5 Bad Habits I Won’t Duplicate in a Relationship Again

After blowing out 27 pink and white candles, I have reflected on my love life, and the experiences I have had with many different colorful boyfriends and dates. Along the rocky road of relationship, I figured out exactly what I do not want from a boyfriend, and unwittingly shaped some bad habits that I have since sworn never to repeat. Namely, losing myself when investing too much into somebody else.

In some of my early relationships, I became too determined by boyfriends and lost sight of all of the people, places, and actions which were important to me, and made me who I am. I kept standing in the shadows of my boyfriends, encouraging their objectives, and lifestyles, and totally shirking my own. It was only when I took a complete year to be completely single I was able to set up my self-worth, and completely love and accept myself and previous mistakes.

Despite the fact that relationship was a brutal learning experience, it was also gratifying, and a great deal of fun. Regardless of all of the pleasure and pain I suffered while traveling through relentless waves of heartbreak and kindling feelings, here are the bad habits from relationship I’ve heard from and won’t ever repeat.

1. Not taking time to take good care of myself.

With time, I have discovered exactly how essential self-care is later breaking the awful habit of practically being my boyfriend identical twin.

Bettering oneself ought to be everyone’s top priority, and if you do not take the opportunity to put yourself first, you are doing something wrong. You have to have the ability to grow independently first before you are able to grow with somebody else. It is like the oxygen mask situation on planes. You must give yourself oxygen first before attempting to assist anyone else; Quite simply, you will need to let yourself breathe ​and provide yourself before you’re able to give to anybody else.

If you do not create the space to watch your favourite shows, take long hot showers, play games, do a face mask, or whatever you do to relax — you may begin resenting your partner. Why? Therefore, don’t feel guilty about binging The Kardashians while you create a fantasy board and sip some wine on your downtime! Taking at least one day apart, or perhaps a couple of hours here and there to decompress on your own, can work wonders for your self-esteem and your connection.


Separating yourself from the significant other throughout the week helps both you and your spouse unwind and permits you to keep your independence. Spending time apart provides you both the space required to develop your identities. Maintaining hobbies, feeling self-sufficient, and learning are essential to a person’s sense of value, and total happiness.

Like all great things, moderation is best. So although it seems incredible to be with your spouse, it should feel just as good to give your connection a day off and spend some time with yourself. In doing this you’ll have enough time to self-reflect, grow your identity, and get the space necessary for assessing your own objectives, dreams, and timelines.

3. Losing touch with friends and loved ones.

Each time I think of my bonds with people, my mind drifts back to The Sims video game. In The Sims, when you speak with your mother or friends, you get points for being sociable, and a meter of your connection makes it possible to keep an eye on how close you’re with someone. The more you speak, the tighter your connection becomes, and the more things you stack up with your friend/family member/lover.

I consider these fictional points in real life all the time. I am able to feel when my social barometer with somebody begins to dive, when I have not reached them out in a little while.

I won’t ever let myself lose friends over a boyfriend, particularly since friendships tend to outlast relationships. A best friend will be there to help you pick up the bits long after any connection shatters, so it is critical to not choose a pal for granted. Never again will I blow friends off to get a man. He’ll still be there when I get back from a night on the town with my women.


Another error I was able to make was leaning too heavily on my boyfriend when going places or traveling. Now, in my current relationship, I go wherever I want, whenever I want — with or without my significant other. I attempt to make it a point to visit bookstores, shopping, and take women trips solo so we could have the pleasure of missing each other, and strengthen our bond in the procedure.

5.  Prioritizing somebody who does not do the exact same for me.

Never again will I set the time and effort into a relationship if I feel that my partner is not reciprocating. Now I will only remain in a partnership if I feel totally loved, loved, made to feel special, and a person’s #1 on their list of priorities. If I feel taken for granted, I do not wait and see if things will get better, I leave and find someone better — someone who really cares. As I’ve met and been courted by different guys, I have learned to have a zero-tolerance for BS, as my self-worth increased.

Relationships take work, and you should not just bond anytime something goes wrong, but you deserve to find someone who will appreciate you since being with the wrong person can and will make you miserable. Being with someone who does not care makes you wonder whether something is wrong with you, but the ideal person will make you love parts about yourself that you never even thought to love.

This narrative  by Jessica Wendroff initially appeared on Ravishly, a feminist news+culture site. Follow us on Twitter & Facebook and check out these related stories:

Ask Erin: My Sister’s Boyfriend Is Coming Between Us

9 Super Subtle Signs Your Partner Is Gaslighting You

5 Approaches to Stop Being Codependent

What is your take on what you read? Comment below or write a reply and submit to us your {} or reaction here in the red box, below, which links to our admissions portal site.


Subscribe to our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice weekly.

Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here