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Sex is a tough topic for many to discuss. It may feel invasive and embarrassing — especially if there are issues. Sadly, this means that lots of individuals and couples endure for years without getting aid, and this may severely impact relationships.
Men may have a particularly tough time talking about sexual issues. The consequences of the problems and a person’s unwillingness to discuss them may be harmful not only to them, but to their spouses. Among the most important and most complicated issues for a man and his partner to face is a lack of sex drive, or reduced libido.
It is not an inability to have sex is it the exact same thing as erectile dysfunction (ED). Men with low libido may have sex — they simply don’t want to. It’s not unusual for men (or women) to experience varying sex drive during their lives. Sometimes, however, it can go on for quite a very long time and affect the quality of a person’s life and relationships.
Low libido can occur for several reasons. It can be a result of drugs, stress, age, or underlying health difficulties. It may also be a sign of depression or other mental health issues. Whatever the case, among the biggest effects of reduced libido which goes on for a long time period is that it may make different problems in a person’s life worse.
Gender for many men is a huge part of how they define themselves. And in society, for better or worse, sexual art is considered a part of what it means to be a guy. So when a person no longer has the desire to have sex it may have adverse effects on his self-esteem and self-confidence. There’s a whole lot of a man’s ego wrapped up in his ability to perform sexually and please his partner. Any inability to do that, bodily or otherwise, can be catastrophic. He may start to feel insecure and inadequate. For a man that’s already afflicted by depression or problems with their self-perception this can feel like one extra failure.
Sexual problems for one spouse are really problems for both spouses. And while a person may struggle with feelings of failure, his spouse will also suffer from similar feelings.
Low libido in 1 spouse can cause another to feel as though they’re the problem. Are they not attractive enough? Is there somebody else? Has he simply dropped out of love and lost interest? These are questions often asked when a spouse is not really interested. For all those men suffering with reduced libido, but this is not a problem due to one individual or another, it goes deeper. Sadly, this can be tough to comprehend and therefore greatly disrupt an otherwise joyful relationship.
This may be especially true once the spouse with low libido is your guy. Generally when the subject of low libido arises girls are the ones being discussed and also the initial reasons considered are biological. It can take plenty of time, effort, and hope to determine that the issue isn’t an issue of one spouse being a”turn-off” but something much deeper. In the meantime harm to the connection can happen that can be tough to fix.
Once it has been determined that it is not the connection that’s the issue, but instead a lagging sex-drive, you’ll have to use him to ascertain what is causing it. With any luck it is something that’s easy to tackle, but if not you’ll have to work out a strategy for fixing the matter. This may include his talking with his primary care doctor or a mental health professional.
This does not have to mean that you place your sex life. It might just mean that you must take things slow and get more creative.
Bear in mind that this is a very tough topic for most people to discuss. Getting to the root of items will require patience and understanding. Long-term relationships go through many ups and downs and sexual dry spells occur for several reasons. Working together are the trick to a more active and fulfilling sex life.
Every man has felt it.
Yes, he’s felt it. I’ve felt it. He’s inside of her.
“Ooh baby, you are so remarkable. I love you. I love you. I love you!’
He’s gone back to his infancy, to his roots, to the uterus. As Robin Williams once said, a guy spends trying to escape and the rest of his life trying to reunite in.
“Ooh baby, if I could stay inside of you forever…”
He seeks the entering, the being indoors, the thrusting, the loving, and then… the moment of orgasm, when he gives himself away.
How good it seems to give it all away.
To say”f*#k it” with all his energy, after an entire day of keeping it together. The best freedom. The little death, “la petite mort,” as the French say.
As much as he needs to sustain the bliss, it all ends in a split second. And frequently he feels empty then — exhausted, depleted, half dead.
He no longer wants to remain inside of her forever. His member is taken.
His illusion is dismantled. He knows it’s not possible to stay inside. She can’t make him whole. He feels empty.
“Tell me how much you love me,” she says.
“Huh?” he says.
And in the moment, he crashes into reality. He’s pulled from his myopia, the nearsightedness of his own pleasure. He’s alerted to another. And he might even feel like a boy who has been found out.
“You mean, you do not really love me. You were only pleasuring yourself in my body.”
And sure, there are girls that are fine with a man pleasuring himself in her body. But that is a fling, not a serious long term relationship.
Nevertheless, a day or even an hour after, his appetite rises again. To re-engage the illusion that life and all things will be perfect once he is back inside of her. And the words come from his mouth.
“Awww baby, I adore you! If only…”
He is back to where he began. What is going on here?
Well, he has been removed — worked by his libido, his testosterone, his desire, or love. He’s not the master of it. He doesn’t operate with his sexual energy, but has worked by it.
And he does not feel the price of the cycle until he is in his late twenties and frequently elderly. The relational cost to himself and his spouse. The expense of eventual…
An interior relational deadness.
In the absence of facing the issue, many men develop bitter. Job, blamebark. “Frigid Bitch.”
Or they spend years, searching for other girls, chasing the same”make me whole, baby” booty call. Many men finally just resign themselves to a sexless marriage or dating.
Rather, a person may answer the telephone.
The call to discover what he really seeks in sex — link and intimacy — and the way to experience those things, incorporated with his sexuality, rather than in lieu of.
The call to see her vagina as a sacred part of her that enhances familiarity, rather than a vehicle by which to simply delight himself.
The call to learn his own sexual energy, rather than something which masters him.
And this takes training.
To challenge the complacent pieces of himself.
To become more relational.
To get larger in his capacity as a lover and ally to his spouse.
Sex alone will not make him whole.
But most guys won’t do the job until they’re forced to, until their marriage or relationship is near an end.
Yes, women’s sexuality is strong. Super powerful. The Yoni. The origin of all life. How can a person not be in awe?
Sex in a long term relationship ceases for a single reason. Since there’s been a kink in the relationship between spouses.
It will not only get turned back magically. It requires work — speaking hard truths, risking vulnerability, rebuilding trust, and frequently even risking divorce or separation.
Am I just wanting to party men?
Hell no. I wish to help men, and women, have an energized and satisfying relationship. And decent sex is definitely a part of that.
And let us be clear, girls have their role in the dynamic also. More on this next week.
Previously Released on stuartmotola.com
Differences in sexual desire can cause so many issues in a relationship, and in today’s episode we tackle this issue head-on.