Admit it, it would be a truly boring world if we all had perfectly happy and harmonious interactions and relationships.  Though –it would also be a world without country music, so there is something to take into account.  But truthfully, it’s the melodrama of life that feeds our desire to grow, evolve and change. Everybody who has ever met another individual has had the experience of discovering that occasionally their first, besotted reaction finally ends up becoming categorized into the”what-was-I-thinking?” category.  All of us have emotional triggers and buttons which could get activated by fulfilling the wrong person at the perfect time (or the ideal person at the wrong time).  Attraction and adoration can devolve into revulsion or boredom.With revulsion being the more interesting experience, actually.Okay, we are HUMAN and we’re deeply programmed by our upbringing, our environment, the culture, the media, the age, and that I could go on.  Half the time we do not know if WE are the one responding or if the collective mind is.  So how the hell does ANYONE form a healthy bond with a beloved?Well, step one is obviously KNOW THYSELF.  Study your own personal history and get a sense for what draws you into relationships to start with (romantic or platonic).  Are you a health professional, searching for someone to mend or just look up to you?  Are you a placater (or do you will need to be placated)?Honestly, all of us have our problems and getting in touch with your own is the first and most crucial step to knowing how to relate to another individual in a wholesome way.  Because who is the worst kind of person to interact with?  For starters.At exactly the exact same time, realize that whoever you’ve attracted into your life is, in actuality, a REFLECTION of you somehow.  Maybe your very best self, possibly your shadow self, possibly your karma (sorry, this type of b*tch).  So the very first thing you will need to do when you start feeling annoyed (or itchy or like you will need TO ESCAPE AT ANY COST!) ???LOOK IN THE MIRROR.I had this come up lately (really, it comes up all of the damn time, but here is an example) with a few extended family members that confronted me about some behaviour of mine they had decided was unacceptable.  As soon as I attempted to explain my behaviour, I was accused of lying (I was not ) but the fact was that I had not fully contemplated the situation from their view (nor had they from mine) so upon doing this, I chose to apologize, though previous to the confrontation I had no idea I had hurt or offended anyone.  However, the lying thing stuck in my craw–so I took a look in the mirror.In doing this, I realized that part of the reason they had NOT considered the problem from my perspective is that I hadn’t been completely honest about it.  While the particulars they accused me of lying about weren’t true (or honest ), the overall reality was I was putting a”sunny side up” face on a tricky time in my life, so that they had no clue of where I was coming from or the challenges I faced at the time of this situation in question.Because, you know, they are not PSYCHIC.Outside of clinical abuse, the majority of us participate in some dysfunctional finger-pointing and abdication of personal responsibility in the majority of our key relationships.Because, you know, we are HUMAN.  (it is a thing.)The only way to cure this trend is hyper-vigilance about our own (NOT the OTHER’S) motivation.  We can’t cure or fix or alter anyone who’s not in the process of doing these things by themselves.  So if you’re in a relationship where you’re continuously dealing with an intolerable behavior/attitude etc., get the HECK from DODGE.Let them do the job they have to do while you concentrate on why you drove into Dodge to start with–and yes, there’s a reason.We’re not in connection by happenstance.We’re in relationship to grow and evolve and learn and yes, occasionally LEAVE.Growing, learning and evolving are supposed to lead to modify.Otherwise, you aren’t doing it right.Your relationships will reflect you and your present state of development quite professionally, and until you realize and work with this, you’re doomed to repeat the identical unhealthy loops you really have been spinning for years on end.When your spouse is being selfish, cruel, idiotic, unfeeling, disengaged, etc–LOOK IN THE MIRROR.Are they representing you?Or are they representing your beliefs about you?In any event, time to create a change.–Shutterstock

We aren’t in relationship by happenstance. 

The article Unhappy in Your Relationship? Look in the Mirror appeared on The Great Men Project.

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I Am Done Lending My Body to People Who Don’t Care

As I walked, I felt nothing but pity.

It was a long drive home. He had rather stopped talking to me after it was finished. His voice mellowed. The excitement to see me’d just, I do not know…faded. He appeared tired and I felt for the first time in those 12 hours I had become nothing but a nuisance.

