Alone. And in our loneliness, we yearn and crave for different spirits in bodies to share our lives with. This is natural. At some stage in our growing years, we crave love.I believe I have been waiting most of my life to satisfy my other half. I am guessing most of you reading this have also. Unless you have already met them that yin to your yang? Or perhaps yang to your yin.I know I have yearned for the company that just got me and appreciated all of the silly, quirky things I said and did — savoring them rather than judging them like I often do in my mind. I know I can be my own worst enemy. I would like my other half for a best friend to all versions of myself.I have longed for someone to comprehend the nuances of my character — even the dull, idle components. That somebody that smirks and laughs at me for waiting a week to fold the laundry or waiting a day to wash all the dishes.I have hoped for that companion I could laugh, cry and grimace at the identical indie house flicks with me, linking me with lively excitement at the deviant act of sneaking wine and homemade popcorn past the ticket taker in a Mary Poppins bag.I have wished for that individual that would love me no matter how cluttered my hair or how bloated my eyes were at the morning because I stayed up too late watching or writing Netflix again.I have prayed for someone to be my rock in times of internal or outer turmoil — you understand that grounding, good-natured, I am here for you know matter what type.Recently though, I have realized none of these things matter, they were just a mirage.Therefore, I let them go. I allow all 102 wants and desires in a soulmate go — in burning embers over a gas burner in my own kitchen (fire danger, I understand ). As I let them go, amidst the blaring sound of the smoke sensor, I opened myself to the moment.From the beeping, smoke-tinged moment, I discovered her — Well, I did not find her. She was found.I realized that her, more like.She is amazing — my soulmate. Following a mere 40 year delay, I have found her.She has a gorgeous heart.She enjoys cooking — and trekking — my favourite grounding activities.She enjoys nature, in all its forms and manifestations.She enjoys children and animals.She is a mom to a gorgeous, nearly 8-year-old ancient soul — and finds it enlivening and frightening at the same time.I am smirking and head shaking and cringing and jumping up and down at exactly the exact same time. Because I have known her all of my life. Her heart, my heart. Her spirit, frightening to me, up until I surrendered to it not too long ago.I have finally fallen into a deep love affair with my body, mind, and soul! You see, I had been told a lie — well, we all were when I was young. I was told I needed to keep giving my love away. I had been told that it was selfish to give it to myself.
I was told I needed to find someone else to love me — before I love me!
I had been told a lie, and you’re also.It was told to me through networking — in all its forms. It was told to me by my parents, through the fairy tales they read to me and the continuous re-telling of how they met when they were seeking their lost half since they felt the need to do what people do in their 20s and 30s who want families.It was told to me by my peers, having pretended weddings on the playground during recess, mirroring what was told to them by several generations that thought this lie to be the truth or maybe never questioned it.I was recently freed from my shackles lately by a fantastic man — a man I felt love for, a guy that came into my life to provide me the gift of loving myself. But, in the time of our relationship, I didn’t know that. All I knew was that I felt somewhat uncomfortable in my own skin, sensing that he felt that way also.So, one night we talked about what our dreams and ambitions were. I felt our hearts shut a bit as we started the discussion. Hiding. Lying. Fearful of really being viewed. Somehow our dreams of life clashed. We listened to each other and did not respond much, parting ways soon after that.We then had a discussion a couple of days after, instigated by me, who had been bothered by the tension that seemed to keep us from calling each other.Are we not right for each other? I said, with a few timidness. He echoed my thoughts. It was not that we {} right, it was that we were withholding our authentic selves from each other — thus, real love. It was actually the very educated break-up I have experienced: 2 self-aware people acknowledging their deep feelings for the other, while also honoring themselves with the understanding that a connection can’t be forced.After it finished, I spun deeply into my head and heart and started to peel off the beliefs which was programmed into me from my first day on Earth. Did I really need a spouse or did I simply feel a pressure to have one? I had felt a pressure to fulfill someone all my life, dressing a certain way, or acting a certain way, to impress whomever I had a crush on (and I know I am not the only person who’s done this!) .I often looked at myself as a projected picture of what this other person saw of me or desired of me. I did this in a connection. At the moment, however, I thought I was being authentic.I am a powerful woman. I really don’t like being controlled. I don’t take bullsh*t, and yet, I see clearly that for years upon years of my life I did just that. Since stepping into single motherhood, I’ve felt pressure to meet a partner. A year ago it was spawned by my daughter asking me where my guy was (she’s with her dad half the time, but began to question why he had been with another girl, etc.). She had been three going on four at the moment, and, while I’d yearnings for companionship, particularly an adult to communicate inside the house, I think that was also fueled by a guilt, or maybe confusing her, as she transitioned between a home with dad, stepmom and stepsister, to a person with only her and mother.The desire for more financial security also pushed me to date more (after all, marriage was initially a fiscal agreement). But, my current falling in love with myself has pushed these lies to the wayside. I am doing okay. The actual truth is: I wish to fall in love with all of life — and, I’m! Life is truly, as the Beatles coined it, a magical mystery tour and we’re here in order to enjoy it like a finely aged wine.Since I’ve adopted me as my lover, my mind’s clearer. I’m enjoying motherhood more. I’m enjoying private time more. I’m doing all of the things I love to perform and just enjoying, loving, loving!So, allow me to end with two questions for you? Is your face all scrunched up right now, or can it be relaxed and smiling?That’s your solution!Love you! You’ve got you for the remainder of this life. Love it!If you adore you, this statement will become reassuring, even freeing:“You’re born alone and die alone.” Therefore, before anyone else can say,”I love you,” say it to you.I think if this amount of personal love existed on this planet, we could just float away. I do not know about you, but I sort of like floating.

