The Way to Balance your Online Dates

How to Balance your Online Dates

How to Balance your Online DatesWhen you’ve joined the world of internet dating you’ve seen how fast you can begin to interact with singles locally and set up dates. Now there are two sorts of people on dating sites: individuals who have no intention on settling down with anyone and individuals who want to settle down but wish to meet the ideal person. If you’re one of those who wish to find the perfect one you might end up with multiple dates having difficulty remembering who’s who.

Here are some ideas to keep your internet dates directly.

Write it Down

Just make sure you destroy the evidence sooner or later.

Never talk other Dates

It is ok to be fair that out on other dates but do not take it too much by going over them all in detail. That’s a whole turnoff and no respectable girl is going to want to feel as though they are just another one of your online dates.

Under no circumstance should you ever answer calls, respond to texts/ winks from other girls or check your profile as you’re out on a date.

Mix up Your Date Spots

If you take all your dates at the very same places you’re sure to bump into one another while you’re out with somebody else.

Establish Boundaries

If you bring any dates to your home make sure and convey that fall in’s aren’t welcome. Not unless you’re ready to stop bringing different dates there also.

The Grass is not Always Greener

The main rule is to know when you’ve got a good one on your grasps and it is time to say good bye to others. It’s simple to set up dates but it’s tough to find a partner you are truly compatible with. If you’re fortunate enough to locate the 1 know when it is time to unplug and devote.

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–Do you need success with online dating? Online dating can be fun and easy if you avoid these six errors that guys most often make when dating online. Here are the six biggest mistakes men make online when calling a girl for the very first time. 1. Not Reading A Woman’s Profile: of all of the mistakes men make, this is among the biggest. Guys won’t see a lady’s profile, then move to email her anyway — even if they aren’t in her age range and do not enjoy any of the exact things she likes. It’s wonderful how many guys will only look at a picture of a woman and send her an email, when that lady would be 100% not interested based on what she said she is searching for in her own profile. When you do so, you are just wasting somebody’s time.2. Being A Winker: in the event that you really read women’s profiles on the internet, you’d see that a good deal of women request not get winks or state flat out that they do not respond to winks. Since plenty of men online are extremely lazy, thoughthey will go online and send out a hundred winks at a night hoping that one girl will react. When you do so, do you understand what that tells a girl right from the get-go? It informs her first that you did not read her profile, and second that you are pretty desperate. They do not care who reacts; they just need someone to react.3. Sending A Generic or”Cut’N Paste” Emails: Sending a generic or”cut’n paste” email when you haven’t read a woman’s profile is one of the biggest turnoffs to women online. Men will send an email to a hundred girl saying something like,”Hey, you and I’m really a game. Read my profile and check it out, and let me know what you think. When a woman reads this, she knows you’ve put no effort whatsoever into it. She knows it’s a generic email, and she isn’t going to react to it.4. No Follow-Up: Lack of follow up is another massive mistake guys make online. A guy will send an email to a girl, she’ll send you back to himand then he’ll wait rather than respond to her email straight away. He does not follow up until three weeks later when he will email her and provide some sort of excuse about being really busy at work. Do you understand what a girl thinks when this occurs? She believes,”Well he clearly emailed ten individuals, and that I was number four on his record. You do not make her feel important that manner. If you email a girl, you ought to follow along with it — both in terms of returning her mails and asking her out on a date. Women want men that behave like men, have a plan and follow it.5. Commenting On Her Picture: Commenting on a lady’s image shows her that you did not read her profile. If you write,”Boy, you look really good in that dress” or”Wow, you look sexy in that bathing suit” it shows a girl that you’re solely a visual man. Doing it’s overly sexual right from the get-go. It turns girls off. Girls want you to not just read their profile, but to comment on something she states in it. It shows them that something in their profile joins with you in some way.6. Talking About Yourself On Your Email: speaking about yourself in your first email (and first contact) with a girl and before you ask her a question is a major mistake. What you’re doing when you do that is being a”lister” — what I call guys who need to list all their good qualities to market themselves into a woman. Online dating is a whole lot of fun, but you will need to look at it otherwise. You will need to appear at your first contact with a girl as though you were meeting her live and in person.When you look at it this way, you’d never send a girl a list of your great qualities or make a comment about how sexy she looks in her swimsuit on the very first conversation.Think this way, and you will have greater success online, not turn any girls off. ◊♦◊Have you read the first anthology which was the catalyst for Your Great Men Project? ◊♦◊If you think in the work we’re doing here at The Great Men Project and wish to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, now. All Premium Members get to See The Great Men Project with NO ADS. A whole list of advantages is here.–Photo credit:

Let us begin with not reading a woman’s profile.

