Sometimes when computers replace people and would be the only mean of communication, there occurred to appear a unique sort of relationship. The one we call Long Distance Relationship.

It’s already complex to make a relationship work but more complex it is to make a long-distance relationship work. Whenever there are miles, states and tons of people in between. When the only time you get to listen to the voice of the person you love is on the phone, and if you long to be together every minute, every second of your life but realize it’s hardly possible.

Such relationships aren’t much different from any others. Love is love no matter how far you’re from each other. And they need the same degree of understanding, care, trust and faith as a normal relationship… Just let us say multiplied by 10 or perhaps even 100.

Being far away from someone you love you worry more than normal, you care more than normal, you miss more than normal. Just because unlike a number of other people that you can not get it or give it any time you would like to. And because the person that you want most of all when you are feeling down can not be constantly for you there. Though you understand {} not their fault.

The main issue here is communicating . Because of technology we get many chances for this. But it’s not always possible due to some personal situations such as running a hectic schedule or not having Internet access and whatnot. Sometimes it may happen you’re unable to speak properly for a couple of days. And needless to say, it will not help much in getting positive thoughts. Having understanding is important here because as soon as you eliminate this sense of reality and understanding it may even cause paranoia.

Important is I think to not expect much, I mean sometimes a simple”hi” or a missed call are sufficient since they make you understand that the person you love is thinking about you and is caring also.

Small things might become massive ones. A brief email with only”I love you” in it is going to make your day but when you do not talk for a few times you start going crazy and stressing that he/she may be sick, dead or what even worse dating somebody. Come on, why rather than the you just don’t feel that he/she just could not connect to the net and the phone was not working. Why is it in human nature to consider bad things from the very beginning??

In LDR the hardest issue is building up faith and trust . As soon as you’ve got this, and it must be 100%, things move a bit simpler. You don’t go mad about each little thing he does wrong and each new woman in his office. Trust is something which needs to be earned with time and it isn’t easy especially because you’re far away but if you love someone should not you be completely devoted to him/her, giving 100% to everything including faith and trust. When you believe in yourself, your spouse, the feelings you share, this belief should not be just like 50% or 70%. Only 100% is acceptable.

Long-distance relationships are really difficult and all of us know this. You get emotionally attached to a person you can’t touch or comfort. No hugs, kisses, even no hands. And sometimes that’s what you require a lot and it hurts badly once you don’t get it and it makes a mess up from your emotions and feelings. No information can be given. Staying strong and thinking about what you have is the only way out. Only you together can endure through all this, sharing things, discussing issues, being together when being far away.

As soon as you get to worry about something you need to discuss it. And it’s so much accurate especially when you can not be with someone you love and explore these things directly.

Tough is also that people around you do not know why you are so much preoccupied with somebody you seldom meet or maybe never met before. That might hurt but that is their position. In the long run, you know exactly what you feel, do not you?

Every type of relationship is always hard work and total dedication and devotion to somebody you love. Important is to keep true to your feelings, to be powerful, and to think that things will work out nicely. Despite the fact that everybody around says they will not.

The most complex thing of it is missing someone you love, missing their existence, missing their smiles and laughs, their signature, the sound of the voice. But if you love somebody, are not they already there? Always with you, in mind, in your mind. And if you know they feel the same way it makes things slightly less complicated.

When you love somebody, they never get lost; where they go, they’re still somewhere in your heart and as long as they understand they will always know that if they find you, they find themselves once more. Let us believe they know. And that however hard it may be you will handle it because in life what is not hard is not worth having at all.

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What We Talk About When We Talk About Guys

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Psychosexual Dating Specialist at www.EndTheProblem.com Jacqui Olliver is a published author who renews relationships by solving psychological and sexual problems for men, women and couples. Throughout her work, she co-developed the Emotional Reset Technique™ which simplifies psychological triggers. Jacqui is passionate about helping individuals develop new mindsets and approaches to overcome life challenges.

Falling in love and starting a connection is easy, but to stay happy in your relationship for quite a while can become increasingly tough.

The post The Vital Elements for Happy, Long-Lasting Relationships appeared on The Great Men Project.

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My Boyfriend’s Messaging Strange Women


Question: Do you have any idea why a guy would begin immediate messaging odd woman after being in a five year relationship. Said he was”dumb” and was not physical with anybody.

