–I wanted to write some sort of x-number of reasons so far an Asperger’s man piece (a form of autism). The issue is, I have only dated one, I am still dating him, and as long as he suggests before all of the rings, earrings, and formal apparel in my Pinterest planks go out of fashion, I am done dating others. Moreover, let’s be fair, some guys are jerks, and it follows that some Aspie (Asperger’s) guys are likely jerks too. I can not categorically recommend all Aspie guys.  Just mine.  But he is taken! Having said that, I have a great idea about what behavioural traits led other women to pass on the man who sparked my fascination with ombre wedding dresses. I’m beyond thrilled that those girls are missing out on what I have, but I endure less ill will toward everyone else. I’m delighted to share 7 things which aren’t reasons to date a man with Asperger’s.1. He’s awkward. When he had been interested in me, before we began dating, he introduced me to an acquaintance as”Shannon, not Shannon, my girlfriend… only Shannon.” It was so damn endearing, I forgot to be ashamed. (A couple of days later, I was his girlfriend.)2. Never underestimate the creativity of an aspie man, especially one as smart as mine, obsessed with making a woman happy.3. In my experience, the degree of weirdness a individual accomplishes is often proportional to the quantity of wisdom and creativity they have. If you are not a little bit weird, you’re boring, and I really don’t like you.4. He is blunt.I don’t need to wonder how he feels about me. He is constitutionally incapable of lying, and even if he could lie, figuring out exactly what I would want to hear is not something his mind could manage.5. He appears unemotional. Not displaying emotions differs from not having them. I have dated men who cried during chic flicks who, nevertheless, managed to hurt me in inconceivable ways. Aspies, particularly adults on the spectrum, are loyal to a fault and demonstrate affection in practical ways.6. He can not take a hint. God forbid you should have a person in your life who will happily do whatever you ask of him since he is so damn happy to have a surefire means to demonstrate his affection for you (see above).7. He is a nerd. Nerds wish to learn about and understand whatever catches their attention. If you’re fortunate enough to catch the attention of a nerd, your likes and dislikes might just be the greatest subject and/or ability they aim to master. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.Granted, an As[ie person, like any other, will pose dangers. The things above can, respectively, equate to socially devastating, compulsive, disturbingly odd, rude, cold, obtuse, and interested only in matters that are not you. But occasionally higher stakes come with larger payoffs. If you have the chance to date a man with Asperger’s (unless you have found a way to make dating into something apart from a crapshoot), think about taking a opportunity.–What’s Next in The Great Men Project? Social Interest Group RSVP for Love Sex Etc.. Calls  Connect the Sex, Love Etc.. We think you will enjoy our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS–WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to talk, gain insights, build communities– and help resolve some of the most troublesome challenges the world has now. Calls are for Members Only (though you can combine the first call for free). Join now! Join The Great Men Project Community All levels get to see The Great Men Project website AD-FREE. The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS–combine as many groups and courses as you need for the whole year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to some ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–along with other benefits listed below the form. {Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission, and have a {} ad-free viewing experience.|} <! Please note: If you’re already a writer/contributor in The Great Men Project, log in here prior to enrolling. (Request a new password if desired ).◊♦◊ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 annually ) includes:1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Combine all of our weekly forecasts, Social Interest Groups, courses, workshops, and personal Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or internet class each and every day of the week. 2. See the site with no advertisements when logged in! 3. 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There isn’t a reason not to.

The article 7 Reasons to Date an Autistic Man appeared on The Great Men Project.

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The Real Reason She’s Not Responding to Your Texts

Exasperated texting

“here is what I texted her…” he said as he handed me his telephone, exasperated.

I was having coffee with a customer. He was frustrated because he met a girl in a food hall the day before, messaged her afterwards, and never heard back.

I looked at his cell phone. The screen read…

Have fun at your friend’s party and we’ll catch up shortly.”

He flew into a fury of queries. Was I too dull? Can I look too eager and desperate?”

He wanted a response.

He wanted me to tell him how to fix his texting so that this would never happen again. And he expected it was still possible to salvage the situation for this woman.

The reality is, the text that he sent was generic. A great deal of men send similar messages which don’t stand stand out. He might have sent a more private follow-up message which built rapport with her.

