Yoni/Lingam Holding Healing

Before the movement there’s holding.

Before the stroke there is stillness.
Before the caress there’s quiet.

Among the most beautiful and effective’strokes’ of massage isn’t moving in any way.
It’s holding.
In presence, profound presence.
Holding with your own heart.
Only resting your hands on the body.
With gentleness.
With love.
With the aim of just being with you.

Holding brings you into your own body.
I frequently use it as a ground massage.
It works towards the middle, bringing you to your heart.
It is where the connection starts.

There’s healing in being held.
No movement, no anticipation, no anticipation.
There’s the stillness of being.
And in time, the brain will still as the body quietens.

Create a room, a sacred space, a sensuous space.

Choose the components carefully, with stability.
Breathe, a couple of deep breaths to become present.
Look into your partner’s eyes.
With each other, bring up your hands to your heart center’s in the center of your chest.
Bring your palms forward to touch.
Acknowledge each other with whatever words are suitable, possibly different for a lover and a customer.

Cushions for support where they require.
Sit beside thembetween their legs.
Maintain a comfortable position so that you don’t need to move in this holding.
Place one hand in their Heart Centre, lightly.
Put your other hand in their yoni or lingam, lightly.
Close your eyes.
Proceed inside of yourself, to your heart, to your mind.
Breathe that into your own hands.
Let your hands melt to the shapes, the curves of the body.
Stay present.
As soon as your mind wanders return to your breath.
Hold them.
Melt into them.
Emotions will come and go.
Tears can come and go.
Trembling can come and go.
Hold them.
Stay present.

When it is time, your body will let you know when it is time, when it is time, slowly, so slowly, take your hands off their body.
Cover them.
Sit together.
Stay present.
Remain on your heart.
Stay in love.

Holding is a profound mediation of intimacy.
Within this quiet we releasewe feel.
Within this heat we become.
A present from the giving, a gift in the getting.
Breathe your gratitude for the sharing.
Breathe the chance.

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This post previously published on eroslife and is reprinted with the permission of the author.

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The New Dating Rules of Engagement

The New Dating Rules of Engagement

The New Dating Rules of EngagementWhether you are new to the dating scene, an old pro, or recently returned to the singles world, you will find a set of unwritten principles of engagement which are of great advantage to people who understand them and follow their orders. Not sure if you’re up to the newest?

Listed below are the top three factors for each sex for taking a connection to a more physical level.


1. Let Her Lead:

There is nothing wrong in the present day and age with a girl who knows what she wants in the bedroom. In actuality, she might just surprise you with her confidence and imagination. But — if you insist that you commence sex and that closeness must be in your terms, you could shut down a whole world of opportunities that she was prepared to give you.


You’d be amazed how many girls want, no, yearn for a guy that is not the stereotypical tall, dark, handsome and wealthy. What is more, girls typically spot a fake from a mile away, or {} he opens his mouth. Try a little honesty and you will be delighted with what she will reveal in return.


Sure, you are still likely to find girls out there that utilize gender as leverage towards a committed monogamous relationship that is headed towards union. However, with increasing frequency, girls are embracing their roles as sexual beings that like to have a fantastic time, too. Respect them as equals on the playing area and they will reward you well.


1. They SEE You

There is a fine line between bringing attention and looking desperate. Even tried-and-true favorites such as stiletto heels and a body-skimming dress can epically neglect when pushed to extremes. Believe less is more… you do not want the sky high heels, red”do-me” lipstick, skin-tight dress, pushed-up cleavage, body glitter, inch-thick mascara and thigh-high stockings all on exactly the same evening. Want to be treated like a woman? Begin with acting like one.

It is a Conversation; Not a Contest:

Nobody wants to hear about your ex, how great/horrible he was or the way everyone believes your very best friend is hot but is really a psycho. If they are speaking to you, they would like to know about you. So keep their attention in your own personality by refraining from comparisons.


We are not saying agree to go skinny dipping in a kiddie pool filled with spaghetti (unless you are into that), but DO be ready to try something a little from the ordinary. Try a small costume, some naughty conversation. It’s awesome how fast most men are ready to play along.

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How To: Dating Like a Grown Up

She wants some input on clarifying the definition of relationships. She has attracted the Pseudo virus and it wiped out the significance of relationship completely.

The pseudo connection /ˈso͞odō/ means not real or genuine. Being at a pseudo relationship means that you are in a situationship. This sort of relationship may differ for a good deal of people, based on what was agreed on or what both mutually understood with no actual conversation.

As is typical of our society and Gen Y we connect each and every relationship to a single root. A male/female sexual connection. The term relationship sprouts one thought in our mind. Sex. Sex is the demon we’re facing today. Willing to get naked?  We’re making it a threesome btw. Alfred Adler is linking in.

On the Grounds of Sex

We’re well versed in the differences between platonic, romantic, soul god, temporary, purely physical, and just emotional relationships. How is this Adlerian? Freud is the sex man ? For a virus to expire the host environment must change. The surroundings of our mind has enabled inferiority to take over as our virus resource. Adler is the antidote and he has to get nude.