Needless to say, it was raining when I got to the car, drove it around the corner and cried a little bit into my palms. I’d had a wonderful time. Yes, it was a fantastic time. But that fantastic time as over. There was no staying late and chatting.

I never heard from him again, but I would have liked to.

I have used Grindr to hook up. A great deal more than I want to admit.

Off and on again, like most people I guess, I would get lonely and sign back on. Hit delete when I got frustrated by people who stopped responding or desired to only hook up & go or seemed like they had not showered in a month.

Something changed the last couple of months, though. I heard that a Nicki Minaj tune and something about those lyrics just smacked me right in the fucking face.

I done fasted and prayed, needed to cleanse my body
Abstaining from sex, needed to zen my body
I ai not giving, so don’t ask, I do not lend my body
GotId be king standing to give a guy my body

Perhaps this is absurd, but that really changed my thinking. And I hope this does not come off as prude, but I believe I have felt extremely powerful since I have raised my standard for who I allow to set their hands on me.

Men appear to notice too. They reach out more. Not that there is anything wrong with sleeping with people, but I understood that if I would like to find a person of a particular standard, I have also gotta be that standard.

I strongly feel that we attract what we put out to the world. While I’ve lowered my standards, I have been taken advantage of. My feelings played. My body used as a tool to generate someone else’s feel great. There was no collaboration in that sort of sex. Not me.

I am all for people doing what they want with their body. I do not judge and I won’t preach. But I can tell you from personal experience that there’s power in being the sort of person you wish to attract. Focusing on yourself rather than relying on just how other people treat you.

I need to be treated better. Yes. Duh.

I guess I have just learned to treat myself better.

This post was previously published on P.S. I Love You and is republished here with permission from the author.

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84 Questions to Ask on a First Date

Conversation starters and thought provoking questions to create real connection and help you in your search for true love.

Modern day dating is catchy. Maybe, more of a challenge now than ever in history.

Why, with so many relationship programs making it easier to meet people, has it become increasingly hard?

I feel that since it has become very easy to find, talk to, and meet up with somebody, there’s minimal danger involved and therefore less attempt to create real relationship.

You meet up with somebody to make small talk for a couple of hours hoping to convince them that you’re a fascinating, charming individual. Secretly, you’re hoping to discover exactly the same about them.

I’ve committed my life to helping women create more self-love and confidence, which is vitally important in dating.

Below is a list of 84 conversation and thought provoking questions to create real connection and help you in your search for true love.

Now get out there and find your soulmate!

  • What do you do, and how long are you doing it?
  • Where are you from originally?
  • Where did you go to college?
  • That has been the biggest influence on your life?
  • What is your favourite place in the whole world?
  • What actually makes you laugh?
  • Are there any foods you absolutely despise?
  • What is your favourite movie of all time?
  • What is your favourite book of all time?
  • What is your biggest goal right now?
  • What is your favourite way to spend a weekend?
  • What were you like as a child?
  • What should I know about you that I’d never think to ask about?
  • What do you like to do if you are not working?
  • What is your favorite TV show at the moment?
  • Which sort of music do you enjoy?
  • Have you traveled anywhere really cool lately?
  • What’s your absolute favourite food?
  • Who is your biggest role model?
  • What is your biggest pet peeve?
  • Would you like tea or coffee?
  • Do you have any siblings?
  • In case you won the lottery, what’s the first thing you would do with the money?
  • Is there anywhere else you’d really like to live, besides here?
  • What is on your bucket listing?
  • Do you like cooking?
  • What is your favourite thing about your job?
  • What is your least favourite thing about your job?
  • Do you have a busy week coming up?
  • What combination of toppings makes your perfect pizza?
  • Do you drink?
  • Based on the above, what’s your signature drink?
  • What’s the most thoughtful gift you have ever received?
  • Does your family still reside in your hometown?
  • If you could be any person for a day, who would it be?
  • What is something you’ve been really proud of lately?
  • What is something you’ve always wanted to try?
  • What do you enjoy about relationship?
  • What’s your least favourite thing about dating?
  • What is something you are bad at?
  • Who in your family are you closest to?
  • What is your favorite holiday?
  • What is one of your favorite childhood memories?
  • What is your favourite article of clothing that you own?
  • What’s something you’re financially saving up for?
  • What is a New Year’s resolution you want to stick to?
  • What’s a job which you would never do?
  • What’s your complete dream job?
  • Do you believe yourself spontaneous, or a planner?
  • What is the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
  • Are you a big sports fan?
  • Who is your favourite sports team?
  • What quality for you is an automatic”no way” when chasing someone in a relationship?
  • What is the best single piece of advice you have ever received?
  • What do you want your 20 year old self could have understood?
  • If you could travel back and reside in any time period, when could it be?
  • What’s been your greatest achievement thus far?
  • What’s a tradition your family had when you were a child?
  • What do you enjoy most about where you live?
  • What was the worst job you’ve ever had?
  • When you’re a child, what did you expect to do when you grew up?
  • What’s one skill you want you may be better at?
  • Have you got a huge group of friends?
  • What is your favourite band?
  • If you could contribute to some charity, which charity would it be and why?
  • In one word, how would you describe yourself?
  • What do you look for in a spouse?
  • What do you find most attractive in a possible partner?
  • If you could be any animal, which animal would you be?
  • If you’re stuck on a deserted island, who would you choose to have with you?
  • If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what could it be?
  • What does your dream house look like?
  • What is an ideal day for you?
  • For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