The article The 6 Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Contacting Girls On The Very First Time appeared first on The Great Men Project.

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By now you have probably realized that’the pub’ isn’t the best place to meet girls. Unlike what you see on tv and in the movies, not a lot of relationships really start out in a bar or a bar. A recent poll indicates that as few as 20 percent of adult relationships started after two adults met in a pub. Where else can a person go to meet girls if not into the local watering hole? Here’s a list of three of the best places to meet girls. If you take a look at a one or two of those spots you’ll be amazed at the amount of beautiful (and accessible ) girls you can meet!In a Gym or Fitness Club If you spend a whole lot of time in the gym, odds are you will see the same faces over and over again. If being fit and healthy and maintaining a healthy lifestyle is important to you and is something you look for in a partner, why not see if you’re able to locate a single woman at your gym? Are there some regulars that you find attractive? More Than At A Friend’s House Just because your friends are married or in relationships does not mean that all of their other friends are connected too, so you should definitely be on the lookout for new unmarried women whenever you’re over at a buddy’s house. If your friend throws a party or retains a dinner, make sure you show up and look your best and let your personality shine. You never know who might be waiting in the party suddenly. Your buddy’s spouse just may have some friendly and attractive single pals that you have never met before. Should you meet a new girl at your friend’s home, play it cool! You could always ask your friend or their spouse to learn more if you’re really interested.Yes, You Can Meet Some Terrific Single Girls Online Many men are reluctant to join the world of online dating, but nowadays a high number of successful relationships and marriages started online. For each weirdo out there you can also find a terrific woman just waiting to be swept off her feet by the ideal man. Or you may even find a girl who can sweep you from your feet, either literally or figuratively. Online dating lets you cast a broad net, so that if the woman of your dreams is on the opposite side of the planet you can actually have a chance of meeting her. Just consider how much better your chances will be if you aren’t confined to only dating girls who reside in your specific geographic location?These are only three of the numerous places where you are able to meet women. The ideal place to meet women could be different for every guy based upon your unique interests, hobbies and needs; but provided that you’re actively trying to find the ideal woman you’re far more likely to find her. Best of luck!

By now you have probably realized that’the pub’ isn’t the best place to meet girls. Unlike what you see on tv and in the movies, not a lot of relationships really start out in a bar or a bar. A recent survey indicates that as few as 20% of adult relationships started after two […] Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here

Ask Dr. NerdLove: What Can You Do When Your Best Is Not Good Enough?

Hello, Doc,

I am a single bisexual dude. Then I hit 30 and began to worry I had missed the chance to find someone. I decided it was time to put effort into attempting to date because it clearly was not happening on its own, but I was not in a good place emotionally to begin. It took a year of working on myself then for a place where I finally feel confident and able to really put myself out there.

I am on essentially every big dating program and site now. I compose thoughtful messages, select people based on their interests or personalities, avoid conventionally attractive individuals since they are already overwhelmed with attention, and I attempt to be open-minded concerning appearance, physique, age, sex, and sexuality. I put plenty of time and effort into creating the best profile I could, and I try to connect with as many possible matches as possible.

I mentally prepared myself for all sorts of rejection, but I can not even get to the area where somebody might reject me because I never hear back from anybody. I don’t actually get any answers or interest or messages from men or women (not counting the arbitrary 50-year-old men who just happen to be throwing out dick pics in all directions and seeing what sticks)

I turned to the world wide web to find out what information was out there for single folks who had been ineffective, and it seemed to boil down to information for improving yourself, but… What if I am already trying my best with all that? To cover some of those”you need to fix yourself” advice: I like fashion and dress nicely, I use an embarrassing amount of skincare products and set lots of care into my look, I am at a healthy weight, in good shape and workout a lot, and I’m currently in therapy to work in my melancholy and mindset. I have met all of the singles I could expect to meet through my current social circle. I go to meetup groups and things like that. I’ve taken all of the advice I can on taking great photographs and having a fantastic profile and sending good messages on dating websites. I have plenty of hobbies (solo and with others ), hard-earned abilities and interesting life experiences, and I believe that I’m a fantastic conversationalist, humorous, passionate, affectionate, and overall a great guy with lots to offer! And it has taken me a great deal of hard work to get to the point where I could say that and feel like I am good enough for somebody else.

I honestly think I am being the best version of myself I can, but the final result is that I am still not good enough for anybody. There’s a large part of me wondering when I am already following what all the information states and doing my best but still failing, there has to be something really wrong with me. I do have an ugly face and I am short, but I can not do anything to change that, so I have been trying to make up for it with all the excellent qualities that I really do have. Recently, though, I have begun to wonder if these might be defects that other individuals won’t be prepared to check beyond no matter how hard I try.

