Hacks for Feeling Better About Relationship

Transparency, trust, vulnerability, uncomfortable and scary are merely a few of the things which make love (and lifestyle ) grand! 

If you would like a better attitude and a greater degree of satisfaction pick it! 

Talk to yourself!  Stop the negative self talk like”I am not good enough,” I am too old/ obese /  busy/ etc.”Rather make it a habit to search for the good rather than the bad in yourself, in others and in every circumstance!

Ask yourself, what’s the worst thing that could happen? By imagining negative and unlikely outcomes, you understand you will be fine and can handle a great deal more than you understand. You may even crack up yourself by imagining ridiculously funny and improbable outcomes.

Recognize and celebrate your little wins! 

When coping with unpleasant tasks, start looking for the things which are beneficial and concentrate on that.

Keep talking to yourself… my favorite questions to ask myself are “why not?” ; “is this worth it?” ; and my favorite which is the question which helped me find the love I have now is,”if you do not do so, will you regret it?”

Tell people exactly what you want. People today want to give you exactly what you want, but they’re not mind readers.

You do not know anybody else’s story.

  • Another person is not perfect, and neither are you.
  • Transparency, trust, vulnerability, uncomfortable and frightening are merely a few of the things which make love (and lifestyle ) grand! 
  • Should you slip into old patterns, grab yourself with no judgement, and make better decisions. 
  • Everyone just wants to be heard and seen. 

Do you wish to boost your clarity and self-awareness? Coaching can help you become more intentional, empathetic and caring for yourself and others.  Call Galia!

To find out more and support in your Dating journey contact [email protected]

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There, I Said It!

“There, I said it”, he texted me after he asked me what I was doing on Friday night.  Then four months after I stated “I love you” to my Clark Kent (CK). 

For the first time in my life, I said those 3 words first. My whole life, I was too scared to utter the words –  to put myself out there was so frightening – I stressed what the response may be. In some previous relationships, I said”I love you too” when I did not really feel love in any way. In those situations, I liked the individual and did not want to hurt their feelings. This time, I did not say it anticipating a reply, I said it because I knew it to be true for me. Like a gift, it made me happy to give him these three words.  

All of a sudden, I felt nervous and inexperienced. I could immediately tell he had no motions, he was not playing games, which meant I did not know what my next move ought to be. His vulnerability and transparency left me weak in the knees. Thank God, I listened to my gut and did not run away. 

This is a brand new connection, I understand… the honeymoon period. I don’t have any idea whether it’s for a reason, a season or a lifetime, but I know it’s changing me in profound ways. 

You see from day one, we’ve been honest about everything! We discuss our anxieties and worries as easily as our achievements and hopes. We share our faith in God, in humanity and in positivity. We invite another to pursue interests, remain on task, and we relate and accept each other’s tendency to procrastinate occasionally and also to hit the snooze button. We give each other the benefit of the doubt and assume the very best in each other. We endeavor to be the best version of ourselves for each other. 

The cool thing about our beginning is that I must see the psychological man from the beginning. He showed up that way and he gave me the confidence I had to show up that way also. CK listens to me, makes me laugh everyday, offers to help but not insists, gives me distance, is my biggest fan, supports me emotionally (like nobody ever has before). 

In 52, being emotionally supported is currently on top of my requirements. In case you’re curious, he did not say those three words back. Not that day or for days later. 

 

READ MORE:

10 Best Places to Meet Singles from the Wild

A Productivity Hack that Works in Relationship

First Date Tips

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My Ex Won’t Quit Texting Me

I enjoy getting your newsletters but I did not really look after the”text that your ex” one. I feel like most of my problems exist since my ex and I will not stop texting each other. Each time I feel like I am moving on with my life and taking a step forward (away from him), he sends me a text and drags me back into. This can not be healthy.

A: Love, the text that your ex newsletter has been geared towards individuals who wish to reunite with their ex. Your scenarios sounds exactly the opposite. Let us focus on your remark”drags me back” My sister, he can not drag you back in, you keep allow this to occur. Ask yourself why do you react? You have the ability to ignore and you choose not to, is it because you might be getting something from this?

To see my whole reply, check out the entire article and video post on Digital Romance, ideal HERE.

Also, in case you’ve got a burning question about love, relationship or life in general for me, comment below, or ask me on Twitter @AllanaPratt and only use #AllanaQandA.

Replies are in video.

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How Can I Get Her Back?

Q: I have been facing a problem from nearly a year now and can not find out what to do…. I’ve liked a woman since I was 4 years old, we were friends — met her in a course. We had spent plenty of time with one another. But somehow things went wrong and we are now separated from one another. I did everything I could to get her back but no results.