I promise that it had ZERO to do with her not responding.” That’s the exact same answer I tell every man in these circumstances.

Because if a girl you just met or had a first date with is not reacting to your texts…

It is not about the texts.

Real world connections

I was like you. I thought my unattractive messages were killing my chances with new girls.

So I’d drive myself crazy reading online texting guidance. I’d overanalyze every word I wrote. And guess what? That still did not fix shit.

My texting did not matter because I’d a basic misunderstanding of how people form connections.

Human connection is a psychological experience between two people. It is something we just feel. Eye contact, vocal tonality, body language, energy, presence, heat, and vulnerability all affect our feelings towards someone.

Face-to-face…we feel comforted by a grin. We get full of joy when giggling close together over a joke. We feel accepted when we eventually fall our mask in front of somebody.

Text on a screen can not supply those moments and for that reason, will never move us emotionally the exact same way. From the time you send a followup message, a girl already knows how she felt with you.

If she did not text back, it is NOT because you wrote a terrible sentence. It’s because she did not feel a strong enough relationship in-house.

Otherwise, there are additional aspects which are out of your control entirely — that we will get to soon.

In any event, writing better texts following a first match or first date will not fix your problems.

Strong connections will always conquer bad texting

Listen, most of us would like to meet someone we are really excited about. And unfortunately, it does not happen too frequently.

When we do meet somebody and appreciate a relationship with them, we do not need to let them go smoothly. We work hard to explore the link and give it a chance.

Let us say you met a girl who you discovered beautiful, humorous, and engaging. You had an wonderful conversation that flowed effortlessly.

What’s your first response? She’s such a lousy texter, forget her.” Or are you just happy that you are hearing from her again?

It’s the exact same thing for a girl! Even if you send her a meh text, then she is still excited due to the connection you shared. She might temporarily think,”C’mon, you can do better than that” but it won’t overpower her feelings to reconnect with you.

If for some magic reason she does reject you because of a text — you’ve dodged a bullet. Anyone who judges a possible partner like that’s not thinking about relationship in a wholesome way.

Concentrate on making the finest real-world connections you can. Afterward, your texting woes should solve themselves.

Before you begin stressing about what you need to do differently, you want to accept that some things are simply out of your control.

Why connections do not work out — what you can not control

Thinking about what you can't change

Whenever something does not work out in relationship, men like to blame themselves. They like to feel that if they had only done things differently, they could have changed the outcome.

But we are dealing with real folks. Even when you do everything”right”, that does not mean somebody will find you attractive or harmonious. Additionally, there are external conditions you have absolutely no influence over.

If a woman does not feel connected to you, it can not have a thing to do with you personally.

Here are some common reasons why you did not form a connection (which are outside of your control):

She felt you were not compatible. You have different values or dreams to your future. That may be religion, children, kind of connection, or political motives. By way of instance, if she’s a child in the upcoming few years and you said you definitely do not, she is not going to invest in a relationship that does not have a future.

She did not find you physically attractive. You can always enhance your look . It is possible to build more powerful non-verbal communication skills (body language, eye contact), get in better shape, and create your own style. But even then, you might never be appealing to a particular woman. If she has something for stocky men with tattoos and you are a clean-cut shorty like myself, you are out of luck. However, preferences are individual and tons of other girls will find you attractive.

A man she dated before came back to the picture. If a woman still has lingering feelings for someone, she is usually going to research that first due to their history together. They’ve a more established connection which you can not compete in a short timeframe.

She met a man she feels connected to. Most girls entertain talking to a lot of guys at once. But as soon as they find somebody they feel genuinely excited about, they focus in on them. They stop pursuing other guys in the short term. You may have just met her at the wrong moment.

She was only looking for attention or validation. Occasionally a woman will go on a date or give her out without being invested in the outcome. She may have only been trying to be considerate. But deep down, she was not really serious about chasing someone new.

Why connections do not work out — the things you CAN control

Making stronger connections

On the other hand, if you observe a consistent pattern where women do not respond after meeting you — there could be more you can do in order to form those connections.

While I do not want you to get stuck in endless speculating, there is some virtue to briefly reflecting on your real world connections.

