How Believing in ‘The One’ Strips Emotional Responsibility


The idea that there’s only 1 individual in this world for you is romantic.

Very.

Sorry everyone who, like me, grew up watching rom coms and placing your hand over your heart pledging you’ll wait for your person to appear and hold you like they dropped you and found you.

Having said that, I am and will always be a hopeless romantic. But to me, that just means I like love. I like everything about love. I love always having someone in my mind, doing life with a person, building something. Connection. Sweaty passionate sex. I like the discovery of a soul. Creating honest moments. Deep conversations that feel like warm blankets on a chilly day before it is supposed to get cold. Holding hands and leaping, together. The self-learning and expansion through healthful arguments. Leaning to the comparison that forces you to stretch and see the world differently. I enjoy doing nothing with somebody. There’s not any other relationship that can provide you exactly what an intimate relationship may provide you. I love love. But that does not mean I think you are only supposed to be with a single person in your life.

The truth is we’ve got many”ones” in our life. Every person you’ve loved has been”the one” at the moment. “The one” is the one that you choose to love now. Who you’re choosing to love at the moment. As hard or easy as this is. As soon as you decide to stop loving that person, he or she’s no more”the one.” It’s that easy.

A booming healthy sustainable relationship is built on over goosebumps.

Why it is important to look at it this way.

First, let’s boil down what love actually is.

At the end of the day, love is a daily decision to be emotionally accountable to someone. If you are not emotionally connected, it is not love. It can be lust or benefit or an arrangement or not wanting to be alone. However, it’s not love.

Now let’s tie this to the idea of”the one.”

The obvious.

If you do not think you are with”the one” or if you think someone”got away”, then you won’t give the relationship you’re in your all. Alternatively, you will dream, dream, scroll, and fill in lots of blanks. You won’t be {} . Alternatively, you will doubt and chase something else which is not real.

Now the not so apparent.

If you think you’re with”the one”, it implies that you are supposed to be with this person. You guys were supposed. Things should line up. And if they don’t, you are likely to be confused. Why are not things perfect and effortless? You will doubt whether that individual is really”the one” when the fact is you are not doing the hard work required to construct a relationship. Doubting and questioning if you are with”the one” can allow you to not invest and ramble emotionally. Even if it is not intentional. It doesn’t need to be overnight. However, now you are elsewhere. You’re not choosing to love. You’re being emotionally irresponsible.

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The thing about”hard” is nobody enjoys hard. Because hard means distress. Hard means breaking routines, looking inward, taking possession, doing things you are not accustomed to. Hard means you might be wrong. Hard means it is no longer only about you. But hard is where material and thickness lives. Easy feels good. But most of all, simple creates ceilings. Not only for you but also the connection. If you just need something which feels good, there’ll be no love travel and with no journey, there’s absolutely no growth. Love is all about depth not width.

Nothing of significance in this world comes from simple.

Including love.

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