Do not Let HIV Control Your Love Life

Some lifestyle alterations are essential, and it may not be smooth sailing, but the main thing isn’t giving up on having a rich love life just because you have HIV.

As you probably know, an HIV diagnosis can raise some concerns about intimacy and sex. The first thought is {} your love life is destroyed and you get that’forever alone’ moment, but as you study further you will see that HIV relationship is a real chance, and not just that there are whole communities which will welcome you and help you navigate your love life after the diagnosis. Some lifestyle adjustments are essential, and it may not be smooth sailing, but the main thing isn’t giving up on having a rich love life just because you have HIV. Having said that, let us see what could be done to ease the transition to this new chapter of your life.

We’re from the dark ages

The 80s are supporting us, and even though there’s still a certain stigma in regards to HIV, it is not anywhere near the discrimination which was present in the very start. And in addition to that, together with the medical discoveries that the mortality rate for HIV has dropped significantly and the new therapy plans within the World Health Organization, are successful. With this in mind, the attitude of the society towards HIV positive individuals has also changed, enabling the infected people to live a much more fulfilled life. Including the love and connection part also. Not only will you be able to have a love life, but you might also even think about starting a family if you take the right precautions. So, don’t allow the identification get you down, you’re still you and you deserve to love and be loved.

Make sure You’re open about your condition

This is the toughest and, at precisely the exact same time, the most important aspect when it comes to dating when you’re HIV positive. When you meet someone you would love to get to know better or even have a connection with, it’s very important that you open up about your problem. This sort of conversation isn’t pleasant nor comfortable, and it could lead to rejection, but at exactly the exact same time, it’s significant as another person has the right to know. You might even spend some time and explain how there’s not any immediate threat if you use security and are equally responsible in regards to being intimate. Even if you choose to date within the HIV community, the part about responsibility and security stays the same, there are different strains of HIV and you may contract a new one that demands a change in medicine and may result in complications. Being open and coming is the only way to initiate a relationship when you’re HIV positive. This way, both you and your prospective spouse are clear on what the situation is and therefore are free to make up your mind whether {} willing to proceed.

Do not let HIV define who you’re

A good deal of people, when confronted with this diagnosis start to identify themselves with the disease and neglect that it’s exactly what they have and not that they are. Your life is still yours, and you need to be sure that you don’t throw it away. Do the things that you need to do, do not give up on your hobbies and friends, and most of all, do not give up on the hunt for that one perfect partner to talk about your life with. And if you are feeling down, be certain you seek either professional aid or find people within the HIV community that will help you handle the initial shock and lifestyle changes. When you get over that, it is going to be a lot easier to proceed with your life and respect this disorder as something trivial that you will need to know about, and not something which dictates your life decisions.

Discovering you are HIV positive can be frightening, but with the perfect support system, you may can get over the initial fear and get to lead a rich life full of love.

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Is Having a Love Partner Necessary to Survive Successful and Meaningful Life?

There was a time when dispersing our species was the maximum priority. To accomplish this, one needed a partner to make families, which made with a love partner quite important. That might not be the case now, for we can all see we’ve bred people to beat the band. Even though some would argue that, I think our human species now must embrace a new priority; this of self-actualization. This was coming since educated people started opening our minds to life’s spiritual kingdom and changed the world as far as science and engineering.

Self-actualization is the process where we find the gifts and abilities our founder gave every one of us and then we attempt to share them to create a better world. Many are lucky enough to come across this connection in professions that fill them with enthusiasm, joy, and satisfaction. Other people share their gifts with the world in various ways. An individual need not have a romantic partner so as to self-actualize, this is a travel a person can fulfill.

But today our culture spends so much energy on the topic of finding love and making connections work that you would think it’s the most crucial part in our lives. Before you dismiss this last point, think of all of the other businesses centered on making you look great so that you can attract a partner. These vary from dieting, personal training, makeup, and cosmetic surgery. Let’s not neglect the geometric growth of internet dating for many ages.

I’ve been only going on five years now and I can sense my friends’ sense of urgency to find me a romantic partner. They genuinely feel that I must be miserable not having someone to talk about my life with.

Are couples right? 

Following two twenty-year unions, I also agree {} wonderful having a romantic individual to share one’s life setting a sense of family and working together with another on shared targets. But I also have discovered {} a helluva lot better to live alone than to be with a poor partner.

This says to me about couple-ness is that; two individuals were never supposed to become a single entity. Anything that binds that effort can’t be good for anybody.

So, my response to the posed question is so; no, with a romantic doesn’t guarantee happiness.

It requires work to live happy Whether you’re single  

This isn’t a dissertation against couple-ness, on the contrary, with a excellent partner can be a fantastic blessing. However, you need not count on somebody else for your own happiness. This isn’t essential.

The main thing is to self-actualize by living a conscious life at which you can be open to the current and experience gratitude for what it brings you daily.

If your preference is to share life with somebody, great for you, but this will take conscious work to be sure the connection is life-giving to both spouses. This takes courage, patience and a willingness to understand and accept each other’s strengths and weaknesses. This goes far beyond romantic love.

