10 Most Common Reasons Why People Can Not Give up a Lost Relationship

From Randi Gunther Ph.D..

Loving someone even after the end of a connection can be devastating, especially if you’re the rejected partner. You will feel a {} of mixed feelings that will hit your self-esteem and leave you heartbroken. However, as people, we always continue to hope.

Most people will eventually cure after a relationship ends, especially if both spouses have agreed to separate. With helpful advice, they learn from their mistakes, get comfort from friends, and finally commit to another relationship.

Sadly, it’s quite a different story if one spouse walks out if the other remains attached. The anguish of being the rejected partner in an aborted relationship could be catastrophic. Some people today experience unending despair, callous pessimism, and a deepening fear that love may never happen for them .

I’ve spent many hours with those profoundly saddened, abandoned spouses who can’t seem to get beyond their losses. I’ve listened to their tales of one-sided relationship endings and their confusion as to why they can’t appear to make love last.

If people are abandoned in consecutive relationships, others often judge them harshly. These always rejected lovers too frequently find themselves on the other than of well-meaning friends who push them to”just get it over,” or {} somehow responsible for the connections not working out.

That’s so rarely correct. Most who suffer protracted grief have tried everything they knew to make their relationships work. When they’re once again left behind, they’re in clear confusion and regret, wondering if the pain will ever go away.

In the many decades, I have worked with these often repetitively abandoned spouses, I have been able to help them determine how the manner in which they approach relationships might have something to do with the reason they finish. Equipped with this knowledge, they’re better able to understand what they may have done differently.

The following are the most frequent personality traits and behaviors that a number of these patients have shared with me, in hopes they’ll have the ability to assist those who still reside in protracted suffering after being rejected by someone they still love.

The Ten Most Common Reasons Why People Can Not Give up a Lost Relationship?

1) Innate Insecurity

If their relaxation is disrupted by an unpredictable threat, the majority of people have mastered defense mechanisms that help them conquer their legitimate feelings of fear and despair. Over time, they have the ability to proceed.

Sadly, there are those who suffer deeper levels of stress and might also have experienced multiple losses previously. As relationship partners, they might have more difficulty rebalancing when left by a once-trusted spouse. They feel significantly more helpless and hopeless, as though they’ll never be able to trust love again. Sometimes, almost not able to work, their pain overcomes any expectation that they’ll ever get better.

If people believe they’ve finally found the”perfect relationship,” and their spouses then walk away, they might despair that they won’t ever find love this wonderful again. Relationship partners that have experienced these sorts of one-way abandonments might have always dreamed of having a unique, trustworthy, and loving partner. Yet, upon finding somebody who appears to fit the bill, they are overly fearful to ask as to whether or not their partners have had the exact desires or expectations.

When they believe they’ve discovered that ideal partner, they put everything they have in the relationship, hoping against hope it won’t ever end. Any warning signals from the other spouse are often ignored until it’s too late.

3) Childhood Abandonment Trauma

These early experiences make them more likely to distrust relationship spouses or try too tough to over-trust them. Their insecure attachments to their caretakers in early life also often make them become overly-fearful adults, not able to let love in for fear that inevitable loss will happen.

People with such fears of an attachment may believe {} completely in the game of love but, rather, are self-protective and not able to risk genuinely committing to a relationship. They see security as evasive and out of the hands, but earnestly continue to {} commit without careful discernment.

That inherent fear too often frustrates the men and women who try to love them. They frequently wind up discouraged and need to leave the connection, recreating childhood abandonment injury in the individual they leave behind.

4) Fear of Being Alone

If a man or woman is fearful that love won’t ever happen, they will often tolerate abuse, negligence, or disingenuous behavior merely to remain in almost any relationship. If their relationship partners continue to participate in these irregular investments, one of two things will occur: another partner will start to feel too guilty to stay around, or will remain in the relationship while simultaneously search elsewhere for a better deal.