I am so sorry. For those who have trust issues particularly, that would hurt and sting even more.

Trust: When we hope, it is not that we trust someone to be perfect. That sets us up for failure because nobody is perfect and you can not control anyone. That’s insanity if we attempt to control another and place all of our power — ensuring that they are a sure way to so that we’re safe. Instead, find that security and trust within you. That security being the ability to discern and know that come what may, you have got your own back — you can look after yourself. It requires a whole lot of pressure from others, to have to be a particular way, which really — when it’s a kind great person, makes them want to step up and be better for you and you feel at peace and house daily. So that is the trust issue. The how? I have all of the books, cds, dvds, and training for you — that is the how. But the what — that’s the trust issue.

Now the concept of him texting strange ladies, what I’ve learned about training a lot guys over at least the previous five or six decades, intensely through private sessions and intensives, and actually getting to be that secure place for them, to tell the truth rather than be judged and to be loved unconditionally, what I’ve found is that men love women. Men love variety. Men love all of the different tastes of the feminine. Not that you’ve done anything wrong, but perhaps there’s another flavor of your female to evolve. Occasionally we get into our groove, perhaps there are just two or three flavors of the female that we’re comfortable with — we could say one is the mother or the type caring tender component of us. Perhaps another is the naughty sensual provocateur. Maybe another resembles the queen, the self-respect, the confident, has the capability to run a family, or a business. Perhaps you haven’t researched your dork, perhaps you haven’t researched your vulnerable, soft side. Maybe there’s a part of you, that if you were to do research and discover who these other girls were, maybe they have something in common, a taste of the female that is in you, you just have not let her appear yet.

So as hard as this is, at first — get really super angry — hit a pillow, play some heavy metal music — get it from your body. Get pissed. When it is from your body, drop in and say”Thank you sisters, since you’re pointing me in the direction of the next part of me that is about to emerge.” And see exactly what it is and allow her emerge through dance, through training sessions, through only a simple awareness and conscious choice to dress like her or learn about that sort of woman or watch girls who are like this and be like them. There’s a good deal of ways that you can let, create the requirement for this portion of you to emerge. I have a sneaky feeling that after five decades, that’s probably what’s happening, no condoning his behaviour whatsoever, but when he did not know any better and you did not know any better — then no harm, no foul — now you know. You can now make another choice. What it will do for him is that he will not know who showed up to the dinner table or into the bedroom or on a dinner out since you’re likely to be embodying this other taste of the female and it will turn him keep his focus. While for you, it seems fuller, more empowering more living, to play and find all your grandeur.

What I want to advocate is that you go through my Radiance Curriculum for girl, it is a dvd. You could even update to two private sessions at a discount, which I do recommend, because it was really a webinar initially — designed for two private sessions with the six months of program. It’s 9 hours of program, interviews, and dancing practices with some tender love and attention from me to go all of the way into the core and cure whatever is in the way. You will enable the fullness of one to emerge. I bet you his behaviour will change. Making him wrong for this, as affirmed as you are, isn’t going to make him change. Inviting him to an even richer relationship, will. That’s my recommendation.

I love you to bits and thank you for your query.

Allana

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A version of the post was previously published on Allanapratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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Concentrate on the Repair, Not the Damage

The perfect Relationship — What’s it look like? Have you ever been in one?  When I’ve asked customers, they have said things like:

We are deeply connected.
We remain open to one another.
We never fight.

Notice the previous statement. Do you know couples that never fight? Likely not.

How about we change that last statement to”we browse battle well?”

Conflict occurs in all relationships. The biggest question is, how can we deal with this?  What if the perfect relationship isn’t”conflict-free” but”conflict-resilient?” What does that look like?

It looks like this.

I trust you to remain in the fire with me when things get rough.  I trust you to maintain your upset and speak your truth to me {} you’ve cooled off. I trust you to hear my side of things.

Trust. Yes, battle is all about hope.  Once we deal with conflict poorly, trust diminishes. As soon as we navigate battle well, trust increases.  It’s that easy.

The actual opportunity in battle is how you and your spouse can feel nearer than ever afterwards.  To construct confidence which you can deal with tough things, without attacking, blaming, checking out, or numbing. What would that be like?