A version of the post was previously published on huffpost.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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The Awkward Silence


That horrible, awkward silence that occurs occasionally on a date. You understand just what I’m talking about.

You are sitting on a date. You have been looking forward to this date. You’ve build up an entire fantasy in your thoughts about this person. You really think this will be the girl (or the guy ) for you.

Now they’re sitting next to you. After about twenty or twenty five minutes, but the conversation only kind of dies. Then there’s that awkward silence.

It’s funny. When you are with somebody for quite a long time, you have what people call comfortable silence. In the first twenty minutes or half an hour of the start of this so-called relationship that you were so sure was going to happen, however, it is known as an awkward silence.

So what do you do in that circumstance?

At those moments, it is time to produce a joke. It is so nice, is not it? It’s like we have been together for quite a long time. We are both eating our burgers at the moment, and we are having that comfortable silence that people have who’ve been dating for like six months. Do not you believe it, too? Are not you as comfortable as I am right now?”

Kind of make a joke about it, because most individuals are most likely nervous. Plus, bear in mind that there are permitted to be silent periods in discussions. You don’t need to just keep rambling on and rambling on and rambling on nonstop.

Now, sometimes, there’s silence on a date for a different reason. Perhaps twenty minutes or a half hour to the date you understand that there might not be as much chemistry between you as your head had imagined there would be.

If that’s the instance, that awkward silence may be due to a complete lack of chemistry. You may play that scenario two ways.

One, you do exactly the thing which I told you to do, i.e., make a joke about it, and then try to complete the date as enjoyably as possible. Two, you may take a look at the man and say,”Hmmm, do we have a lack of chemistry” Because I do not suggest going with the second option, I suggest that you go with the first choice.