Here are some common causes of a lack of link (which are somewhat on your control):

She did not feel the sensual side of this relationship. Maybe you went on a date from an internet dating app. That means she was trying to find a possible romantic connection. But once you fulfilled, you acted purely friendly and did not flirt with her. So she didn’t think attraction or see you as a possible intimate prospect.

The next time, show your interest in a girl through compliments, intimate questions, physical contact, or going to get a kiss whilst getting to know her.

Or perhaps, the reverse occurred where…

She felt as though you just wanted sex. You tried to play with it aloof or behave like some pickup artist. You always tried to make a move on her and possibly ignored her borders when she place them. She felt like you were not attracted to her as a person, but only for her body.

Next time, open up more vulnerably on your own. Ask deeper questions you genuinely care about. If you do flirt with her, read her body language and adjust accordingly. If she tells you she is not prepared to kiss or go home with you, take it in stride. Show her that clearly you are interested in her romantically, but care about her comfort, too.

You did not spend enough time getting to know each other. I know many men who create meaningless small talk for a moment and then request a woman’s number. Sure. But the majority of the time, that girl does not feel like she understands anything about you…or vice versa. She doesn’t know whether you’d get together and she probably did not hit a second where she felt emotionally near you. Rather, she feels doubt and doubt, so it is simpler just to back off.

Next time, if a first match is going well, tell her you’ve got a little excess time and see if she is down to keep hanging out. Once you trade amounts, continue speaking for a minute so that she does not feel like that is all you wanted. If it is a date, try moving to new place where you are eager to continue instead of cutting things short sitting in exactly the exact same coffee shop. First and foremost, get off little talk and continue on a personal subject you are deeply passionate about.

She did not trust you. You introduced yourself as not being truthful or well-intentioned. Perhaps you were just stuck on your head and fought to be present. Maybe you’re too nervous to reveal too much on your own. Maybe you felt like you had to always impress her.

Next time, concentrate on being at the second with her. Slow your breathing to calm yourself and then feel the rhythm of your breath. Listen intently to the words she is saying and trust that in the event that you do, you’ll have something to attach on. Take a few additional seconds before responding to discuss something real and not only rush to fill the emptiness . Be ready to politely disagree with something and not be a”yes” man. We can all feel when someone is doing vs. truly showing up at the moment.

What to do today

Looking ahead now

So what did we learn?

1. Connections are made in-house, not remotely. If she is into you, a message won’t change this.

2. From time to time, connections fizzle out for reasons which are entirely out of your control.

3. Forgive yourself if things do not work out as you anticipated. Silence that internal critic and stop being so hard on yourself (particularly because it might not be about you!)

4. If you recognize a pattern of girls not reacting to you, reflect in your in-person experiences. Identify any behaviors that might be inhibiting your relations.

And lastly, what can you do to salvage a situation with a woman who is not responding to your messages?

Send her a brief text about how you would like to work on it next time.

“Not certain if I seemed from it during dinner. I was only in my mind as you look really smart and challenging. I really want to get to know you better.”

This has worked for a great deal of men. It’s remarkable how much a little self-reflection and honesty will take you. If she is on the fence, addressing those concerns plants the seed which you could develop a gorgeous connection together.

Still don’t understand why your dates are fizzling out? Let us schedule a free consultation together. I’ll pinpoint what is stopping your dates from going ahead and design a plan of action to construct stronger connections.

Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here

Is this True Love or Love Bombing?

Dedicated to advocating a fresh outlook for individuals, and offering them the necessary tools to create an authentic, fabulous lifestyle – Ashley Berges, syndicated talk show host of Live Your True Life PERSPECTIVES, founder, and host of The Celebrity PERSPECTIVE (a new web series launching this autumn ), is also renowned life coach, in-demand keynote speaker, modern philosopher, acclaimed author and clinical psychologist.

With over 100k followers on Social Networking and a series that airs six days a week, both nationally and internationally on multiple platforms & platforms such as iTunes, Spreaker, iHeart Radio, Radio Monterey, KLIF 570 News, and Identify Radio UK.   Ashley, often called”The Man Whisperer,” winners her knowledge and expertise to coach people on how to: expose dating, sex and relationship pitfalls, deftly navigate through divorce, confront the challenges of the family afterward, cultivate influential leadership abilities, and winner your true life.  