Having a partner isn’t a need, but it’s a living, breathing daily choice both must make to create a relationship work. If it’s not life-giving to both spouses, it becomes a useless appendage best eliminated.

Having great companions in life

You do not want a romantic partner to enjoy companionship. Some others enjoy great relationships with others in the middle of beautifully fulfilling careers. They have incredibly satisfying lives.

If you’re considering staying married or marrying someone because you fear you may need them to accompany you during your last days, do not do it. This is a major mistake. The main point is, enjoy life as it comes and, if the time arrives when you want someone to look after you, seek the services of a caretaker.

If you’re convinced a romantic partner can allow you to do that, got for it, but do not settle for just anybody, search for the perfect one. If you can’t appear to find him, have faith you are able to keep on living a wonderful, meaningful life without them. Not having a romantic partner isn’t a failure, you have all you need within to create the life you desire.

Bear in mind, paying gratitude for your life ahead will lead to contentment.

Formerly published here and reprinted with the author’s permission.

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These Four Words Are Certain to Supercharge Your Love Life.

I know. But trust me!

First of all, I am not going to allow you to read through this article to find out that those four words are:”What turns you on”?

But why am I so sure that this simple question will make such a gigantic difference to your {} enjoyment of sexual activity together (assuming you are not already using them, that is)?

It’s this. Women friends have repeatedly explained that their guys don’t appear to comprehend how they like to be touched and loved — or to have a lot of interest in finding out. And I have been one of those guys for a lot of my life — until my present partner (and now wife) did me the enormous favour of explaining that she could tell I was guessing at what she wanted from me in bed, and most of the time I was imagining wrong. She wondered why I did not just simply ask her. This question was so fundamental and so evident, it left me wondering why in the world I had never done that with her, or with any other girl I had been to bed with.

It was not that I did not care — I did…a lot! Partly because I wanted to be thought of as’a fantastic lover’ (or at least good enough for a woman to want to come back for more) and partially because in mind I did want our experience of sex to be enjoyable. Like most guys, I would not have been happy eating ice cream when I thought my partner was having to make do with a slice of bread. However, by not only asking that question, and acting on the response, that was too often the situation I had been (in all senses of the word) creating!

Those girls friends have told me that they often feel that their spouses are absent-minded or indifferent to their expertise in bed — and they have a feeling of being poked at in an insensitive manner because he’s in a rush to complete. The outcome? They feel frustrated and frustrated — feelings that over time can {} into the sort of buried resentment that’s often simmering in the heart of arguments over anything in the washing as much as politics, and which could be the source of an otherwise promising connection strangely ending. This certainly helped me understand better why some of my liaisons had gone wrong before.

They also state if they heard that’magic question’ in their spouse and felt that their response was listened to, and — most importantly! — acted on, their entire experience of being in bed {} be transformed. And they’d also be massively encouraged to ask him the same question so that they would know how to do what he enjoys best too.

This is the terrific double advantage that comes after using these four magical words along with your lover; not only will you be having the delight and joy of turning her on and becoming a sexual maestro in her eyes by doing what works for her, but she’ll also be eager to do the same for you This has become the greatest win-win situation on the planet!

The big mystery is why are not more guys asking this question in bed?   Are we too shy about sex to just figure out whether we are doing it right for the individual we are doing it with? Or is it because we believe that, as men, we are supposed to know just what to do, in bed (as well as everywhere else) and requesting advice might make us look less capable as fans or not as manly somehow — when actually the reverse is true!!

To put it simply… what hu-man would like to maintain preparing the identical dish for someone they love, without checking if they like the taste of it  — leaving open the possibility that she does not really like his cooking very much, but is afraid to say anything because she believes he’s so insecure he could be offended, or does not love her enough to want to seek out — neither of which choices are most likely to carve him a really large place in her heart. So she continues to attempt to eat what he is making because she won’t starve to death.

1 thing sure — this kind of relationship dynamic is destined to become quite unhealthy or codependent or is doomed to die.   Quite soon.   It is hardly a situation that will produce mutual joy and happiness. Yet from what I am being told that is exactly what too many couples’ love lives are like. Together with the result that both spouses lose out.

The situation may be so readily and radically improved by the magical question. Why is it that, tragically, so many guys seem unwilling or not able to take that simple step. Is it because of the ghost that haunts a lot people the fear of not being’man enough’ in bed? A fear that no girl I’ve ever met seems to understand or care much about, but which we guys can believe determines whether she is going to be attracted to us, or — if we do not have enough’man-stuff’ – — will want to denigrate and disdain, or even worse try to restrain, us.

I went through a stage as I got older and my erections were becoming less reliable, of needing to’ do the business’ with my girlfriend quickly, so I could reassure myself that I was’a man’, — out of an inherent fear that if I did not strike while the metaphorical iron was hot I’d lose that revered hardness and be ashamed of my’failure’ —

But in fact, all this did was make me look greedy and fearful in her eyes, and decreased the pleasure which I found could be there once, with her encouragement I stopped trying to get someplace or establish something with our lovemaking, and allowed myself to truly surrender to the fabulous sensations that were naturally occurring for both of us, and be deeply connected to my own feelings and to her.