The inferiority complex has become all our connection types as such we’ve substituted intimacy with sex. Sex is your selfie sea we float in with our girlie BFF from the Victoria’s Secret dressing room. Sex is the chill sesh with your boy that has that superior snap chat subscription. Sex is how we spread the pseudo virus since we’ve used sex to substitute our romantic inferiority. We’ve set the environment time to face reality, my field of experience, my turn to strip.

Table for 1… Hold the Negative of Stress

Being single or one parent in our society doesn’t have any difference concerning stigma.  Don’t be appalled here it’s true. But as a society, we blame one people and shame the other. We inform the single folk they do not try hard enough while the only parent receives an alcoholic tap on the back. Yet those who have vacant relationships don’t have any stigma. It’s. Not problematic to have a loveless relationship of any type because in a situationship nobody has responsibility to keep it. It is only considered a failure if we do not have a connection, does not matter if it is lifeless or not.

Since we base the basis of all connections types on gender rather than the stability of intimacy we’ve lost the capacity of understanding each other. We only see one group has sex and another does not.  Meaning single versus non single.  It has to be something not being done properly this is the reason why they are not getting the nude cardio in. What we’re doing is handing our fellow people the key to consistency, the way to liberty of anxieties comfort zone. Freedom from relaxation is a risk. Gen Y does not take risks. Exactly like Gen Y does not do consistency.

We are not having sex because we have had enough sex to last a lifetime. Sex is everywhere and reveals very little challenge, sex is vacant, sex is a pseudo filler for a massive gap in our humanity. We fill the proverbial hole, that is exactly what she said with physicality which needs no obligation, effort, and time. Intimacy demands investment in effort and an innermost evolution of superiority. Superiority in intimacy is the capacity to verbalize and have a comprehensive understanding of what we want from life and are on a path to achieving this. This necessitates having boundaries. As I take my final article of clothing I will completely expose myself to help you view intimacy rather than sex. You’ll also learn that relationships require full transparency and exposure. Woo it’s chilly in here!

Nobody’s Girlfriend

In case you’ve followed over the last year we know I have been divorced and single for 7 decades. What you don’t understand is I have not had sex in 8 decades.  For audio effect purposes picture the role in films where glass breaks and everyone gasps.

If you are astute enough you’ll have connected while still married I did not have sex with my previous spouse for a whole year. This is important because that’s the basis of connections that gender lies upon. It is deteriorated from an incarnation of fire in the flesh, to monotony. No dangling from a swing or any rather Kama Sutra pose does not violate the routine only intimacy does this. Inside my ability to intimidate the world I reached a stage where I have had enough sex. I have set out to provide familiarity in hopes of it coming back to me two-fold.

Intimacy is the capacity to offer selfless love to somebody. To make them feel more than just emotionally satisfied. It’s the art of warming somebody’s soul. Sex doesn’t warm your spirit. Sex isn’t selfless. Sex isn’t superior. Sex is a physical representation of raw carnal animalistic tendencies all of us need fulfilled. Inferiority has told us through predatory people and society which we aren’t enough to offer intimacy because we’ve put a dollar sign on closeness or that connotation is reserved for”serious” Relationships in a huge devotion to being uncommitted to anything.

When we weaponize emotions they become mortal, intimacy is the origin of our whole humanity not a weapon of mass destruction. The base of a person is built on love.  Okay I guess it’s a foursome reason we want some Freud here. The man was batshit crazy but was a genius.

Human love begins from childhood and develops with age. When we reach adulthood our internal self searches for the exact same kind of love given in youth. The safety net, the sense of security, and also to be soothed. We’re eternal children. What has occurred in Gen Y, and is widespread now in millennial and post-millennial generations, pseudo has filled in for the absence of childhood intimacy. Because of that 1 misstep, now coming across someone who gives us attention and time ignites panic like Cersi’s wildfire from the red keep.  The behaviour of seeking depths that intrigue in a different human signs Darwinistic flight reaction especially in men. On the reverse side and a common denominator in the female population would be to cling to that little morsel of focus and push it to the limit before its time. Unilaterally us ladies and men don’t realize the results of the mouse and cat behaviour have made permitting people actual consistent time, and interest in their humanity into a stimulation. This means we meet entire solid men and women that have integrity and respect with Stress’s inferiority in return. With inferiority in the origin that the pseudo connection is born. Friendships stay in the acquaintance level, intimate relationships become complex scenarios, and the shortage of youth intimacy remains throughout the upcoming emotionless generation produced.

For the parent/single parent people we don’t exist in the preceding equation. We’ve got a tough time understanding the lifestyles of childless adults reason {} lost the capacity to be emotionless. Even if we {} given that parent to child intimacy we had been  baptized by fire and need to give it to somebody else. We understand how to construct and maintain. Anxiety comes to our home once the pseudo virus attempts to make its way in through another human. We immediately sever the relationship and are finished with it.