This post was formerly published on Davidwygant.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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–I’d love to share some of my trip with you, which attracted me to this stage as an erotic massage therapist and instructor. I have been doing so for over 20 years and it is a journey of continuous learning, growth, expansion, exploration, understanding, and relationship. It is about the body, it is about the mind, it is about the heart, it is about energy, it is about sexuality, it is about sensuality, it is about eroticism, it is about intimacy and much more. Most of what I do and teach now I developed over time and exploration.Some of it comes from learning about the body, energy, consciousness, and seeing how we could use these ideas in a sensuous and erotic way. It’s also very much about the distance where eroticism, the center, and recovery intersect.When our aim is to touch from the heart, to honor the human body and the being in their fullness, meaning each the body including the ability of sensual energy, that occurs. Frequently we use the energy of sexuality as a force of energy, of creativity, of release and recovery.Pleasure is a pathway to those instead of always being the objective. Our bodies, and our genitals, and our sexuality are viewed as portals to something deeper. That is not taking away from the pleasure, it is simply saying that there is more, much more. And once we connect with this the massage experience becomes, transformational, even religious. In this, it has been my intention for these experiences to be viewed as beautiful, empowering, opening rather than hidden or dirty.I was fortunate to participate with an adult fantasy center.This is a fascinating place to be in, and to have access to so many people to research, practice and learn was amazing. I had been living in two worlds, learning about energy, recovery, spirituality, and gender. On earth of, let us call it spirituality, which can be broad but matches a selection of practices, ideas, schools, etc, many people separate sex from elsewhere. Spirituality occurs everywhere but the pelvis. Even a great deal of touch and full-body massage leaves this difference in the center of our bodies. For all those involved in Conscious Sexuality, Neo-Tantra, Taoist Practices, etc, it is a natural connection. For the majority of our planet, not. So for me, being in such seemingly different worlds, and to realize that a good deal of people involved with novelty were not that interested in electricity and spirituality, was intriguing.The excellent part was being able to perform literally thousands of massages, mostly with girls, and learn from that.When I look back at it and think about Malcolm Gladwell’s 10 000 hours, I passed that long ago. To share with all types of bodies, all sorts of responses and reactions. To have the ability to research and find out about so many yoni’s, so many facets of sexual energy and how it moves and works within the body, gave me a field of possibility hardly any individuals get. Over the years I’ll share a few of the experiences with you. Some are extremely sensual and arousing, some nearly surreal, some humorous, some odd, the range of being human.I remember one Sunday morning sitting at a really traditional Jewish wedding, in a table with people I did not know. They all knew each other and were talking about what they’d done the evening before.I sat thinking about what I’d say if anyone asked me. Because…At about 2 am I looked around the area I was in, in the club. There were people watching, some touching each other, even a few having silent sex, and not so silent, in a corner. I was not asked about my night, which was a good deal easier. But it was a distance I had been able to learn and experience so far in. And from this, such possibility…–What’s Next in The Great Men Project? Talk with others. Improve your relationships. Calls  Connect the Sex, Love Etc.. FACEBOOK GROUP here. We think you will enjoy our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS–WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to talk, gain insights, build communities– and help resolve some of the most troublesome challenges the world has now. Calls are for Members Only (though you can combine the first call for free). Join now! Join The Great Men Project Community All levels get to see The Great Men Project website AD-FREE. The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS–combine as many groups and courses as you need for the whole year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to some ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–along with other benefits listed below the form. {Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission, and have a {} ad-free viewing experience.|} Register New Account Please note: If you’re already a writer/contributor in The Great Men Project, log in here prior to enrolling. (Request a new password if desired ).◊♦◊ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 annually ) includes:1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Combine all of our weekly forecasts, Social Interest Groups, courses, workshops, and personal Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or internet class each and every day of the week. 2. See the site with no advertisements when logged in! 3. ***ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 annually ) includes all of the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class. ***ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you aren’t ready to join the complete conversation but wish to support our mission anyway. This is for men and women that think –just like we do–that this conversation about men and changing characters and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can get now. Need more details? Click here. ♦◊♦We’ve pioneered the largest global conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspirational and valuable. What We Talk About When We Talk About Guys –Photo courtesy iStock.This post was previously published on eroslife and is republished with the permission of the author.

The article The Making of an Erotic Massage Therapist Pt 1 appeared first on The Great Men Project.

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9 Keys Your Spouse’s Ex Might Not Tell You

Have you got an ex in your life, making your life hell? Does it feel like even though your partner got divorced, that they’re still married? Would it surprise you to discover that you put up with more than you must, just because the ex says you do?

Below are nine ways to quit allowing the ex to conduct your life. And, the way to eliminate the welcome mat out of your own porch and your brow respectively.

1. You did not marry them; they’re not your ex.

This person your spouse or significant other married and therefore divorced, wasn’t who you planned to spend your life with. The word exclude, begins with ex, do that.

2. The ex does not possess your partner simply because they share a child.

If your partner is your non-custodial parent with jealousy; it’s difficult, but not impossible. Though no longer a staff concerning marriage, they’re a team concerning the child/ren. If the ex has sole legal and sole physical, s/he has the state over education, medical and faith. However s/he is required by legislation to promote and cultivate a relationship with all relatives of the child’s parent.

3. If you wish to attend a college or sporting event — you can. Doctors’ appointments also.

Sporting events are public; anybody and their grandma can attend. If you would like to go, go. Same is true for college recitals, back to school nights, etc.. Actually most schools will do different conferences so that both houses are involved with the child’s educational progress and needs. Concerning doctors’ appointments you may go with a partner, or have your name added to the child’s file as somebody that has a right to medical care and information. It’s actually no different than having access to a charge card or utility bill which could be solely on your spouse’s name. It is possible to acquire information and have some participation.

