6 Reasons Why We Stay In Bad Relationships

Why do we often find it tough to leave behind a connection that’s not working out anymore?

Not all relationships will emerge as you wish it to. Some relationships begin on great terms, undergo trials of highs and lows, nevertheless survive because the connection has all of the basic requirements — connectivity, trust, and respect.

But because of a variety of uncontrollable factors, both external and internal, a connection might become a toxic one.

A bad relationship is one that’s long dead, has no flicker, is full of miscommunication or sometimes a complete lack of communication, repeated conflicts, and disagreements, lack of compassion, respect, and understanding. A connection that hinges on misuse and manipulation is the worst type.

But surprisingly, people keep dragging a connection, even after knowing {} not yielding any decent results for both of the partners. Some of us will cross miles to keep encouraging an undeserving relationship.

Just how far will you go to save a connection from failing?

Bad relationships are anything but self-degrading and self-sabotaging resulting in ultimate suffering on both ends.

Even if there are a lot of available opportunities in the dating world, what is it that keeps somebody anchoring on to a bad connection?

Or is it a custom?

Let us have a deeper look at what makes you stick into a poor relationship with your entire heart and soul. To prevent being lonely.

It significantly lowers an individual’s self-confidence and distorts overall self-perception. Somebody that has been to the grasp of loneliness won’t ever like to return back there.

Some people have the belief that having a spouse and having the ability to flaunt it raises your social status and standing.

The mere physical presence of your spouse, however abusive, how inconsiderate, how indifferent your he/she’s, can sometimes make you feel comfortable. We often hesitate to give up our’habit’ of this individual.

The notion of waking up in the morning to emptiness could be unnerving to some. It isn’t because you intensely love being with your spouse. You may also ignore each other only after you wake up, but it’s simply because staying alone hasn’t been usual for such a long time.

You always keep questioning your own value, your abilities and what you’re bringing to the connection.

Low self-esteem fools us to believe we always deserve much less than what we’re getting in the relationship as the significance we place ourselves is much lower compared to our deserving price.

These folks often measure their values based on if they have a partner or not, whether the spouse accepts them or not, values them or not, or enjoys them or not.

When you have low self-esteem, you need continuous validation and acceptance from someone. And if that man is someone who you adore it makes you feel appreciated and desired.

If you’re continuing a bad connection, which has nothing to offer you, ask yourself, Are you placing a worthy worth to yourself?

As a matter of fact, when you start putting yourself on a higher base, you may come to understand there are innumerable reasons to create an exit from the relationship.

Sadly, when a man is overly emotionally determined by their spouse, most often than not they have low self-esteem(moving back to stage 2). This is why, they measure their self-worth concerning somebody else, besides themselves.

They identify themselves to be fused with another person that they often wind up ignoring their own perception, thoughts, and feelings, unless and until they are verified and accepted by somebody else.

Getting out of a connection, even if it’s harming them becomes inevitably tricky for them because each of their behaviour has to be validated, emotionally and guaranteed warranted by their spouse. These people barely survive if they remain unmarried.

4. Comfort in Familiarity and fear of doubt.

Some relationships are a mere “to battle with a known devil is better than facing an unknown devil”.

We rationalize with ourselves that we may already be receiving the best we could.

A person acquainted with comfort, predictability, and heat of regular may genuinely feel perturbed when placing from a relationship. Who knows if another relationship they pursue will place them in a more stressful situation or not. The fear of getting themselves in a worse connection compared to the present one keeps them suffering in a relationship.

5. Rejection and failure.

What if they get rejected by another person they try to maintain a relationship with?

Some people can’t fully accept the fact that their relationship is on the point of failure and they need to make an exit.

Even if they do, are they able to invest themselves emotionally and physically, in precisely the exact same degree as they’re currently doing?

These questions make it tougher for them to decide for the destiny of a messed up relationship.

6. New investment of energy and time.

What people who are unable to come from a bad relationship worry the most about is spent time and energy.

For them it a shameful occasion to maneuver from a relationship they have built for such a long time. ‘Ending a connection’ just as it’s not working out well isn’t their ideology. They believe that adhering to the conclusion, even though it degrades the emotional and mental wellbeing of both spouses is the ideal attitude to hold.

However, believe me, the more you permit the negativity to influence you, the harder it is going to be in the long run. If the connection is dead, then you should end it. And you ought to end it at the earliest.