As I said in my previous blog — 4 Relational Conflict Styles — Which One Are You?  — the perfect partner doesn’t mend, blame, or abdicate. Rather, they take responsibility, deal with their hurt feelings and then concentrate on fix, not the harm .

Here’s a simple procedure to put repair into actions.

But, before I give you the products, I wish to say this.  To repair after battle, give up having to be right. Give up needing to prove anything.   Get more needing to be warranted.  That is staying in the harm. That is an adolescent perspective.

An adult, on the other hand, shows up to listen, hold their answer, and listen to their spouse.  That fosters repair and connection.

I once heard it said — within this life, would you like to be right or do you wish to be adored ?

So, here is the brief version of how to mend. Perhaps you’ve done this already. But… can you do it consistently?

1. The first person talking has the ground for 5 or 10 minutes, whatever is agreed on; set a timer and use a thing to reveal who has the floor. Only the individual with the object may speak.  The other individual is concentrated only on listening. For the person talking, talk about your feelings. Speak to nature, not narrative, as you have limited time and the clock is ticking.

2. After the timer goes off, the individual listening speaks what they heard said, in their own words. Your only job is to prove that you heard your spouse. When you’re finished, you ask,”Can I get everything?”

3.   When you are done, pause and take a breath.

4. Bear in mind, no problem solving, no focusing on who is right and who is wrong. This is all about practicing relational consciousness (“we” not”me”).

5. Notice Hooks & Triggers. Notice where you’re fired up. Breathe, tell yourself you are ok, love yourself, get current again.  It is your issue, do not project it on your spouse.

That is it, super easy. And yet often being directed by a relationship coach is a excellent way to build this into your connection.

And bear in mind, as we get better at mend together with our spouse, we cultivate a deeper confidence. A trust based on an established track record to make it through hard stuff.  We hope in each other’s power to keep in the fire when battle happens.

Originally Published on stuartmotola.com

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Ask Dr. Nerdlove: If I Hold Out for Something Better?

I am having trouble handling the many impulses between my connection, my livelihood, my balls and my thoughts.

For a timeline: I have been dating this woman for 7 months now. Due to a family divorce and job relocation conditions, we are essentially living together today and have signed a year lease.

One on one, she is very enjoyable to be around. We are both flirty and weird with one another, are extremely experimental in bed and love doing daring things together. When I am with her it seems like nothing else matters; we are literally like kids together most nights. Her character and character are admirable: she has made me aware of my own shortcomings, has taught me the value of creating a shared story with someone I trust and her optimism is infectious. However there are two triggering scenarios that make me rethink my relationship situation:

Firstly, I always see pictures of other women and feel like I’m settling. I will admit there are angles and clothes and lifestyle changes that she works to her advantage, but sometimes it {} feel like enough. She is acutely aware of me feeling this way, as I am bad at hiding feelings, and blames my feelings on the entire’Tinder creation’ if there always being something greater. She might have a point, but to what level should I suppress this urge?

Secondly, to add fuel to the self fire, I recently got a big job promotion and will be in earnings. It is a tough enough job as it is, where I will need to be focused and sophisticated with my social interactions, but it also provides me a massive ego boost. I believe that the money, status and chances I will be presented with will be last feeding the monster within me that desperately needs all of the spoils life offers, which would contradict a monogamous relationship. I am 24, and while I have screwed many women already, I have become such a high quality person and feel that I deserve more.

Can you help me know if this is something many men feel? If so, how long is it before I can not take it anymore? Meanwhile, what can I do to keep myself satisfied with her?

Alright SDSF, I am gonna be blunt: it seems to me as if you’re searching for a reason to dump her without feeling bad about it. And if that is the case, then yes, you must break up with her. For her sake, not yours.

I mean shit dude, you are already hurting her. How you have been conveying the concept of”You are great but I believe I could do better” is a pretty shitty thing to do to someone you care for, even though she is blaming it on”the Tinder generation” rather than your having a watch out for the newer, sexier version.

