How Can I Walk Away for Good?

What do you love about fighting him? You may say”nothing”, but actually look at this question.

Question: I’m constantly fighting with my ex-husband! My friends keep telling me to knock it off but somehow he always brings me back in. How do I walk away for good?

Response : This could be super challenging once you have children… do you have children? If you do not… woman this will be a good deal easier and otherwise, write me back again and I will provide you mores practices to cure this.

So if there were not any children And he is still drawing you back in… here is a dooooozer of a question… ready? What do you LOVE about fighting him?

Initially you may say, NOTHING Allana!

And if you really look, you may find you need to be right.
You want the last way.
You can not stand him lying and you need to defend yourself.
You can not stand him poking at you, you must poke back.
You cant stand he left you and you would like to get him back.
You can not stand you left him and feel guilty and consequently put up with being mistreated.
You may be scared to be alone and negative contact is far better than no contact.
You may be scared that if you do not respond he will come after you with more anger.
You may be enraged that you married him in the first place and beat up yourself by allowing him bully you today.

SOMETHING in that list has to hit a chord yes?

Now FEEL the impression that the truth brings up… even though it makes you want to conceal, scream, vomit or perish.

Just breathe.

And breathe.

And as you breathe do your best to not attempt to change it… just BE with this part of you.

Paradoxically, the part of you which you wish was not there.

The part that is feeling some yucky feelings at this time.

Keep breathing.

Keep doing so until the’charge’ or’activate’ is gone. Until you may cry a bit… or laugh a little.

I used to get SUPER triggered by ANYTHING my ex would do because what I did not need to believe was how SUPER mad I was at me for marrying him.

Thus the job to perform was self forgiveness.

Enjoy, this not only sucks to have had the guts to leave your ex and you have not left your ex…. Additionally, it sucks because with that frame of mind, energy, heart… you are only likely to attract ANOTHER ex in a new body.

I suggest healing this today and forever to set up yourself for healthy love. I know I am not cheap as a trainer, and yet I am way less costly than another divorce, and falling madly in love on you, free from play in your life, is priceless.

Let us start with a strategy session so that you know you are going to have a massive return on your investment. www.AllanaPratt.com/strategy

Life if short.
Be happy.
Let it go.
I will help.

Tremendous LOVE,

◊♦◊

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He Doesn’t Want Me Our Child–And I Can’t Get Over Him

He does not even acknowledge our child and swears that I got pregnant on purpose to trap him?

You requested Coach Allana Pratt: I saw your response about assisting a lady stop fighting her with her ex-husband, what do you have for a girl who somehow seems to keep fighting with a guy she”technically” outdated (mostly just slept ), got knocked up by, and somehow fell in love with but he does not feel exactly like her? He does not even acknowledge our child and swears that I got pregnant on purpose to trap him? Whenever I attempt to close him out of my life, he pulls me back in, then we fight, then he blames me for his fiscal issues (since he has to pay child support).

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Lordy Lordy! You have quite the circumstance! So first let us deal with your broken heart for him not loving you as you loved him. You are not going to have the ability to remain calm, centered and allowed about him if that wound remains open. Learn how to forgive, often to the hurt one indoors, be kind loving and appreciative of your worth and cut the chords remaining in reality {} not your spouse and you only hurt yourself by holding regret or bitterness.

Next, did you get pregnant to trap him? Tell the truth. If you did not, then who cares what he thinks? You’re not defined by other’s people’s opinions, if you don’t would like to live your life suffering giving your power away.

I’m concerned that your child’s dad wants nothing to do with him, you’ll need to clarify that in a neutral non judgmental way at some stage my love.

When it is not by gun point, then you are really CHOOSING to be pulled back in. Do not give away your power love, own it. Part of you enjoys the fight. Why? To see whether you will get back together? To continue to make him wrong? To make him wrong so that you don’t need to feel how much you are beating yourself up for the circumstance?

Tell the truth and get clear. Frankly will set your heart free. Then there is no need to push him away or be dragged back in. You are neutral, no more feeding off the play to conceal from feeling your feelings, letting them go and falling into the freedom in your heart that’s your birthright.

