Ever meet a man doula? Here is your chance.Listen to Real Men Feel, #146, “Men’s Role in Birth” here: Male doula, William Moore, joins us to talk about the importance of men being involved in the birthing process.”There are those who think inside the box. There are people that are commended for thinking outside the box. I say why are you in the box to start with?” ~ William Moore William Moore, C.P.E. is a Semi-Professional Football player, an artist, a public health professional, a doula and most importantly a guy who cares about his community. As a Certified Perinatal Educator, Doula and Lactation Educator who’s sensitive to expectant mother’s and father’s needs, William is an advocate for them in the physician’s office and during the birth procedure.This wide-ranging interview covers what doulas do, the importance of men being involved, the stereotypes against guys being involved, the energy of a great Grandma, toxic masculinity, joy, and being weird.Issues and Questions Include:(1:34) What’s a doula? (4:56) Postpartum and breastfeeding support (7:25) Is it common for men to become doulas? (10:40 ) Break out of the domain of labels. (19:06) Infant and maternal mortality rates (20:30) Let’s get more guys involved in the birth process (24:05) Reasons for the disparity in infant mortality and maternal death rates — systematic racism. (27:40) Are men resistant to being more concerned? (29:24) Ideas on toxic masculinity. (36:39) Will’s philosophy for life. (42:40) The slow death of letting someone else define you. (45:24) Being bizarre and embracing it (51:16) After your eyesight (52:39) What do you need more guys realized about the birthing procedure? (56:56) What both parents want for their children. ◊♦◊[embedded material ] [embedded material ] “Many men and women see birth function as women’s work. But caring for your family is not women’s work, it’s family work. It’s incumbent on everyone.” ~ William Moore Interested in being on Will’s podcast? email [email protected]For information on his doula work, contact [email protected] Will’s podcast, Chill Time is Will Time. Let us know what you thought here in the comments or shoot an email to [email protected].Subscribe to the podcast in RealMenFeel.org/iTunesLike the Actual Men Feel show on Facebook facebook.com/realmenfeelshowScroll down to the author bio for all the links to get more #RealMenFeelA version of this article was previously published on RealMenFeel.org and is republished here with permission by the author.–If you think in the work we’re doing here at The Great Men Project and wish to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, now. All Premium Members get to See The Great Men Project with NO ADS.A $50 annual membership provides you an all-access pass. You can be a part of each telephone, group, class, and community.A $25 yearly membership provides you access to a single class, one Social Interest group, and our online communities. A $12 annual membership provides you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community. Register New Account Need more info? A whole list of advantages is here.–Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash

Taking good care of your family is not women’s work, it’s family work.

The article Guys ’s Role in Birth [Podcast] appeared on The Great Men Project.

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5 Signs You’ve Found a Great Man

“A great man is hard to discover.”

I remember my mother saying these words to me when I wanted to begin dating. The words pushed pause in my mind and made me question my heart. Was the man who asked me out not good? Was my mother giving me this warning for a reason? Can she not trust my judgment? Or, were great men as rare as my mother said they were?

I learned my mom did not make up those words. They were created from a short story written in 1955 by American female writer, Flannery O’Connor. Flannery’s catchy name soon became branded to the psyches of romantics everywhere like some sort of twisted truth.

Flannery, who died of Lupus in age 39, wasn’t married, though she had a love affair with a book salesman. I wonder whether her good man was there someplace between the salesman and the traces of the novels he sold?

A Good Man is Hard to Find.

I have spent years considering what a fantastic man really is. I have seen great in every man who has graced my world, whether romantically or platonically, however twisted up they could be inside. The better question may be, how in tune are they with their great? How do they manage their pain? How can they process their anxiety? And which sort of support system do they have in this world? My therapist self understands that working tools and support systems are the main indicators of someone’s mental health.

I had been trained not to trust my instinct when it comes to guys. Perhaps you were too. I’ve needed to reparent myself to trust my gut instincts by paying attention to the green and red (as in good) flags along the way. Below are a few of the green flags that male friends, coworkers, and past fans have held.

How do I know if he’s a fantastic man?

1. He’s ready to listen rather than leap to advice-giving or try to correct me once I want to vent.

There’s a two minute Youtube video called, “It’s Not About the Nail.” If you would like to comprehend how the male brain automatically functions, watch it. Active listening is a learned skill rather than an innate ability. A guy who can listen is far more sexy than a guy with a six-pack. One of my friends recently said her favorite foreplay is using a profound heart to heart conversation with her husband. “When he listens with his heart, I swoon,” she said with a big cheesy smile.

