Men, Sex Won’t Make You Whole

Every man has felt it.

Yes, he’s felt it. I’ve felt it. He’s inside of her.

“Ooh baby, you are so remarkable. I love you. I love you. I love you!’

He’s gone back to his infancy, to his roots, to the uterus.   As Robin Williams once said, a guy spends trying to escape and the rest of his life trying to reunite in.

“Ooh baby, if I could stay inside of you forever…”

He seeks the entering, the being indoors, the thrusting, the loving, and then… the moment of orgasm, when he gives himself away.

How good it seems to give it all away.

To say”f*#k it” with all his energy, after an entire day of keeping it together.   The best freedom.  The little death, “la petite mort,” as the French say.

As much as he needs to sustain the bliss, it all ends in a split second.  And frequently he feels empty then — exhausted, depleted, half dead.

He no longer wants to remain inside of her forever. His member is taken.

His illusion is dismantled. He knows it’s not possible to stay inside.  She can’t make him whole.  He feels empty.

“Tell me how much you love me,” she says.

“Huh?” he says.

And in the moment, he crashes into reality. He’s pulled from his myopia, the nearsightedness of his own pleasure.  He’s alerted to another. And he might even feel like a boy who has been found out.

“You mean, you do not really love me. You were only pleasuring yourself in my body.”

And sure, there are girls that are fine with a man pleasuring himself in her body. But that is a fling, not a serious long term relationship.

Nevertheless, a day or even an hour after, his appetite rises again. To re-engage the illusion that life and all things will be perfect once he is back inside of her. And the words come from his mouth.

“Awww baby, I adore you! If only…”

He is back to where he began. What is going on here?

Well, he has been removed — worked by his libido, his testosterone, his desire, or love. He’s not the master of it.  He doesn’t operate with his sexual energy, but has worked by it.

And he does not feel the price of the cycle until he is in his late twenties and frequently elderly. The relational cost to himself and his spouse. The expense of eventual…

An interior relational deadness.

In the absence of facing the issue, many men develop bitter. Job, blamebark. “Frigid Bitch.”

Or they spend years, searching for other girls, chasing the same”make me whole, baby” booty call. Many men finally just resign themselves to a sexless marriage or dating.

Rather, a person may answer the telephone.

The call to discover what he really seeks in sex — link and intimacy — and the way to experience those things, incorporated with his sexuality, rather than in lieu of.

The call to see her vagina as a sacred part of her that enhances familiarity, rather than a vehicle by which to simply delight himself.

The call to learn his own sexual energy, rather than something which masters him.

And this takes training.

To challenge the complacent pieces of himself.
To grow.
To become more relational.
To get larger in his capacity as a lover and ally to his spouse.

Sex alone will not make him whole.

But most guys won’t do the job until they’re forced to, until their marriage or relationship is near an end.

Yes, women’s sexuality is strong. Super powerful. The Yoni. The origin of all life. How can a person not be in awe?

Sex in a long term relationship ceases for a single reason.  Since there’s been a kink in the relationship between spouses.

It will not only get turned back magically.  It requires work — speaking hard truths, risking vulnerability, rebuilding trust, and frequently even risking divorce or separation.

Am I just wanting to party men?

Hell no.  I wish to help men, and women, have an energized and satisfying relationship.  And decent sex is definitely a part of that.

And let us be clear, girls have their role in the dynamic also. More on this next week.

Previously Released on

Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here