So straight talk: yes, you are settling. It does not matter who you date, whether it is your present girlfriend or some unspeakably sexy Instagram model: you are always going to be settling. That is because nobody will get everything they want in a relationship. There are always going to matters that you’re going to need to let go of to maintain a relationship with someone. It could be accepting the person you’re dating is not as sexually adventurous as you would like and so there will not be some threesomes or sex clubs in your future together. It might be that they are not a bikini model and rather are a lovely but-not-unearthly-gorgeous individual. It might be that they are unspeakably beautiful but are not ambitious or do not have a lot of intellectual curiosity or won’t do monogamy. There are always going to be tradeoffs when you commit to a relationship with somebody; you need to recognize what you do get is so amazing that it makes up for the fact that you are not getting those other things.

Now going by that metric, it seems like your girlfriend more than meets that standard. You describe all of the ways that things are great… except for the fact that she does not quite stroke your self as arm candy. And look my dude, I’m not gonna say that you are bound to date her or anybody to show that you are not shallow, but if the problem you are having is that you are worried she is not hot enough to impress your friends then that is a you trouble, not a her difficulty.

The other issue is that you are doing something I have seen plenty of men do in your position: you are throwing off happiness you do have for the possibility of getting something better — something that is not guaranteed by any stretch of the imagination. You have gotten the promotion and salary bump but that does not automatically interpret”and now I have access to sexier women” You are going to be the identical person that you are now, with the identical social skills. If the only difference is that you are going to be talking to people who are more impressed by cash or standing… well, good, but you will mostly be attracting people that are into money or status. And speaking strictly for myself, if someone’s only interested in a version of me that is precisely the same but with bigger digits in my bank balance, that is someone I would rather not be dating.

In actuality, many times the very same guys who have been in your position and put aside their existing relationships to be able to”trade up” (as it were) have begun to regret iteven if they date someone who’s physically sexier or more ego-polishing, they still realize that it does not compensate for what they lost in the procedure.

But hey, if you believe you deserve, then that is your call chief. But I will tell you now that aspect of things will make it impossible for you to”keep yourself satisfied with her.” If you would like to remain with her, then everything you will need to do is begin actually appreciating what you have, how she makes you feel and what she brings to this relationship and stressing about the proverbial two in the bush. The more you can concentrate on what you like about your relationship with the more thankful you can be for what you have, the more satisfied you will be.

But if you are always saying”you are great, but I believe I could do better,” then all you are doing is condemning your connection and her feelings into a death by a thousand cuts. At which point, you would be better off simply breaking her heart today rather than slowly bleeding it dry over time; at the way she will have an opportunity to get over you faster and without unnecessary pain.

However, they don’t all bring you lasagna at work.

Dear Dr. NerdLove,

First I’d like to say I am from a South Asian country. We take relationships seriously and culturally. I have a girlfriend (4 months affair). She’s my first love. But she had a boyfriend and I am her second love. I am really suffering that I couldn’t be her first love. She informs it and I am actually feeling that. She always tells I am far better than him and she says”nobody loved me as you do”. We’ve got good sexually and emotionally love life. She’s totally happy with me. But I am really suffering.

I feel as she lies to me since she does not like to broke my heart and she secretly love her ex because it’s’first love matters’. Sometimes I ask her that she recalls her ex. But I can not believe it. I truly love her and I can not even feel that she’s considering another man even for an instant.

Dude, if you love her, then you want to shut the hell up and trust.

I will give it to you straight: pretty much anyone you date will have a history. The older you get, the less likely it’ll be that you are going to be a person’s”first”. And that is fine. There is no prize for being someone’s first love, somebody’s first connection, somebody’s first sexual encounter. It does not magically confer significance on the connection that nobody else will ever match or outdo. I mean, fuck dude, you know this because she has already told you about how her first boyfriend fucking cheated on her and dumped her. That is such a low goddamn bar that you clear you could roller-skate it over.

And here you’re agonizing about the fact that somebody else was there.

Here is another thing about firsts: they are almost never”continues”. However badly one’s culture takes connections, the reality is that the huge bulk of the population does not remain with their first spouse until death do they part. While it does happen — I have a buddy who has been with his wife because they were 13 — it is rare enough that you shouldn’t be betting the farm on it. Hence the fact that you aren’t somebody’s first only suggests that the chances are better that you two may be able, the experience, the perspective and the emotional maturity to go the distance.

But NOT when you are sitting there, telling someone that you love that she is a liar when she states that she loves you and only you.