Nobody owes me anything, obviously, and I do not blame anybody for my lack of success, but it still stings to feel as though I am not up to par for anybody out there at my very best.

If my best is not good enough, and my worst qualities are ones that I can not physically change, where do I go from here? When I started trying online dating a couple of months back, I did not expect it to be a massive success, but I was optimistic that I would at least be able to get a few people willing to go on a date with me. Now I’m beginning to doubt I have any value to others, and I am very ashamed of myself, particularly when I have single friends of all types success with OLD where I am failing miserably.

I am doing my best to remain positive and barrel, but I feel like most my hard work to feel worthwhile has unfortunately begun to fall apart because of this. Should I wait to turn 50 and ship out dick pics to all the strangers I could find? Please assist!

Doing My Best, Beginning To Stress

First of all DMBSTS: you will need to give yourself some credit for the work you have done. You’ve put plenty of work into your mental wellbeing and into your life and that is outstanding. You’ve done a lot on your own and no matter of how things are going at this moment, you have achieved more than you understand. You should be proud of all that.

Second of all: You know what words jumped out at me? “Dealing with my melancholy”. This is an important issue and one which casts doubt on some of your claims of defects because depression is a fucking liar. Depression whispers in your ear your worst fears and anxieties are accurate, that all your defects are worse than you had thought and everything is pointless. And it’s all the more persuasive because not only does it reach your best anxieties, but it does all this with your own voice. And I have been there, I have done that, I have done the job and I am here in the future to tell you that this basic truth: all {} things depression tells you is bullshit.

As I’ve stated more instances than I could count within this column when I had a nickel for each self-proclaimed”ugly” man who turned out to be anywhere between ordinary to”no, you are really good looking”, I would be needing mecha fights with Elon Musk at a life-size mock-up of Tokyo 3. We zoom in on what we assume are our imperfections once we look in the mirror, because we’re hyper-focused on them. We see them clear as day and twice as big because we are so knowledgeable about the topology and landscape of our face that they stand out to us like mountains.

Depression and anxiety take all that and dial it up to 11, and then it snaps off the dial since FUCK YOU THAT’S WHY.

Like I said: depression is a liar, and it’ll beat you down if you let it. That is why it’s great that you are working with a therapist about it. Getting depression in check and realizing just how much of it’s bullshit will be the single best thing you can do to help yourself. Learning how to love yourself is a massive part of relationships. It is not that you need to think you are the hottest thing since World War III or that you are perfect and anyone would be a fool to NOT be with you. It’s learning how to think that, even if you’re not perfect, you are still worthy of love. Even in the event that you have flaws, you are still worthy. Even if you’re not getting the success that you wish you had, you are still worthy.

That is something to hold on to, even if it feels like there is nothing you can do.

But that does not mean that the answer is”stop trying to date till you get your melancholy managed”; it is just tact which you ought to pursue while pursuing relationship. Another is shifting up how you are coming dating because right now, you are getting in your own way.

So let’s talk a bit about what you are doing and what you could do differently.

I believe the first issue is that you’re attempting to do too much all at once and you are giving yourself a horrible case of burn-out. This is truly common, especially among men. There is a trend for men to be what The Love Gap writer Jenna Birch calls”linear developers“: we tend to treat everything as a linear procedure. So that we spend a whole lot of time doing anything but relationship, so by the time we are ready, that is the only thing we do. So now we are insanely invested in the outcome because we have just put all this work into getting to this stage for ages.

Plus it makes things difficult because lots of times, the people we want to date — especially straight women — develop as a net: cultivating and growing their lives more or less concurrently. So they have been prepared to date and frustrated with the fact that they are on a different timeline than the people they are interested in.

So now there is a massive disconnect between possible games, which fuels the frustration since here we are, we are finally ready and nothing is happening. And that rips us square in the ghoulies because after living for this moment, our self-worth becomes so wrapped up in the outcome that this lack of achievement means that everything else we have done is worth and we are worthless.

And our psychological resilience falls apart.

Take on your case, DMBSTS: you are putting in all of the energy and getting nothing back, which is cratering your self-esteem. Part of the problem is that, honestly, you are putting in all of the effort. You are throwing a lot of yourself into this that you don’t actually have any reserves. Worse, you are doing it so widely and inefficiently that you have made it tough to find any returns on your emotional investment. So you will need to dial this back.

How you are on”every dating program out there” is a good example of this. Even allowing for hyperbole, when you split your focus over multiple dating programs, you wind up spreading yourself too thin. You’ve got too many people, too many programs, too many messages and spend too much time on all them. You wind up with the paradox of choice (too many choices ) and diffusing your energy and time. So begin by narrowing your focus to one, possibly two programs at the most. Various programs have different cultures and draw various audiences. Match is more oriented for serial monogamists while Tinder is shallow and shallow by design. Bumble and Hinge are both aimed more for people searching for relationships, while Scruff, Grinder and Recon are more hook-up oriented. And a curse (individuals searching for one-night stands maintain deluging people who are searching for commitment).

