Is She Family Material?

Is She Family Material

Is She Family MaterialYou are closer to her than you’ve been with anyone else in your life… She knows things about you that you have never told anyone. She has heard your complaints about your loved ones. She has heard you rave about their greatness. But is she prepared to meet them face to face? Even if she tells you she’s, you are the one which should make that decision if she’s household material or not.

Do you have a history of bringing home women to satisfy your loved ones?

Just to have your household treat her badly or disapprovingly? It may be smart to bring up the subject of meeting with your parents or the most outspoken member of your family to get them accustomed to the idea that someone new will be entering their small dynamic. This also gives you an opportunity to talk about what type of behaviour you expect, how important this individual is to you, and your intentions about where this relationship might be headed.

Does your special lady have a propensity to compare one to other guys.

Or unintentionally say offensive things? You might want to do some prep work before you see family members. To broach this topic delicately you may state that you want everyone to enjoy each other then once-in-a-lifetime first impression and thus you only need to maintain the dialog light this time around.

The biggest consideration you need to evaluate

Whether you and your spouse feel like you can be yourselves around your loved ones. If there’s some part of your relationship you are not proud of, or when you feel like you must keep something secret about yourself or your spouse, then this is something that you will need to deal with in your relationship before involving your loved ones. The best relationships are the ones which allow both people to be themselves, and be at ease with one another in a number of situations.

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STOP Pressuring Single People

Society, our friends, as well as our loved ones can pressure you to believe which you need to be in a relationship. However, I am here to inform you that it isn’t a bad thing to be unmarried. Being single gives you the chance to actually concentrate on yourself and developing a life that you dream about. If a relationship is {} of these dreams then after you have focused on your growth and healing then the perfect individual will enter your life.

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Men, Do You Know How Sexy You Are When You Are Vulnerable?

Six decades ago, I opted to leave a guy who would not talk. When things got emotional, he would work and work and work. I didn’t pester him to speak. I thought if I let him be, he would emerge with words and we would feel connected once more.

But he never arose.

We had an 18-month-old and he was the breadwinner. Our initial agreement was that he would carry the majority of the financial responsibility until our daughter was 3, and then we would contribute equally. That meant he worked long hours during the summer for his contracting company. Finally, his long hours out the home led him to invest more long hours in front of his computer doing book-keeping when he arrived home. It meant I spent 10 to 12 hours {} with my daughter, whom he played for an hour once he got home so that I could shower and have some me time (which meant binging on Netflix to my very depleted self). We barely interacted. I needed to talk or hang out after our daughter went to bed and he would complain that he was too tired and it was not a fantastic time.

It was never a fantastic time.

Finally, our communication only revolved around what needed to get done around the house. I recall the night I left him. It was only after Memorial day and a significant heatwave hit Upstate NY. I recall I had asked him a couple of days before if he would set the air conditioner in our bedroom and he said he had been too busy. I was putting my daughter down for a nap, beads of sweat dripping down both of our faces as he passed from the bedroom on the way to his basement workshop. “Can you set the AC unit in now? It is too hot in here for her to sleep.”

So quickly I began to shake. My infant was shaking in my arms also. I hugged her in tight. He stood there with wide-eyes and a gaping mouth holding his hands.

I sped down the stairs and out to the porch stoop with my little girl in my arms. Taking deep breaths, I looked up in the bird’s nest on the porch. My daughter said, “Bid” in her toddler’s voice. That is how you got your name. You are named after a very special little songbird.” As I was saying this, my insides were piercing each mobile with shards of dread. My words were soothing me over my daughter. I was desperately hoping she did not sense my fear too much. The baby birds provided a wonderful diversion for a few silent minutes.

He then walked to the porch, his face filled with pity; his head hanging low. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in a barely audible tone.

The minute he spoke words which had a hint of feeling in them a rage rushed through me. It was a motivating, energizing type of force. It was a mama bear kind of ferocity. I stood up, tightening my loving grip in my daughter. “What you did is not okay. I am done.” I began to walk to the vehicle.

“I am going to my parents.

This was not the first time he had an angry outburst that broke his hands. He had done the exact same thing to the wall in our living room almost exactly a year before. But just for a couple of days. He came to my parents, filled with guilt, with a bouquet of wildflowers in his hands. The blossoms and guilt won me over. So did the fact that our daughter, that was 6 months at the time did not witness the event.

But this time was different. I knew our baby would hold of memory of the day in her subconscious forever. And while I knew he’d never put a hand on me, I felt in my bones that this was the grand finale of our connection. We were getting my parents and I did not want that for my little one. There was a pattern forming which couldn’t be changed if I had been the only one willing to perform the job.

I didn’t want my daughter to be raised in a family full of tension and silence and emotional repression combined with bouts of angry outbursts. I experienced that in my youth and I did not want my daughter re-living my family history.

Months before we attempted. Hard. We went to treatment. But nothing could change at home. He opened up on the therapist’s couch after much poking and prodding on her role. With me, he just shut down. I felt helpless and hopeless and very, very lonely. I felt disrespected and perplexed. I wasted a lot of hours wondering what was wrong with me and trying to determine how I could be a better partner for him to open up. I emptied myself by trying to do his job for him.