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4 years old? This is the only real definition of a long term love affair! Without some of the powerful facts (what went wrong and everything you’ve done to attempt and get her back) — I can not offer guidance there; nonetheless, how you talk evolves an a sense of emptiness, as if you’re unable to exist without her. I invite you to look at that’s a lie.

To see my whole reply, check out the entire article and video post on Digital Romance, ideal HERE. You can also find this movie and many other on YouTube, so please be sure to subscribe to Digital Romance TV

Also, in case you’ve got a burning question about love, relationship or life in general for me, comment below, or ask me on Twitter @AllanaPratt and only use #AllanaQandA.

A version of the post was previously published on allanapratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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Have you read the first anthology which was the catalyst for Your Great Men Project? Purchase here: The Great Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood

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All Premium Members get to See The Great Men Project with NO ADS.

A whole list of advantages is here.

Are you experiencing different kinds of emptiness, that you believe only she can fill?

The post How Can I Get Her Back? Appeared on The Great Men Project.

Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here

–Consider this Zen-like principle: if you walk over to somebody and expect nothing, you are going to accept everything out of them. If you expect nothing from individuals, then you are going to accept every gift they give you — the gift of these, and the gift of sharing with you.Life is just a series of continual conversations. At any time you meet someone you connect with and find interesting, you need to keep that conversation together, right? You ask them out as a dialogue continuance:”oh my god, it was so good to speak to you about your dog and this excursion you just got back from. Hey, I want give you a call and find out more — give me your number.”It’s only a continual theme. That theme is linking — and you’re able to maintain that continual connection you have together in that moment of time.Many men will enter salesman-mode when they see a girl {} drawn to; they will only try to market themselves. “Buy me!” They continue to talk AT them instead of with them.But you know what a true connection feels like. If you are speaking to a woman and you are both with groups of people and her eyes can not stop looking at you — that is a connection. If she is directing all her energy, you know what that feels like.So if you are just going out there to practice listening and conversation skills, just speak to people all day long — that is important to do. But if you’re looking for a true connection, you need to weed through as fast as possible.These are the two measures: the first is to go out and speak with people and build your conversation skills, the next is to search for that connection.–This post was formerly published on www.davidwygant.com and is republished here with permission from the author. — ◊♦◊Have you read the first anthology which was the catalyst for Your Great Men Project? ◊♦◊If you think in the work we’re doing here at The Great Men Project and wish to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, now. All Premium Members get to See The Great Men Project with NO ADS.Need more info? A whole list of advantages is here.–Photo credit: Shutterstock

Many men will enter salesman-mode when they see a girl {} attracted to.

The post Life Is an Ongoing Conversation appeared on The Great Men Project.

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10 Best Places to Meet Singles at the Wild

Galia Pennekamp sees herself on a shared journey helping singles get back into the match, the old fashioned way, in person! After reentering the dating kingdom ten decades back, she can maintain a deep firsthand knowledge of the good, the bad, and the ugly of relationship now. She based SOMETHING IN COMMON, a theory focused on empowerment, changing habits, and above all, building relations with the appropriate individuals. Through a series of one-on-one and team training and organized private occasions, she prepares individuals for the dating scene, and attracts the dating scene direct to you in a manner that’s safe, approachable, and finally helps individuals find their own happiness. Whether you’re interested in one-on-one training, or only want to meet people, SOMETHING IN COMMON is for you.

Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here

The Magic of Boundaries: Date Well, Marry the Perfect Person and Enjoy Hard Forever

Yep. We are talking about bounds again. They are THAT important.

Because I am a hack author (or perhaps just because each and every individual on earth has not read or does not remember all of my articles ), our discussions about boundaries are becoming gray and cloudy like a sucky winter in Cleveland.

And that is bad. Because bounds are magical. Just like when the sun comes out through the rain and presents you a candy rainbow to frolic on, or how God does not strike me dead when I purchase groceries online and an underpaid high school child loads them in my Jeep for me curbside while elsewhere deserving men and women starve.

The best thing I’ve ever read on borders was composed by Mark Manson (who coincidentally published a new book this week AND graciously consented to some Q&A with me that you should clearly read).

For the 90 percent of you who won’t read Mark’s piece, I will share a little part as it’s crucial. From Mark:

  • Would you feel like people take advantage of you or use your emotions to their own profit?
  • Would you feel as if you’re always having to’rescue’ people near you and fix their problems all of the time?
  • Can you end up sucked into unnecessary fighting or debating frequently?
  • Can you end up faaaaar more spent or attracted to a person than you should be for how long you have known them?
  • In your relationships, does it feel like things are constantly either amazing or horrible without a in-between? Or maybe you go through the break-up/reunion routine every couple of months?
  • Can you spend a whole lot of time defending yourself for things you think are not your fault?