Maybe the most you can anticipate

from a connection that goes bad is

to come out of it with a couple great

songs. — Marianne Faithfull


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Sometimes a relationship becomes a toxic one. Why do we find it so difficult to leave?

The article 6 Reasons Why We Stay In Bad Relationships appeared on The Great Men Project.

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: When Can I Give Up?

Hi Doc,
In the past few months I have felt really tired like I had lost all of my energy and the one thing I need to do is remain under my sheets. It’s not like I would like to sleep, in reality I have not slept well in months. Everytime I go to bed I remember how pathetic and sad is my life and how unworthy am I.

I am 25 and because I left school (one year) I have been in a lot of occupations interviews and all have contributed to nothing. I know it’s supposed to be challenging but each time my hopes of landing a job have been crushed and I am scared that I will never get a job and I will never have a life and I am running out of time and waste my life. I don’t need to be a loser or a burden to my loved ones.

I have never had a girlfriend and that I never kissed or held hands with a woman in my life. Back in high school virtually every girl in my class told me how ugly I was and that I’d die alone and so far they’ve been right. I have approached many women before and always got rejected (occasionally is just a’hi’ and they look at me like GTFO) I have to conclude I am hideous or well below a minimum acceptable standard, because 100 percent of the women I’ve met did not like me. I do not try anymore because I am scared of being laughed or ridiculed.

I know you’ve been through hard times and low points in your life and I guess I need a word of advice about the best way best to keep going. I feel like I am giving up on everything and I really don’t know what to do.

Alright, ATL, you have got a layered collection of issues, and the overarching issue is that you are trying to deal with these in the wrong order. Examples of yours are like math; you will need to address things in the proper order to get the perfect result; otherwise you wind up getting an answer that appears correct but ultimately does not solve anything. Trying to discover a relationship, as an instance, is the incorrect answer. You are not in a situation where you are able to locate one or keep one. Not because you are worthless or as you are undeserving but since you won’t be able to. In your present state, you won’t think that individuals can find you attractive and you’re going to brush off the people who show interest lying or a mistake. You will take people’s answers in the worst possible light, whatever they actually did or said. Those girls you insist were looking at you enjoy GTFO? I can assure you that this is the mind taking a look at things and searching for the worst possible interpretation.

So let us discuss orders of operation.

In cases like this, you will need to work from the inside out. So first things first, ATL: the symptoms you are describing right at the very top? That is depression, man. Not”I have the blues”, but chronic depression. The listlessness, the lack of energy which no quantity of sleep appears to mend, the self-critical ideas as you lay in bed? Those are incredibly common signs of depression. That is why the first thing you will need to do is consult with a therapist and start getting that under control. And as somebody who wrestles with depression himself, I am here to tell you: that shit ai not straightforward. There is no one-size fits all answer. Some people respond nicely to cupping therapies such as Mood Gym or cognitive behavioral treatment. It may take time to locate the plan of action that’s ideal for you. It might not be any 1 thing; you might need more than 1 alternative working in conjunction to help pull you out of the morass and feel as though you’re back in control again. And that is fine. There is no shame in needing help, and being prepared to really take action to get better is a sign of strength.

And while it is by no means by any stretch of the imagination, exercise, meditation and yoga can surely help give you a greater feeling of control. Becoming active gets your blood flowing and your heart pumping, which helps your mind produce endorphins. Meditation and yoga help you get your racing thoughts under control and also teach you how you can find some much-needed calm and quiet at times when it looks like your anxieties are whispering in your ear like Grima Wormtongue. It won’t fix your issues, but they can help give you just a bit more power to continue and to push through.

Your next step will be dealing with basic lifestyle difficulties. Unemployment is awful in general, but for a good deal of men, it strikes on an existential level; we develop the notion that a Real Man Is A Provider and a Real Man is self-sufficient. This is part of why we get so anxious about problems like living with our parents or being”a burden”; it is not only the guilt of relying on other people, however, the fear that this marks us Not Men. If you are not living on your own without assistance from anybody… well, are you an adult? Are you even a guy? But the issue is that, while the stock exchange might be doing gangbusters and CEOs are pulling down record gains, the market still stinks for everyone who is not a multi-millionaire. Jobs are scarce and insecure — especially as businesses get”disrupted” and automation proceeds to eliminate tasks entirely — so everybody lives with the awareness that the job they have now might not even exist tomorrow.