The article The Day I Met My Soulmate Was the Day I Decided to Stay Single appeared on The Great Men Project.

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6 Subtle Signs Your Relationship is Over, Even if You Still Care for Them


Posted by Theo Harrison

Sometimes, love just isn’t enough.

I know it sounds unfair, but so is life. We have all grown up on the concept of ‘happily ever after’. But the more we face reality, the more we realize there is no such thing when it comes to relationships.

You can love someone as much as you want, but there is no guarantee that you will be spending the rest of your life with him or her. Love is a crucial ingredient for a lasting and meaningful relationship. However, we tend to forget that it’s not the only ingredient. And that is perhaps our biggest mistake.

Is Love Blind? Or Do We Just Keep Our Eyes Closed?

Love can blind us so much that we often fail to see the splinters and hairline cracks that crop up slowly…those subtle signs your relationship is over. This is why love can be dangerous. We often choose to ignore the initial signs that not everything is perfect and convince ourselves that it’s all going to be okay.

We just need to try a little bit harder. We just need to love them a little bit more. We just need to compromise a bit more than yesterday. We just need to hide what’s bothering us for a few more days. We just need to ignore the pain a little bit more. Everything will work out just fine. You’ll see. They always do. Or do they?

No. We Don’t Want Our Hearts Broken

We never want to end a relationship where we have willingly invested our emotions and ourselves. That is perhaps the most unsettling part…a reluctance to letting go. So we ignore the signs the best we can. And then comes the red flags, the glaring warning signs where we feel heartbroken at the realization that we failed to make the relationship work. Now it’s all over. And we are all alone..again.

But if you can spot the subtle signs your relationship is over, may be, just may be, you can give your relationship a reboot. These signs will help you analyze what might go wrong down the line by taking a deep look at yourself and taking charge. Understand that it is not about finding faults in your partner or pointing fingers. It is about pulling your socks up and re-positioning yourself to make sure your relationship has a better chance at survival.

So without further ado, here are some subtle signs that your relationship is headed for splitsville.

1. You Don’t Talk Anymore

And by talking, I mean about deep conversations about life, about your beliefs, philosophies and your feelings. You don’t have meaningful long talks about how you feel about each other. Realize that the way you communicate can affect your relationship. Ask yourself, do you guys talk about the basics of life? How the day went. What happened at work. How your boss is an A-hole. How you are planning a couple’s vacation this winter. How excited you are to watch that movie you guys are excited about. Simple daily conversations about each other, friends and family, co-workers. But most of all, conversations about your feelings.

Communication is the very core of a good relationship, including the one with your own self.

Meaningful and deep conversations allow us to know the person our partner has grown, matured and evolved into.

Otherwise you are just stuck with the person they used to be. Enough with Netflix and chill. Now it’s time to start talking about what actually matters.

2. You Don’t Touch Them Like You Used To

No, I am not talking about sex. We often express our love and affection through subtle physical gestures like holding their hand, putting your hand on the small of their back, stroking their hair, hugging them, a simple kiss on the cheeks, caressing their legs, and holding their face softly while you kiss and pulling them closer. These small things can often mean deeper things in a relationship. Every touch you make creates a connection and transfers energy to your partner.

