Funny thing about being in a rebound relationship: it is never just the two of you who are inside. There is always somebody else lurking in the corners. Notably, your ex. Maybe even your rebound spouse’s ex, too.
You might go to a rebound relationship with both eyes open and both spouses willing. Perhaps you will think love has swooped in to save you from the agony of your latest breakup.
However you enter a rebound relationship, there are lots of tell-tale signals that will distinguish it from the actual thing.
It is a band-aid to your broken heart and all those feelings you have not been able to bear to feel as your break-up.
The rebound relationship is all about feeling better and filling the void left by your ex’s elimination from your life. It is about not feeling lonely. Sometimes it’s about not feeling in any way.
The irony of this rebound relationship is that those that are in it really want to maintain love. They overlook the safety of being in love. And that longing, conditioned by means of a memory rather than the present reality, may make a brand new relationship feel enjoy love.
Maybe you meet someone who flings you into this hormone rush of”love at first sight.” The feelings are abrupt, intense, and unmistakable. You are convinced (thank God) that you have not, in actuality, lost your lovability — you are nevertheless adorable!
When a physical attraction is all-consuming, you can be pretty sure it is lust, not love, at the helm.
A rebound relationship is not devoid of advantages — depending, obviously, on how you see”benefits.” It is no secret that rally love is, to a great extent, dependent on sex. Whether you’re friends-with-benefits or two desperados, sex is a simple diversion from what you do not wish to face.
What is unique about a rebound connection is that its magical lasts just so long as the both of you are together. Sure, you feel cheered up, and you keep all those nasty emotions at bay. But the moment the other person heads off or home on a business trip, your ideas return to a person: your ex.
The person that you miss is not the one you just slept with. It’s the one that you won’t ever sleep with again.
Surprisingly, rebound sex is seldom as mind-blowing as you may think or hope. It can be adequate enough to keep you feeling happy for a little while, but it lacks the real enthusiasm of true love.
And that is the thing about”the real thing” The sex goes beyond bliss to true enthusiasm and concern for the other’s fulfillment.
But in a rebound relationship, once the sex wears off, the relationship usually ends.
The danger of rebound relationship, of course, is that one person falls for another and gets hurt. And the next s/he declares a desire for more from the relationship, a decision has to be produced. If the relationship is not grounded in true love (or its possible ), it usually comes to a conclusion.
When a connection is the actual thing, one individual’s expressed desire for more is welcomed by another. It is a non-threatening revelation of the connection’s natural progression.
But in the rebound relationship, 1 person requesting more becomes a wake-up call to another person’s true motives.
Not everybody understands that s/he has been used by someone on the rebound. And that recognition of unrequited love can be humiliating and deeply painful.
So how do you know whether your new relationship is the actual thing or only a rebound destined to fail?
It is natural to battle with how to maintain a relationship after a separation . When you haven’t completed the complete grief work to heal from your divorce or breakup, you might not be prepared to pursue a serious relationship.
Likewise, if you have not braved the self-examination that shows your personal accountability for your separation, any new relationship will probably be short-lived. Additionally they never fail because of only 1 person.
If you go to a new relationship with a”victim” mentality, your private work is not done. And it’ll be unfair to place on a new partner the obligation of being better than the ex you can not forgive…or neglect.
If you’re really over your ex, you’ll have the ability to feel joy in your new relationship even if your partner is not around. And, just as importantly, your ideas will not turn to your ex.
You also will not be comparing your new partner to your ex because you’ll feel an authentic connection with your new spouse. You may both want more than a rebound relationship and will be inclined to wait for one another if needed.
When a connection is the actual thing, opening your heart feels safe and natural. There’s mutual openness and mutual acceptance, regardless of what’s shared.
This emotional availability is not within a rebound relationship. It is too risky. And rebound relationships are all about preventing emotional risk.
If you’re on the rebound, your objective is to make yourself feel better. The relationship is all about what you get, not what you give. When you stop getting what you want (or if your spouse wants more), the connection ends.
When a connection is the actual thing, but the need to feel adored has matured into a longing to love. And that love opens the heart to giving.