5 Surprising Things That Can Hurt a Healthy Relationship

Unless you are living in some sort of fairy tale, you know there are things that may hurt a healthy relationship, things you wish to avoid so that you can stay in one.

When we fall in love it is all fireworks and roses. You think that you have the love of your life and you will live happily ever after. And I am not saying that you can not live happily ever after but I’m saying it can be challenging.

Many relationships fall apart due to the 1000 small cuts, those regular instances that cause another person pain. They look like little things but, taken together, they can be quite damaging.

Many causes of this harm are evident: treating each other with contempt, leaving your underwear on the bathroom floor, not carrying out the garbage when prompted, abstaining from sex, etc..

However there are other tiny things that people do often, things which may not be so obvious but are crucial.

1. Hiding things.

By way of instance, when asked why you’re late arriving home, you state that you quit at the pub for a drink but you omit that you’re there with a friend she does not like. You know she is going to be upset and you do not want to hurt her or cause any play.

Have you ever lied to your individual as you wish to protect them? Have you ever believed that what they may not know may not hurt them? Have you ever disclosed something because you’re scared of the psychological drama which may follow?

There are two reasons why lying by omission is something.

  • The first is that you’re keeping something from your spouse and that’s a lie and that is only going to pave the ways for more lies. And if you’re lying to your partner you’re demonstrating that you may not love and respect them and your relationship may be hurting.
  • Another issue is that if you’re ever caught in one of your lies, your spouse will lose confidence in you and moving forward may be suspicious of what you tell them.

So, be fair. Always.

2. No, follow through.

This one may be a little bit more obvious but it’s one crucial things that may hurt a wholesome relationship.

Do you and your spouse ever agree to do something and then the other of you do not follow through? Would you not follow through as you didn’t really need to do it because you forgot because time did not allow? Do you attempt to sweep it under the carpet and lie about it or make excuses?

That you just don’t do something for whatever personal reason and you do not speak with your spouse about the why and how you are going to sow the seeds of substantial disrespect.

My guy and I used to have this problem all the time and then we spoke about it. What we learned is that, once we create a plan, I presume that it is a done deal and he supposes that we’re still going to discuss it. That’s how we both have functioned before our connection. We realized that we had to be clear about our strategy — did we choose to do it and then it could be done or is more conversation necessary? Knowing these things has made after up considerably easier for both of us.

3. Ignoring the important stuff.

I had a boyfriend once who loathed hard I slammed the door of his truck. I didn’t know I was slamming it — I just thought I was shutting it like I shut any door. But I guess I was shutting it too hard and he did not like it.

Obviously, I thought he was absurd — this was a large huge truck and, really, how would little old me cause it any harm. We fought about it all of the time.

He loved that truck and wanted to care for it and he felt just like my slamming the door was going to damage it.

I pushed back each time but rather, I wanted I’d have understood that this was significant to him and done what I could to attempt to remember to shut it more softly. That would have been respecting what was important to him and that might have made a major difference in our relationship.

Is there something your spouse does that they love but sounds absolutely ridiculous to you? If there is, accepting it rather than pushing back on it could make a massive difference for your connection.

4. Changing.

When he was with me he was wonderful, open, kind and honest. When he had been with his family and his friends he was a completely different person. He said things which were patently untrue to make them like him more. He chose not to speak to me but rather to mingle with everybody. He was always the last one to leave a party, regardless of what I wanted, since he did not want anyone to believe he was not cool.

Are you the sort of person who’s a chameleon on your life? Do you behave differently in social circumstances and perhaps treat your spouse differently also?

Doing so is one of the significant things that may hurt a healthy relationship. So, focus on how you’re in social situations and do everything you can to change your behaviours.

5. TV cheating.

This is a brand new one but a biggie.

In this age of binge-watching TV shows, cheating on your spouse by watching ahead isn’t ok! Period.

I told him it was quite important to me that he not watch it {} I wanted to share the excitement of it all.

And then I moved away for a week. And what exactly did he do? He watched it all.

I told him how upset I was about it but I really never got over it. I wanted to discuss this series with him and that he ignored my feelings was a massive thing.

I know it seems silly but, for some reason, it is not.

Therefore, don’t underestimate the value of not seeing ahead on you and your spouse’s favourite shows. It might be the end of your connection if you do.

Knowing what things can hurt a wholesome relationship is a proactive approach to keep it happy.