It is normal to not have the same passion of being physically close all the time like you used to when your relationship began. As we get more comfortable with each other, life starts to happen. That’s fine. But if you now feel differently when you touch your partner, then it’s one of the signs your relationship is over.

A loving touch can heal a lot of wounds and nurture a relationship by making us feel loved, safe and warm inside.

You can’t play a guitar without caressing the strings fondly. Can you?

3. You Feel Indifferent

Does your relationship still feel engaging? Have all disagreements completely disappeared? Does your partner’s behavior and actions matter at all? Co-existing without being engaged can be a relationship killer.

When both partners are agreeable & indifferent instead of passionately arguing about things they feel strongly about in the relationship, it’s one of the signs your relationship is over.

Fighting all the time is definitely not a sign of a happy relationship. However, simple arguments helps to develop a deeper bonding among couples. When you are not engaged or present in the relationship, it’s a clear sign that not all is well in your partnership. This is where communication comes in.

A real open honest conversation about how you both feel about this relationship at this current moment. Ask them how they are, what is bothering them, if they want to share something. Instead of jumping to conclusions, have a heart-to-heart discussion showing that you care. Listen to them and understand what they are going through.Things can change faster than you realize. Start talking.

4. You Don’t Look Deep Into Their Eyes Now

Do you still look in to their eyes with love? Do you still experience butterflies in your stomach when your eyes meet? Do you feel that connection when you make eye contact even today? If not, something is wrong my friend. If you avoid eye contact, then either one or both of you are avoiding something. Your partner may not be having an affair, but they are definitely hiding something from you. It can be anger. Frustration. Dissatisfaction. Or simply their feelings for you. No matter what it may be, if you avoid one of the main subtle signs your relationship is over, it may be too late to salvage it. Eventually you will stop looking at each other.

Eye contact is one of the most natural ways to build a connection and look into someone for who they are. It’s a doorway to understanding their true self.

You can connect to your partner’s soul if you truly look into their eyes with all the love in your heart.

When you make that connection, you will know what I mean.

5. You Start Feeling Heavy

Relationships are never easy. There are days you feel like you are the happiest person alive. And then there are days you wonder why you are even alive.

One day loving someone can feel effortless, while the very next day it can feel overwhelming.

That’s normal. But when you start feeling the heaviness coming from inside, you know it’s sign that needs your attention.

There are various factors like work pressure, bills, family and situations that can make us feel heavy. Life can be like that sometimes. But if your heaviness stems from feelings of anxiety, anger, discomfort, resentment, doubt and uncertainty, then you need to look into it. These feelings will keep getting heavier unless you address them.

6. You Feel Lonely, Even Around Them

If you feel alone, unloved and unsupported even when you are with partner, it can be the loneliest feeling ever.

Do you feel you cannot openly communicate with your partner? Are you suppressing a lot of emotions and thoughts about your relationship inside you? Then you must understand its one the signs your relationship is over. If your partner is not as concerned about your well-being as you are about them, it is simply going to make things worse down the line. A relationship is not about one partner giving their all while the other just ignores everything. It’s a mutually nurturing and loving bond that you share with your partner.

When you stop looking away from the truth and living in denial, you will realize your instinct is giving you signs about how you truly feel. The sooner you listen to your emotions, the earlier you will be able to face the truth and start working on it. When you are not as happy in your relationship as you pretend to be, it’s time to take notice.

Understand This.

These are only subtle signs of your reality. These are not red flags that you will get a panic attack about losing the love of your life. There’s still a good chance of making things work. Start by asking yourself what you have done that has led your relationship to this place. Before blaming your partner, identify your own mistakes. That’s rule number one.

Then start by fixing your faults and do what you can to re-develop the attraction in your relationship. When you take charge, you will instantly see a momentous shift in your relationship dynamic. Make sure you talk to your partner about what you feel they are doing to affect the relationship in such a way. Approach them with love, understanding and compassion. If they are unwilling, take it as another sign.

Remember to approach them with an open mindset. Your goal is to understand them, not to make them understand. Do not hold on to limiting beliefs. And let go of your expectations. And finally, when they want to leave, let them. That’s how love works. Plain and simple.

Do you feel you are losing yourself in your relationship?


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A version of this post was previously published on Themindsjournal.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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