This ai not about love, chief. This is all about insecurity. This is all about you worrying that you don’t step up and that she is going to leave you for someone else as motives. And I am here in the future to tell you that this is precisely what’s going to happen if you do not quit throwing her previous relationships in her face. You want to either accept that she is being directly when she tells you that she loves you and cares for you and wants to be with you, or you will need to prepare for the break-up which will be coming down the pike.

Rather than dealing with if she loves you or not — accept that she’s telling you the truth — you will need to work on your own self-esteem and your sense of self worth. I believe the best thing you can do for yourself is to find yourself a counselor or therapist and begin unpacking these insecurities you have, until they detonate something great you have on your life.

Dear Dr. NerdLove,

I wrote to you before about how my husband’s sex-life had cratered after the arrival of our child. In the event you’re interested, I thought I would inform you that your advice was really beneficial. We have talked to a counselor a bit.

As part of the process, he confessed that he has been in near continuous mouth pain since soon after the baby was born. He has gotten some significant dental work done (wisdom teeth removed, cavities filled, and gum disease treated) rather than being in constant pain has definitely also helped.

Things still are not perfect, but they’re a great deal better. Thank you.

Doing Better In Seattle

Hey, thanks for letting us know how you have been doing, DBIS! Glad to hear things have improved, particularly because it means your spouse is no longer coping with severe constant pain! Congratulations on the job the both of you have put in and having the guts to talk things out, and I hope things continue to improve for you both!

This post was previously published on Doctornerdlove.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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For example:”I am tired and we can not catch up tonight.” , but then she had been seen out — hitting the city. When is it normal to expect the truth or is it normal people aren’t 100% honest in relationships.

A: Not that I am aware of! I guess there are times in life where the small white lie is for the best good of all, but maybe not here. To begin with, a few things might be going on: 1) She is lacking the self-esteem to look you in the eye and tell you the facts or perhaps write to you and tell you the facts. There’s some level of absence of self-esteem or lack of communication capability to understand that telling the truth actually builds relationship, trust, and intimacy. That’s her work to perform. 2) Or it’s extremely possible that previously she said”Hey, I wish to go out with my friends tonight.” And also you mad her feel really guilty, so now she is lying about it. I don’t know what happening but I am saying that could be, that you’re not safe to tell the truth to without becoming upset, which makes her feel guilty, or blowing up so she does not tell you the truth anymore.

In general, it seems like you guys do not have a definite deal, a definite arrangement, a clear communication about how you’re going to spend some time with your friends and each other. Lay out how your relationship will look so it can function. This conversation should take place from the get-go so that these sort of misunderstandings don’t occur and damage your heart. It is really great at the close of each week to check-in and find out how you can love that person more, improve the connection, and/or comprehend that which you might not be knowing clearly. It is like a recap of this week so that there is no elephants in the living area and you sip every thing from the bud and you get nearer and trust each other more over the months and weeks you’re together. So that would be my recommendation.

How can I assist you? Proceed to gethertosayyes.com — which is my free report and video series for guys, where it is going to encourage you on the way to be based — not blaming, not judgmental of self or other, and have this conversation with her. It will help you there and at many different ways to be a noble badass.

Ladies, if this is something you do — kind of tell white lies, it is really quite emasculating to the gentlemen. You, on your confidence and saying on your female,”It would make me so happy if I could go out with my girlfriends tonight. I don’t want you to believe I do not want to be with you; however, whenever I go out together I’m even more grateful for you.” That’s the sort of communication he desires. I have this superb DVD called Radiance. You’ll find it by visiting allanapratt.com/shop. I think it would be really great for a person who’s having trouble speaking their truth and asking for what they need. To go through that 6-week program — it has got interviews and dance videos — it’s actually comprehensive — about 9 hours of instruction, where you’re going to go through each and every coating, come HOME, feel secure, approved of, and attached to yourself on the inside so you don’t require an outside circumstance to be sufficient. You only have to ask for what you want and say the truth, and even if they don’t enjoy it, you’re still able to stay focused, connected to yourself, happy with yourself. So if you’re a lady, I believe this would very valuable in this specific situation.

Thank you for your queries and till next time, I love you so much!

Replies are in video.

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