The 1000 little cuts can make a difference in the health of relationships likely over overt things like leaving your panties on the floor.

So, listen. Do not lie, follow-through, respect what is important, be consistent and be sure you’re careful with your TV watching. You’ll be glad you did!

Around Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Accredited Life Coach and mental health advocate. I work with all types of people to help them move from depressed and overwhelmed to happy and confident in their relationships and in their world.


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Many relationships fall apart due to the 1000 little cuts–what look like little things but, taken together, they can be quite damaging.

The article 5 Surprising Things That Can Hurt a Healthy Relationship appeared on The Great Men Project.

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From Theo HarrisonCan you mend a toxic relationship? To tell the truth, it depends. It is dependent upon the amount of toxicity in your connection. It depends upon you and your spouse . It is dependent upon how much you and your partner love each other. How much you would like to make it work. There are no shortcuts or magic pills. Love is hard work. Relationships are complex. And the majority of the time it requires plenty of attention, awareness, commitment, time and effort to keep a wholesome relationship.So your romantic relationship has turned poisonous and you do not know what to do about it. Great! But the fact that you’re here reading this and searching for ways to cure your relationship means there is still a chance. There is still hope. You can still attempt to make things better. In actuality, it is possible to make things better than before. If you wish to know how to repair a toxic relationship, then allow me to tell you there are ways which you can try. But before you begin, there are particular things you will need to understand.Why do relationships turn poisonous? There are a whole lot of reasons why a connection can become toxic. There’s absolutely not any one-size-fits-all answer here. Our relationships are as unique as we are. Occasionally we bring the wrong man like falling in love with a narcissist, while other times we simply fall out of love. It is possible to feel ignored, abandoned or a lack of emotional connection or your spouse might become needy and clingy or perhaps controlling and dominating. We might want to create a closer relationship with our spouse while they might want to become more independent. There are a number of differences in opinions that may create a relationship sour and poisonous. But that does not necessarily mean that you stop loving each other. And that’s where hope comes in. Whether you would like to grow as a couple by confronting difficulties or if you would like to call it quits and part ways is dependent on both the spouses. It’s your choice to decide if you wish to point fingers or hold hands. But if your toxic relationship contributes to physical, psychological or verbal abuse and mental manipulation, then it’s better to just walk away and be unmarried . Do not decide to be a victim and live a lie. This is a choice you will need to make and it’s a really important one. In case you’ve been abused or manipulated, then simply walk away. Sometimes it’s far better to let something go than to stay and endure.Is it a poisonous relationship or just a bad stage? Let’s face it, in the actual world there’s no’happily ever after’. Regardless of what Hollywood romcoms could have you think, sooner or later you’ll face challenges in your relationship that will make you wonder what the hell went wrong? But that is natural. That is how we develop and build stronger and more intimate bonds. All of us have a rough patch in our relationships. It makes us question our love, our spouse and even ourselves. We feel like we’re not being valued, loved or wanted. We feel like that it may be coming to an end. That is when we inquire the main question: is it worth fighting for? Leaving a bad connection is as hard as fixing a purposeful one. But how can you know if you’re experiencing temporary difficulties or if your connection has turned toxic? If you’re arguing with each other because of outside factors such as work pressure and stress, then it might just be a rough spot. However, if your arguments are based on differences in values and begin thinking that treating each other badly is ordinary, then you want to stand up and take notice. In a toxic relationship, you feel tired, helpless and suffocated. If you are feeling disrespected and a lack of communication, then you want to understand that toxicity has creeped in.Here are some warning signals That You’re in a toxic relationship:Either you or your spouse feel contempt Among those partners is obsessed with another Utilization of mean words and impolite behavior leading to verbal abuse Among the spouses act too possessive & restraining Your spouse acts caring and cold at the same time When it’s just a rough patch or a toxic relationship, if you and your spouse have given up on {} , when you’ve ceased caring for one another, then no amount tips on how to correct a toxic relationship can allow you to heal what is broken. However, if you think that your spouse still loves you, there’s a great chance that things may just work out.Curing a toxic relationship As soon as you’ve identified your connection as a toxic relationship, you should begin taking action to cure it resulting in a more loving relationship.6 steps to fix a poisonous relationship #1 Move no contact First of all, have a rest from the relationship. No, I’m not asking you to split up. I’m simply suggesting you to have a rest from each other and avoid contact for 3-4 months . Needless