My dating trip began in earnest in 1982, I was 16, a junior in high school and I fell in love with a sincere, thoughtful and loving Clark Kent-type. Initially, I had been infatuated with the tall, handsome and athletic new man, he seemed like Superman. I quickly discovered that he was shy, introverted, artistic and intelligent. I recall feeling relaxed, happy and appealing in his or her company. We spent every waking moment we could together, sharing and encouraging each other’s interests, families and friends. After 3 decades, while attending college several states away from one another, we tearfully broke up. We could not handle the distance.
At the moment, I was 19, a sophomore in college and I went in search of a new boyfriend. Again and again, I fell in lust and became obsessed with men who looked like my initial boyfriend-tall, athletic, confident, leaders. But they lacked the yummy interior qualities which turn infatuation into love. I had no idea that I should be focusing on interior values and qualities as opposed to the muscles, height and swagger.
For many years I dated and broke up with Superman upon Superman, I even married one. My ex-husband and lots of these men I dated are smart, funny and honorable great men.
Their cocky, fast-talking manners presented a challenge to me. I responded with my type A personality and my subliminal message to them was”you feel you are all that, well you have met your match”.
Looking back, I sparred more than that I loved. I used my quick wit and sexuality as my money and convinced Superman and myself that I was separate and that I did not need anything.
When you tell somebody you do not need anything, you get nothing!
I’ve discovered that asking for what you need in a relationship is love.
You know the man, he’s shy, quiet (yeah sometimes he wears glasses), he might appear a bit awkward at first, seem a bit closer… Give him a chance, he’s superpowers too.
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