Pick one or two that {} with your immediate objectives and the sort of person you’re searching for, and allow your other accounts go dormant for some time. If you choose to switch apps, have a one-in, one-out strategy, to keep yourself from becoming overwhelmed.

Next: dial back the amount of investment you are making. As counter-intuitive as it might appear — even considering some of my advice about the topic — you’re putting too much effort in that first message. It’s great to be private and considerate, but there is a point in which you’ve spent so much in that message that the lack of reaction wrecks you. Your goal should be two-fold: get them to take a look at your profile and get a dialogue started. Do not overthink it, do not place too much time into it and do not write them a book. Give them a reason to check out you and also to reply to you. Ask a question, have loads of conversational hooks in your profile and then proceed to another person.

As importantly: message the people you’re attracted to. That bit about not texting the attractive people? That is not you making a wise play, that is you screwing yourself over since you do not think they may be interested in you. It is just another way that you let your melancholy rule your life and cheat yourself from potential happiness. Not messaging them does not improve your chances, it simply means that you keep on telling yourself that you are not good enough to attempt to even speak to them. Reinforcing your own sense of worthlessness is not a successful relationship strategy, even when you’re dressing it up in a lost sense of consideration for others.

In this day and age, most individuals are not meeting their spouses through Tinder and OKCupid, they are fulfilling them through work, through friends and through shared tasks. Living your life in such a way that it brings you in contact with others with similar interests is part of how we increase our potential dating pool. And in fairness: you are doing that. But part of the issue, I guess, is that you are approaching this as”If I go to X, I’ll find Y people I wish to date,” that is a mistake. Your goal in fulfilling people ought to be just that: meeting people. If some of them are people you will want to date right off the bat, then yahtzee! But most folks are not; that is nothing to do with them or you, that is just numbers. We are not attracted to everybody we meet, or even nearly all people we meet — especially right off the bat. The amount of people we meet that we would like to date immediately is modest. The amount of people we develop brought to as we get to know them? That is much higher.

As importantly, you may not meet people that you wish to date in that Meetup or in your social circle… but you more likely to meet somebody who’ll introduce you to the men and women that you want to date.

That, however, is another location where you must be ready to take the initiative. If you’re trying to boost the amount of possible partners, then ask your friends for assistance. Tell them you are looking to date and do they know anybody that you may click with? They might not have anybody in your mind right off the bat… but the window does not slam shut if they do not have anyone right then and there. You are meeting and getting to know people all of the time and so are they. So if they know you are single and looking and they meet someone new who may be your specific shot of whiskey? They then know to try putting you two together.

But the main thing you will need to remember? You will need the ideal person in the perfect place, at the ideal time. That can be tough to get to lineup. A few of the people you meet might not be in the perfect place, for you or for them. Or they might not be the perfect person yet.

A smart man once said: it is possible to generate no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness. That’s not a indication that there is something wrong with you. That is just life. But so long as there is life, there is the opportunity to make everything work.

What you can not do is compare your trip to anybody else’s. Some people have a simpler time in relationship which has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you personally. If you were to do the exact same things they did, you’d get completely different results compared to . Not because there is something wrong with you, but since you are not them.

And your journey is far from over. This is not the end. This is not even the start of the end. This is the end of the beginning.

Very good luck.


