Another day, I was listening to some girlfriend her frustration on the phone about the most recent man she had been dating and how he inexplicably seemed to fall off the planet.
So it got me thinking, What is it that I hear, again and again, that women really want from guys they’re dating?
This post was inspired by the trials and tribulations of my girlfriends, my customers and myself.
While my relationship life has come to an end with my current marriage, a number of my own dating disappointments feel as though they just happened yesterday. And I hear countless stories from girls all around the world who write to me.
What I have noticed is that there are a number of definite underlying themes that just appear to drive us women nuts!
For the guys out there, I wanted to share these lessons with you.
Some may seem fairly obvious, and some you may downright disagree with, but in any event, they’re real stories from real women about their greatest dating desires and frustrations.
1. If you say you are going to call, please, just call.
This is just basic respect. If you say you are going to call, call. We have lives too, but if you inform us you will call us, chances are we are excited about that. When you don’t wind up calling it shows that you are flaky or you just don’t care.
A friend of mine was beginning to see a man she had been dating pulling away. He said he would call to speak, but never did. I understand some words are tough to say, but we’d rather know the truth than never understand in any respect.
2. Act interested, but not too interested.
When out on a date, dialog has to be a two-way road. So, show us you are interested! There’s nothing more boring than a man who only talks about himself. Be certain you ask us questions and be interested in what we have to say. I have a buddy who does gorgeous ink art, and if she excitedly showed the guy she was dating, he just responded with,”Is that pencil?” Come on! Be interested in our lives and what we do, but not on the top, which may come off as overly excited.
3. Chivalry isn’t dead.
OK, I understand that we are in the 21st century, and I am absolutely an advocate for equality, but I refuse to believe that chivalry is dead. 1 thing my husband always does is hold the car door open for me. He did so when we were dating and keeps the tradition alive now. It is such a small and simple action, but chivalry is a massive turn on. This made him stand out to me at the beginning. So, open the door, buy us flowers, woo us over just a little!
4. Offer to cover the first date.
This plays on the previous tip. I know some girls might argue with me over this and do not get me wrong, I am fine with chipping in when out on a date.
I have dated guys in the past who wanted to get more serious, but I always remembered when they had not offered to cover our first date. Plus, there are a lot of fantastic date ideas that cost little to no money in any way.
5. If you are just not that into us, OK, but please do not suddenly get”too busy”
And vice-versa. And that is OK. But please do not play games. Despite the fact that it’s frightening, the most manly and respectful thing you can possibly do is be honest with us.
I have girlfriends that keep making excuses for a man who’s blowing them off because he’s suddenly”really active.” They wish to believe that he really just does have a great deal going on at the moment, which explains why he’s stopped calling. But we both know better. We make time in our lives for something which is a priority. Just be straight up in the event that you don’t wish to see us.
6. Make the plans and adhere to them.
Nothing compels women crazier than dating a man who’s a complete flake. And believe me, I have dated some of them. Women love a guy who can make a plan and stick with it. In case you’ve got commitment-phobia about making plans beforehand or adhering to something, then we are going to question whether you’re able to make a commitment to us whatsoever. Naturally, things can develop but show us that you’ve got follow-through. Please do not mistake this as taking the fun and spontaneity out of dating, because that is what it is all about.
7. Take initiative.
Women are attracted to a guy who will show some leadership. Personally, I really like it when a guy takes the lead, particularly during the dating period. Whether that is setting up the date and choosing a place for dinner, surprising us with flowers or leaning in for that first kiss, show us you are somebody with a little initiative.
8. Put some effort into the way you dress, we love that!
I’m not saying you must get all dressed up, actually, sometimes that shows you are trying a little”too” hard. Plus, plenty of women like a man who can both dress nicely but also can be somewhat rugged. That’s just taste. But if you are going to have a woman out, especially if it’s someone you are into, put a little effort into your appearance.
9. Do not call at two a.m.
Every girl, and man for that matter, probably has a story about dating someone who only texts or calls them to”hang out” at the middle of the night. If you could possibly see the relationship going somewhere down the street then this trick is straightforward. When it’s the start phase of a connection and you are out late with your pals, you are better off going home to bed than phoning us at two a.m.
Hold off to establish a suitable date at a suitable time.
I sincerely apologize if it looks like I’m being overly harsh on the guys out there! That’s not the intention, so this last tip is a bit more positive than the rest. I know that men have a difficult time in the dating arena, too. All of us do. And often, men require a dose of self-love just as much as girls.
Regardless of who you are, what you look like or what you do, just be confident in that. Nothing is sexier than a guy who knows who he is and does not make any excuses for this.
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Some may seem obvious, and some you may downright disagree with, but here is what real women say about their greatest dating desires and frustrations.