How can you know if your guy is listening? He’s silent and careful, and if you are sitting in front of one another, he gives you direct eye contact. “So that made you feel frustrated and caused you to close down because you had space to process. Can I get that right?”

You have it right. You heard me. You didn’t attempt to modify or fix me. You simply re-stated what I expressed to you and that’s all I needed. Alright, let’s make out today.

Make-out session aside, it’s hot, enticing, and Oxytocin-producing (aka very bonding) when a guy can just listen and be present for a woman.

2. He expresses his feelings easily and effortlessly.

I am not talking about overexpressing — such as carrying a box of tissue around and honking his nose every 20 minutes. I am talking about a guy who has no trouble telling you how he feels. I had a man yoga student who recently walked into the studio and said,”I feel nervous, I have never done this before. I just wanted to inform you that.” The secretary and I were floored by his willingness. I said,”Can every man be like this?” For many men, the courage needed to say: I am nervous, I’m scared, I’m feeling lonely is buried behind years of man-ups and do not be such a sissy. They are not any different from sex to gender. They begin with a thought and then form into physiological senses. Men have them just as often as girls do. A man who expresses his feelings, however, is a rare jewel. And when he expresses them, he’s one step closer to processing them through.

3. He’s mindful of his working tools and he uses them.

No codependency here. Whether your guy has been to treatment, he’s mindful of his own stress management tools and he uses them like a champ. Perhaps I am biased, but a guy who’s in treatment and possesses it’s his own I am about self-growth type of sexiness.

Coping tools are healthy outlets for anxiety or stress-preventative practices. This is a guy who knows what balance is. If he lifts weights goes to yoga or conducts, he does not burn himself out in the procedure. He feeds his mind, body, and soul with just-right doses of healthful activities. He might even motivate you to join his or her furry companion (insert your favourite pet here) at a morning meditation or test out the new sensory deprivation chamber or go to opening day at the baseball stadium.

If you are used to playing with a caretaking role, you can hang up that hat with this guy. He has himself covered. No unresolved mother issues. He understands that he doesn’t require a connection to fill in his psychological wounds. He’s a relationship that enriches his life. He’s attracted to you because you appear to get that self-care things going on too!

4. He thinks you are enough because he believes he’s enough.

This is a man that’s as humble as he is protected. He is not cocky or arrogant or narcissistic. Instead, he’s authentic. He enjoys himself enough to take space when he is stressed and gets that you will need to do the same sometimes. You do not feel a strong need to impress him with a new hairstyle or outfit or hours in the spa. When you dress him up, it is for pleasure, not for approval. You can be your sometimes messy, sometimes ultra-feminine self and it does not change how he treats you. He believes your vulnerability is as beautiful (if not more) than your bum. He doesn’t need to run when you express your insecurities. In actuality, he becomes more attentive and available to you.

5. It is possible to set boundaries and he honors them.

Insecure egos need not apply. You can also trust that he’ll express his feelings rather than repress them. He might say,”I will miss seeing you for our date night, but I am glad you are taking care of yourself.” You melt. Why? Because he said his sense straight and while also validating your need for space.

You feel protected setting boundaries with him since he’s open and honest. He will not hold a grudge against you and do something passive-aggressive like cancel your next date night to go out with the boys. You know how he feels, making you feel much closer to him. Your open communication permits you to honor one another’s needs for space so you enjoy the time you have together.

When healthy boundaries are a part of a relationship, couples have the ability to appear for each other with their entire selves. A man who takes no is a unicorn. Do not let this one go.

There are no perfect men.

However, I think there are loads of good men. And they might not be that difficult to discover. Look carefully at the men in your life. How can they exemplify any of these 5 attributes? And furthermore, look within. How can you resonate and embody these traits?

We bring what we amplify. You want more goodness, be goodness.

When you begin to embody everything you like, the great men will not be so tough to discover.

This post was formerly published on Publishous and is republished here with permission from the author.

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As a good man is hard to discover.

The article 5 Signs You’ve Found a Great Man appeared on The Great Men Project.

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Men, Tears, and Strength

Something opens in him. He can not hold in his pain. His heart hurts. His wife has left him. Or he’s left her. In any event, he grieves.

