5 Surprising Things That Can Hurt a Healthy Relationship

Unless you are living in some sort of fairy tale, you know there are things that may hurt a healthy relationship, things you wish to avoid so that you can stay in one.

When we fall in love it is all fireworks and roses. You think that you have the love of your life and you will live happily ever after. And I am not saying that you can not live happily ever after but I’m saying it can be challenging.

Many relationships fall apart due to the 1000 small cuts, those regular instances that cause another person pain. They look like little things but, taken together, they can be quite damaging.

Many causes of this harm are evident: treating each other with contempt, leaving your underwear on the bathroom floor, not carrying out the garbage when prompted, abstaining from sex, etc..

However there are other tiny things that people do often, things which may not be so obvious but are crucial.

1. Hiding things.

By way of instance, when asked why you’re late arriving home, you state that you quit at the pub for a drink but you omit that you’re there with a friend she does not like. You know she is going to be upset and you do not want to hurt her or cause any play.

Have you ever lied to your individual as you wish to protect them? Have you ever believed that what they may not know may not hurt them? Have you ever disclosed something because you’re scared of the psychological drama which may follow?

There are two reasons why lying by omission is something.

  • The first is that you’re keeping something from your spouse and that’s a lie and that is only going to pave the ways for more lies. And if you’re lying to your partner you’re demonstrating that you may not love and respect them and your relationship may be hurting.
  • Another issue is that if you’re ever caught in one of your lies, your spouse will lose confidence in you and moving forward may be suspicious of what you tell them.

So, be fair. Always.

2. No, follow through.

This one may be a little bit more obvious but it’s one crucial things that may hurt a wholesome relationship.

Do you and your spouse ever agree to do something and then the other of you do not follow through? Would you not follow through as you didn’t really need to do it because you forgot because time did not allow? Do you attempt to sweep it under the carpet and lie about it or make excuses?

That you just don’t do something for whatever personal reason and you do not speak with your spouse about the why and how you are going to sow the seeds of substantial disrespect.

My guy and I used to have this problem all the time and then we spoke about it. What we learned is that, once we create a plan, I presume that it is a done deal and he supposes that we’re still going to discuss it. That’s how we both have functioned before our connection. We realized that we had to be clear about our strategy — did we choose to do it and then it could be done or is more conversation necessary? Knowing these things has made after up considerably easier for both of us.

3. Ignoring the important stuff.

I had a boyfriend once who loathed hard I slammed the door of his truck. I didn’t know I was slamming it — I just thought I was shutting it like I shut any door. But I guess I was shutting it too hard and he did not like it.

Obviously, I thought he was absurd — this was a large huge truck and, really, how would little old me cause it any harm. We fought about it all of the time.

He loved that truck and wanted to care for it and he felt just like my slamming the door was going to damage it.

I pushed back each time but rather, I wanted I’d have understood that this was significant to him and done what I could to attempt to remember to shut it more softly. That would have been respecting what was important to him and that might have made a major difference in our relationship.

Is there something your spouse does that they love but sounds absolutely ridiculous to you? If there is, accepting it rather than pushing back on it could make a massive difference for your connection.

4. Changing.

When he was with me he was wonderful, open, kind and honest. When he had been with his family and his friends he was a completely different person. He said things which were patently untrue to make them like him more. He chose not to speak to me but rather to mingle with everybody. He was always the last one to leave a party, regardless of what I wanted, since he did not want anyone to believe he was not cool.

Are you the sort of person who’s a chameleon on your life? Do you behave differently in social circumstances and perhaps treat your spouse differently also?

Doing so is one of the significant things that may hurt a healthy relationship. So, focus on how you’re in social situations and do everything you can to change your behaviours.

5. TV cheating.

This is a brand new one but a biggie.

In this age of binge-watching TV shows, cheating on your spouse by watching ahead isn’t ok! Period.

I told him it was quite important to me that he not watch it {} I wanted to share the excitement of it all.

And then I moved away for a week. And what exactly did he do? He watched it all.

I told him how upset I was about it but I really never got over it. I wanted to discuss this series with him and that he ignored my feelings was a massive thing.

I know it seems silly but, for some reason, it is not.

Therefore, don’t underestimate the value of not seeing ahead on you and your spouse’s favourite shows. It might be the end of your connection if you do.

Knowing what things can hurt a wholesome relationship is a proactive approach to keep it happy.

The 1000 little cuts can make a difference in the health of relationships likely over overt things like leaving your panties on the floor.

So, listen. Do not lie, follow-through, respect what is important, be consistent and be sure you’re careful with your TV watching. You’ll be glad you did!

Around Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Accredited Life Coach and mental health advocate. I work with all types of people to help them move from depressed and overwhelmed to happy and confident in their relationships and in their world.


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Many relationships fall apart due to the 1000 little cuts–what look like little things but, taken together, they can be quite damaging.

The article 5 Surprising Things That Can Hurt a Healthy Relationship appeared on The Great Men Project.

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