If you’re a single parent however this is debatable. We combat a two-headed demon. Deficiency of youth and adult intimacy. Where many adults have at least we have neither. Stress pays us visits through ulterior motive. Where life ventures are involved men are more likely to discover a woman who’s willing to construct a relationship with him if there’s a child involved. It is second nature for us to love a kid. For us females locating a guy with executive-level patience, and enough confidence in himself to have the ability to love and wish to create a lady and her child(ren) his or her child(ren) requires tact to comprehend it is really out of your hands. We can not control anyone’s choices much less how they perceive their own capabilities. We can only control how our behaviour helps us. All of us know what we can and can not manage, even if we can not admit to it. Men in Gen Y were increased hardened and advised with emotion is a sign of weakness. They did not know self-confidence is a foundational emotion thanks to the inept conditioning it requires men the longest to find it. Next time someone makes you feel inferior, worthless, or unworthy of time as you are a parent understand they’re showing you what they’re currently battling inside themselves. Give them familiarity in the shape of a speedy good bye and proceed.

Because of desocialization, Inferiority has told us we’re not capable of love but are very effective at sex. Our superiority was conditioned to (resembles a fiver now cause here comes Pavlov) the capability to be the best sexual partner somebody has had because familiarity leaves an open wound when it is removed. Sex, however, comes with an inevitable end. We all know this going into it.

Whether it be creating your house woman’s tatas look great by contouring them for her next IG article, providing your brother a few pointers about the best way best to extend his hip flexors to pack a little additional punch into whomever he’s taking home after the pub, or studying a how-to reverse cow girl in Cosmo to get a spin when your bae gets home tonight, we’re fueled by sex’s gas rather than intimacy’s fire. That inner warmth your soul is looking for and being left to experience pseudo, the virus dulling intimacies flame.

What does this have to do with me being nobody’s grandma? When I left my marriage I chose my inferiority complex and demons could stay in that collapse, in which they were born. I thankfully abandoned my failed marriage and began a whirlwind relationship with excellence instead. This is how I became resistant to pseudo.

Does this mean my present vow of nunnery is since I have not had offers? As a single mother, some men have a tendency to assume I’m in desperate need of some sex as my life revolves around my kid. However there comes a time in all our lives where we need to choose who we would like to become and the maturity to put boundaries against anything that will steer us away from our new getting. I know who I am and have a clear vision of where I’m going and excellence has refused to allow me to deviate from that. I prefer to spend time with the business of a man who speaks what he desires into existence, admits he might not be ready quite yet, but has evidence of work in his back pocket rather than a man with no foresight. I would like to give myself to someone who sees me and treats himself. Doesn’t mean I am waiting for a connection to do that. I am setting myself up for that link I find on the way. A connection builds a connection the relationship does not build a relationship. Connection is how that after a month chill sesh and weekly texting chats become biweekly Saturday nights and two times a week telephone calls. It’s an entry role with the likelihood of promotion, to that night carnal thing, a full-blown partnership or an exit and new border called let us be friends. Connections do not have labels they’ve levels. Levels will need to be established. Force and I don’t get along to well. He backs people into partitions. I ai not about that life.

Superiority showed me {} use sex to fulfill their emotional needs. They take the pseudo virus since youth. As women, we must turn emotions from a vulnerability to a power. Literally we’re flesh and bone sponges. So if we show that a man”hey yea you understand that instant gratification thing you’re doing, we do not need to. Your virtue is at least as important as mine.” We create a new condition and rather than repression through sex, the answer to the stimulation becomes the capacity to open up. This practice is necessary throughout the depths of every human link. For the simple fact, it makes a connection, something lost within our galaxy.

Do I need to be in a relationship at the moment? No, I don’t that is the reason why I am nobody’s girlfriend and don’t have any business being a person’s girlfriend right now. Sure, with the intent not to be everybody’s date. Karma’s constantly watching and her blind eye is seldom turned. Avoid being everybody’s individual. Nobody will make you in somebody. As soon as you attain self-improvement somebody will be prepared for you.

Can I have fear of commitment? Not at all. Going back to the vision of where I’m going, I’m setting myself up to be an adult life partner. That means having the capacity to keep a roof over my kid and my head, taking care of my physical, financial and psychological wellness, and here is the shocker, having the capability to give a distance to a person if he wants, give him a refuge from the world. As he would provide me until we’re prepared for a single roof just three. An equal distribution of power and familiarity, who has seen anything!

Girls are one-sided creatures. We’ve been conditioned not to see the importance of giving ourselves the things society has decided a man ought to be giving us that is complete stability. As adults, it’s necessary to know no one owes us anything. Just because we enter into a lifetime partnership doesn’t mean we lose ourselves. Yes, you’re a couple but you are also still your own person. To be a partner means pulling your own weight in the connection. We forget sometimes relationships finish. Should you lose yourself in your relationship you’re the only search party who will end up again. He’s on a growth path and you’ll be able to see real move toward his target move with him or move out of the way.  A pseudo connection is stagnant, repetitious and deceiving for lack of clear boundaries. People will offer you the moon and the stars and hand you a stone and a light bulb. I really don’t need a salesman, there’s absolutely no rate of return in that sort of investment.

Last, eventually, I understand , the way to conquer pseudo and stop it from spreading is easier than you think. Quit jumping into relationships. Wait, have the patience to wait for six months or a year before you begin telling the world you are dating someone. Make their presence known, they should not be concealed, yet leave the labels alone. The metamorphoses of two individuals. It is meant for you only. Not to be shared before you are ready to become 1 couple.