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I had been watching a Dan Peña movie on YouTube another day. Between all the intense Alpha 1.0 crying and swearing he said something that I’ve heard before but had forgotten about. He said,”You’re 2000 cold calls off from being wealthy.”   I had been taught much the exact same thing when I was in sales training in my twenties once I was building my first company.   The concept works like this: You make X amount of cold calls and track how many sales you get and so how much money you earn. Then you return through the numbers and work out how many cold calls you will need to make to be able to generate Y quantity of money.  As soon as you figure this out it is extremely motivational. It changes your whole view of sales generally and making and cold calls in particular. If you understand, based on a great deal of stats you have been keeping on your performance, which you are going to generate a $5,000 commission (or whatever) as soon as you create 27 cold calls (or whatever), then all of a sudden you realize now you can make all of the money you want.  You simply have to create 27 calls and you will receive your $5,000, at least mathematically. Even if 26 of these calls lead to people telling you to fuck off and hanging up the phone on your ear, it does not matter, you will still receive your $5,000. (For you nitpickers and math nerds, I am speaking statistically here. I am not saying telephone call #27 will literally cover $5,000. You know what I am trying to illustrate.)  That is what Dan Peña was saying. You may argue with the specific numbers if you would like, and that is fine, but the idea is sound.   This leads me to the most important number you need to track on your online dating attempts. Needless to say, there are numerous numbers you need to track, and I go through all {} in The Ultimate Online Dating Manual. I moved from sexless divorced beta man dad ten years from relationship practice to a guru-level internet dating pro in less than two decades, and I did it mostly by monitoring my numbers and focusing on improving them.  The most significant number, for online dating at least, that you will need to monitor is this: the amount of times you have sex with a new girl per spoonful made or openers sent (depending on if you’re using dating websites or relationship swipe programs ).   You carefully monitor your numbers throughout the whole time.   You return through the numbers, do a little basic spreadsheet math, determine that you made 1100 swipes so as to nail down those five first dates. Do not take them literally.)   This means your “swipes per place” typical is 550, or 1100 swipes divided by the twice you had sex with new girls.  If you wish to nitpick the mathematics (and, Jesus, I know some of you will), maybe you could argue that the actual number isn’t 550, but somewhere between 550 and 1100. Perhaps. For simplicity’s sake, I am going with 550.   That is exciting! Why? Since the next time you go online to locate a new girl, all you’ve got to do is perform 550 swipes, and statistically speaking, you will have sex. It signifies that all of the flakes and non-responders now do not fucking matter whatsoever . All you will need to worry about is doing those 550 swipes no matter the outcome. Probably, the next time you do another swipe blitz, your online game will probably be a bit better, having learned from the experience of the first blitz.  Attitudinally, it really helps to know that amount. You do not care who doesn’t need to meet up with you; all you care about is getting out your 550 swipes.  This, really helped me back in the days when I was hitting online dating hard. I knew my magical number of openers I had to ship that would lead to having sex with one new girl. Not answers, not dates, but gender.   Sure, I tracked those additional amounts as well. They’re helpful also. But they are not as important as the major one, the magical number!  You could argue that you can not make this decision based on a single blitz alone, especially if it’s your very first one. You might have gotten lucky. It happens. I have had amazing blitzes where I have laid left and right with only a couple openers and on the very next blitz I’d shitty results (although not zero; I have literally never had a blitz where I did not have sex with someone new unless I was testing something fresh and odd ).  This means {} need multiple blitzes to actually nail down that amount. Butagain, that amount should decrease over time as you get better at all this. If it remains the same forever, you are not doing this right. You are not modifying your strategy, testing new methods, testing pictures for your own profile, etc. You are not doing all of the things I did for a long time.   The very fact that you have that amount on your pocket will make it more probable you will test these items. For those who don’t have any clue what your numbers are (and most men do not ), then you are just pissing in the wind. You’ve just a vague (and probably inaccurate) idea of what type of effort you want to expend to be able to bring a new girl in your sex life.  There are other numbers that I monitor in my dating life that have nothing to do with online dating like the amount of first dates I want to really get to sex, the amount of women I have sex with that wind up in longterm relationships with me, how long they last before the first LSFNTE, etc. So, this notion extends out to real life dating and relationship management also.  Figure out that amount. Then do it. Then improve it.  Your online dating will be so much easier when you’re doing.  

As soon as you decide your Magic Number, it is extremely motivational. It changes your whole view of dating.

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Can I Prevent an Awkward Blast From My Past?

Hi there Doc!

Primarily, I know this is not too serious or profound as most of your columns, but I need help!

Which is the crux of the issue.

{Before I met”Greg” (husband) I was super obese and in an abusive relationship, which I feel was based on my weight and {} fetish. |} Some of these were because he fetishized my burden, but frankly just tired of the psychological and sometimes physical abuse. Losing the weight made me feel as though I was in top of the world and I sort of spiraled. I worked in a bar at the time so opportunity was blessed and that I took it. I slept around and moved to a bit mad, frequently mixing social groups which caused a little tension between the people I was with and embarrassment on my part. Finally I met my now-husband for an unexpected place and I had been out of the game entirely…

Or so he believed.

For the first two years I craved attention. And it was not even that Greg did not give me that focus, he totally did. He made me feel like a queen and still does. I never grabbed the physical line while I was with Greg but I did cross some lines.

I flirted, I gave out my number to ghost the man on purpose, I sent boob photos merely to feel that”power” Chris sided with me following the abuse came out when nobody else did.

We started messing around when we worked together, and he saw what was happening with my abusive ex and actually helped me get out. He told me all the things I want to hear but I do believe he meant it. When I told him we needed to stop, it looked like it did… but that was exactly the identical time I met Greg.

The sexting, however, did not. They were explicit and that I wanted his attention. Well, Greg found the texts {} out. I wanted this to work out with Greg, so I made the decision to block Chris (and his close friends) on social networking and changed my phone number. We worked beyond the sexting and finally got married.