to say, this can be somewhat hard if you’re married or live together. In cases like this, you can either minimize contact or live with your parents or bunk up with a buddy for a short time. You can even go for a solo holiday for a couple weeks.Going no contact will provide you and your partner some time away from one another and make it possible for you to spend more time on your own. This isn’t a strategy or a strategy to create your partner value you more. It’s just the strangest way to reset your connection. You can use this opportunity to reflect on your connection, consider when things started going downhill and how much you’re to blame for turning the connection toxic. Additionally, it will make you and your spouse miss one another and realize how much value you hold in each other’s lives. No contact will eliminate the poisonous influence and bring the attention back on love and affection. Ever heard of the old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder”?Throughout your contact period, take some time out to consider your relationship. But rather than focusing on the issues, try to remind yourself why you fell in love with your spouse and how much you adore them. Ask yourself why are you searching the web for how to repair a toxic relationship. The solution is easy, you still love them. Shift your attention to the good feelings and just how much they mean to you.#3 Accept that You’re at fault too Understand, identify and accept your mistakes which has led your connection into toxic territory. Whatever has turned things sour, both you and your spouse are equally to blame. By accepting your flaws you’ll have the ability to fix at least half of the problems. Fixing yourself is easier than repairing your spouse’s problems. Right? So begin by identifying your part in this play and cure yourself to make things better.By accepting responsibility for your own feelings and reactions as well as letting go of your expectations from your spouse, you may open yourself up to knowing your partner better and what exactly has to be fixed on your connection.#4 Stop looking for a savior That doesn’t mean that you will insult and prevent them rather than expect them to respond. What I mean is you should not take the blame for your partner’s feelings and reactions even if it isn’t your fault. All of us tend to have expectations from a relationship. And there’ll be many instances where our expectations won’t be fulfilled by our partners for whatever reasons. Having said this, so long as you’re committed and faithful, it’s not your obligation to fulfill every expectation your boyfriend or girlfriend may have from you.If they are feeling hurt or unloved because their expectations were unmet, then repeat to yourself that it is not your fault. Feeling guilty or taking blame won’t make things better in the future . Sooner or later, these feelings will come out and make matters worse. Stop being a savior. It is not your job to save the connection .#5 Speak it out I simply can’t overemphasize the importance of communicating in a wholesome relationship. Participate in deep, meaningful conversations with your spouse. Talk about things that matter to you, discuss things that have hurt you, love what you like about them, discuss life, discuss love, emotions, passions and everything that is on your mind. Effective communication can give your relationship the resume you need at this time. You may feel vulnerable by speaking about your deepest emotions and ideas, but in the long run, it will all be worthwhile. Speak with your spouse even when things feel uneasy . It will let you understand your relationship better and know exactly where you stand. Talk about the difficult items and let your spouse know how much you love them#6 Be patient It’s taken a few months, or even years, to turn your loving relationship in an unhealthy, toxic relationship. So it is going to take time to undo the procedure. If you expect you will talk to your spouse one fine day and suddenly things will get better, then you will need to wake up at the moment. And it takes time to reverse your poisonous relationship and make things better. Both you and your spouse needs to devote plenty of effort. But things will get better. Trust the process. There’s a reason why you two got together in the first location. So avoid all of the negativity and make things easier for your partner to return to the person they fell in love with.From poisonous to romantic It’s possible. There’s a chance that it is possible to correct a toxic relationship and have the love you felt on your connection. However, not all relationships can be treated . When you attempt to heal your relationship and if it {} work out, at least you’ll know in your heart that you gave it everything you can. You will grow into a better person in the procedure. You’ll be better prepared to develop and nurture a healthy, loving and lasting relationship another time.I sincerely hope things better for you and find the love you deserve. Stay strong.A version of the post was previously published on themindsjournal.com and is republished here with permission from the author. –◊♦◊Have you read the first anthology which was the catalyst for Your Great Men Project? Purchase here: The Great Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood ◊♦◊If you think in the work we’re doing here at The Great Men Project and wish to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, now. All Premium Members get to See The Great Men Project with NO ADS. A whole list of advantages is here.–Photo credit: istockphoto

Can you mend a toxic relationship? It depends.

The article 6 Steps To Turn a Toxic Relationship Into a Healthy One appeared on The Great Men Project.

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