Pseudo feeds from lack of communication and bounds, what you and your individual have resolved to do behind closed doors is your business. If you wish to have sex, have sex! If you are both in agreement that casual means still dating others date other people but have the human decency to look after one another by attending to your own sexual health. Establish your own timer without having to control someone else. You are on different streets and determining if you are paths conjoin or stay infinitely parallel. If they reach a point of seriousness before you do take the risk or let them go.

Intimacy is allowing other people to continue their journey without stifling them at all. Even if this means letting them go cause you do not really have your shit together yet. Intimacy is the maturity to understand loving people for them has nothing to do with giving them a lifetime name and absolutely everything with respecting their humanity, morals, values, and ethics as they’ve done that for us. Intimacy is the reward for being a continuous variable in a huge pseudo humans. It needs to be given to those who deserve it regardless of the time frame you’ve known them. We only need to differentiate the continuous variables from the temporary life fittings and determine the proper boundary of familiarity for the circumstance. That is it, problem solved.

I can tell you sometimes just because you have sex with a person or do not have sex with a person despite the fact that you wish to, does not mean that they can’t be your very best friend later if the spark does not ignite between you. Sex is a minuscule part of the larger feeling. Wanting to be near that person. The spark is familiarity and always will be no matter what the mass media states. It is the kiss on the brow, the hugs from behind. The palms that lift your chin to their lips to meet yours. It’s movie night on the sofa with your BFF sharing a pint of ice cream. It is the small things in life:0). Intimacy is simply being fulfilled. Becoming satisfied means full. Pseudo can not survive in a good environment and can inferiority. Intimacy isn’t a Facebook relationship status and never will be. Intimacy is the pride that we are superior in controlling our own behaviour.

I Will Show You Mine

I believe Mrs. Merriam-Webster can specify relationships again now and so can we. So as we cross the threshold on what is going to be {} our last ever obstacle together and I must let you go are you prepared to do the world transparent and vulnerable? Your scars have healed beautifully, and your emotional strength is now prevalent.  Just like this freckle in your bootay!

Our take away is the culmination of what {} learned. Exposing ourselves into the world by being honest, asking our ethics not be jeopardized, not letting gap filler relationships, having faith and confidence in our decisions and others, understanding we can only control ourselves and others conclusions of who the are into the planet are their own Karma. Seeing obstacles as opportunities to grow and overcome rather than an excuse to keep in comfort zone. Taking danger over reckless. Letting people in just with an equal effort game and us meeting them half way. Finally, the lesson of returning lost closeness to it’s rightful owner, while setting healthy boundaries with it along the way. Here we’ve found solidarity.

There’s an easy understanding from which all personal improvement and growth emerges. This is the understanding that we, individually, are responsible for everything in our lives, regardless of the outside conditions. We do not always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, in addition to how we respond. Whether we consciously recognize it or not, we’re always responsible for our adventures. It is impossible not to be. Choosing not to knowingly interpret events in our own lives remains an interpretation of the events of our own lives.

If you wish to attempt and get it in get it in girls and boys. Simply prevent sex from disallowing your authentic self to shine. Whether you intend to never see the person again or suggest in a year from now protect everyone’s humanity and finish the spread of this pseudo virus. Regardless of what self sabotage and protection mechanics say having bounds and concern for the wellbeing of humankind is never taking things too seriously. It is always on your hands. It has been my pleasure to serve you.


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Just what Is Authentic Adult Intimacy?

I’ve done a great deal of therapy in my life. I began in my thirties when my marriage was falling apart. Then 100 and hours to fulfill requirements while I had been going through treatment school. Then I had a complete practice and started getting very busy. Life happened. Basically a lot of excuses.

You’re supposed to find a therapist when you are a therapist but I will be honest, many do not. Including myself. Well, at least not always. I also began dating someone lately so I thought it would be a fantastic time to get back in the room. Process sh*t. Because things come up when you date someone and it is a fantastic chance to turn it in to learning. I believe the start of a relationship and the expiration of a connection would be the richest soil for growth. Assuming you really process and do the job.

Anyhow, I f*cking love treatment with a capital F. And I am not just saying that because I am a therapist. Sip coffee and discuss your life and problems while another person makes it entirely about you for fifty minutes? That is known as being on the right side of a lopsided friendship. Yes, it may be costly. But if you have insurance, milk which sh*t. If you do not, tell yourself you are putting 300 bucks aside monthly to your mental health and do not evaluate every session or you will stop. Some sessions will be life-changing and you will walk out skipping. And others will drag and you will wonder what else you might have bought with that hundy. However, I don’t feel any session is a waste. And at times, it is not even about what is said during the semester. It’s the true relationship with your therapist which can be healing. By way of instance, if you have only been in toxic relationships most of your lifetime, the secure space your therapist supplies gives you a corrective curative experience. You exercise muscles you have not before. But finally, treatment is about self-understanding. Without it, we’re just walking knee jerks. Therapy will help you open the hood of you so that you can see how everything works. Imagine driving a car that does not run well but you never open the hood. You simply pound the steering wheel believing it is going to fix itself. That is how most people live. There’s absolutely no authentic self-betterment without self-understanding. Recognizing why you do what you do, consider how you believe, is expansion soil.