Locate Ashley in AshleyBerges.com or on Facebook.

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The Way to End a Relationship With Course and Compassion

Dealing with a breakup

Today’s post on surfing breakups comes from my close friend Jason Connell. He is always thoughtful and he is the ideal person to handle this sensitive subject.

Earlier this season: I have failed. To be loving and gentle until the final moment.”

I arrived in guns blazing and left cold, angry, and shut. We both knew the relationship was there was no need for hostility.

I muster whatever energy I could and text,”Hey. I kinda messed up that. I assume you will say no to this, but is there any chance I will return over? There were so many things about us and you that really made an incredible difference in my life and I wanted to talk about those too before we completely said goodbye. Certainly do what’s right for you, but if it is in any way possible, I’d really like to end on a better note, one that is more reflective of what you had been to me.”

To my delight, A* texted back saying she felt exactly the exact same way.

We kissed, referenced a joke from the start, and said goodbye.

***

Breaking up with someone you love is among the hardest things you will ever do. Part of you dies as two spirits untangle themselves. Because of that, making the decision to break up with someone is also exceptionally tricky.

In this report we’ll go over the messy process of breaking up with someone you love. More importantly, we will discuss how to do it with grace and care, both for yourself and your ex. We’ll also discuss various approaches to recovery after a breakup, enabling you to be better off in the long term.

Is it really over? The way to work out whether you should end your connection.

Is it really over

Just about everyone struggles to find out whether they ought to remain in a rocky relationship or end it. This is particularly difficult if you have been with your partner for a little while. Here are some questions that will assist you determine what’s perfect for you.

  • In your heart of hearts, do you understand that you and your spouse are wrong for each other? If so, it’s likely time to terminate the relationship.
  • Can you feel safe emotionally and physically? Otherwise, please finish the relationship once you can.
  • Have you talked to your spouse about what is not working for you in the connection? If not, now’s a good time to do so. Occasionally we harbor grudges and worries that sense so insurmountable, we do not bother bringing them up. It’s far better to speak with your spouse about the stuff in your mind. Perhaps the two of you’ll have the ability to solve the issue and improve your life. If you stay stuck you may have gained significant clarity about incompatibility, which will make finishing things easier for the two of you.
  • Have you talked it over with a close friend? If not, now is the time to do it. Text or phone your buddy and say,”Hey, I am really struggling with a decision. Encourage your friend to talk candidly. He or she may have the ability to offer insight. A couple of years ago I had three close guy friends say,”Dude, you will need to break up with that girl” and then explained why. Even though it was hard to listen to, their advice made my life simpler.
  • Are you simply staying in the relationship because you are afraid of being alone, afraid of starting over, or fearful of hurting another person? While I certainly understand the fear, that is a shitty reason to stay with somebody. Not only are you making your life simpler, you are making the other person’s life simpler, too. It is time to split up.
  • Are you afraid that in case you break up you or your spouse won’t ever bounce back? Again, I have been there. The fantastic thing is that this is almost always a false panic. The two of you’ll be fine. Humans are resilient. I promise. Oftentimes, people heal more quickly than they anticipate. Earlier this month, a newly divorced friend said that her divorce left her realize something: her ex-husband spent years making her feel small. She’s been thrilled to learn that without him, she is more powerful and capable than ever before.

Do not answer these questions quickly. Instead, take your time to mull them over, journal, and reflect. The decision to end a relationship is important. While it is not always possible to be 100% sure that you are making the best choice, you really do want to make sure sufficient until you pull the trigger.

The best way to break up with as much grace as possible

Break up with grace

If you are the one doing the breaking up, it is important to see that things may go badly. Your partner could be hurt, they might say unkind things, or they might beg for another opportunity. If this occurs, realize that it is a natural reaction to the vulnerability of rejection. To the best of your ability, remind yourself that she does not mean what she is saying.

Needless to say, it does not have to be awful.