As a side note, I noticed that the less I cared if I was vertical or not, the harder I looked to get! Still another win-win! It really did look true in my case there was nothing to fear except fear itself.

If you have ever experienced it, you will be aware that there are few things sexier than making love with a woman who’s completely welcoming and prepared for you, who surrenders voluntarily in the confident knowledge that you understand how to make her feel great, and care enough about her to do precisely that. Who feels that magic blend of excitement and safety with you, and who wants to be certain that you’re enjoying yourself as much as she is.

This is the consequence that asking and acting on the magical question is certain to bring.

Try it — you will (both) enjoy it. Guaranteed!

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5 Bad Habits I Won’t Duplicate in a Relationship Again

After blowing out 27 pink and white candles, I have reflected on my love life, and the experiences I have had with many different colorful boyfriends and dates. Along the rocky road of relationship, I figured out exactly what I do not want from a boyfriend, and unwittingly shaped some bad habits that I have since sworn never to repeat. Namely, losing myself when investing too much into somebody else.

In some of my early relationships, I became too determined by boyfriends and lost sight of all of the people, places, and actions which were important to me, and made me who I am. I kept standing in the shadows of my boyfriends, encouraging their objectives, and lifestyles, and totally shirking my own. It was only when I took a complete year to be completely single I was able to set up my self-worth, and completely love and accept myself and previous mistakes.

Despite the fact that relationship was a brutal learning experience, it was also gratifying, and a great deal of fun. Regardless of all of the pleasure and pain I suffered while traveling through relentless waves of heartbreak and kindling feelings, here are the bad habits from relationship I’ve heard from and won’t ever repeat.

1. Not taking time to take good care of myself.

With time, I have discovered exactly how essential self-care is later breaking the awful habit of practically being my boyfriend identical twin.

Bettering oneself ought to be everyone’s top priority, and if you do not take the opportunity to put yourself first, you are doing something wrong. You have to have the ability to grow independently first before you are able to grow with somebody else. It is like the oxygen mask situation on planes. You must give yourself oxygen first before attempting to assist anyone else; Quite simply, you will need to let yourself breathe ​and provide yourself before you’re able to give to anybody else.

If you do not create the space to watch your favourite shows, take long hot showers, play games, do a face mask, or whatever you do to relax — you may begin resenting your partner. Why? Therefore, don’t feel guilty about binging The Kardashians while you create a fantasy board and sip some wine on your downtime! Taking at least one day apart, or perhaps a couple of hours here and there to decompress on your own, can work wonders for your self-esteem and your connection.


Separating yourself from the significant other throughout the week helps both you and your spouse unwind and permits you to keep your independence. Spending time apart provides you both the space required to develop your identities. Maintaining hobbies, feeling self-sufficient, and learning are essential to a person’s sense of value, and total happiness.

Like all great things, moderation is best. So although it seems incredible to be with your spouse, it should feel just as good to give your connection a day off and spend some time with yourself. In doing this you’ll have enough time to self-reflect, grow your identity, and get the space necessary for assessing your own objectives, dreams, and timelines.

3. Losing touch with friends and loved ones.

Each time I think of my bonds with people, my mind drifts back to The Sims video game. In The Sims, when you speak with your mother or friends, you get points for being sociable, and a meter of your connection makes it possible to keep an eye on how close you’re with someone. The more you speak, the tighter your connection becomes, and the more things you stack up with your friend/family member/lover.

I consider these fictional points in real life all the time. I am able to feel when my social barometer with somebody begins to dive, when I have not reached them out in a little while.

I won’t ever let myself lose friends over a boyfriend, particularly since friendships tend to outlast relationships. A best friend will be there to help you pick up the bits long after any connection shatters, so it is critical to not choose a pal for granted. Never again will I blow friends off to get a man. He’ll still be there when I get back from a night on the town with my women.


Another error I was able to make was leaning too heavily on my boyfriend when going places or traveling. Now, in my current relationship, I go wherever I want, whenever I want — with or without my significant other. I attempt to make it a point to visit bookstores, shopping, and take women trips solo so we could have the pleasure of missing each other, and strengthen our bond in the procedure.

5.  Prioritizing somebody who does not do the exact same for me.

Never again will I set the time and effort into a relationship if I feel that my partner is not reciprocating. Now I will only remain in a partnership if I feel totally loved, loved, made to feel special, and a person’s #1 on their list of priorities. If I feel taken for granted, I do not wait and see if things will get better, I leave and find someone better — someone who really cares. As I’ve met and been courted by different guys, I have learned to have a zero-tolerance for BS, as my self-worth increased.

Relationships take work, and you should not just bond anytime something goes wrong, but you deserve to find someone who will appreciate you since being with the wrong person can and will make you miserable. Being with someone who does not care makes you wonder whether something is wrong with you, but the ideal person will make you love parts about yourself that you never even thought to love.

This narrative  by Jessica Wendroff initially appeared on Ravishly, a feminist news+culture site. Follow us on Twitter & Facebook and check out these related stories:

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