4. Your spouse’s visitation time is the partner’s decision to spend it how they wish.

The ex-spouse can’t give you anything on your own time. Including sports, doctors’ appointments, birthday parties etc.. It’s a double edge sword though because if by not taking the kid to particular engagements will hurt the child in the process, it’s a no-win situation. However, by no means are you required to perform it.

5. Practice your divorce decree, not the ex’s divorce controls.

It can not be any simpler stated than this. The divorce decree is the spouse’s bible in ways. Non-custodial parents have more rights than many realize, like rights to school and medical records. Do your research.

6. If your partner and their ex share joint legal and joint physical custody — your spouse’s state is at least as significant as the ex’s.

One isn’t more than another. You will need to be aware of the differences of these and what your partner has.

7. The ex can only control what there is not any control over.

If a void is observable, the ex will invade. 1 place the ex will attempt to invade is your union. This is your land — be territorial enough to frighten the ex, this isn’t their location, and their presence won’t be tolerated. Stand your ground.

8. The ex’s problem with you is a manifestation of a problem with themselves.

Any parent who’s pleased with themselves and their own level of participation and parenting they supply will never confine or restrain the parenting or participation of anyone else. This is a famous fact.

9. Concerning child support, do your own math and study.

Many parents pay more than they should and feel as if they must roll over and accept it. If your partner feels there is a considerable change either in their income or the ex’s, request a review. If your partner is on disability or the ex is on disability be certain that the child support office knows. You’d be amazed how many parents overpay because they neglected to double-check or request a review.

There you have it, nine strategies to restrict or exclude the ex’s participation in your house, your marriage and the connection with your stepkids.