So let us discuss my first back to treatment session. I tell people I had been raised by pop culture. Because my parents were not home. They were always on the job. They also did not give me much psychological milk. “You are valuable. You’re worthy. We love you”. They are from a different generation. They showed love in different ways. But like most of our parents, they did the best they could with what they had. So I received my nurturing from the local kids. But in order to get friends, you had to be trendy. Thank God I had been coordinated. I believe that is why friends have always mattered so much to me. They became the parents that I never had. They give me the psychological milk I had been deprived of. Or a variant of it.

My new therapist is chiefly Psychodynamic, which essentially means helping the customer turn the unconscious conscious, and investigating youth experiences that form our adult character. I believe subconsciously that is why I care so much what my friends think. What I drive. I mean on a deeper subconscious level. Not something I’m aware of on the surface. It is like how many attempt to please and be ideal for their parents. I actually don’t have any desire to impress my parents. However, I do with my friends. It is the other way around for many.

Another GREATER revelation I had was that perhaps I have never experienced true healthy adult intimacy. If somebody was to ask me if I have, my initial reaction would be of course I have. I have been in nothing but relationships most of my life. I’ve experienced all sorts of intimacy. From high school crushes to union. However, if I really look at every one, I am not positive whether they were healthy mature adult intimacy. I mean, I have experienced strong link, chemistry, and epidermis. I have experienced love. Losing myself in somebody. Hot sex. But I’m not positive if I have experienced profound healthy adult intimacy. And I keep saying grownup because you can assert that true intimacy is anything is true for you in the moment. High school love could be true intimacy because at the point all those feels are fair to us. But I am talking mature intimacy, once we know about codependency and enmeshment and what it actually takes to construct a wholesome relationship.

The thought that at 44, I might not have experienced true healthy adult intimacy blows my mind.

And so my journey begins…

Here is what I know up to now.

First, both people must have some tools. Self-awareness. Ability to be metacognitive. Process their feelings. Express themselves. Communicate. With this, healthy goes out the window. This means all my relationships before about age thirty-four weren’t really healthy adult relationships, since I had been lacking tools. And she was.

Then I analyzed my relationships article mid-thirties and they were great and powerful but I am not positive when I experienced true adult intimacy. Not that anything was wrong with the connections or another individual. It is more about me. I’m not positive if I have ever allowed someone to genuinely love me. Like on a deeper level. And that is the kicker. Maybe I have never allowed someone to genuinely love me. Maybe I don’t understand what that looks like since it did not’ get it growing up? I don’t understand.

I used to believe closeness was simply physical attraction, chemistry, and gender. And it can be if you are in your teens and twenties. I don’t know if we have the capacity to explore over that in that age. And needless to say, I have learned that intimacy is far more. Now, however, I am discovering that there are more layers. I have always been a late bloomer and I am late to the party once more.


I am going into the physical area with new lenses and a different mindset. It is not just about skin. I think adult intimacy ways to turn your dial to research and lock it there. The process of investigating, which is endless, is what creates familiarity. The slow burn over the bonfire. Using all of your senses. Intention and energy behind every touch. Not placing so much weight on the end.


Not as a gateway but a standalone. As self-expression, as though it was a speech. Kissing with intention. Purpose. To discover. To know. Forgotten. A most important brush we have set aside for specialty brushes which weren’t intended to fill in huge spaces of color.


Not a word I’d have used earlier in relation to intimacy. However, it’s huge for me today. What is the energy of another person like? Your energy when you are around him/her? The new energy generated by both of you guys? What is it like? Is it claustrophobic? Intimacy is energy. Energy is everything.


Conversations. Intellectual stimulation. Idea exchanges. Can you challenge each other emotionally? Allow stretch? Shift perspectives without protection and or hurt feelings? Is there food? Intimacy is learning from each other.


Feelings. A secure space that promotes vulnerability and enables, encourages, and validates your daily feels. What is this space like? Are people being heard? Understood? Validated? Intimacy is swimming in a healthier emotional space.


Beliefs greater than self, than both. Additionally, the soul in each other. Because we’re all spiritual beings. What is the dance like between your spirits? The connection you can not see or explain. Is it strong? Loose? Vague? Growing? Intimacy is a spiritual procedure.

I believe true adult intimacy is a quilt with all the above patched together, creating a blanket which covers both people. This blanket gives us a feeling of comfort, security, and warmth.

And ultimately what annoys the stop together is —


Is there a shared passion for each other’s stories, bodies, direction, business, and purpose? Is there fire lined in the bodily, the kisses, the energy, the mental, the emotional, and spiritual?

I think to experience true adult intimacy, you need to explore these classes but also pull back to get an entire experience rather than measuring parts, as a lot people do. A blanket. Not a scarf. This street leads to being deeply loved.

This is what I am learning so much about adult intimacy. Tomorrow, it can be something entirely different. And that’s the thing about love, it is a living breathing thing which changes as we change.

