From Theo HarrisonCan you mend a toxic relationship? To tell the truth, it depends. It is dependent upon the amount of toxicity in your connection. It depends upon you and your spouse . It is dependent upon how much you and your partner love each other. How much you would like to make it work. There are no shortcuts or magic pills. Love is hard work. Relationships are complex. And the majority of the time it requires plenty of attention, awareness, commitment, time and effort to keep a wholesome relationship.So your romantic relationship has turned poisonous and you do not know what to do about it. Great! But the fact that you’re here reading this and searching for ways to cure your relationship means there is still a chance. There is still hope. You can still attempt to make things better. In actuality, it is possible to make things better than before. If you wish to know how to repair a toxic relationship, then allow me to tell you there are ways which you can try. But before you begin, there are particular things you will need to understand.Why do relationships turn poisonous? There are a whole lot of reasons why a connection can become toxic. There’s absolutely not any one-size-fits-all answer here. Our relationships are as unique as we are. Occasionally we bring the wrong man like falling in love with a narcissist, while other times we simply fall out of love. It is possible to feel ignored, abandoned or a lack of emotional connection or your spouse might become needy and clingy or perhaps controlling and dominating. We might want to create a closer relationship with our spouse while they might want to become more independent. There are a number of differences in opinions that may create a relationship sour and poisonous. But that does not necessarily mean that you stop loving each other. And that’s where hope comes in. Whether you would like to grow as a couple by confronting difficulties or if you would like to call it quits and part ways is dependent on both the spouses. It’s your choice to decide if you wish to point fingers or hold hands. But if your toxic relationship contributes to physical, psychological or verbal abuse and mental manipulation, then it’s better to just walk away and be unmarried . Do not decide to be a victim and live a lie. This is a choice you will need to make and it’s a really important one. In case you’ve been abused or manipulated, then simply walk away. Sometimes it’s far better to let something go than to stay and endure.Is it a poisonous relationship or just a bad stage? Let’s face it, in the actual world there’s no’happily ever after’. Regardless of what Hollywood romcoms could have you think, sooner or later you’ll face challenges in your relationship that will make you wonder what the hell went wrong? But that is natural. That is how we develop and build stronger and more intimate bonds. All of us have a rough patch in our relationships. It makes us question our love, our spouse and even ourselves. We feel like we’re not being valued, loved or wanted. We feel like that it may be coming to an end. That is when we inquire the main question: is it worth fighting for? Leaving a bad connection is as hard as fixing a purposeful one. But how can you know if you’re experiencing temporary difficulties or if your connection has turned toxic? If you’re arguing with each other because of outside factors such as work pressure and stress, then it might just be a rough spot. However, if your arguments are based on differences in values and begin thinking that treating each other badly is ordinary, then you want to stand up and take notice. In a toxic relationship, you feel tired, helpless and suffocated. If you are feeling disrespected and a lack of communication, then you want to understand that toxicity has creeped in.Here are some warning signals That You’re in a toxic relationship:Either you or your spouse feel contempt Among those partners is obsessed with another Utilization of mean words and impolite behavior leading to verbal abuse Among the spouses act too possessive & restraining Your spouse acts caring and cold at the same time When it’s just a rough patch or a toxic relationship, if you and your spouse have given up on {} , when you’ve ceased caring for one another, then no amount tips on how to correct a toxic relationship can allow you to heal what is broken. However, if you think that your spouse still loves you, there’s a great chance that things may just work out.Curing a toxic relationship As soon as you’ve identified your connection as a toxic relationship, you should begin taking action to cure it resulting in a more loving relationship.6 steps to fix a poisonous relationship #1 Move no contact First of all, have a rest from the relationship. No, I’m not asking you to split up. I’m simply suggesting you to have a rest from each other and avoid contact for 3-4 months . Needless to say, this can be somewhat hard if you’re married or live together. In cases like this, you can either minimize contact or live with your parents or bunk up with a buddy for a short time. You can even go for a solo holiday for a couple weeks.Going no contact will provide you and your partner some time away from one another and make it possible for you to spend more time on your own. This isn’t