This is the reason your next step is simply getting work. It doesn’t have to be your dream job. It doesn’t have to be the last job you will ever have. It just has to be something which gives you that feeling of control back, a combination guide-rail and stepping stone. It is something to steady yourself long enough to feel like what is not hopeless, you can then use to proceed to a new and better job. So in the event that you must join the gig market temporarily… do it. If you will need to get a job stocking shelves or pouring asphalt, then do it. This is only temporary, something that will help you get your feet under you. Save up your money as best you can so that you can take your next step — if it is finding roommates and a flat, freelancing, creating a side-hustle or taking time to go hit the job market like it is a piñata and you would like to have that delicious candy inside.

However, you will not be looking for a girlfriend; you are simply going to build your social life, holistically. You are going to make finding friends and strengthening the bonds together with the friends you already have. Possessing a solid circle of friends — people who love you, care for you and that encourage you. I realize it is not quite as sexy — as it were — as going out and finding Hotty McHotterson and eventually getting that first kiss or losing your virginity… but it is what you need much more right now. Most guys are desperately lonely and do not have a solid group of friends; as a result, they place all their psychological burdens on their wives and wives. This taxes their connections under the best of circumstances, but in addition, it isolates them. If their spouse is their sole source of emotional support, interacting and psychological intimacy, then those spouses become a single point of failure. Then you would be back in the place you are in now.

So, as I said. Order of operations, guy. The further you get your life in order, the happier, the more fulfilled and the more confident you will be. And that, in turn, will make it easier for you to discover a relationship.

Finding these aspects in your life will form the stable foundation which you can use to build on. You won’t feel out of control or at the mercy of this toxin your depression is dripping on your ear. You will be in a situation where you are going to have the ability to recognize your value and understand that you’re deserving of love. More importantly, however, is that being unmarried or not will not be what defines you as an individual.

I get that it is hard. I get how hopeless it feels at the moment. However, I am here to guarantee you: it’ll be ok.

You’re going to be ok.

I promise.

I am a female in my late 20’s with a version of a problem you have heard before. I can not get a date. The last guy I dated was in school and we were best friends first and changed to a connection as it became apparent we had feelings for one another.

I do lots of activities where I am around people. I play D&D with a number of groups of people (eternally DM), volunteer at church in places where I am about other people my age, go to the gym, play intramural sports, and hang out with friends where I could meet more of the social circles. My friends describe me as fun, friendly, flirty when I need to be, passionate about what I enjoy, witty, independent, and amusing as hell. However, I am quite analytically minded, pragmatic, and not very good at showing my emotions. When I jokingly asked which Star Wars character I was most like, they {} said R2-D2 or K2-S0. I’m also fairly overweight, but I am working on it and know that won’t change immediately.

I have plenty of guy friends, so I understand I get along well with men. They take initiative and invite me along to matters; it is not like I’m just tagging along with them. However, it’s never more than that. Anytime I attempt to ask a man out, which only occurs after significant flirting and it feels like they’re curious (and friends tell me it seems like they’re interested-so it is not just me misreading signs ), it is said that they simply think of me as a fantastic friend. And men ask out all of my single friends, but not me.

What am I doing wrong? I am not going to mope around and say”woe is me, I will be single forever”. When there’s something that I should mend, I’ll get right on it. Is it that I am not attractive enough? Or am I completely missing something else?

Here is my question for you, TMBF: Can you feel attractive? Not in the sense of”here are all the dudes that think I am hot,” but how you think of yourself. Can you look in the mirror and think that you’re sexy? Or do you look at the things you believe are your defects and consider looking good despite them?

How you describe yourself and how you describe your look makes me suspect it is the latter. I’ve known plenty of people, especially people who are obese, who look at their weight as the disqualifier from… well, everything. They don’t feel as though they have a right to dress well, to put effort into their presentation or to simply think of these as being a hot bad-ass. And that feeling of”I am not good enough” will get in the way of, well, everything. Because straight talk: there are folks out there who like big women, just because there’re people who like big men. And I do not just mean fetishists or those who believe that obese women are distressed or will put up with more bullshit, people that are attracted to and want big women and desire relationships together.

But it’s tough to find them when you do not feel as though you’re permitted to believe you are a sexy badass.

So my first suggestion for you is to begin treating yourself like you are hot. Find the things which make you feel unstoppably magnificent. Maybe it is a kick-ass dress. Perhaps it is another make-up routine. This is not about changing yourself to somebody else’s perfect, but in finding the things that make you feel like a goddamn package of awesome that individuals would be crazy to pass up. Because, like I am often saying, mindset is fate. And recognizing that you are money and knowing that individuals would be blessed to date you changes the way you approach relationships and relationship.