Men cry. I see this frequently in my job.  Contrary to common belief, they are powerful guys. Strong enough to…

Trust others to assist them.
Visit the scary places inside.

These aren’t men who crumble into a whole mess and can not pick up themselves for months or years later. That is a Hollywood cliché, designed frequently for entertainment purposes, not reality.

The reality is a man who cracks open out of his anger, through his rage, and to his tears, to resurface with a brightness, simplicity, and strength — a light that was not there before.  This man has a courage that’s frequently not viewed in the public eye.

This man gets it when I say to him –“Feel the hurt.

And it’s here, stripped from his armor, a man answers the call of his heart, of what the world hungers for from men — their complete loving hearts.

Strong AND loving.
Consistent AND flexible.

Stripped of self love, bare of machismo, at his {} ground zero, a man starts the job of rebuilding himself.  Here he frees himself of prior resentments, judgements, and arrogance, so as to be relational and romantic with his spouse, his loved ones, and the world. Giving weight, bringing into balance, his relational character with his transactional character.

It begins with his tears.

Until then, until he gets to the source of his own pain, he hobbles around, emotionally crippled, half a human being, including a time bomb inside. That is… until he can not contain it anymore.

In his splitting open, a man may go to where…

He fears most.
He had been programmed NOT to go.
He faces his fears of”being weak, a sissy, or a wimp.”

In the passing of his previous programming, he might be born to a different way of being a guy. He might understand his tenderness is an untapped strength. And he might reevaluate his tears frequently to tap the well.

He has to feel his harm so as to develop strength and compassion, to maintain the hurt of his spouse .

And only then can he be completely trustworthy to her. Only then can he be the guy she dreams of. Only then can he…

Stand in the fire.
Stay calm when she cannot.
Hold her when she’s struggling.

And it’s here, a question that girls frequently ask me gets answered.

“How come my guy is so closed down?”

I often say, he was raised to be that way for a boy. He was educated feeling…

Stress makes him a”wimp.”
Joy makes him “gay.”

He had been raised in”The Man Box.” * A limited container, limiting him to a restricted assortment of emotions.  It began at age five or even sooner — at school on the playground or at home with his dad or brother.

“Be a man.”

“Do not cry.” **

The Man Box dilutes his gifts as an adult man. Compromises his accessibility to empathy, patience, love, kindness, existence, and a selection of emotions.  From The Person Box, he resides in a black and white world, his liberty to live as an enlivened, lively man badly handicapped.

To escape The Man Box, he should fight… till his death, until his old means of masculinity dies.  And he can reclaim his psychological life.

But he will not go there until it is clear his present life is obviously no longer functioning. Until crisis hits. Until he loses things and family members. Until he pops his tears.

What he needs to realize is this.

“Only boys keep their lips dry.
Only boys are scared to cry.
-Rain, Vachel Lindsay

Tears are a present.

Tears are peacemakers.

Tears bring peace to a person’s oppressed heart.
Tears raise his rate of survival.
Tears strengthen his bond to other people.

Tears of the heart include the compound leucine-enkephalin, an endorphin that reduces pain and improves mood. ***

Tears don’t rob a man of his masculinity. In actuality, they enhance his masculinity.  By heartbreak, he learns his healthful powers of assertion, supplanting old patterns of violent aggression.

Tears don’t make a man a woman. They make him an emotionally richer and more empathic man. A man to whom the world can relate.  A guy who can fight for what is right in the world, rather than just what is ideal for his pocket .

Tears allow a man to maintain strong connection with himself, so as to maintain strong relationship with his spouse, his loved ones, and the entire world. Yes, back to self-relationship for healthy venture.

I’ve shed many tears. Over the last five decades, particularly. Enduring and fighting older selves that had to die. Ritualizing grief in passing. Crying tears for life.

The death of a marriage.
The passing of a career.
The near death (amputation) of a leg.
The passing of a Nation.

Gently washed off the muck in my soul, begging to be cleansed.

Previously Released on stuartmotola.com

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How Can She Love You Once You Hate Yourself


“I know, I know, I am supposed to love myself,” a customer says to me. “Find more self respecting and self-trust. But in fact, I just want more than anything to discover deep connection with a spouse.

I hear this from a number of my male customers.

Felix pauses. He looks me over.

When he actually says this, I respond,”Why do you feel you are supposed to love yourself?”

