How to Not Get Fooled by the Charming and Seductive Narcissist

You may easily be duped by their charm and become a puppet in their hands that are catchy.

As a psychologist, I strongly feel {} important to understand about the narcissistic personality so that you may have realistic expectations when dealing with colleagues, friends, or relatives who might have some of those qualities.

Here are a few ways: Their motto is”Me!” What is all about them. They’ve a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement, crave attention and admiration. A legend in their own head, the entire world is reflected in their picture. They’ll corner you in a party, recount their life saga. Others can be charming, smart, affectionate –that is, until their guru-status is jeopardized. When you stop stroking their ego or beg to disagree, they could turn on you and become punishing. As soon as you catch onto this routine, a narcissist appears about as magical as a banana peel.

These folks are so dangerous because they lack compassion, have a limited capacity for unconditional love. Regrettably, their hearts either have not developed or have been closed down because of early psychic trauma, such as being raised by narcissistic parents, a crippling handicap both emotionally and spiritually. (The harm of narcissistic parenting is outstandingly comprehensive in Alice Miller’s Drama of the Gifted Child). Hard as it might be to understand, these folks have very little insight into their activities, nor do they repent them. Though frequently highly intuitive, they mostly use intuition for self-interest and manipulation.’ As the Hassidic proverb warns,”There is not any room for God in him that is full of himself.

To discover when you’re working with a narcissist, ask yourself these questions from”Emotional Freedom.”

  • Does the individual act like life revolves around them?
  • Do I must compliment them to receive their attention or acceptance?
  • Do they always steer the conversation back to themselves?
  • Can they downplay my interests or feelings?

If you answer”yes” to one or two questions, it is likely you are working with a narcissist. Responding”yes” to three or more questions indicates a narcissist is breaking up your psychological freedom.

Narcissists are tough nuts to crack. With these patients, the best I can do is align with their positive aspects and focus on behaviors which they agree are not working. However, even if a person wants to change, advancement is limited, with meager gains. My professional advice: Do not fall in love with a narcissist or entertain illusions they are effective at this give and take necessary for intimacy. In such relationships, you are always going to be emotionally alone to a degree. For those who have a withholding narcissist partner, beware of trying to acquire the nurturing you never got from the parents; it is not likely to happen. Also, don’t expect to have your sensitivity honored. These individuals sour love with all the hoops you have to jump through to please them. If a narcissist is draining you emotionally, then use these methods to receive your power back.

1.

Enjoy their great qualities, but understand they are emotionally restricted, even if they are sophisticated in different ways. Accepting this, you won’t continue requesting something of friends, family members, or coworkers they can not give. Consider this definition of insanity: when you repeat the very same actions but expect another reaction.

2. Never create your self-worth dependent on them.

Do not get caught in the trap of constantly trying to please a narcissist. Refrain from confiding your deepest feelings to someone who will not cherish them.

3. Show how something is going to be to their advantage.

To successfully communicate with narcissists, frame things this way. Stating your needs clearly rarely works, nor does becoming mad, or demanding. Instead, talk to what means something to them. Rather than saying to your partner,”I would really like visiting a family dinner,” reframe it,”Everyone wants you. They’d be thrilled to have you there.” Or instead of saying to your employer,”I would like to work fewer nights,” say,”I will bring in more revenue for your organization during those hours.” Naturally, it is better to not have to contend with the dull ego-stroking of a narcissist. But if the connection is unavoidable, use this technique to achieve your desired result.

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s Guide to Intuitive Healing: 5 Steps to Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Wellness

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Do not fall in love with a narcissist or entertain illusions they are effective at this give and take necessary for intimacy.

The article How to Not Get Fooled by the Charming and Seductive Narcissist appeared on The Great Men Project.

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