What is your definition of true adult intimacy?

Have you ever experienced it?

This post was initially published here and is republished with permission from the author.

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Blue Chew Delivers Fast, Affordable Effects in the Bedroom

Please Note: This guide is presented for informational purposes only and isn’t intended to diagnose or cure any illness. For those who have any health issue, see a licensed healthcare professional in person.

As a guy, you understand how difficult it is to admit you have a health problem serious enough to justify a trip to a physician –just a small minority of men even go to their annual physical–but if the issue is sexual in nature, you are more likely to be in denial than in therapy.

It doesn’t take a private investigator to understand that erectile dysfunction and other sex-related dysfunctions are easier to fail than to face. But if you would like to feel your best–and perform your best–you neglect this critical element of wellness at your own peril. BlueChew provides a solution to some common-yet-sensitive problem that avoids the price and shame that result from conventional healthcare choices.

We make it simple

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Dear Lover, I Promise You This

You and I, and probably much of the rest of the world, spend an inordinate amount of time avoiding emotional intimacy as it scares the sh*t from us.

We tease each other, we evaporate into our computers and mobile phone displays, we escalate conflictswe retreat into silence, we numb ourselves with T.V., and an infinite variety of different ways to prevent the pain we’ve experienced in previous relationships going all of the way back to childhood.

Loving deeply, completely, and intimately requires us to draw upon our guts in huge ways when confronted with the possible suffering that will ultimately happen when relationships end, whether that be in 1 month, 1 year, five decades, or at the end of our lives.

To experience the deepest love and closeness needs a jump into the unknown. Who, but those that are fearlessly terrified, would dare this act?

You and I are brave creatures still deciding daily how vulnerable we are prepared to be with those we would like to know intimately and people we would like to know us. Just how much are we willing to risk for this thing called love?

Our sometimes indecisive steps will need to be pointed out–not to judge ourselves for moving too hesitantly or needing a new procedure, but rather to admit just how much we hazard for this amount of emotional connection and how much we need to bare our true being to another in the hopes of unconditional approval. It’s a risk worth commendation.

So often we choose to examine what mistakes we’ve made, the failures which mess our hearts, the chances supposedly lost. Let’s, rather, give ourselves the gift of gratitude for all that we’ve done well. We deserve kudos for how utterly amazing we are, for our willingness to lean in the discomfort of psychological nudity.

Let us celebrate how powerful we are–so powerful that we have the ability to surpass our mutual histories and make fresh, ever-changing paradigms together. People who we provide such intimate access will reflect our own perception of ourselves. The purity of this reflection is commensurate with the breadth and depth of trust we present them.

To have chosen a spouse we hope with which to talk about the frightening parts of life–and the fun and lightness–is worthy of applause. I need to admit us for working through a continuous stream of conflicts and choices–their absolute size can, at times, seem overwhelming.

We’re extraordinary in our desires to experience relationships more intimately and vulnerably than any we’ve yet had. Each successive one was a building block upon whose experiences notify (and partly specify ) the upward path of another one.

It’s a very small miracle that happens daily in our decisions to continue to try to find something so ephemeral, so fragile, in the face of all we’ve previously endured. It appears a miracle that we have the guts to set foot on this course more than once given the consequences of failure.

I won’t promise that we’ll remain aware and conscious of what comes out of our mouths.

I won’t guarantee that one day we shall each be free of those internal demons that haunt the hallways of our thoughts.

I won’t promise forever love since there’s only now, right now.

I can, however, assure you that each small step toward vulnerability will bring us both closer to that emotional intimacy we search. I promise to be as clear as I can in my decision to love you daily. I promise to back up my intentions with activities as best as I can. I promise to check the limits of my capacity for emotional investment.

I promise to call you in your bullsh*t, to constantly ask you to appear as your very best self, and to kick you once you encounter self-pity or unconsciousness.

I promise to be compassionate and embrace you once you’re defeated and can’t do this for yourself. I promise to genuinely see your shadow side and understand {} simply a part of who you are. I promise to have compassion for you when you’re hating yourself, to be generous when you mess up big time, and to trust you to recognize your own mistakes when you surface from the depths of hell.

I promise to take on 80 percent when you’re only effective at 20 percent, and to wade with you through your trials and tribulations.

I promise to laugh with you, pick you daily, to risk my heart for you as far as I dare.

I promise to return once I run away in panic, and wait for you once you run away. I promise to let you go if you want something besides what I will give and to allow you to know the exact same for me. I guarantee that nothing will remain the same.

Mostly, though, I promise to be true to who I am so you always know who it is that you’re so bravely picking to be vulnerable to each and every day.

