Admit it, it would be a truly boring world if we all had perfectly happy and harmonious interactions and relationships.  Though –it would also be a world without country music, so there is something to take into account.  But truthfully, it’s the melodrama of life that feeds our desire to grow, evolve and change. Everybody who has ever met another individual has had the experience of discovering that occasionally their first, besotted reaction finally ends up becoming categorized into the”what-was-I-thinking?” category.  All of us have emotional triggers and buttons which could get activated by fulfilling the wrong person at the perfect time (or the ideal person at the wrong time).  Attraction and adoration can devolve into revulsion or boredom.With revulsion being the more interesting experience, actually.Okay, we are HUMAN and we’re deeply programmed by our upbringing, our environment, the culture, the media, the age, and that I could go on.  Half the time we do not know if WE are the one responding or if the collective mind is.  So how the hell does ANYONE form a healthy bond with a beloved?Well, step one is obviously KNOW THYSELF.  Study your own personal history and get a sense for what draws you into relationships to start with (romantic or platonic).  Are you a health professional, searching for someone to mend or just look up to you?  Are you a placater (or do you will need to be placated)?Honestly, all of us have our problems and getting in touch with your own is the first and most crucial step to knowing how to relate to another individual in a wholesome way.  Because who is the worst kind of person to interact with?  For starters.At exactly the exact same time, realize that whoever you’ve attracted into your life is, in actuality, a REFLECTION of you somehow.  Maybe your very best self, possibly your shadow self, possibly your karma (sorry, this type of b*tch).  So the very first thing you will need to do when you start feeling annoyed (or itchy or like you will need TO ESCAPE AT ANY COST!) ???LOOK IN THE MIRROR.I had this come up lately (really, it comes up all of the damn time, but here is an example) with a few extended family members that confronted me about some behaviour of mine they had decided was unacceptable.  As soon as I attempted to explain my behaviour, I was accused of lying (I was not ) but the fact was that I had not fully contemplated the situation from their view (nor had they from mine) so upon doing this, I chose to apologize, though previous to the confrontation I had no idea I had hurt or offended anyone.  However, the lying thing stuck in my craw–so I took a look in the mirror.In doing this, I realized that part of the reason they had NOT considered the problem from my perspective is that I hadn’t been completely honest about it.  While the particulars they accused me of lying about weren’t true (or honest ), the overall reality was I was putting a”sunny side up” face on a tricky time in my life, so that they had no clue of where I was coming from or the challenges I faced at the time of this situation in question.Because, you know, they are not PSYCHIC.Outside of clinical abuse, the majority of us participate in some dysfunctional finger-pointing and abdication of personal responsibility in the majority of our key relationships.Because, you know, we are HUMAN.  (it is a thing.)The only way to cure this trend is hyper-vigilance about our own (NOT the OTHER’S) motivation.  We can’t cure or fix or alter anyone who’s not in the process of doing these things by themselves.  So if you’re in a relationship where you’re continuously dealing with an intolerable behavior/attitude etc., get the HECK from DODGE.Let them do the job they have to do while you concentrate on why you drove into Dodge to start with–and yes, there’s a reason.We’re not in connection by happenstance.We’re in relationship to grow and evolve and learn and yes, occasionally LEAVE.Growing, learning and evolving are supposed to lead to modify.Otherwise, you aren’t doing it right.Your relationships will reflect you and your present state of development quite professionally, and until you realize and work with this, you’re doomed to repeat the identical unhealthy loops you really have been spinning for years on end.When your spouse is being selfish, cruel, idiotic, unfeeling, disengaged, etc–LOOK IN THE MIRROR.Are they representing you?Or are they representing your beliefs about you?In any event, time to create a change.–Shutterstock

We aren’t in relationship by happenstance. 

The article Unhappy in Your Relationship? Look in the Mirror appeared on The Great Men Project.

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The Four Stages of Desire: From Everything to a Thing


Posted by Ana Waller

Kabir teaches us the four phases of want that rules our lives.

Bertrand Russell is considered as one of mankind’s most lucid and luminous minds, He’s an oracle of timeless wisdom, talks of the fundamental rationale driving human behavior,

All human activity is prompted by desire. There’s a wholly fallacious theory advanced by some earnest moralists to the effect {} likely to resist desire in the interests of obligation and moral principle. I state this is fallacious, not since no guy ever acts from a sense of obligation, but since obligation has no hold on him unless he desires to be dutiful. If you would like to know what guys will do, you need to understand not only, or mostly, their material conditions, but instead the entire system of their needs with their comparative strengths.

Indeed, there are barely any means by which you are able to contradict the words of Russell. All of us work and are motivated by desires in a lot of ways. A number of them work so subtly we’re unaware of them. Human beings differ from other animals in the aspect that there’s an ever-flowing river of desire in us, never drying us of existence.