My next suggestion would be to examine how you are coming across to people. If you’re slightly more emotionally reserved and pragmatic just because that is how you obviously are… cool, you do you. But if you are holding yourself back because you do not feel as though you’re permitted to have a presence or express yourself… well, that’s when it is time to give yourself take a bit more emotional space. It might be that your cool demeanor and book might be putting people off because they believe you are not interested. It might be that by leaning into your passions and letting those passions become a bigger part of your life, you will feel empowered to become more expressive.

My third suggestion is to give things time. Sometimes the issue doesn’t have anything to do with you and what to do with the people around you. It might be that in your age and in your social circles, you are with people that aren’t mature enough for you; god knows that those men who like big women frequently have to overcome plenty of societal programming that informs them that their desires are black and that they should just want conventionally hot ladies. It can also be that you {} been in a position to satisfy the perfect guy yet. A very good friend of mine spent years dealing with assholes who would tell her to her face that she had been good enough to fuck, but not great enough to date. She was convinced she was going to die alone, unloved and unmourned.

A couple years later, I officiated at her wedding.

As unhelpful as it might sense, at times the issue isn’t something which you could fix; it’s only a matter of demographics and time and waiting for items to line up properly. Which ai not fun… but it also suggests that this too will pass.

You have got a lot going for you TMBF, and I guess that the more you adopt your amazing, the more chance you’ll ever have. Live an great life which makes you feel amazing and the rest will begin to care for itself.

Very good luck.

This post was formerly published on Doctornerdlove.com and is republished here with permission from the author.


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6 Subtle Signs Your Relationship is Over, Even if You Still Care for Them

Posted by Theo Harrison

Sometimes, love just isn’t enough.

I know it sounds unfair, but so is life. We have all grown up on the concept of ‘happily ever after’. But the more we face reality, the more we realize there is no such thing when it comes to relationships.

You can love someone as much as you want, but there is no guarantee that you will be spending the rest of your life with him or her. Love is a crucial ingredient for a lasting and meaningful relationship. However, we tend to forget that it’s not the only ingredient. And that is perhaps our biggest mistake.

Is Love Blind? Or Do We Just Keep Our Eyes Closed?

Love can blind us so much that we often fail to see the splinters and hairline cracks that crop up slowly…those subtle signs your relationship is over. This is why love can be dangerous. We often choose to ignore the initial signs that not everything is perfect and convince ourselves that it’s all going to be okay.

We just need to try a little bit harder. We just need to love them a little bit more. We just need to compromise a bit more than yesterday. We just need to hide what’s bothering us for a few more days. We just need to ignore the pain a little bit more. Everything will work out just fine. You’ll see. They always do. Or do they?

No. We Don’t Want Our Hearts Broken

We never want to end a relationship where we have willingly invested our emotions and ourselves. That is perhaps the most unsettling part…a reluctance to letting go. So we ignore the signs the best we can. And then comes the red flags, the glaring warning signs where we feel heartbroken at the realization that we failed to make the relationship work. Now it’s all over. And we are all alone..again.

But if you can spot the subtle signs your relationship is over, may be, just may be, you can give your relationship a reboot. These signs will help you analyze what might go wrong down the line by taking a deep look at yourself and taking charge. Understand that it is not about finding faults in your partner or pointing fingers. It is about pulling your socks up and re-positioning yourself to make sure your relationship has a better chance at survival.

So without further ado, here are some subtle signs that your relationship is headed for splitsville.

1. You Don’t Talk Anymore

And by talking, I mean about deep conversations about life, about your beliefs, philosophies and your feelings. You don’t have meaningful long talks about how you feel about each other. Realize that the way you communicate can affect your relationship. Ask yourself, do you guys talk about the basics of life? How the day went. What happened at work. How your boss is an A-hole. How you are planning a couple’s vacation this winter. How excited you are to watch that movie you guys are excited about. Simple daily conversations about each other, friends and family, co-workers. But most of all, conversations about your feelings.

Communication is the very core of a good relationship, including the one with your own self.

Meaningful and deep conversations allow us to know the person our partner has grown, matured and evolved into.

Otherwise you are just stuck with the person they used to be. Enough with Netflix and chill. Now it’s time to start talking about what actually matters.

2. You Don’t Touch Them Like You Used To

No, I am not talking about sex. We often express our love and affection through subtle physical gestures like holding their hand, putting your hand on the small of their back, stroking their hair, hugging them, a simple kiss on the cheeks, caressing their legs, and holding their face softly while you kiss and pulling them closer. These small things can often mean deeper things in a relationship. Every touch you make creates a connection and transfers energy to your partner.