What I wanted is exactly what many women not only need but also crave desperately: my guy to open me up.

When I left my daughter’s dad, I felt like I was leaving a stranger. I didn’t really know him. I just knew parts of him. His shut-down self put up such a enormous wall, it prevented me from getting close. I, like most people in relationships, simply wanted closeness.

This world needs most are partnerships which are oozing with vulnerability. The sort of vulnerability that’s mixed with the salty tears of emotional release and the juices of lovemaking. The sort of vulnerability that leads to breakthroughs rather than breakdowns.

I closed down my heart for quite a long time after I left my ex. I lost faith in the opposite sex. I lost hope that guys who may open up and share their hurts or fears or insecurities, even if it scared them shitless to do so even existed.

I recently met a guy that had the guts to take a deep dip to his insecurities with me. At a moment of anxiety, as he stood there, averting his gaze. I gently asked,”What is going on for you.” “You don’t need to tell me if you do not need to. I meant what I said. According to my past, I knew I could not force a man to start up if he did not wish to. I knew he would open up to me and when he was ready. I was only hoping this could be a when-man rather than an if-man.

My entire being lit up when he began to stutter out his feelings. In moments, I felt closer to him than ever. I knew why he was holding back; he was feeling insecure. When he gave voice to his feelings, his entire body relaxed. His eyes met mine with fresh confidence. As our eyes locked, years of despair washed from me. I smiled at him and felt like my entire being had a glow. It was the type of smile you get when something you have been dreaming of suddenly appears right in front of you.

Vulnerability is just the expression of our feelings, as they are, right here and right now. It is that simple stuff quiz tunes are made of. But grown-up people make it so complex. Songs move from the pure expression of the here and now to ballads about being misunderstood and rejected.

Our civilization has made expressing feelings much more complicated for men. I have talked to so many men that have said they’d be seen as weak or effeminate when they spoke in their authentic feelings with”the boys.” Rather, they make fun of the feelings. Or they numb them by getting high or drunk with the men. Or they get into competitive sports and let them out at a war-like, somewhat aggressive fashion.

If men knew how much of a twist on exposure is, there are a great deal less relationship tension and far more connected sex in this world.

If men allowed themselves to soften and open to the raw feelings of the moment, they would tap into a well of deep confidence and enthusiasm than they ever knew existed inside them.

But most men dread opening up, not because they fear that their partner will reject them, but because they fear society will. What is going to happen when feelings begin to become acknowledged and your spouse loves you more for it rather than less? Are you going to feel less apt to get drunk with the guys? Will your bike start rusting? Will your sarcasm melt off?

I don’t know what is going to happen inside your social circles as soon as you start losing your layers of shame and protection, but I do understand that your lover will thank you. And I can almost guarantee you’ll experience a level of emotional intimacy that’s far better than an orgasm. For real. Better, not simply because it is going to feel amazing, but since it’ll be a long-lasting sort of amazing.

I may also share that I have known guys who’ve shed their layers of security by beginning to open up; to be fair. It began with one minute of courage where they walked through the fear of sharing what was in their mind and in their own center and risked everything. And once they pushed through that very first moment and got love and approval rather than the rejection they felt so terrified of, they wanted more. A number of them told me their relationships with their male friends changed — for the better. They became the light-bearer. When they dropped their sarcasm for sensitivity, their friends felt fascination and respect.

“What do you do otherwise, man? I like your vibe. It feels as if you are really present and more relaxed. Tell me how I could feel this way also.”

Well, maybe the discussions did not go down just like that. But even an inkling of that can open the floodgates for a new kind of man: the so confident with his own emotions that it is sexy type of male. I am swooning just writing it out.

We love your nude bodies adoring on ours. The more you reveal what is in your mind and in your heart, the more turned on we will get.

And we both know what happens when you turn us on.

Now go get emotionally nude for your woman.

Now.

There’ll never be a fantastic time or the ideal time.

Get emotionally naked.

Now.

You can thank me later.

Previously Published on Moderate

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Dealing with a person with Histrionic Personality Disorder

once we give in to someone or placate them, we are not helping them to develop and we are acting contrary to our values and beliefs to maintain the peace.

When you’ve got a relative or partner with Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD), stepping back might not be an option. However you might not need to if you recognize how to maintain strength and bounds in the connection. Like anything else in life, once we understand fully what we’re dealing with, we can understand how we would like to engage, react, or step back from a circumstance.

When we give in to someone or placate them, we are not helping them to develop and we are acting contrary to our values and beliefs to maintain the peace. Position one’s ground is challenging and may feel overwhelming, however in such scenarios, you can’t lose your identity or undermine it for somebody else.

This movie explains how to understand and correctly deal with somebody with Histrionic Personality Disorder. Knowing the signs of HPD is vital to understanding what you are honestly dealing with. If you missed last week’s article about the best way best to recognize HPD you can find it HERE.

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