There are a lot of forms of want working together to push us through life: Physical desire is hunger and thirst; intellectual want is curiosity, the need to acquire knowledge; sexual desire is bliss and financial desire is the demand for power and ownership of materials. The overall cultural and economic structure of society is based on our needs.

Russell continues to state,

But man differs from other animals in one very important respect, which is that he’s some desires that are, so to speak, boundless, which could not be fully gratified, and which would keep him restless even in Paradise. The boa constrictor, when he’s had a decent meal, goes to sleep, and doesn’t wake until he desires another meal. Human beings, for the most part, aren’t like this. When the Arabs, who was accustomed to living sparingly on a couple of dates, obtained the wealth of the Eastern Roman Empire, and lived in palaces of nearly unbelievable luxury, they didn’t, on that account, become inactive. Hunger could no more be a motive, for Greek slaves provided them with exquisite viands in the slightest nod. However, other desires kept them busy: four in particular, which we could label acquisitiveness, competition, vanity, and love of power.

The Indian mystic, Kabir Saheb, a poet, and philosopher, argued that appetite constitutes the genuine wealth of humanity. Among the top 20th-century Indian interpreters of Kabir’s teachings was a religious teacher and writer named Eknath Easwaran, who explains how Kabir seen the desire to have four phases of evaluation.

Most people human beings are born with Many desires
True, that it’s the will or desire to acquire something that pushes us to take another step in life.

With no defined desire, we become clueless and drop track of our own life. We set a goal and work towards achieving it and that’s the way our life rolls on. But when we have a lot of desires, we could follow none of them with conviction and dedication.

The majority of these concern the superficial aspects of life, such as outside appearance, material possessions, power, position, fame, reputation, and cash. Individuals who have the most desires, Kabir believes, are the weakest of all.

These folks are a complete failure. They wind up achieving nothing in any areas of life.

Kabir goes on to state, you can find other people who are born with a few desires:

These are the ones that succeed in life. They make judicial decisions of goals and {} to successfully achieve them. Regardless of what field of endeavor they choose, they wind up attaining what they need to since they have a numbered desires to operate on.

And the most lucky ones are born with a few desires:

Out of them come the geniuses of all time like a few of the great thinkers of all time, who left a substantial mark on this world, Mother Teresa, Marie Curie, Albert Einstein, some terrific musicians, poets, humanitarians, and political leaders.

Our life is a gift to not add on to the list of our wants, instead reduce them to a profoundly impactful desire. Individuals who have one desire, that’s the greatest look for truth, are the mystics, spiritually actualized people. These individuals have risen over the ensnaring desires of the earthly dimension and have attained the zenith of religious freedom. They utilize the imperial power of meditation to reach a condition of salvation.

Kabir says you can use meditation as a tool to decrease the amount of desires a individual has from many to a, from some to couple and from a few to you personally.

Kabir also explains the relation between the amount of desires and the psychological and spiritual prosperity of somebody.
Individuals who have many desires, have to experience emotional turmoils in life. They get mad easily; they calm down fast. One benefit of having superficial emotions which don’t run deep is that no pain can last long for all these folks. On the flip side, their satisfactions are neither significant nor enduring.

Individuals with few desires are driven by passion.

Whatever area of lifestyle they devote themselves to, they have a huge enthusiasm for persevering and for achievement. Driven by a longing that’s spread across just a few needs, passionate individuals often achieve great things.

The last step, based on Kabir, to allow the genuine emotion prosper, an individual has to instill undying passion–a personal ambition, the pursuit of pleasure, the demand for prestige, the demand for standing, the preoccupation with material possessions–amalgamates into one searing passion. Kabir calls for this singular passion devotion. From the mystical tradition, supreme devotion and dedication contribute to the discovery of authentic self.

When one moves from a number of desires to your desires and out of some desires to a couple desires and if these few desires boil down to passion and dedication — we come to understand who we are and what we’re seeking.

How can one achieve this dedication?

Both crucial weapons to accomplish devotion are — hardship and meditation. When one has to experience extreme difficulties in life, a person doesn’t have the luxury to concentrate on a lot of desires. The sole desire in this state of distress is survival — the most fundamental requirement of every living being.

Meditation helps us reach a legitimate state of religious reclamation as we slowly but surely discover our life’s sense of purpose.

Individuals who have experienced extreme hardship–soldiers in battle, women living under oppressive regimes, prisoners of conscience, slaves, victims of torture–all report more or less the exact same thing about the effects of suffering. When our life is jeopardized, it’s purpose becomes crystal clear. The many needs of life are burnt down by the fire of hardship; what remains is the 1 thing that both needs and deserves complete dedication.

Whether through meditation or through hardship, we start our journey towards self-revelation with a very easy question to ourselves:

What do we need?

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