I understand it, in my gut, from years of connections. Her love can not compensate for the love I do not have for myself.”

Knowledge without mastery is similar to a key with no door.

“I mean in the beginning, it is great and all. I feel completely filled with her. And as time passes… anyhow, you know the story… the same old me creeps back in. The person who’s discontent, discovering flaws in her, frustrated that she begins taking me for granted, not seeing me how she did, etcetera, etcetera. I’m hooked on the first part of things, you know, the rush, and then… it is always the same.”

“So you ache for something you have never been able to achieve,” I say.

“Fuck Yes!”

The second is thick with tragic irony. He laughs. I laugh. To get a splinter of time, it is not so heart-numbingly excruciating. Laughter gives him space.

“Imagine if you took the fire and energy of the’Fuck Yes!’ And brought it back to yourself”

He ponders this. I give him an opportunity to sink deeper into the question. I sense he knows the way to do it bring back the energy to himself.

He shuts his eyes. A minute passes, then another. He speaks.

“I have been checking out from myself for many years for a fantasy I don’t even think in. The fantasy of The One. I do it because I am lazy. I don’t wish to do the job to love myself. Why should I? I do not even know if I enjoy myself.”

BAM! I let the gravity of the final statement land. Can he remain in self-pity or move himself forward? A couple of minutes pass. He’s frozen.

“So you do not know if you enjoy yourself,” I say.

He does not respond. It would be easy to ask why and get all the details of his self-loathing, but for now, I am more interested in the effect of it.

“You know as well as I do, that in case you don’t enjoy yourself…”

“I know. I understand… how is someone else supposed to like or love me?” He becomes angry, short tempered.

“God damn it”

He starts breathing deeply, sighing, emitting sounds of distress. He is working himself hard.

After some time, I say,”Can you find the internal war going on in you?”

He looks up, eyes glassy, face flushed.

“Felix, you understand the failings of connection as you have pursued it previously. You know that nobody can love you enough to compensate for you not enjoying yourself. You said it. Not me. And yet, you reside in a reality where you always tell yourself that you should enjoy yourself when in actuality, you…”

He completes the sentence before I could.

With this understanding comes a peace, a reprieve, the reality. I see relief on his face. He is no more hiding behind the false mandate of how he should love himself.

Felix’s problem isn’t about self-love. It is about pulling the plug on the inner war inside of him. It is about accepting his self-loathing and moving forward from that point. Asking himself Is this how I need to live my life?

While, for sure, there would be deeper work to comprehend where his loathing came out, for today it is about seeing clearly the playing area of his inner system and working from there.

The unwinding of self-loathing is a far deeper practice than loving one’s self.

Will he do the job?

Find a guide, mentor, coach or therapist who can help you cut through your blind spots. The price is too good to wait.

This post was formerly published on Stuartmotola.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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Conflict in connection — it stinks. You know how it goes.

She says this. He says that. She gets angry. He gets pissed. Something hurtful is stated somewhere along the way. The two of you are triggered and feel very dangerous.

Two individuals, allegedly together, spin down different rabbit holes. Ideas fly off the handle.

Can I have a future with this person?

How many times can we do so?

Or perhaps with a mutual decision to revisit it later. No matter an inner frequency yells, You are not safe.

A couple of hours pass, or day or two, before you join with your spouse again. What happens to you?

Can you badger yourself with questions such as…


How do I make it better?
What can I do to make him (or her) love me?

For reference sake, let’s call this person #1.

Or maybe you’re full of projection and blame, thinking…

He always acts like this.

We’ll call this person #2.

Or perhaps you just shut it all out.  F*#k it, I do not need to deal with this shit. I will have a drink.

Or you calm down and say to yourself, It will be okay. Give her/him some time.

Person #4.

Which of the aforementioned are you?

Whichever you are, the common denominator is your chance to be with yourself at the wake. A opportunity to find out how you hold yourself.  How you’re in healthy self-relationship or not.

And most people will not go there — self-inquiry.  They will repeat the same patterns over and over, rather than doing the job of change and growth.  But that is not you or you would not be reading this.

“The way out of a trap is to be aware of the method by which in which the trap is built. Only then will it stop being a snare.”
— Marguerite Beecher, Beyond Success and Failure

Ok, what is your trap?  Let us unwind the dynamics over.

If you are individual #1, you wish to make things better before you have even had a chance to be on your own. You’re what is called a Fixer or Rescuer.