  • Call on your very best self during the separation. Just about all people become ghosts of our best selves when coping with heartache. When considering how you want to break up with your partner, ask,”If I had been the best version of myself, how would I handle this? I was not going to be my very best self, but I wanted to provide A* the best I could provide. As you might not get it exactly right — I did not — the mere act of planning to perform your best should help.
  • Give your spouse a heads up. A couple of hours before getting together, take her a text saying,”Hey, wanted to give you a heads up, there is some tough stuff we will need to talk about tonight. Does 7pm at your location work for you?” Doing this will give her an opportunity to brace herself and preemptively reach out to her service system.
  • Split in person (with a couple exceptions). If you have just gone on a few dates it is probably fine to break up with that person by phone or text, particularly when you have not slept together. But if you’ve been together for a little while, end it in person. You deserve that. 1 important exception: if you fear for your physical or psychological safety, do not break up in person. Rather, use whatever medium feels safest and make sure buddies are around.
  • Select the place with thought. However disorienting it is to dump someone, it is likely to be even worse for the man who just got dumped. Though it’s an issue of controversy, I think that the best move is to split up in the other person’s house. This way she does not need to go out in public right after being split with, she can send you away if she would like to, and she is already in a space where she feels secure and comfortable.

    If you live together, think about making plans to remain in a friend’s place for a couple nights. In just about all cases, I would err against breaking up with someone in public. The exception to this, is if you feel you will be emotionally or physically unsafe. Your security matters more than anything.

  • Say what you will need to state , but not more. Focus the conversation on a couple of definitive reasons about why you should split. This can be easier and kinder than list the million reasons you are wrong for each other.

    Ensure that it’s apparent that you are breaking up with another person without being cruel or verbose. Something along the lines of,”Look, I do not believe this is working and we will need to break up. I love you, but I do not love us. This is not appropriate for me and I really don’t think it’s going to be later on. Specifically _________________ is not working.” It is worth practicing what you are going to say that a few times. For those who have friends who communicate well, ask them to see check your strategy.

  • After you have broken up, listen. Let her respond. If you are able to avoid falling into the trap of berating one another. If your ex starts berating you, then set a border and try to change the tone by saying,”Look, I get it. I’m mad too. You meant the world to me and I am crushed that we could not make it work. If you are just going to abuse me {} leave. If she keeps harassing you, then just leave.

    However, if you observe that the breakup appears to be mutual and you and your ex still appear to take care of one another, you may share some of your favorite areas of the relationship. Let your ex know precisely how much they meant to you. This requires skill and fortune, but when the two of you can pull it off, it is really beautiful and recovery.

  • Finally, set bounds. If you and your ex have been together for a little while, the logistics of dividing up will require consideration. You will have to return your items, get individual flats, and untangle any shared endeavors. You might also need to ask questions or share ideas in an effort to move closer to closing.

    This will be made simpler r with clear boundaries. I would suggest agreeing on a finite period of time (two weeks or so) prior to going no contact for a short time. (Incidentally, it is not 100% clear to me that closing is fully possible.) More on closed and letting go from Nick here.

Searching for a few more thoughts about the best way best to break up with someone and how to tell if it is really time? Check out, “How To Breakup Without the Heartache.”

Taking good care of your ex following your breakup

To say hello, to make sure she is doing alright, to reminisce, and to cut through the loneliness you are feeling. You could also feel a strong impulse to be certain {} okay and see if there’s anything you can do for her.

Unfortunately, you’ll need to forego those urges. She is a capable woman. She’s family and friends to lean on.  She will be fine without you.

If you wish to help her cure: respectfully breakup with her, honor any bounds she is set, and work to heal and enhance your life….

Caring for yourself after a separation

Self-care

So much energy goes into the split itself which we often neglect to look after ourselves. Rather than working to cure the pain and improve our lives, we get hung up on the reduction itself.

While I think it’s important to mourn, grieve, cry, and shout, it’s also critical to make this process as simple as possible. I have made a list of approaches to help care for and return to your own post-breakup. Experiment with some of the ideas below. If one or two provoke you, then invest in them. If one or two freak you out, become curious about why they’re unappealing. Answering that question has the potential to shed light on blind spots in your life.

  • Create a list of what you disliked about your ex and your connection. Keep this list on your mobile phone. Seriously. Everything.

    Often during a separation your mind will play a cruel trick on you: it will exaggerate the good parts of your spouse while ignoring her bad pieces. Do not fall for the illusion. Instead, train your focus on the reasons she was not suitable for you. When you notice yourself searching for her, reread that listing on your mobile phone. When you think of other things that you are eager to no longer cope with, add it to the listing!