Be thankful for child support. I never got any. And now he is coming after me. Be thankful for your child, lots of people can’t become pregnant. Be thankful for learning to let go and make another phase of your life with your kid and one day, a noble man who honors the calm, based empowered woman you have become.

Terrific love, Allana xoxo

A version of the post was previously published on allanapratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

◊♦◊

Have you read the first anthology which was the catalyst for Your Great Men Project? Purchase here: The Great Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood

◊♦◊

If you think in the work we’re doing here at The Great Men Project and wish to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, now.

All Premium Members get to See The Great Men Project with NO ADS.

A whole list of advantages is here.

Photo credit: istockphoto

Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here

How Your Fighting Style Affects Your Relationship

The majority of us when asked would say we’d like to maintain a relationship as opposed to alone. But not all connections are created equal. There are those that are healthy and those which aren’t. Being alone is really better in some instances, particularly if your other option is being in an unhealthy or abusive relationship.

But there are people who would still pick the unhealthy relationship over being alone, even if it’s detrimental to their joy and health. Or the ones that swing from one connection to another, refusing to finish one unless another has started. Each one of these individuals very likely suffers from relationship addiction.

Relationship addiction can be difficult to comprehend, especially for the individual suffering from it. The majority of the time people do not see their behaviours as unhealthy. They may claim to be in love, or to be after their heart.

What Relationship Addiction Can Look Like

Someone managing relationship dependence can find it almost impossible to work without being a part of a romantic relationship. Left on their own they might feel overwhelmingly incomplete or lonely.

This addiction generally manifests in one of two ways:

1. Relationship hopping.  Dating hoppers will meet someone, get intensely involved, and then, normally within months, meet somebody else and break things off. This cycle will repeat itself over and over as they move from one individual to another. The relationship hopper is continually searching for the”one” who makes their life complete, banking all their happiness on someone else’s presence and influence.

2. Refusal to leave an unhealthy situation.  Another way relationship addiction may manifest is when someone fails to see and alter an abusive or unhealthy situation. These people have their identity so tied to their relationship that the concept of leaving is almost unfathomable — even if this means they suffer. And when these dating enthusiasts in do find the strength to leave, they will often return, not feeling like they could function normally outside of their relationship. This cycle may repeat as well — disagreements, break-ups, getting back together, repeat.

People in one of these categories may have an extremely limited awareness of self and individuality. They don’t understand how to exist out of a relationship and frequently drop interest and connection to family, friends, hobbies, as well as tasks when inside. Overtime this may cause feelings of depression and isolation.

Often they’re also prone to confusing sex with love, presuming that sexual interest is just like deep and real feelings of connection. Regrettably, for many relationship enthusiasts, this is a mistake and their often partner does not share the identical degree of investment in the relationship. If this gap becomes apparent it may have significant detrimental consequences on the relationship enthusiast’s mental state.

Why Dating Addiction Happens

Relationship addicts do not generally recognize that there’s a problem. They feel like their objective of finding love and a happy relationship is just like anyone else’s. What they do not understand is the underlying issues and motivators for their strategy are unhealthy and different.

The majority of the time dating addicts are fighting with self-esteem and intimacy difficulties. This can be a result of things from their youth and family surroundings, traumatic experiences in earlier romantic relationships, or deeper emotional health difficulties. These conditions will have defined their notion of a”normal” connection or given them an erroneous view of what they believe they want and deserve from a spouse.

Occasionally, particularly in the event of dating hoppers, the enthusiast might be a narcissist and always seeking partners that will validate their feelings of grandiosity and entitlement. In these instances the addict can lead to harm and pain to their spouse also, even to the point of creating the relationship abusive.

How you help someone who’s suffering with connection addiction will be different based upon the underlying factors that led to the behavior. Like any addict however, they might not be in a position to change without outside assistance, particularly if they don’t comprehend the depth of the problem. Whatever the motives, and regardless of what sort of enthusiast, wanting to be a part of a connection at any price in unhealthy and will not lead to a long-lasting and joyful relationship.

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