I understand that course well and lived it for several years. I wrote a publication with Repairing You from the name.

For a Fixer, your occupation during and after battle is to be with yourself. To self-regulate.  Deep breaths. Meditation. Walks. Whatever it takes.

Reduce the energy put into ideas of — Can she leave me? How do I make it better?

First and foremost, stop fixing your spouse as a method of avoiding yourself.  No longer — if she is ok, I could be ok. That is called self-betrayal.  Instead, ask yourself How can I be okay? How do I take care of myself? Time to be covetous.

If you are man #2, you are a blamer.  It is all blame, shame, and projection. You are essentially doing the same thing as individual #1, but your goal is your spouse, rather than yourself.  You do not try to fix but rather, you are prepared for war.

Like individual #1, you are not dealing with what is inside of you — the hurt, the disappointment, the despair. All you act on is the very best emotion of anger. And yet under anger is sadness. Get to your own sadness.

In blaming, you endeavor the hurt you are feeling onto your spouse as a means of not dealing with yourself. Perhaps they did actually do something wrong or say something stupid or hurtful, how do you return to them with compassion and strength?

For both men #1 and #2, it is about noticing what is happening within you, the emotions you are feeling. When the work isn’t done, results include lifelong codependency, victim consciousness, adultery, drug addiction, violence, and worse.

Individual #3 is an abdicator. He or she kicks the can down the street, checks out, and numbs. Again another way of not dealing with self and hard feelings. No fantastic relational results come for this individual either.

Person #4 is in fact the healthiest. She self-regulates by not freaking out. He knows that time heals and provides perspective. She cuts herself some slack. He gets out of his reptilian fight or flight system.

And yet, what’s not stated for individual #4 is healthful self-reflection.  To ask — Can I contribute to the battle? If so, how do I take responsibility for my part?

Person #4 isn’t the norm. For to this place requires grit and perseverance — working your way from the snare of reactivity, cultivating healthy self-relationship, and self-responsibility.

You don’t job, blame, fix, or numb. Instead, you take responsibility and honor yourself and your spouse.  What’s that look like?

Learn more next week in a piece entitled, “Release The Damage, Step Into Repair.”

Previously Released on stuartmotola.com

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Escaping Traditional Masculinity Might Be the Bravest Thing a Man Can Do

Cry-baby. Both of these heart-wrenching words that men are advised as small boys, and as they grow up to be well — men, their self, and real emotions become suppressed.

I talk in fact, as a thirty-something-year-old girl that there’s nothing sexier than a guy living in his raw, emotionally naked self. It’s what builds for trust and connection in a profound, long-lasting, and romantic relationship. I don’t like to guess what you’re thinking, feeling, or what it is that you truly want. As your partner, I’m there to listen. 

Please bare it all! I wish to know what I’m up against, what I could take, not take, and what I am prepared to put up with (I dare you to try me!) .

By all means, I don’t expect you to suppress being the guy you were born as; the person who might automatically feed into his animalistic character when he sees something, or somebody his insides crave.  However, I do ask that you not dread to take out the mask. I ask that you don’t reside in shame if that Ed Sheeran song you hear on the radio while driving to work makes you only a tad bit choked up, or, worse, forces you to begin considering your own life, and possibly even marriage.

It’s okay, and it’s safe to feel your feelings. Feelings are precisely that — they are supposed to be felt. I promise not to judge!

It’s okay to be imperfect. The majority of the time our most important fuck-ups lead to burnout, even if you must ride out the shit storm to get there. It is the way you rise back up again, and that ultimately is the one thing that really matters. Learn how to love your scars, and I’ll love them. I get that you’re not unbreakable.

Failing at work, at a target, in a dream, or a connection doesn’t make you a failure as a man. I adore you for failing, since it means you attempted. It means you cared for something to go after it. And it means that you’re courageous enough to fucking do it!

Since there’s nothing more beautiful, and sexy than permitting us to adore you, even if you’re broken. There’s nothing more magical than to see, and be seen for who you really are. And, perhaps, you may just come to discover that the little boy inside is braver than the guy who shows his face to the world each and every day.