Liz is a close friend of Greg’s best friend, so I am worried that Chris will appear at events and get-togethers with her.

I feel like I will have the ability to act normally. I am really happy Chris has found a girl he is (possibly ) compatible with, and I am beyond that entire time in my entire life. I am nervous because Chris may not feel the exact same way and it appears to be just casual with Liz. I know he tried to locate me several times times after I blocked him/his buddies and changed my number, but that was four decades back. I am aware that if Greg ever saw Chris in person he would wind up in jail or we would be getting a divorce on anxiety alone.

How do I cope if everybody is in exactly the exact same place at precisely the exact same time?

-Possible Blast From Your Past

Alright there’re a few things to deal with here.

The first rule of dealing with an ex, PBFTP is easy: do not make assumptions without proof. At the moment, you are working under the assumption that Chris is a) still sleeping around and b) he has pantsfeels for you based on… well, the fact he attempted to get back in contact with you for a bit, article Nuclear Option. But that was four and years ago, and you have had no contact with him since. Hence the information you are working with is probably out of date.

As it has been so long without a contact, your mental image of him is essentially a frozen moment in time, a picture of that he was back then. But consider who you’re back then, vs. who you are now. You have grown and changed over the years; you are in a far different place than you were back when you knew him. There is no reason to think {} not just as capable of change as you are, particularly over the span of decades.

I mean sure, it is possible the dude is still carrying a torch (in his trousers ) for you and is dying for more sexts and filthy Snapchats from you… but it’s also just as possible he’s gotten over you.

In addition, it is just as possible he’s not the identical swinging single man about town he was four decades back. He might have toned things down and prefers to get a few dedicated friends with benefits. The matter is that you don’t understand. Getting worried about the chance he’s into you and may do things which could potentially make things awkward is simply borrowing trouble in the future, trouble that may well never happen. The further you get angsty over the chance — not the inevitability but the chance — of running into him at a social occasion and his making a spectacle, the emotional bandwidth you will need for actually enjoying life at the moment. In addition, that is likely to create tension between you and Greg that simply does not need to occur.

And frankly, you’ve already got a fairly good indicator of the likelihood of everyone being in exactly the exact same location. Liz is evidently a few spots removed from Greg’s social circle; she is literally”the friend of a friend”. So unless you have been seeing her regularly in get-togethers before now, I think you may safely assume that the odds of an awkward encounter are not so high that you will need to begin making contingency plans.

Then it is easy: be polite. You don’t have to be super enthused about visiting him, nor do you want to Solid Snake your way from this party in hopes that you could make it to the door without the host seeing you depart. You only have to wear a polite smile, say”wow, it’s been a while” and power during the initial awkward as you see exactly where things stand. If Chris has chilled out or given up on his hopes of getting back into your pants or your DMs, then hey there is nothing to worry about. If he has not, then you can be polite-but-distant and make the all-purpose exit of”hey, I must go talk to somebody over there.”

What I would not do is go somewhere out of the way or make plans to meet up… or perhaps necessarily unblock him on social networking. This does not sound like a friendship you are hoping to rekindle, and until you are more confident about exactly where everyone stands vis á vis the whole”yeah I was sexting you when I should not have been” issue, it is far better to play it safe and keep everything strictly aboveboard.

But then there is Greg. I’m not positive whether you’re being hyperbolic about Greg or when he is still holding onto that level of anger… but for fuck’s sake, it had been four decades back. I don’t deny that the dude his right to be hurt. He has certainly got a right to be cynical, not to trust him or to just plain not like the man. But if you are not exaggerating for effect and Greg is still nursing the sort of grudge that would result in violence or a blow-up with you that could end your marriage? Then Greg should be talking to a person about how to learn how to let go and let things heal.

If nothing else, he wants to trust you to not make a new error with a previous error.

TL;DR: do not assume that Chris is still going to attempt to knock you, or that you are even likely to encounter him. Should you see him be considerate, if he does hit on you, then be firmly distant and do not respond.

Very good luck.

Hey Doc,

I am looking into getting into online dating shortly.

I’ve bought your book on it and have begun reading it, but I have a couple questions on choosing photos for my relationship profile.

For the primary photo that individuals will see when first looking at my profile, you said no mirror selfies, but it’s okay to still only use a telephone? Or if I ask a friend that has a real camera shoot some photos?

Secondly, for the other pictures I need to be updating/rotating via semi-regularly of me doing hobbies and being busy, how many should I have? I am not one to take photographs, so the library of possible photographs I have is limited.