    Hat tip to Guy Winch’s excellent publication and Ted talk on breakups.

    You’re going to be wobbly for some time after the separation. Do the minimum on the job, forget the social functions you are dreading, eat a whole lot of chocolate bars, sleep in, and invest some money on your own. Doing this will let you rest and recover. It will protect you in the world when you are feeling particularly vulnerable. You may pick up the slack next week. For now, it is okay to be hurt. Get a cigar, a cherry donut, or a good bottle of scotch. Have a trip, fight for a cause, start hitting the gym, learn the ukulele, or purchase Lumineers tickets. In just about all instances, breakups temporarily produce a shortage of pleasure and social contact. Start filling the emptiness with treats for yourself and projects that will make you a better person.

  • Dedicate significant time to manifestation. Personally, I purchased a journal devoted to the breakup. Another method is to ask yourself bold questions in your journal (g.,”what is the most important thing I could do now to help myself heal?”) And then begin writing without thinking about it too much. You could be amazed by the wisdom resting inside. You don’t need to journal everyday, even after a week can help.

    Bonus points: in case you really need to dig deep and cure, consider enlisting the assistance of a fantastic mental health professional. Breakups suck. A good therapist can help alleviate the pain while assisting you to become a better version of yourself. In some ways, you would be nuts not to utilize one (though I am extremely biased). Here’s the way to locate a good one.

  • This is most likely the most important advice I can provide you: lean on your friends and loved ones. Compose them emails and texts speaking about how you are doing. See if they are available to grab a beverage. Call to tell them what is on your mind. Among the most difficult parts of a separation is that you are losing the principal person you’re sharing your life with. Feeling lonelier than ordinary is inevitable. Fill a number of that space with your buddies and let them treat you for a little as you get back on your feet.

    Bonus points: if you know you are going to break up with your partner, let your friends know beforehand. Ask them to meet up with you or take your phone after the separation. Knowing that you have someone standing by who cares about you may make all this easier.

  • Avoid the tendency to rush to another relationship. I understand that it is tempting to run into the arms (or legs) of another person who’ll have you, but that is a bad idea and you know it. Doing this will only prolong the pain. You changed a lot throughout your connection and it is important to get to know yourself as soon as you’re (mostly) loving life, then you will be ready to begin dating, but not before.
  • Do not contact your ex. Or move on her social websites. I know it’s difficult, but this is the time you need on your own. Can you make that list of all of the things you disliked about your ex? Every time you’re considering reaching out to her, read that list instead.

On the lookout for even more tips on the best way best to get over an ex?

If you are reading this, then there is a great likelihood that you’re contemplating breaking up with your significant other, or already have.

That pain, confusion, and loss that comes with a breakup could be completely dominating. Particularly in the beginning. I hate that you need to manage that. As you know, I have been there.

But if I am being completely honest, part of me is excited for you. Your relationship was not supposed to last forever; if it had been, it would have. Take some time to read the classes , work to get back on your feet, and as soon as you are, work to develop into an even better version of yourself. Doing this will make a remarkable difference in your lifetime. Additionally, it will make you more attractive than you already are.

Hey, Nick here. Hope you enjoyed Jason’s post and that it has helped you through a time of need. When you haven’t already checked it out, Jason has an awesome body of work on emotional intelligence, people skills, and internal work. He and I have curated a couple of his posts that we believe my readers will especially love. You can check them out here

Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here

Very good Crack Contributes to Great Confidence at My Dublin Retreat

Kristina, Nick, and Julian

Last SeptemberI hosted one of my Conquer Confidence retreats in Dublin, Ireland with Julian and Kristina of LoveLifeSolved.

Only two spots left!]

I need to admit, I have fallen in love with Ireland. It’s everything you would expect and more.

Breathtaking rolling green hills direct into concealed fairy nooks. Ancient castles predominate over pastures of grass-fed cows.

And needless to say, there is a bar on every corner teeming with Guinness and Irish Red Ale.

What is really magical is what happens inside those bars. Rarely do patrons shout into one another’s ears over blasting Top 40 songs. Rather, everyone is engaged in lively conversations over live musicians playing an assortment of traditional and popular music.

And this is the reason I chose Dublin: due to this sweet, sweet crack.