“If you answered’yes’ to {} of the above, then you probably place and maintain bad boundaries in your relationships. If you answered a resounding’yes’ to most or all the items above, you do not just have a significant boundary problem on your relationships, but you also probably have some other personal issues going on in your life.”

If you are like me, you nodded your head’yes’ a few too many times as it hits a little too close to home, or as you recall how the younger you did all of those things and maybe that is why lots of shitty things happened.

Emotionally healthy individuals have and apply strong boundaries. And ALSO, having and implementing strong boundaries makes you mentally healthier.

Having strong bounds means that you don’t take responsibility for other people’s crap, and you ALWAYS take responsibility for your own.

I think we have to vigilantly enforce our bounds (and respect others’ vigilantly enforced boundaries) in order to have high-functioning, healthy, mutually beneficial, and ultimately successful, human relationships.

And what that means is, when people knowingly violate our boundaries, we will need to be ready to walk away and cut them out of our own lives, which is a very hard thing to do.

You can not always just walk away from individuals to enforce boundaries without innocents (like your children or other family members or friends) becoming casualties of this choice.

1 thing we can be certain of is that if we are in this spot, it is because at some time previously, we failed to enforce our bounds in healthy ways, and after we suffer the consequences.

We are going to leave the household and friendship play for another time.

For now, I am focused exclusively on enforcing boundaries while relationship. And then afterwards, during marriage.

Let’s discuss why.

Girl meets Boy. It is all flowers and Facebook status changes and sexting and climaxes.

But Hedonic Adaptation does exactly what it ALWAYS does, and the lovey-dovey stuff wears off to the Boy.

Communicating infrequently. Spending more time with friends or maybe other women.

Boy’s behaviour makes her feel awful. She tells her friends and her journal, but she does not tell the Boy.

Meal planning, domestic housework, calendar scheduling, and sharing tools comes more into play.

Boy’s behaviour forces Girl to take on lion’s share of the work because he is totally disengaged out of the date-ish time together.

Girl finally informs Boy that she is upset, possibly because he eventually asks her what is wrong, or because she works up the courage to say something even though she is afraid of the possible struggle or making him feel helpless and pushing him off.

Boy tells her she is delusional. That she is imagining things. That she is crazy. “OF COURSE I adore you!” he says.

But no matter how much he tells her she is being too emotional or misreading the circumstance, she continues to feel unhappy and anxious about his behaviour. He says her feelings are not real.

Girl keeps feeling uncomfortable, but she does not want to split up.

Maybe he will change one day, she believes.

Perhaps she talks to her mother about it. “Oh that’s just how men are, honey,” Mom tells her while cleaning up after a weekend dinner while Dad goes to another room to watch TV. He’s a fantastic man. This is just the way it is.”

It appears a bit depressing to Girl. But she has spent two or three years at the connection, all of her girlfriends are getting married, and all the men do things to upset them once in a while.

I guess this is really just the way life is, she believes.

Girl marries Boy.

Five to seven decades later, they are miserable because the identical behavior that hurt her feelings while relationship hurts even more now that he promised to love and care for her forever, but she does not feel loved, nor cared for, nor emotionally safe or protected at all.

Girl gets a telephone call. Her mom had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer.

She feels responsible for caring for her father who does not know how to cook and clean for himself. She wants to grieve but it’s hard because there’s no one else around to take care of Life Things.

Girl takes care of Life Matters till she eventually collapses emotionally.

Boy is absolutely zero relaxation. She did not understand it right now–but he does not feel steady like her mother did. He can not comfort her when he tries.

One or both of these seek comfort in the arms and privates of somebody they are not married to.

More breakage.

And though it is not her fault, it’s her duty .

This occurred because she did not enforce her personal boundaries while relationship.

I work in advertising.

It’s a total waste of time and detrimental to promotion programs to attempt and sell services and products to individuals unlikely to want or need them.

You don’t need to open a fishing lure store in the middle of the desert. You need to start one by waters used for fishing.

You don’t need to market”Make America Great Again” hats at Hillary Clinton political rallies. You need to sell them to fans of her political competition.

For marketing programs to be successful, we have to target customers intelligently.

And so it goes in relationship.

I have written repeatedly that I believe folks should vigilantly enforce their bounds while relationship .

That doesn’t mean that you cut somebody off the very first time that they upset you. Nobody would EVER stay together if this was the case.

However, what if Girl made different choices from the above example? Imagine if, when she began exhibiting behaviours she had been uncomfortable with, she just communicated that to him?