In addition lots of my hobbies do not lend themselves to many photogenic moments. My hobbies and activities include martial arts, doing improv, playing D&D, and dance. I don’t take photographs at martial arts since I am there to work out. And I don’t take photographs during D&D since I do not play it to post about it on Facebook or social websites, and it is not something I’d probably ever post photos of. Photos sometimes get taken of me when I am doing improv, so I really could use some out there (but they generally are not from great angles or have the best lighting for pictures). When I’m dancing it’s usually too dim in the area for any photos to flip out.

Have you got any suggestions for how to start getting more photographs for an online dating profile? Do I simply need to begin getting used to shooting more photos? Should I ask my friends to help me take some when I am doing these activities? I just have difficulty taking photos because I am generally focused on doing the action as opposed to attempting to catch it for memories or for social media.

-Pics or it Didn’t Happen

Funny thing about photographs, PoiDH: a whole slew of factors dictate how we appear in pictures. Photographs are a rendering of a 3D object in 2D space by means of a convex lens; this implies that distortion will occur. If you have ever opened the selfie-camera in your phone rather than the rear camera, then you understand precisely what I mean; what looks kinda horrible and warped. So, yeah, the sort of camera you use will make a difference. A DSLR or Micro 4/3rds camera with changeable lenses will give you slightly — but not unnoticable — gaps in relation to a point-and-shoot or a smartphone. It’s a lot easier to control for focal length, light and depth of field when you’re able to switch the lenses out.

But in this day and age, the majority of us are using our mobiles for 90 percent of our photo-taking. And honestly? So if all you have to work with is the iPhone, that is not a bad place to begin.

Now the amount of photos you need to have is a matter that is up for debate. You will need more than one and ideally at least 3 or 4 to provide a general idea of who you are and what your story is, and your best limit will be dictated by the relationship program; some limit you to a max of 6 to 8, while others will allow you to connect your Instagram accounts… potentially offering countless photographs for anybody who is interested enough to click through.

How many times you will want to update them will be a bit more variable. If you are doing some A/B testing to find out what works best for your profile, then you might choose to give it two to three weeks, to determine which get you the very best responses. If you’re pretty satisfied with your profile and the results you’re getting, then I would suggest maybe every few months or whenever you’ve undergone a significant change to your look. The advantage of rotating in new photographs and rotating out older ones is that it activates the algorithm on many dating programs; the programs prioritize active accounts and retaining the photographs fresh means that individuals are more inclined to see your profile.

You definitely need to keep your photographs present — over six months or so; there is nothing more annoying than going through and finding that someone’s photographs are no more representative because they were initially taken in 2016 or what-have-you.

In terms of getting more photos? The simplest thing is just to begin being The Photo Guy and getting pictures with friends and family. While ideally you need pics that show you to your very best advantage, do not underestimate the value of getting photographs that show you and your friends having fun. Some Tales from the Table photographs of you and your buds playing D&D can work… and if you do not feel this is something people’d discover appealing, I’d point to the sheer number of girls who LOVE D&D as a result of Crucial Role, The Adventure Zone and other popular campaigns on Twitch, YouTube and podcasts.

(Also: if you are good at dance or martial arts, for fuck’s sake get some images… or even better, video. Tinder and other apps allow you to upload animated gifs, and a gif of you burning up the dance floor will be similar to catnip to many, many girls.)

Another choice is to cover it. You will find photographers out there today who specialize in photographs for dating profiles — not only posed portraits but”candids” also; see what is available locally and when they have a portfolio you prefer, then it could well be worth the investment.

But here is the thing about getting more photographs: it will be good for you in general. Not for your dating profile or getting more enjoys on Facebook or Instagram but since they are mementos and memories, moments of your life frozen in time. Even if they are not great for getting you dates, they will be a superb reminder of the time in your life.

Trust me: there is nothing like having the ability to return and look over the great times from yesteryear.