Previously Released on Elephant Journal


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–Recently, there’s been a gush of articles in the media about a frequent issue in romantic relationships: mistrust between spouses that erodes positive feelings and love. While it’s not unusual for people to worry that their spouse has the capability to rove, girls are more likely to experience trust problems than men in relationships.As an example, at The Normal Bar analysis, the authors gathered groundbreaking data from 70,000 participants globally and found that only 39% of women in their sample (compared to 53% of men) fully trust their partners. The authors ask: What is wrong with this picture?Why are girls more mistrustful than guys? The solution may lie in what could be tagged insecurity or a lack of self-trust. Trust is about much more than catching your spouse in a lie or truth. It’s about believing he or she has your best interests at heart.An inability to trust somebody may take several forms — ranging from feeling they are being unfaithful, dishonest, or close to doubting they will keep their promises be dependable.Every man or woman is born with the capacity to trust other people but through life experiences, we become less trusting as a kind of self-protection. The separation of a long-term relationship or marriage can set the stage for feelings of mistrust. This might be particularly true for women that are socialized to put more value on proximity and mutuality than guys are.Enduring your parents’ divorce may also leave you with lingering feelings of mistrust because their relationship was your first teacher about love and devotion. It is no wonder because her father betrayed her mother several times and finally left the family and moved in with a family friend.But, Erik has not given Makayla any reason to mistrust him. He is a loving, loyal husband who matches his vows and hasn’t cheated on her. Makayla has a propensity to blow things out of proportion when she says”You are always late and inconsiderate of my requirements.” When Erik returns home a little late from running an errand or visiting the gym, Makayla is frequently full of suspicion and sends him multiple text messages. These activities show a lack of confidence in herself and fuel Erik’s feelings of anger and frustration toward Makayla.But since they have been attending counselling together, Erik is working on revealing Makayla through consistency in his words and actions that he is there for her. He is focusing his energies on being empathetic and listening to her feelings as opposed to becoming defensive or shutting down. Meanwhile, Makayla must learn how to analyze her thought processes. She has to be ready to forego self-defeating ideas — to free herself from the patterns of her youth.Before, Erik’s defensiveness about Makayla’s accusations caused her to become even more mistrustful. It was entirely the wrong approach but one of them were conscious of it. However, in order for her to construct trust with Erik over the long term, Makayla must be exposed and expose her true feelings. If she shuts Erik out or does not express her fears and insecurities, she will start to imagine the worst. They have both discovered that honest and open communication is the key to restoring love, trust, and intimacy in their relationship. Ask yourself: is your lack of confidence on account of your spouse’s actions or your own problems, or both? Ask yourself: is there congruence between my spouse’s words and actions? Does he keep significant promises and agreements? Gain awareness about how your responses may be having a damaging influence on your relationship and take responsibility for them. Do not always assume that your spouse’s behavior is intentional — sometimes people simply make a mistake. Be open to your spouse’s perspective. Ensure that your words and tone of voice are consistent with your aim of building trust. Exercise attunement with your spouse. Dating expert, Dr. John Gottman defines attunement as the desire and the capacity to comprehend and respect your romantic partner’s inner world. He writes:”Attunement provides a blueprint for restoring and building trust in a long-term committed relationship.” Remember that learning to trust is a skill which may be nurtured over time. It can be a slow procedure. With persistence and courage, you can turn hurts from past betrayals into classes. In his book, The Science of Trust, Dr. John Gottman challenges how the majority of us define hope. He states that trust is an action as opposed to an idea or belief — more about what our spouse does than what you or I do.You may enter a relationship with fractured trust for many different reasons. A recent separation or divorce isn’t necessarily the root cause. However, as you become more aware of your tendency to mistrust your spouse, you can end up and ask: Is my mistrust coming from something which is actually happening in the present, or can it be related to my previous? Trust is more of an acquired skill than a sense. When you sustain the loss of a connection as a result of broken trust, it makes you smarter and more keenly able to extend hope to people that are worthy of it. You can learn how to trust your instincts and your judgment once you really deal with your anxieties. If you can come to a location of self-awareness and understand the choices which were made that led up to trust being severed, you may begin to approach others with faith and confidence.While learning how to trust may be one of our greatest challenges as women, it is important to understand that doubts are common in relationships. Practicing being vulnerable in tiny measures will promote open and honest communication — a vital step to restoring faith in love. Trust is crucial to helping both partners feel protected and building a happy relationship that endures the test of time.–A version of the post was formerly published on Movingpastdivorce.com and is republished here with permission from the author. ◊♦◊Have you read the first anthology which was the catalyst for Your Great Men Project? Purchase here: The Great Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood ◊♦◊If you think in the work we’re doing here at The Great Men Project and wish to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, now. All Premium Members get to See The Great Men Project with NO ADS. A whole list of advantages is here.–Photo credit: Istockphoto.com

The article 7 Ways Women Can Build Trust in Relationship With a Male Partner appeared on The Great Men Project.

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Be in Your Body to Be with a Woman

Men are, broadly speaking, so very good at being cognitive beings. I witness you wish to make sense of things from mind. Rational thought has become the go-to survival mechanism at a working age.

But allow me to ask you this: How can a guy who sits behind a computer all day know the way to be with a girl? How can a guy who goes to work in an office all day know the way to be with a girl?

You can’t THINK about being with a girl and have intimacy really be amazing. Thinking alone, in this situation, will get you nowhere. Knowing in mind how to be with a girl, and understanding in the body how to be with a girl, are two entirely different things.

And she wants you on your body.

She wants you to know the way to be with her with your body.