What if she said: “Hey. I truly care about you and want to see where this can go, but you will need to understand that I felt really crappy when X happened before. Maybe I am misunderstanding, or getting something wrong. But I have loads of things in Life that hurt and will hurt me later on. The person I will devote the rest of my life with WILL NOT be one of them when I could do anything about it. I just want you to know what occurred crosses a hardline border with me”?

One of three things occur afterward.

He can act like he does and try to describe to her {} wrong and her feelings are dumb, then she can walk away toward a future where she gives someone else a chance to show actual love and esteem.
He can promise to try harder and neglect. She averts a sad divorce afterwards.
He can promise to try harder and triumph. They’ve a healthy marriage.

When folks enforce their bounds vigilantly while relationship, ONLY people who have a high probability for success could ever wind up exchanging wedding vows with one another.

Are there a shit-ton more break-ups? Absolutely. But explain to me what the issue is. If all the people destined for divorce or shitty unions do not wind up getting married, how does that make the world a worse place?

In the perfect scenario where everybody is making great Life choices, two assholes incapable of healthy marriage do not wind up marrying each other in the first location.

That means border enforcement during marriage rarely rises to the level of inducing divorce. Two individuals vigilantly enforcing their relationship boundaries are WELL PREPARED for the sorts of unselfishness and communication required to thrive.

But we do not live in a perfect world. And nobody owns a kick-ass DeLorean time machine. And that means many people find ourselves in shitty relationships where the standards for being prepared to walk away in the connection can not be just like that of the unattached dater with choices.

There is a basic difference between two individuals that are dating, and two individuals that are married.

When you are dating, you are able to throw somebody over something petty like how loudly they chew their food, or how they root for a sports team you hate. When you are dating, you’re permitted to have any personal boundaries you want. It isn’t important what someone else believes is reasonable. You’re not beholden to anybody.

You’re free to create or remove any border you need, for any reason, at any time.

The main thing is that when someone crosses your line and inflicts pain, when they KNOW they did, they display guilt and a desire to avoid causing future pain.

If they dismiss what you are saying and feeling, signaling this shitty thing will continue to happen over and over again? We ought to walk away.

Our union boundaries should not be superficial.

And our vigilance ought to be restricted to major vow-breaking offenses, rather than just a struggle over what to put on the TV that night or if you are going to attend the household get-together next weekend.

And that’s because if we get married, we vow–VOW–to love generously. Forever.

We promise to forfeit. To forgive. To lift up another when they have fallen. To choose love each and every day irrespective of how inconvenient it may feel.

That is exactly what it means when we say”I do.”

Our unions are shit now because the younger, dumber versions of ourselves did not know what we did not know. And today we have some hard choices to make. Choose to love, though it isn’t straightforward? Or divorce, though it isn’t straightforward?

Not straightforward.

People today will need to do what they have to do. People today will need to make mistakes and figure out things. That is how human beings learned that water and fire –two amazing, life-giving things–may also kill us.

Marriages suspended in poor border enforcement will be difficult and dysfunctional.

However, the conversation about border enforcement changes between people that are dating and people that are married.

We apply boundaries while dating so as to attain a healthy and productive relationship.

Not because we feel like it daily. Since we choose it every day.

We choose it now. And then tomorrow. And then the following day.

And when our partners do the same in return, Forever happens.

Rarely straightforward.

Often worth it.

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Have you read the first anthology which was the catalyst for Your Great Men Project? Purchase here: The Great Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood

◊♦◊

If you think in the work we’re doing here at The Great Men Project and wish to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, now.

All Premium Members get to See The Great Men Project with NO ADS.

A whole list of advantages is here.

Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here

Q: It’s been 5 years since I have been a date, a first date in that! I’m terrified and I don’t have any clue what to say. What are some terrific conversation starters for a first date?

A: While five years might look like a very long time; however, it is not. Dating and having introductory conversations is much like riding a bicycle. You might forget if you have not ridden in awhile but as soon as you start, it is going to return to you. Now, with that said, I wish to take a step back and ask a question before we dive into dialogue starters: What do you want in a relationship?

To see my whole reply, check out the entire post and video post on Digital Romance, ideal Below. You can also find this movie and many other on YouTube, so please be sure to subscribe to Digital Romance TV

Also, in case you’ve got a burning question about love, relationship or life in general for me, comment below, or ask me on Twitter @AllanaPratt and only use #AllanaQandA.

Replies are in video.

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A version of the post was previously published on allanapratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

◊♦◊

Have you read the first anthology which was the catalyst for Your Great Men Project? Purchase here: The Great Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood

◊♦◊

If you think in the work we’re doing here at The Great Men Project and wish to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, now.

All Premium Members get to See The Great Men Project with NO ADS.

A whole list of advantages is here.

Photo credit: istockphoto

Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here