthusiasm for persevering and for achievement. Driven by a longing that’s spread across just a few needs, passionate individuals often achieve great things.

The last step, based on Kabir, to allow the genuine emotion prosper, an individual has to instill undying passion–a personal ambition, the pursuit of pleasure, the demand for prestige, the demand for standing, the preoccupation with material possessions–amalgamates into one searing passion. Kabir calls for this singular passion devotion. From the mystical tradition, supreme devotion and dedication contribute to the discovery of authentic self.

When one moves from a number of desires to your desires and out of some desires to a couple desires and if these few desires boil down to passion and dedication — we come to understand who we are and what we’re seeking.

How can one achieve this dedication?

Both crucial weapons to accomplish devotion are — hardship and meditation. When one has to experience extreme difficulties in life, a person doesn’t have the luxury to concentrate on a lot of desires. The sole desire in this state of distress is survival — the most fundamental requirement of every living being.

Meditation helps us reach a legitimate state of religious reclamation as we slowly but surely discover our life’s sense of purpose.

Individuals who have experienced extreme hardship–soldiers in battle, women living under oppressive regimes, prisoners of conscience, slaves, victims of torture–all report more or less the exact same thing about the effects of suffering. When our life is jeopardized, it’s purpose becomes crystal clear. The many needs of life are burnt down by the fire of hardship; what remains is the 1 thing that both needs and deserves complete dedication.

Whether through meditation or through hardship, we start our journey towards self-revelation with a very easy question to ourselves:

What do we need?


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Dating as a Single Mother

First off, to all single mothers, being one myself, it is a lot. A lot to take out the garbage, do your taxes, keep the young ones living AND take care of you. YET among the best things you can do to help yourself to be an excellent mother is: HEAL your past wounds from divorce or a reduction, and second: KNOW that if you do not make time for being a WOMAN… your parenting endures… as does your self-esteem.

Thus reentering the dating scene can be a excellent way to give yourself signature, kindness, support and pleasure in business of a terrific man who appreciates you. To attract him, you will want to take time to have clarity about what you need and want in a partnership… and take the time to cultivate your sensual side, getting a hot invitation to a high quality guy to claim you, encourage you, love you and be fueled by your compliments and appreciation of him.

Do not hold back on your internet profiles really painting the image of the life you choose, saying how happy it makes you if your spouse does xxx. Never conceal that fact that you are a mom. Be proud you are a package deal and use it like a pre-qualifier for guys who would not ever consider step daddy roles. Bear in mind, as a busy mother, there isn’t any time to waste on somebody who’s mediocre, somebody who does not call back or keep his word. Use your prized limited free time so far as a single mother, as powerful self-confidence to know you’re a trophy and be quick to say thank you but no thank you if they do not honor or respect you.

DO be willing for him not to look like what you believed, sometimes what we had been drawn to in our old relationships (that did not work) could use some upgrading. I was attracted to the Master of the Universe guys, who impressed me with his achievements yet did not have time for me. These single men dating frequently complain about flaky girls.

A version of the post was previously published on allanapratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.


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There’s absolutely not any time for mediocre dates.

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Creating Distance to Create Wish

He had a gorgeous night with his spouse. It was difficult to leave her side.

That morning, on the job, the urge to call her was strong. To text, to stay connected. He felt her touch, odor, and feeling.

And it felt… really great. The bliss of connection was with him.

He wanted to share just how delicious it felt. A fast text. Perhaps even take the day off from work and maintain the spell going.

Instead, he did something else. He did not contact her, hoping she would reply immediately. He came back to himself.

He took the delicious energy that he felt with her and circulated it. Inhaled it in his heart and chest cavity, like opening a love river.

Wow! He did not know it was possible to enjoy loving like that.

And Lucy, a coworker, her arm resting on the lip of his cubicle wall, hovering above him, suddenly said,”What are you doing?”

He opened his eyes, pulled from his spell. He felt embarrassed. He detected an impulse toward defensiveness but then he relaxed.

And picked the spell again.

“Oh, just loving myself” He smiled.

She shook her head, murmured “weirdo” and walked on.

His grin grew bigger. He chuckled inside. And closed his eyes, to swim in the yummy river again.

The expansion of relationship from the night before swirled in him. And he was stunned he could do this.

He felt love climbing within himself, co-created with his spouse but savored in himself.

No need to call or text, seeking affirmation. Rather, he relished the notion of connecting with her afterwards.

Knowing that he had been the source of love and she was the stream, a tributary of the love flowing back into himself.

Containment — a highly effective practice in relationship. That’s what he’d done, not even being aware of it.

He held distance from her, allowing the desire for link to grow again. He didn’t cling or seek her to finish him.

How can we attach in connection? Does it serve us? And yet it sounds so natural. Consider otherwise.

Make the call? Sure, but first comprise.

Dating Warrior, you have this!

Inspired by a true story from an anonymous customer.

A version of the post was previously published on Stuartmotola.com and is republished here with permission from the author.


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