The medication we all want

Crack socializing

Everybody is all about having great craic in Ireland. It is woven into the cultural fabric. People today go out especially to experience it. They ask other people,”What’s the craic?” Aka”What’s happening?”

This is exactly what makes talking to locals so entertaining.

People don’t need to waste time on bullshit small talk. They do not need you to ask generic questions about their day or their occupation.

That is why I think people are confused when they say Irish individuals are cold. They simply expect you to be real with them.

People want one to begin conversations with a quirky monitoring, a polarizing question, a playful jab, or perhaps by breaking into song.

This generates wild social outings where it is impossible to guess what is going to happen next.

This distinctive social lively gives you permission to shed the mask you are so used to wearing and appear authentically. In turn, people do the exact same for you.

It’s the ideal place to practice your social skills.

But if there is anything I learned during my years of training, it is that you can adopt the craic anyplace . Ireland might be the only place which has a word for this, but people still yearn for that experience all over the world.

We all want to take off the mask

Take off the mask

Men ask us,”Where is the line of’too much’? What is considered’too personal’?

When they are first getting to know a girl, they are plagued with these questions.

They do not get into more polarizing discussions. They don’t speak about their nerdy pursuits or behave like their selves. And they prevent more amorous or sexual banter altogether.

This leads to weak, forgettable connections with other men and women.

This isn’t what we as people crave, deep down. We manage the boring and mundane each and every day.

We’re perishing to disclose our cards and actually get to know people — we only need to feel accepted.

I truly wanted to establish this point to the Dublin escape clients. So, along with three of those men, I introduced us to a group of girls in the park.

The first couple minutes of conversation was normal, everybody was playing it safe. We found out that the women were tourists on holiday from their work.

I took the lead to show the men how to begin to create deep, meaningful relations. Usually 1 person must put themselves out there and be exposed. They must share or ask something which requires a little bit of risk.

I noticed the girls had clear liquid within their own water bottles. I jokingly asked if they were embracing the local energy and were secretly getting a little tipsy at the playground. They laughed and played, saying to not inform the police on horses nearby.

Fast friends

This broke the ice and invited among the men to ask,”Do you believe we could feel something deeper for someone at first sight?”

This got the girls to open up about their intimate experiences. Then one of the men shared how he felt as though he became infatuated with singers for their sexy voices. That led to one of those women mimicking her sexual intercourse and moaning at full volume at the center of the park.

We stayed for another 20 minutes, talking about everything from what really makes us joyful to the integrity of suicide. After all, everyone was trading amounts and could not wait to hang out again.

There isn’t any ideal moment or ideal time to begin getting real and proceed past small talk. Everything comes down to the…

You take a leap of faith by opening up. Another individual recognizes that and is more inclined to reciprocate by revealing more about themselves. And so long as you show that you are accepting and non-judgmental of these truths, the method continues and repeats.

Each individual reveals somewhat more over time, which fosters a safe environment of acceptance and trust.

And that’s how you rapidly build strong, deep connections — even with strangers.

You are overlooking the immense value in speaking to everybody

Before the retreat started, Julian and I strolled to a bar one day north of the river. That area has always been called the”rough” part of Dublin (although things are changing now).

Inside, it was what you would think — dim, weathered, coated in warm brown tones, and filled with sailors at least 20 years older than us.

This sort of setting would likely turn off plenty of guys looking to boost their social confidence. They would see no one their age, no girls they found appealing, and no value in spending some time in that environment.

Ironically, it is this mindset that often impedes their development and assembles unhealthy habits.

People are individuals. You still have to appear authentically, stay present, show them you are interested in them, and build rapport — regardless of who is in front of you. A confident man begins a conversation with a grandma in addition to with a younger girl.

If you only target attractive ladies, you are telling yourself that they are the only people worth meeting. You then inherently treat them differently because they are”unicorns”. You place them on a base and feel as if you will need to constantly impress them.

Using this method, you are only valuing people’s appearances and not their inner qualities, too.

You’re far more likely to have approval-seeking behaviours, disingenuous conversations, and feel as if you don’t know the way to be yourself in everyday social situations.

Talk to anyone

Confident guys are not solely focused on attractive girls. They find value in these experiences.