Therefore, guys, you can boost your intimacy greatly by having a practice which gets you into your own body. What do I mean by that? Do something that makes you sweat, which makes you feel in touch with your body, and makes you feel alive. Because when you can feel your entire body, you bring your entire body to closeness, and this is exactly what she’s craving. When you’re coming to closeness mostly with cognition and a penis, sex is level. Mechanic. Eh.

The best lover I ever had understood his body so well. He had been using his body at work and play because he was a boy he had never stopped. He was pure physicality, and therefore he understood the whole body was involved in sex and intimacy. He understood the value of sensations.

Also, due to his presence and consciousness in his entire body, he felt really safer for me to trust. He knew how to touch my body, so I could lean into his. Lots of women are holding patterns of injury around intimacy and sex, and the more you’re in your body, person, and conscious of yourself, it really translates into a trusting existence to her, in part, just by your confidence on your own physicality.

You become more dependable to a woman when you’ve got a connection to your physical body.

When I hear a lady tell me she would like to completely surrender to her husband, and she is asking him to”hold space” for her, and he does not know how to do this — it makes me think — we want men in their own bodies.

If you understood your body, you’d know that you’ve got consent to take up space on earth. That you’re not just your ideas or your dutiful performance. When a lady is asking for secure distance, she is asking that you understand the energy of the masculine in you. This energy is not found by believing.

Engage your muscles. It is a solid start.

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The Slow Magic

Slow brings us into existence.

All else drifts away naturally when we exist.
There is absolutely not any struggle in slow, there’s surrender, to this moment, to our own body, to our breath, to feeling, to feeling.
In slow there’s flow. The way we proceed becomes a pure expression of the silent within.
This is the silent of intimacy, of relationship.
In slow we’re aware, expanded.
In slow we believe we go deeper, softly, easily.
Nothing is forced, we’re aligned.
In slow there’s softness, an energy which moves within me, within you, that surrounds usmoves between us cocoons us.
In slow there isn’t any time, we drift into endlessness.

Allow the slow start with your breath.
Into your heart, from your heart.

Let your kiss be slow, the assembly of your lips a caress that is barely there.
Allow the dancing of your mouths be slow, an exploration which sips me.
Let your signature be slow, so slow.

I feel your skin, your body with a stroke which just moves. Your curves, your valleys, your hills, endless under my slowly moving hands.

Gradually I breathe you to me, your scent, your breath. I fill my lungs with you to the base of my breath.

Let your marriage be slow, so slow, even slower.
Let your body get your fan as a flower opens to the morning sunshine.
Allow yourself to be drawn into this sacred flower, spreading her petals in exquisite sensation.

At the slow you breathe your growth, filling her with your warmth.
From the slow, you dancing deeper and deeper in the liquid puzzle.
Each movement, every breath, fills your entire body.

In the slow, you’re open for the energy to move through you.
From the slow, you go beyond the mind, beyond the body, into consciousness.

There’s healing in the slow.
Deep recovery, deep release as that we have held onto, what has held onto us, dissolves.

There’s intimacy from the slow.
Deep intimacy.
The slow brings us into existence.
Presence is an element of familiarity.

There’s magic in the slow.
It takes a while, it takes practice to be current.
It takes some time for us to understand and feel and love the subtle, and oh, how delicious the subtle is.

Millimeter by millimeter we start, micro-movements.
It takes a while for us to find the place in us that may be without continuous stimulation, so that allows power to move, to flow, to sense that stream, to observe it and maintain it.
There’s learning from the slow, teaching from the slow because it draws us deeper inside and we listen to the inner voice, we learn to listen to it talk without words.

There’s magic in the slow.

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To the parts of you that fear being viewed.Come with me.I will free you. Be your beacon.Be your light. Who speaks?When you go deep in your heart…When you touch the area within…Where you’re not willing to hide? If you emphasise your precious you…Out of your beloved, from the world, out of yourself? Who speaks?When you come out of the dark…When you feel what you’ve feared…When you let down your guard? When you depart from replies…When you anticipate pain as a manual…From the past? When you risk? When you’re there for you? Be seen. This isn’t a trick. I’ve been waiting for you.I’m an ally, a friend, a lover. A beacon of light. I am you.You are me. We have always been. In the atmosphere of our lungs.From the air we breathe. From the life force of”we.” You remain connected to you.I to me. And together we will know. It is good to come homeTo the pieces of usThat we have locked up for so long. It’s great to come home to you, my dear.– Inspired by my previous week spent at Planet Bluegrass'”The Song School” in Lyons, CO, a songwriting retreat and multi-day workshop.   For four days, 175 people shared our love of music and songwriting. We did it together, supporting one another in our collective enthusiasm. For a lot of us, it felt just like home.  A location stripped of ego, competition, and judgment. An area without concern for — Who’s got an audience? Who is making it? We relaxed into a community of fellow human beings. We forged relationships that might have otherwise been blocked. We arrived home to ourselves and one another. –Previously Released on stuartmotola.comShutterstock

To the parts of you that fear being viewed.

The article Unlock Your Precious Heart appeared on The Great Men Project.

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