5) Relying Only on One’s Partner for Self-Worth

It’s dangerous for any romantic partner to allow another to be entrusted as the sole definer of the individual’s basic value. Like putting all one’s eggs in the same basket, there’s certain to be complete devastation if this belief doesn’t result in a positive reaction.

If this partner chooses to terminate the relationship, the rejected spouse has just that one person’s negative self-image to rely upon. They could only find fault in who they have been, what they have done wrong, and they might always be unlovable to anybody else.

6) Fear of Failure

There are people that are literally terrified of failing at anything, and relationships are merely one piece of this puzzle. They give their all to anything they pursue, and can not confront their efforts may not stand out in something as critical as a love affair.

In their fear of failing, they also frequently either overreact when something appears to be going wrong, or overlook crucial cues due to their hyper-vigilant focus.

When their spouses leave the relationship, they frequently take all the blame, feeling that they should have done better or more. Frequently that self-denigration makes every succeeding venture more vulnerable to failing for the same reasons.

7) Romantic Fantasizers

Relationships that thrive aren’t intimate in the storybook sense. Even though they start, as new love relationships do, with mutually apparently unconditional acceptance and forgiveness, they need to finally work out the gaps and challenges that all long-term responsibilities create.

These partners wish to be all things to their fans, as though in a cloud of intensive and continuing rapture. When the normal disruptions of life succeeds, amorous fantasizers see them as just temporary barriers and do not take them seriously.

When a romantic fantasizer wishes to hold onto bliss at any given cost, another partner often feels hidden and unknown, and will seek out a more realistic experience.

8) Undying Love

There are those who believe that loving someone until the end of time is a virtue and pride themselves in never giving up enjoying their spouses even if the connection is over. They truly hold onto the belief that love once so beautiful will not perish and commit to waiting for another person to return.

Interestingly enough, many relationships do end prematurely for the wrong reasons, and the spouses who leave may regret doing this later. For most, however, the unswerving commitment to remain loyal to a spouse who has abandoned the connection prevents them from adopting any new love. The lost love is always eulogized so that any other venture succeeds by comparison.

Sometimes a love partner finds another who’s more unbelievably perfect in certain significant areas. The remainder of the relationship might not be as rewarding, but the expertise of overall satisfaction in one particular place is overwhelmingly satisfying. Once they have that expertise, they believe they can never go without it, and narrow their future alternatives. When rejected, they get hyper-focused on getting their partners to return, offering any sacrifice to make that happen.

10) The Really Agonized Stalkers

Sadly, there are those who can’t give up their intimate partners, however clearly know that the connection is finished. Even if the other spouse avoids, ghosts, or publicly humiliates them, they won’t, or can’t, give up.
They may feel that they have no other place to go. Or, they believe they won’t ever find someone so right for them. Maybe they choose partners that can never enjoy them the exact same way in return, and yet can not accept that finality.

If the pain is excellent enough, they may stalk, punish, or intrude, not able to stop pursuing that broken relationship. No quantity of self-degradation or humiliation appears to ease their pain or stop them from trying to prevent their destiny.

It’s only human to attempt and change the aftermaths of lost hope.

Many relationship seekers who undergo repeated rejection become weary cynics, risking less and less in each achievement partnership. They stop thinking that love relationships can ever work out since they can not afford to get hurt again.

Once understanding why those scenarios occur, many can learn how to select better spouses, confront the realities of what relationships provide and price, and increase their capacity for resiliency in the event the reduction is inevitable. Only then, can they know the more one enjoys, the more debilitating its loss? There’s not any other possibility.

Every relationship seeker must determine how much to risk if seeking true intimacy. To achieve the most amazing result, they must give up the prior aims of holding on to love at any cost, and create in its place, an authentic and real relationship whatever the outcome may be.

A version of the post was previously published on themindsjournal.com and is republished here with permission from the author.


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Some people today experience unending despair, callous pessimism, and a deepening fear that love may never happen for them.

The article 10 Most Common Reasons Why People Can Not Give up a Lost Relationship appeared on The Great Men Project.

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