Getting sexually exhausted, finally, with exactly the same person day in and day out. Girls do it. Men do it. Does this still happen when you are permitted to get funky with others whenever you want?
One of my readers that I will call”Paul” wrote this:
Thanks to your awesome information I now have a wonderful, permissive, smoking hot, borderline-nymphomaniac OLTR I’ve been seeing for about a year now. Recently though, I am simply not getting as hard as I used to and reaching orgasm with her is becoming far more challenging. Meanwhile, I’m having no trouble whatsoever with my two FBs, despite both of them being nowhere near as attractive. It feels like this may be an inevitable part of being with the same girl for quite a long time. Is there anything you can suggest to mitigate it?
Let’s get this out of the way. What Paul is talking about is normal. Yes, even in an OLTR. Not only can it be normal, it is biological, which means it is not necessarily anyone’s fault. As I discuss in The Unchained Man, we’ve got the bodies, DNA, and brains of cavemen living 100,000 decades back.
The feminine caveman was hard-wired to be drawn to the father of her kids just until those kids could be cellular and fend for themselves by around age three. Following that, she had no biological reason to be drawn to him, and was, perhaps, on another man.
I say”was” in both cases , but the fact is that it must be”is.” You and your long term girlfriend or wife are hard-wired right now to get sexually pleased with each other to a degree as the dating ages. It can not not occur finally unless one of you is a bizarre and rare exception to the rule. You do not have very much control over hard-wired biology, and if you believe you do, try not taking a rest for 48 hours.
The key word in the above paragraph is that the word finally . The fantastic thing is that you have a whole lot of control over how long finally is, in addition to the seriousness of any reduction of attraction.
Let us take reasonably common situation from the woman’s perspective. She is the typical nice woman. He is a confident Alpha Man with lots of dating and woman encounter. She is super attracted to him, and they become a really serious OLTR and move in together.
Let us look at two possible situations :
He begins acquiescing to a lot of her needs. He begins spending more time at home and less time working on his company and his Mission. With time, he stops having sex with other girls because he admits he”does not have to” since the sex with her is so great. He begins gaining a little weight too.
Scenario two: Despite currently living with the girl of his dreams, the man remains a pure Alpha 2.0. He works hard on his organization and Mission. Occasionally she softly bugs him to work less and spend more time with her, but he well says no and continues. He proceeds to have regular sex with one or two really sexy, younger FBs on the side, even though she complaints about occasionally. He really starts lifting weights and watching his diet and begins losing weight, looking better than he did when they first began dating.
Here is the question. Assuming both situations were the same in most respects except what I just explained, do you believe the girl is going get bored with him sexually in the same time in both situations?
Obviously not! In situation 1, she is likely to get bored with him sexually pretty damn quickly, maybe within the first 12 months, certainly within the first 2-3 years (again, unless she is a really strange exception to the rule).
In scenario 2, it’ll be a lengthy time until she starts getting bored with him, years and years. Even if she is frustrated with his lack of compliance, her sexual desire for him will remain very strong. Read this if you would like additional information about why.
Can she never get bored with him if they remain together and if he stays Alpha 2.0? No. That is Guy-Disney, and Disney does not exist. She is still a woman and has core human biology. While it is going to take many years, she’ll still eventually reach the point where sex with him does not turn her on as much as it once did. Assuming the relationship remains strong and he is doing everything right, she will probably continue to remain with him. (Double that if he starts doing well financially.) Of course there are no guarantees and All Relationships Are Temporary™, but I am just saying that she is unlikely to depart when she gets sexually pleased with him, unlike Plenty of girls in ordinary monogamous relationships to dull beta men or exasperating (in the woman’s standpoint) Alpha Man 1.0s.
Regardless, Paul is asking about his sexual boredom.
Well, it works the exact same way, just in reverse.
Since he is a human, Paul will finally get sexually pleased with his OLTR, even though she is sexy as hell and fantastic in bed, especially if they move in together. It can’t not occur (unless he is a peculiar exception to the rule, which obviously , he’s not).
But, his girlfriend has the capability to delay Paul’s boredom by several years. All she must do is keep acting like how she acted when she first started dating Paul. If she does this, and most girls do not, then it’ll be a lengthy time before Paul starts getting bored.
However, I bet that when I did a comprehensive analysis of Paul, his girlfriend, and their connection, I’d realize there are many behaviours his girlfriend is no longer doing that she was able to do when the connection was new. There could also be new behaviours she’d probably introduced into the relationship which didn’t exist when the connection was new and hot to Paul.
We can only speculate on what these behaviors are, but I guarantee they’re there.
It might not be only behaviours. Her look may have changed. Maybe she has gained some weight even though she is still attractive. Perhaps she had really long hair and how she has short hair, or possibly changed the colour of her hair. Maybe she sees differently and/or wears makeup.
Paul’s conscious mind does not find those things, but his subconscious mind picks up on it all. Then, for some reason Paul does not know he has trouble getting hard during intercourse with her, although he really likes her and remains decently drawn to her (so he believes ).
Are there instances where guys are in longer relationships with a girl and become bored with them although the girl does not shift? Or do not change much? It happens, but it is much rarer. All men need sexual selection. Again, we are cavemen so we can not help it; it is assembled into the heart of who we are. However, some guys have a much stronger demand for variety than many others. Some guys need an insane quantity of variety. It is these guys who will eventually get bored with a girl somewhat quickly regardless of what she does.
I have spoken with intense Thrill of the Hunt guys who actually begin to get bored with a girl once they have had sex with her four or five times. They may continue to have sex with her then, but the excitement and sexual pleasure is not what it was. Their need for sexual variety is way beyond the average.
It is unlikely you’re inside this class, but if you’re, then yeah, you are going to need to learn how to handle that if a long-term OLTR is in your future.