7 Laws of Healthy Relationship Building: What Are We All Hungry For?

relationship building

The easy response to this question is CONNECTION. The interesting answer is excitement and joined ambitions. Relationships will be the proving ground for our notions and fantasies about where we would like to go and what we would like to do. And it happens on a daily basis. I think in a relationship, you’re either going towards or away from the spouse in virtually every action. If you start to ask yourself what would be supportive of your romantic relationship, you can start to examine if you’re partially IN, partly OUT, or all the way IN. I’ve been striving to obtain the all-the-way-in lady in my life for the past nine decades. Here are some of the things I’ve learned along my journey home.

ONE: Search for pleasure.

Folks appear with a certain quantity of joy — it could be influenced and nurtured, but an angry person is difficult to maintain a relationship with. They could find optimism in the midst of battle and disappointments. I am searching for one more joyful person. I learned in my marriage that JOY + ANGER doesn’t equivalent JOY. No matter how I tried, I couldn’t make my wife happy. The knowledge is simple,”Happiness is an inside job.” However, the execution of a joyful life is a part nurture and part character. I look for pleasure first. In their eyes. In their plans for their future, long before I ever showed up.

Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt in most situations. And when something does not feel right, go after it as soon as possible. Even when what you will need to talk about is hard, go ahead, and give it an honest effort. Know about how you approach issues, and learn how to soften your delivery. Find your role in the issue and start there. Request clarification. Request a fix if the skip was on your side. Try to leave nothing unspoken.

[Exception: understand when the sleeping dog ought to be addressed at a later time. I’m usually too ambitious in my approach to removing uncertainty and disconnects in my relationships. I’ve learned to pause at times, even when I believe I have the solution. Give the other person the opportunity to settle, figure it out for themselves, but do not delay if things are beginning to feel painful.]

I think online dating has its own place. For me, online dating was like training wheels as I got back to the thought of dating and relating to some other person, after my divorce. But online dating is only going to get you so far. Locating the areas where you join with another person (besides the bedroom) is part of the joy of about another individual. Are they running? Is there any way you can connect together, even when you aren’t a runner? Is there a game you used to love but have not done in a while? Ask. Maybe you may get a new experience together. The”together” part is vital. If you’re moving towards a long-term connection, then it is the”collectively” moments that matter. What you’re doing is less important. This is the reason why binge-watching a show with somebody at your side, is much more satisfying that doing it alone.

When you feel that an”ouch” attempt to articulate what is feeling off to yourself. Then accept the notion that you might be the part that is off. The anger and frustration could be yours alone. Or you might have hit a cause of a past hurt that must come up for healing with your new spouse. When something strikes, people may tend towards isolation and psychological exits, as opposed to turning into, and back towards, their spouse. Find the best way to name and feel the hurt before you expect your spouse negotiate a solution or any compromise that will feel better for you. And here is the truth: your spouse can’t make you happy.

FIVE: Fearless honesty.

This one goes to the heart of the issue. Be honest with your spouse at all points along your journey together. When things are off, attempt to express this in a compassionate manner. If things are not working out, say something. If you are planning your escape (breakup, divorce, next relationship) allow the present partner know. Let them know before beginning executing your exit plans. And when things are great do not forget to say it. Allow the tender stuff out too. Feeling a moment of vulnerability? Tell your partner. Feeling especially well-attached, tell them. Find your partner stunningly beautiful, say it. Give them the gift of your joyful honesty too. Do it often. Learn how to express your joy and your sadness. Give the gift of honesty to your spouse. Ask them to do the same.

We take a million steps daily in our lives. Have a mindfulness day and observe your activities. Does this meal I am preparing tonight support my spouse? Try and keep the Notion of the WE in mind. As a couple, the WE is all about respect and attention. If I have thoughts and ambitions, or when I want to get away for a weekend, I should want to check on the WE part of my life. “here is what I’d love to do this weekend. It’s a simple gesture, but we could forget the WE or take the WE for granted. In exactly the same vein, do not make plans for your spouse without checking-in. It is not about control. It is about love and respect. You love this person enough to place your relationship with them beforehand of any spontaneous decision or program change you want to make. Consider your partner in every one your actions. Ensure that you are turning towards them{} away from them.

SEVEN: Agree into a simple strategy.

Agree to contact your partner in every area of your life. If something is difficult it may be coming up for recovery. A recovery that only a loving partner can offer. As you proceed from past hurts and past relationships you’ll probably discover some tender points. Make these moments of connection and healing. Your spouse is invested on your happiness. Releasing old wounds to the flame of a new love is the best way I know of regaining your vibrant self. Go for it. Find the spouse of your dreams and commit to building the relationship you deserve.

Love is an active travel. Your participation isn’t optional, it is mandatory. Give your partner all you have and expect the same from them. This manner, you can both move closer together, move through old scars and dysfunctions, and develop a relationship that becomes all you’ve ever desired.

In a loving relationship, I could become a happier version of myself. I believe that is what we’re all hungry for. Being happier in our own lives. For me, this entails a romantic relationship.

Always Love,

John McElhenney — life trainer austin texas
 Instagram 

Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here