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A couple months ago I created a poll here at this site asking about which dating websites worked the best for specific cities. Today I will share the results.  I asked for the specific titles of relationship sites or apps that you guys used to really meet at least three girls in real life, in addition to the city where you did this. Hundreds of you responded (thank you) and answers still trickle in, but here are the majority of the results.  Best Sites/Apps First, I will cover the relationship sites/apps which are most effective for many men, irrelevant of place. Here is the final breakdown of this top five most powerful ones as reported by the respondents, in sequence, with my comments: First Place — Tinder — 27 percent  27% of men reported Tinder among the apps they have successfully utilised to fulfill real girls in real life. 27% is, definitely, the winner. In addition to that, the huge majority of the respondents that selected Tinder among the successful programs they were using picked Tinder first, before any other website or program.  Interesting! For all the bitching and whining men throw around about Tinder nowadays, for all the complaints about attention whores, flakes, and so forth, Tinder is very clearly the number one relationship program that guys are using to successfully date online.  I will be honest; I was amazed. I was not surprised that it was among the greatest sites/apps, but I was amazed that it wasn’t only number one, but number one by such a huge margin. The second–de lace program is just 15 percent of respondents and Tinder is nearly double that. I will re-iterate what I have said about Tinder before. Tinder is terrific for men dating in their age range, meaning approximately plus or minus ten years in their own age. It clearly still functions. However, Tinder isn’t great for much older men dating much younger women. I’ve had pretty much zero success with it under these circumstances and several of you older men have reported the same.  So, if you are dating girls in your age range, obviously you will need to be using Tinder. If you are an older bastard like me going after much younger girls, you are going to need to use other choices. Which brings us to… Second Place — Bumble — 15 percent  Second place, though a distant second, is Bumble. Now this was not surprising to me whatsoever. Bumble is really fantastic, and I believe it the entire”least-bad” relationship site/app at this time concerning the broadest level of both accessibility and effectiveness for the majority of men. It is not perfect, but it works, and it tends not to have the age issue Tinder has.  How crazy is it perhaps the best relationship site/app right now is the one we poo-pooed several years back (myself included) when we discovered that there was this mad new program that”put women in charge.” I’d have never expected it to do so well, but here we are.   For the time being, Bumble is obviously a fantastic option. Use it.  Third Place — OkCupid — 13 percent  Another surprise. About two years ago OkCupid pretty much murdered its entire search algorithms and function, which was once the best relationship site/app in the world something that hardly worked in several cities.  Yet, the information is clear; it is the third most efficient dating/site app at this time despite its numerous issues. Very interesting.  Fourth Place — Lots of Fish — 8 percent  POF is still hanging in there, amazingly. I ceased using POF many years back , but I understood it still worked. Looks like a good number of you are still getting dates through POF that is pretty good.  Hinge being at fifth position isn’t a surprise at all for me. I figured Hinge are the upcoming up-and-coming dating site/app. I’m actually surprised it is not doing better than fifth place, but maybe it’ll grow over time.  I am impressed with Coffee Meets Bagel being at 6 percent also. My guess is that CMB will shortly replace completely. I am honestly shocked that is revealing this nicely, but it is still the go-to spot for over-33 divorced women searching for husband number two.  Here’s a few more rankings, if you’re interested:  Everything else on my first list got actually zero answers .  Custom Write-In Sites/Apps In the poll I provided a space where men could write in any site/app they used to successfully fulfill at least three girls in actual lifetime I hadn’t listed. The results were intriguing.  Number 1 on this list is FetLife. This is the dating website for you kinky BDSM bastards. Wonderful. I’ve not used this site myself but a good deal of you have emailed me about this over the years. An advantage of this website is that girls on FetLife probably have much less ASD than ordinary girls, making getting to sex extremely fast on Fetlife something a lot simpler than on normal dating/sites apps. I exceptionally recommend you guys check out this unless you like your sex vanilla.   The powerful second place winner on this list was WeChat. WeChat? Really? Huh.   For those who don’t understand, WeChat is the Chinese variant of WhatsApp. It is basically a messaging program. Apparently an adequate amount of you guys are fulfilling Chinese women (and other Asian girls ) via an app which I thought was mostly only a messaging program but can also double as a social networking platform and dating program.    Another huge program lots of you reported success with is Jswipe, which I did not even know about, but I am not surprised it works, as it is for dating Jewish women that are possibly the most sex-positive of any race/religion I’ve ever encounter.  A couple of you older men reported that works really well, that’s a dating site for higher-income folks. I have a sense that some men are using this to run pseudo-sugar daddy match , but whatever you guys do, it is working.  Lastly, a massive number of you reported getting dates with normal social media, largely Instagram and Facebook. I have also heard a great deal of girls meetting men under a relationship context using social networking sites in the past year or so. As I’ve said earlier, I have predicted that social media game will begin getting a lot more popular, and the information appears to reflect this. I will keep a closer eye on this as time continues. It works (I have done it several times), but it requires a bit more time and rapport-building than ordinary online relationship.  Individual Cities In terms of what sites work best in individual cities, that is a little too complex to go over here, so instead I have set up a table in the Alpha 2.0 Forums where you can review the outcomes from reports from around 300 unique men all over the world. I do not list each and every app in each and every city, only the top three per town. I may add more data later.    Apparently, and you never know for certain about this stuff, Facebook is introducing a relationship program into its stage later this year. Maybe they will, maybe they will not. It might be a game-changer, or it can fizzle into nothing, but I will be keeping a close watch on it and report what I find.  

A couple of weeks ago I created a questionnaire here in this site asking about which dating websites worked the best for specific cities. Now I’ll share the results.

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