When it comes to love, I am no stranger to seeing things through rose-colored eyeglasses. I have been guilty of seeing things through loneliness, vengeful, and fear-driven lenses. From ignoring red flags to starting relationships based on internal problems like insecurity and the desire to escape aloneness, I have seen it all.
After more than a decade of relationship, I have finally found myself in a healthy relationship. I took my blockers off and wound up with a excellent man. However, it did not come easily to me. I had to ruin my protective eyewear so I could see the forest for the trees, so to speak.
This came at a price tag. I had to stare myself in the mirror and actually ask the difficult question: What was I doing wrong? When I did this, everything became clear. I wasn’t satisfied with myself. And I was settling for men who could never give me what I deserved based only on the fact that I couldn’t face myself and my own difficulties.
My ruling had become so clouded that I found myself falling for folks whom, as it was, I did not actually like. They were apparent opposites of what I had in a partner, but at the time it did not matter. They had been there and it was good enough. But decent enough isn’t wonderful. And if a relationship is not great, what is the point?
A good part of today’s 21st century associations are not seen through a transparent eye. They’re seen through blue screens and Instagram filters. They are desired from places where we refuse to research. The dark places, the lonely places, the areas which our inner child hides to prevent suffering still another heartbreak. But does seeing relationships from these many spectrums actually pay off in the long term? The brief answer is no.
When we refuse to acknowledge what our driving variables arewe refuse to accomplish exactly what it is we will need to overcome the relationships which have passed, consequently leaving us with yet another carry-on to lug around with us everywhere we go. Because ignorance is bliss and preventing the parts of yourself which will set you free is a great deal easier than taking the mask off.
This is not to say that you shouldn’t date if you are lonely or unhappy with certain aspects of your self. Loneliness and insecurity are things that everybody deals with from time to time. But it can’t be the reason you opt for a partner. A remedy for your loneliness is not any body in the bed beside you, it is the best one. And if you do not choose according to your deepest needs, you will end up blind over again.
Select a partner, not because they make you less lonely, but because they make you feel like you will never have to feel lonely again. And select a spouse because they know how to love you. Anything less is simply not worth settling for.