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To the parts of you that fear being viewed.Come with me.I will free you. Be your beacon.Be your light. Who speaks?When you go deep in your heart…When you touch the area within…Where you’re not willing to hide? If you emphasise your precious you…Out of your beloved, from the world, out of yourself? Who speaks?When you come out of the dark…When you feel what you’ve feared…When you let down your guard? When you depart from replies…When you anticipate pain as a manual…From the past? When you risk? When you’re there for you? Be seen. This isn’t a trick. I’ve been waiting for you.I’m an ally, a friend, a lover. A beacon of light. I am you.You are me. We have always been. In the atmosphere of our lungs.From the air we breathe. From the life force of”we.” You remain connected to you.I to me. And together we will know. It is good to come homeTo the pieces of usThat we have locked up for so long. It’s great to come home to you, my dear.– Inspired by my previous week spent at Planet Bluegrass'”The Song School” in Lyons, CO, a songwriting retreat and multi-day workshop.   For four days, 175 people shared our love of music and songwriting. We did it together, supporting one another in our collective enthusiasm. For a lot of us, it felt just like home.  A location stripped of ego, competition, and judgment. An area without concern for — Who’s got an audience? Who is making it? We relaxed into a community of fellow human beings. We forged relationships that might have otherwise been blocked. We arrived home to ourselves and one another. –Previously Released on stuartmotola.comShutterstock

To the parts of you that fear being viewed.

The article Unlock Your Precious Heart appeared on The Great Men Project.

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I shared a vulnerable place  and an outpouring of support, trust, and link came my way. A couple of people asked me,”Are you okay? I’m here for you.”Others said,”Thank you for sharing. This really helped me through difficulty.” And some said,”You are really brave.” It touched me. And it got me wondering, why was an easy sharing of the center so upsetting for people? Is it unusual in daily life? Are we so disconnected from our hearts?In my experience, the answer is yes.  And most challenging of all is when we hide our heart where it matters most — in our intimate relationship with our principal partner. And yet if we open our heart, our spouse opens to us. But we have to have the courage to act. Still, often we do not. It happens when in reaction to sharing, we hear…You will be fine, honey.Just get it over. Afterward, we feel even more lonely.  Did he hear me? Does she care?  We wonder. It is too much. But I need to challenge you.  Can it kill you?  Is it worth keeping your heart locked up?For some individuals, the answer is yes, without even knowing it; it is unconscious.We lock away our hearts to stay safe and paradoxically, it makes us less secure.  And as time passes, we lose one another.”There are elements of our personal story that are top secret. They’re off limits; we don’t dare show them to anyone.”All of this holding back makes us think that our spouse also has no additional mysteries to reveal. At this time, Eros begins to recoil.”-Prem Baba, “From Suffering to Joy: The Path of The Heart” Eros, that exotic part of us that’s profoundly curious about our spouse. When it is gone, we endure. Vital pieces of us die. The spark of dating simmers out.Simply said, the locking up of someone’s heart is a sort of self-betrayal and self-abandonment. It’s like you’re saying to yourself, I am not worthy of being loved; not worthy of being viewed; not worthy of relationship. So then, how can you keep your heart open in connection?Without the fear of burdening your spouse? Minus the fear of being weak? The answer has to do with you, more than your spouse. And it looks like that… cultivate healthy self-relationship… experience your heart. Sit with the pieces of you (fear, hope, loss, judgment, etc) that you resist sharing with your spouse. Work with these parts. As I said in my article last week, if I am not attached to me, I can not be attached to you. It’s that easy.Healthy self-relationship is the basis for a heartfelt, energized, and satisfying spouse relationship.  Once we practice it, we learn to open our heart to our ego and our spouse — without fear of judgment.When you commit to being in healthy self-relationship, you are saying, self-evident self. We are in this for the long haul. We get to know each other.  It lets you approach your beloved in a responsible way — with a tender heart, stripped of projection or blame, and a brave sense of vulnerability. “Babe, I’ve been in lots of fear lately. I wish to speak with you. And yet I am afraid you may not be amenable to hearing me. Can I share what has been happening with me?”I feel like we have been losing one another lately. I wish to feel closer to you.”Notice all of the”I” statements. Self-responsibility is alluring.  You are in your autonomous, building ethics with your own desires and needs — and producing authentic, permitted, and energized relationship with your spouse.And your spouse feels it.  She or he can relax, feel connected to you, and expect you to stay connected, even once you disconnect from yourself.—-Shutterstock

Is it worth keeping your heart locked up?

The article Hiding Hard Feelings and How It Affects Your Relationship appeared on The Great Men Project.

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