It is normal to not have the same passion of being physically close all the time like you used to when your relationship began. As we get more comfortable with each other, life starts to happen. That’s fine. But if you now feel differently when you touch your partner, then it’s one of the signs your relationship is over.

A loving touch can heal a lot of wounds and nurture a relationship by making us feel loved, safe and warm inside.

You can’t play a guitar without caressing the strings fondly. Can you?

3. You Feel Indifferent

Does your relationship still feel engaging? Have all disagreements completely disappeared? Does your partner’s behavior and actions matter at all? Co-existing without being engaged can be a relationship killer.

When both partners are agreeable & indifferent instead of passionately arguing about things they feel strongly about in the relationship, it’s one of the signs your relationship is over.

Fighting all the time is definitely not a sign of a happy relationship. However, simple arguments helps to develop a deeper bonding among couples. When you are not engaged or present in the relationship, it’s a clear sign that not all is well in your partnership. This is where communication comes in.

A real open honest conversation about how you both feel about this relationship at this current moment. Ask them how they are, what is bothering them, if they want to share something. Instead of jumping to conclusions, have a heart-to-heart discussion showing that you care. Listen to them and understand what they are going through.Things can change faster than you realize. Start talking.

4. You Don’t Look Deep Into Their Eyes Now

Do you still look in to their eyes with love? Do you still experience butterflies in your stomach when your eyes meet? Do you feel that connection when you make eye contact even today? If not, something is wrong my friend. If you avoid eye contact, then either one or both of you are avoiding something. Your partner may not be having an affair, but they are definitely hiding something from you. It can be anger. Frustration. Dissatisfaction. Or simply their feelings for you. No matter what it may be, if you avoid one of the main subtle signs your relationship is over, it may be too late to salvage it. Eventually you will stop looking at each other.

Eye contact is one of the most natural ways to build a connection and look into someone for who they are. It’s a doorway to understanding their true self.

You can connect to your partner’s soul if you truly look into their eyes with all the love in your heart.

When you make that connection, you will know what I mean.

5. You Start Feeling Heavy

Relationships are never easy. There are days you feel like you are the happiest person alive. And then there are days you wonder why you are even alive.

One day loving someone can feel effortless, while the very next day it can feel overwhelming.

That’s normal. But when you start feeling the heaviness coming from inside, you know it’s sign that needs your attention.

There are various factors like work pressure, bills, family and situations that can make us feel heavy. Life can be like that sometimes. But if your heaviness stems from feelings of anxiety, anger, discomfort, resentment, doubt and uncertainty, then you need to look into it. These feelings will keep getting heavier unless you address them.

6. You Feel Lonely, Even Around Them

If you feel alone, unloved and unsupported even when you are with partner, it can be the loneliest feeling ever.

Do you feel you cannot openly communicate with your partner? Are you suppressing a lot of emotions and thoughts about your relationship inside you? Then you must understand its one the signs your relationship is over. If your partner is not as concerned about your well-being as you are about them, it is simply going to make things worse down the line. A relationship is not about one partner giving their all while the other just ignores everything. It’s a mutually nurturing and loving bond that you share with your partner.

When you stop looking away from the truth and living in denial, you will realize your instinct is giving you signs about how you truly feel. The sooner you listen to your emotions, the earlier you will be able to face the truth and start working on it. When you are not as happy in your relationship as you pretend to be, it’s time to take notice.

Understand This.

These are only subtle signs of your reality. These are not red flags that you will get a panic attack about losing the love of your life. There’s still a good chance of making things work. Start by asking yourself what you have done that has led your relationship to this place. Before blaming your partner, identify your own mistakes. That’s rule number one.

Then start by fixing your faults and do what you can to re-develop the attraction in your relationship. When you take charge, you will instantly see a momentous shift in your relationship dynamic. Make sure you talk to your partner about what you feel they are doing to affect the relationship in such a way. Approach them with love, understanding and compassion. If they are unwilling, take it as another sign.

Remember to approach them with an open mindset. Your goal is to understand them, not to make them understand. Do not hold on to limiting beliefs. And let go of your expectations. And finally, when they want to leave, let them. That’s how love works. Plain and simple.

Do you feel you are losing yourself in your relationship?

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A version of this post was previously published on Themindsjournal.com and is republished here with permission from the author.


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