a strategy or a strategy to create your partner value you more. It’s just the strangest way to reset your connection. You can use this opportunity to reflect on your connection, consider when things started going downhill and how much you’re to blame for turning the connection toxic. Additionally, it will make you and your spouse miss one another and realize how much value you hold in each other’s lives. No contact will eliminate the poisonous influence and bring the attention back on love and affection. Ever heard of the old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder”?Throughout your contact period, take some time out to consider your relationship. But rather than focusing on the issues, try to remind yourself why you fell in love with your spouse and how much you adore them. Ask yourself why are you searching the web for how to repair a toxic relationship. The solution is easy, you still love them. Shift your attention to the good feelings and just how much they mean to you.#3 Accept that You’re at fault too Understand, identify and accept your mistakes which has led your connection into toxic territory. Whatever has turned things sour, both you and your spouse are equally to blame. By accepting your flaws you’ll have the ability to fix at least half of the problems. Fixing yourself is easier than repairing your spouse’s problems. Right? So begin by identifying your part in this play and cure yourself to make things better.By accepting responsibility for your own feelings and reactions as well as letting go of your expectations from your spouse, you may open yourself up to knowing your partner better and what exactly has to be fixed on your connection.#4 Stop looking for a savior That doesn’t mean that you will insult and prevent them rather than expect them to respond. What I mean is you should not take the blame for your partner’s feelings and reactions even if it isn’t your fault. All of us tend to have expectations from a relationship. And there’ll be many instances where our expectations won’t be fulfilled by our partners for whatever reasons. Having said this, so long as you’re committed and faithful, it’s not your obligation to fulfill every expectation your boyfriend or girlfriend may have from you.If they are feeling hurt or unloved because their expectations were unmet, then repeat to yourself that it is not your fault. Feeling guilty or taking blame won’t make things better in the future . Sooner or later, these feelings will come out and make matters worse. Stop being a savior. It is not your job to save the connection .#5 Speak it out I simply can’t overemphasize the importance of communicating in a wholesome relationship. Participate in deep, meaningful conversations with your spouse. Talk about things that matter to you, discuss things that have hurt you, love what you like about them, discuss life, discuss love, emotions, passions and everything that is on your mind. Effective communication can give your relationship the resume you need at this time. You may feel vulnerable by speaking about your deepest emotions and ideas, but in the long run, it will all be worthwhile. Speak with your spouse even when things feel uneasy . It will let you understand your relationship better and know exactly where you stand. Talk about the difficult items and let your spouse know how much you love them#6 Be patient It’s taken a few months, or even years, to turn your loving relationship in an unhealthy, toxic relationship. So it is going to take time to undo the procedure. If you expect you will talk to your spouse one fine day and suddenly things will get better, then you will need to wake up at the moment. And it takes time to reverse your poisonous relationship and make things better. Both you and your spouse needs to devote plenty of effort. But things will get better. Trust the process. There’s a reason why you two got together in the first location. So avoid all of the negativity and make things easier for your partner to return to the person they fell in love with.From poisonous to romantic It’s possible. There’s a chance that it is possible to correct a toxic relationship and have the love you felt on your connection. However, not all relationships can be treated . When you attempt to heal your relationship and if it {} work out, at least you’ll know in your heart that you gave it everything you can. You will grow into a better person in the procedure. You’ll be better prepared to develop and nurture a healthy, loving and lasting relationship another time.I sincerely hope things better for you and find the love you deserve. Stay strong.A version of the post was previously published on themindsjournal.com and is republished here with permission from the author. –◊♦◊Have you read the first anthology which was the catalyst for Your Great Men Project? Purchase here: The Great Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood ◊♦◊If you think in the work we’re doing here at The Great Men Project and wish to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, now. All Premium Members get to See The Great Men Project with NO ADS. A whole list of advantages is here.–Photo credit: istockphoto

Can you mend a toxic relationship? It depends.

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