Today, a story about the best anguish — forgetting who we are.
Tim comes into my office. He’s torn up inside. He’s been married for several years. But… something’s not perfect.
He says that his wife is a sweet man, great to him, and a terrific mother to his children. And he says,”I’m miserable. And I have not the slightest clue as to why.
We talk for a little. Very quickly, it’s apparent that we are getting nowhere. He is completely stuck in his mind, swirling in his guilt with what a terrible guy he is, for being unhappy with such a fantastic family.
I wonder, should I get out the boxing gloves and pads? Change things up with this man? Perhaps he can beat the shit out of the demon he feels inside of himself.
Rather, I have him get up and stretch his body, move around. Anything to escape his head. I have him perform several minutes of jumping jacks to change his energy. Sometimes the mind is a tyrant that only circles itself.
After the motion, we stay standing. I see he’s more relaxed, even milder energetically. “A little workout during a training session,” he says. “Bonus.” He laughs.
I ask him to remain standing, feel his breath, through his or her body. I direct him to take complete body breaths, from head to toe and then back down.
We sit down again and suddenly he is more alive. He’s prepared to step in with more bandwidth to research his unhappiness and his union, without so much painful self-judgment. He is opening to himself. He is no more dividing against himself.
Maybe he states,”I want to explore other associations, other freedoms in my own life, take space and time away from my loved ones.” At the notion of it, his face glows.
I make no conclusions. At least, his energy is shifting. He has more access to parts of himself that he was formerly shutting down.
Needless to say, I don’t encourage him to go have an affair. I have often said, if you can not make one woman happy, how are you going to make numerous women contented?
I’m amazed at his change and not, since I see it often how a person gets much more access to themselves, once they eliminate their moralistic and judgmental perceptions of these. Neutralize the brutal inner critic.
Tim is no longer thinking about what a terrible guy he is for not enjoying his loved ones. He’s actually beginning to think what a fantastic guy he is for loving himself. And while an affair or big trip away probably will not be the avenue to supreme happiness, it is an avenue to get parts of himself against which he is divided.
Yes, all of us have crazy ideas, not all of which we will need to act on. But how can we get the energy of these thoughts and incorporate them into our own lives, rather than judging and dividing from ourselves?
I have heard it said often and I lived it for a long time — that the best suffering is dividing from one’s self. It happens every day and if it does, we neglect the requirements of our soul.
It can occur in an office, sitting all day, feeling agitated, not understanding why, in front of a computer all day. It can occur in a relationship, feeling grumpy over nothing.
And we benefit greatly if we find a way back to ourselves in the hardest moments. And it may be as straightforward as yeah, this sucks, I feel separated from myself, and I am OK.
Tim leaves our session, not booking a plane ticket to Honolulu or Guatemala, but conscious that he wants to give himself more time and energy and space. He can not be so hard on himself and then project his distress onto his union.
“It is me, not her. I’m the person who’s messed up,” he says. Ironically, he is glowing. And not ironic because he is back in his power to do something about it. He’s no more dividing against himself, beating himself up for his own distress.
And for this, he’s a better man for everybody around him — his spouse, his family, and his friends.
Do you know a fighting man who needs help? There are many people out there. Are you that guy, going it alone? Get help today.
Previously Released on stuartmotola.com