If one consequence of the supremacy of conversation is that it renders men at a disadvantage, another is that it leaves women trapped in repressed sexuality.
-Esther Perel, “Mating In Captivity” And if you do not speak to me like I need, you are not getting any loving.”And yes, ladies, that means you are not getting any loving either. That can not feel good for a long time.Depriving a guy of sex is a powerful and efficient means to receive his attention. But more often than not, it is also accompanied by a complete shutdown of her heart. She won’t let him, emotionally or physically, for that matter.”I can not do anything right for her,” a man has often said to me, defeated session. “I try but nothing seems to help. Ladies (and this is straight from the playbook of my mentor, writer and couples therapist, Terry Real) — It is far more difficult to ask for what you want, and actually receive it, than it is to bitch and whine. I know, you have asked a thousand times. But have you actually been open to getting it, even an iota of it, whatever”it” is?When he gets even the smallest attempt, applaud him, cheer him on. Celebrate his wins. Cease just looking at what he does not do. Trust me. He will be encouraged to do more for you.When it comes to the bedroom, by all means, stand your ground if you don’t want to have sex but keep open emotionally. Give him a hug, a kiss. Reassure him he is your man. Tell him you love him and you see how he is trying to appear.Ultimately, wonderful sex and a excellent relationship occur when you build trust with each other and when you know you are each a priority.And that happens when you turn towards one another, towards hard feelings, not away.That is growth. And out there comes an energized and satisfying relationship. The actual benefit of long term relationship.–Previously Released on stuartmotola.com—Shutterstock