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There was a notion deeply ingrained in me at the time I started studying about seduction, which was that girls were something to conquer. Not because I hated women, but since I had difficulty understanding a large portion of their behavior. Now I clearly see that lots of nations of anger arise from expecting another to act, feel, and believe like we do. Since that’s not feasible, we end up thinking in oversimplifications that hamper our ability to interpret reality and stop us from overcoming barriers.Oversimplifications direct us to hold prejudices about the other gender. How often have we heard women say”men do not want commitment”? But if that were so, guys could stick to brothels rather than attending bars and nightclubs, where they need to endure failure, spend a good deal more money and spend more time and effort so as to sleep with a girl . This is a frequent remark that springs from the inability to comprehend women’s timing and fantasies. There´s the {} “all men/women would be the same.” These kinds of comments foster a struggle between the sexes, and we wind up wasting energy on attacking the other out of our trench line, rather than attempting to understand them.Another highly common mistake we encounter is that we compete rather than complementing each other. People today have a tendency to be manipulative, and they lie to make the most of others rather than being authentic. The belief still prevails that to seduce, an individual has to deceive and tell a girl what she wants to hear. This attitude is usually associated with fear of rejection: fear of demonstrating interest or sexual desire for someone and being caught offside. Fear of showing ourselves like we actually are, of exposing ourselves and our flaws. Like we said in the start, many conceive another gender as an enemy, and so as to seduce, they aim military strategies. “A frontal assault is significantly harder to point than an assault from the back”. Is this about competing or about trying for the same aim? Is not it that men want girls and girls want guys? Why should we make everything so complicated?Still another frequent mistake is to believe {} simpler for the other gender to seduce. There are guys who think that girls have it easier, and there are lots of women who think men have more chances. There are lots of components that promote this belief. On the one hand, since we’re drawn towards the other sex, insecurity makes us feel we’re at a disadvantage, and therefore we do not observe exactly the same thing happens on the other side.On the other hand, we have a tendency to overestimate the benefits and underestimate the disadvantages that the other sex has. It’s true that lots of women are approached by countless men, but the majority of the times these guys do not interest them. Also, we guys can approach any girl we would like, at any time, without being hunted down on socially.The truth is women are just as lonely and frustrated as we are, and whine about being unable to get the correct guy. It’s surprising to see how highly conditioned we are by the concept of what love should be like according to the films. Or by societal mandates that dictate which behavioral patterns and beliefs are right, a problem which greatly affects girls. In actuality, the amount of difficulty in seducing a woman greatly depends upon the society she lives in.Based on the state we are in, how readily we pick up girls varies, no matter our”match”. A vital element is the amount of sexual freedom people enjoy in a specific place. As a matter of fact, when a lady is on holiday she tends to be far more permissive. Why is that? Since she can do anything she wants and then vanish, avoiding conclusions from people she knows.In virtually all societies we find people that aren’t entirely free –they are subject to anxieties, repressions and mandates imposed by their own culture, family or faith –; we can detect the social roles that influence their behaviour. A very clear example has to do with the way we respect a person who’s not in a secure relationship after a certain age. How many couples have come together because of that societal pressure? How authentic can a connection be if it’s born from a mandate? Sexual freedom is also not well regarded, especially in regards to women, who risk appearing”sluttish” in the eyes of others.Many times I’ve heard guys say”I got myself a woman,” like it was some type of achievement or goal. Among men, there is the deeply ingrained belief that women are a thing to be got, that we have to work hard to attempt and get one. We fancy ridiculous strategies or produce lines to pick up them as if they did not understand what we’re trying to do. As if we needed to convince them of something, as we state in Argentina, like we were attempting to chamullarlas (“Chamullar” is a colloquial verb of widespread usage in Argentina, particularly in the region of the Río de La Plata, which describes convincing someone of something by unethical means (i.e. lying).In actuality, many guys like to brag in their choosing up someone through chamullos. What they are unaware of is that in most cases the girl had singled out them and was playing along with them. Chamullar isn’t equivalent to building compassion, and the gap between both of these theories can be perceived both in the motivation behind the interaction with a woman and in its own development. The principal source of those unconstructive approaches is worshiping women by placing them on a pedestal high above ourselves, but at exactly the exact same time, resenting them. Even though these actions might appear contradictory, they are actually two sides of the same coin. I was, undoubtedly, one of those guys in need of validation.Among the very first crucial changes of attitude, then, consists not in trying to find the perfect way to win a girl over (in other words, to receive their validation), but instead in growing as individuals. Have you got any passions or fantasies, or have you always done what you were told? Are your friends people you’ve actually chosen? Are you fit or obese? What type of relationship are you planning for? Working on our private development will enable us to treat women as equals; as individuals as opposed to goddesses.Having better relationships won’t result from possessing the coolest phone, the latest car, or studying the most effective pick-up lines, but instead from having a strong mindset, a well-defined identity, and being emotionally fit and having the ability to express ourselves freely.Increasing your interactions with women will come as a natural result of this personal development. It’s a guy’s attitude that makes him appealing: he should have an interesting life, rich not in material possessions, but in worth, abilities, and experiences. If those elements are found, the attraction between a man and a woman will spring up naturally, no-one needs to be convinced of anything.What Are Women Searching For? Women want men, respect men, fantasize about guys, and dream about guys. They need to be with us, they need us to be that man. And by saying this I do not mean they’re searching for prince charming or the ideal man. They simply need a guy who makes them feel just a little bit more alive. Somebody who’s interesting and humorous… Consider this: if a man or a woman spend a large deal of time and effort on something it’s because they take an interest in it, right? Then why is it that women spend as much time on their appearance? It’s recognized that some women take hours to groom themselves up before going out to a bar, a party, or any other social event. A woman who seems herself in the mirror a hundred times before going out desires to meet a guy who feels attracted to her, who chooses her over others.No girl (who is emotionally healthy, that is) wants to reject guys to be able to boost her up ego. Broadly, nobody likes having to reject someone; it attracts about embarrassing situations that we mostly try to avoid. Most of us have gone through that at some stage, and it’s no bed of roses. If a woman rejects us, it isn’t because she loves it, it’s because we did not make her feel something special. When she finds a guy who arouses a new, special feeling in her…it’s then that she’ll overlook the majority of his mistakes and give him a chance.Human beings act according to the way others make us feel. It might be said that each and every facet of seduction is finally reduced to the way we make a girl feel. When they don’t feel comfortable, attracted, confident, and secure, and they do not feel a relationship with us, we won’t have much chance. All of these are emotions that we can –and should– communicate in an honest and authentic manner. If this isn’t true, sooner or later the real motives behind the approach will surface, and the illusion will shatter. We’ll never get a girl who isn’t up for it.The truth is we aren’t picking her up, we’re picking up each other. If she does not want to be with us, this will be tough to accomplish. Of course there’ll be occasions when we will have the ability to find someone interested even when their first response was to reject us, but we should not try to convince them that we’re”a great catch”. We’re not something she is considering to purchase.Both genders need one another. Women aren’t the opposite sex, they’re the complementary sex. They play on our staff.–Previously Released on Get a WingmanShutterstock

Women aren’t something to conquer.