And that is when they develop long-term, not from becoming short-term attention from a random girl.

Back to the Irish bar. Julian and I collaborated with a middle-aged girl that grew up at the most poverty-stricken pieces of Dublin for nearly two hours. She told us about her tricks of the road life, the way the nuns were borderline abusive in schools, the way the priests used medication and hit on girls, and how she narrowly escaped running away from home at 14.

It was fucking fascinating! I felt like I had been put into life in 1970s Dublin. I knew more about personal hardships, why folks become the way they are, and with profound courage at a young age.

For me, that was possibly the most influential and enjoyable social experience of the whole trip. So I will tell you this…

Get comfortable talking to anybody. It just may be the most valuable conversation you have.

Actions make reality

One of the men at the escape said he could not build intimate connections with girls. He’d dates never experienced a woman needing him so he never made a move. His relations always stayed friendly.

He felt like he had been destined to be unattractive to women.

In the retreat, he talked to a girl on the Trinity College yard for more than 45 minutes. Even from afar, you could see how engaged she had been while they sat together — laughing and laughing in eagerly.

The following night we went out to a few bars. The same man ended up with a girl for nearly two hours.

While he wanted to, he did not make a move and finally she left as the night wound down.

As an outsider of both situations, it was OBVIOUS that these girls were quite attracted to him. The only reason things did not progress is because he did not make a move — not because something was wrong with him.

Still, I was thrilled and proud that he built such powerful connections. I knew moving things ahead was a simple behavioral repair.

However, when you’re the one in the center of the circumstance, your mind does not see it like this.

He felt like these girls could never find him desirable since his relations fizzled.

Kristina coaching Dublin

Kristina sat with him as a woman, told him these deep anxieties were bullshit. If he simply changed a few simple behaviors, he would completely change his truth and see how many girls were interested.

He took that to heart and within the next few months he put that into practice. With every girl he met and enjoyed, he flirted with her somehow. Immediately, he began with the romantic, sexual experiences with girls he had always wished for.

His experiences have shown that lots of girls will want him in their own lives.

He forever altered what was possible for himself by adjusting one little behavior.

And in my 12 years of doing so, that is often all it takes. Perhaps you believe you’re up to now from getting to where you want to be.

Change your activities and you can completely change your truth.

Time to violate reality

Nick pondering reality

As is tradition, here are a few of the”reality breakers” the men made at this retreat. All it took was changing only one behaviour to create these life-changing experience possible.

  • One attendee moved across the nation into a big city without a new job offer.
  • Two of those guys that wanted long-term relationships obtained girlfriends almost immediately after the retreat. They’re still dating those girls now.
  • One man had a date that result in sex with his dream woman. On the next day, she revealed several horribly racist opinions. He wished to keep quiet and not destroy things, but his escape experience showed him how important it was to stand up for his worth. He told her how mad he was by her views. He then drove her home and never spoke to her again.
  • Two attendees conduct their own companies that require them to market their services to other men and women. They stated the confidence and social skills they obtained have radically improved their sales. And they didn’t need to use unethical tactics to get there.
  • One man was used to a lifetime of going home after a job he hated. He would just watch TV and navigate on his mobile phone. Now he’s volunteered for a charity and been an honored guest in their gala, combined a few sports classes, volunteers as a buddy for an older man, and has reconnected with old friends. He has also gained the courage to create a career change.
  • Almost all the Dublin attendees have a vacation planned for this summer together. That is fucking awesome!

Conquer Confidence Dublin 2018 Retreat Group

This experience would not have been possible without the remarkable support of this Conquer Confidence team. Many thanks to my organization and training partners Julian and Kristina for their boundless dedication, heart, and persistence to supply the best experience possible.

And a special thanks to Sarah Katharina — our brilliant, eccentric, firey photographer. Her infectious laughter always makes everybody feel better.

All photographs taken by the Only Sarah Katharina

Are you prepared to connect with women in your life? Join our forthcoming Madrid, Spain escape September 6-9 and get the confidence to speak to anyone. (Only two spots left!)

[Notice: Meet the girls you want in our next retreat in Madrid, Spain this September 6-9, 2019. Only two spots left!] I need to admit, I have fallen in love with Ireland. It’s everything you would expect and Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here