The article Gender Equality: Sexes Are Complementary, Not Opposed to Each Other appeared on The Great Men Project.

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There is one question that disarms couples at a moment of battle.

The Conflict 

John and Susan zoom into me on video chat in South Carolina. John’s a high-level executive using a steel firm. And while he spends a whole lot of time on the job, he is aging and well aware that his home life beckons, meaning in the upcoming few years, he will have more time at home with his partner.

I have been working with John for a little bit and enjoy this moment, occasionally, I will invite a customer’s partner on the call. We talk further about the job we have been doing and I get a glimpse into the other side of the relationship.

In this example, John has been feeling as though he can’t make Susan happy. Whatever he does it does not appear to be enough.

She’s been very candid with him about how she believes he has checked out in their connection.

Plus it comes out a moment later, when she says to him,”It is not me that is the issue, it is you. You did not show up Tuesday, did you?” They had a dinner date in the home.

He sighs, pulls away, a few inches from her, while still staying in the display view. I can tell he is getting mad, feels almost embarrassed to be outed by his wife, particularly in front of me.   Maybe this was not such a fantastic idea, I imagine him thinking.

“I called. You knew I had a significant last-minute meeting that night. I would’ve been there when I could have.”

“Always do the job, always work, God forbid you can tell them you have a meeting in your home that you can’t skip. God forbid…”

“I do not beg na do this anymore,” he barks.

she says.

“It means I do not wish to fight you.”

“I am not fighting with you, I am merely stating the truth,” she says

My instinct would be to separate these two fighting cats. And yet I allow it to play out a little bit.

Listen, I do not want struggle like this, particularly in front of Stuart,” John says.

“Well, he wants to see what is happening between us, behind closed doors, is not that right?” Susan looks at me for validation.

A moment passes, then another.

It is quite embarrassing, painful, but a reality.  They’re in a dynamic countless couples act out daily.

“Okay, timeout. Can you take a deep breath?” I say.

This kind of interaction?”

I have them turn towards one another gently, look into each other’s eyes. This also is truth. They do it reluctantly

As they do, I know what I will say. With strong statements and questions, I will break through their own bubble.

“Both of you, right now while looking at each other, I would like you to ask yourself right here right now, think about this question I am going to ask you.  It is a question that I think will determine your future.”

I pause, permit the effect of what I have said to land.

“What do you like? To be right, to win the debate or to be connected and loved?” 

Their faces are stone-cold, no saying. They look away from one another, then back again.

“F*#k, this is so hard,” Susan says. “… and so crucial. Thank you. I have been a royal bitch, have not I?”

And no need to be that person to yourself,” I say. “So take a breath and see if there’s a space where you are able to forego self-judgment, Susan. You are just as hard on him as you’re on yourself. Light tears roll out from her eyes.

“Be in connection with yourself for a minute, Susan. That’s where the true gift lives. Find your way back to yourself.  And then when you are ready, bring it back to John.  Get relational, not righteous.  You know he’s trying, he is trying hard. Take it, nourish what he gives you, and if you are ready, see him”

I know John is trying. He has shown that in our weekly coaching calls.

The Reconnection

She looks up at him teary-eyed, starting to link, rather than clinging tightly to being correct.  She drops her sword and shield. This is so tough to do. And she does it. It is her work. She’s heroic at this moment.

They reconvene, with their eyes, beyond logic. Admitting themselves back to the soul of the relationship — being relational, loving rather than right.

This is a traditional switch from our logical fact-hungry left mind to our emotive intuitive right brain.  You may think of the left brain as the fighter, the right brain as the lover.  We are a lot more relational in our right brain.

And to get there, in the heat of battle, just ask this one question — Do I need to be right or do I would like to be loved?   And ask it of your spouse.

When taken into your heart, it immediately breaks through one’s defenses and helps both partners to get off the battle and back to each other’s graces.

John and Susan saw that. And they continued to use that very simple question for a long time to come.

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Previously Released on stuartmotola.com

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7 Tips to Help You Start Dating Again

Galia Pennekamp sees herself on a shared journey helping singles get back in the match, the old fashioned way, in person! After reentering the dating kingdom ten decades back, she can maintain a deep firsthand knowledge of the good, the bad, and the ugly of relationship now. She based SOMETHING IN COMMON, a theory focused on empowerment, changing habits, and above all, building relations with the appropriate individuals. Through a series of one-on-one and team training and organized private occasions, she prepares individuals for the dating scene, and attracts the dating scene direct to you in a manner that’s safe, approachable, and ultimately helps individuals find their own happiness. Whether you’re interested in one-on-one training, or only want to meet people, SOMETHING IN COMMON is for you.

Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here

It Is Never Too Late to Move Past Mistakes and Restart Your Life


Do you ever wonder if it is too late to proceed past mistakes and restart your life? Here’s a story from Bridgette, a reader who gives excellent insight on second chances and making a new beginning in life, and in love (printed with her permission).

You know how they say the small pregnancy stick with the two lines will change your life forever? Well for me, it certainly did. He was stuck in his”bad boy” stage, lost his car because of trouble with the law, and was not able to drive to see me anymore. I began to want someone somewhat more responsible.

After a few good months of having fun together, we drank a little too much one night, {} went to his room later. I especially remember the condom breaking, and for a moment we were {} , but we put the thought in the back of our heads. What were the chances that one broken condom could result in anything?

The boyfriend and I meet up, I tell him the information, and we opt to go buy a pregnancy test stick together. It’s positive. He tells me right off that his parents are extremely conservative and will need us to get married. After I spill the news to my mother, she agrees.

After dating my boyfriend for over two decades, I had jumped into a union situation after only 3 months of dating this man. When my son was 13 months old, I had another skipped period, and it was found that the mini pill my doctor put me on was not powerful enough for my young and powerful fertility. My daughter was subsequently born 22 months after my son.

My in-laws offered to help us out if we moved closer to them, from Michigan to North Carolina. My husband got the job move and we made the move. I adored North Carolina, and readily made some intimate mommy friends. While I loved my kids, I felt like I was pushed to motherhood extremely fast in life. I would speak with my friends back home who had been enjoying the life span of a normal woman in their early twenties, and I need to confess I felt jealous. I was always so quiet and studious, and felt that I missed the opportunity to go out and have fun.

I decided not to concentrate so much on the connection, and went back to college to begin focusing on myself.

After nine years of marriage I began to feel as if something wasn’t perfect. An entire decade had almost passed, and we were just in the exact same place where we began. I was ready to finish school and {} a new career. He had recently been fired from his job, and was unable to find new job, yet stayed home playing video games more frequently than he tried to locate a job.

While I tried hard to make things work, including counselling, I got to the point where I was done being put on the back burner in life. It was time to work toward creating a better life for myself and my children. After years of being someone else’s spouse, the urge to be on my own grew increasingly. I was frightened to death to live in my own, but I saved up and made it happen.

Initially, I felt quite scared about dating someone new. Thankfully Gregg gave me the resources and guidance that I had to get back out there. After so many years from the dating pool, I realized it’s important more than ever to maintain a digital relationship going, in addition to a real-life connection.

While I was worried about my children, I can say that they’re doing better than ever. They feel my newfound joy, which has in turn made them happier, too. I’ve been liberated from a lot of things which were holding me back before, and I am confident things will get better and better each day. It is an open world filled with many possibilities, and I am enjoying every second of it!

It is Never too Late to Look Beyond Mistakes and Restart YOUR Life!

Bridgette’s story isn’t that unique. The decision to restart your life is a frightening one for certain, and not one to be dismissed. If you are feeling stuck in a terrible position and feel like a resume may be necessary for you, check out a number of my books. My best recommendation is to begin with Comfortable in Your Own Shoes. Chances are, if you’re at this stage in your life, the very first thing you will need to do is start working on some favorable self-talk and a number of goals.

This post was formerly published on whoholdsthecardsnow.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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