What Men Must Learn from Women Choosing Different Women

I believe women, with increasing frequency, are picking intimate relationships with other women over men because of how badly men perform the connection serves women value most.

1. Yes. I meant to type that.

2. “…with increasing frequency” is tough to quantify. Perhaps we just hear about it more than we used to due to a diminished fear of judgment, or due to the broad reach of the net. University-based research from 2009 through now suggest more females are self-identifying as lesbian or bisexual (15-ishpercent ) than men are as homosexual (5-ishpercent ), which 60-ishpercent of females, irrespective of sexual labels, find other women attractive (at a more-than-a-friend manner ).

3. When I talk about”girls” or”guys” as groups, I am referring to overall, observable behaviors. I’m by no means taking the stance that all women or all men fit into a specific stereotype.

4. I am fully aware that certain groups of individuals believe homosexuality to be gravely sinful. I have as much respect for individuals adhering to their religion and personal values as I do for people in their intimate relationships, no matter who they love. I do not take kindly to the ethical judgment of strangers, ESPECIALLY on matters of homosexuality due to the nauseating levels of hypocrisy from those who turn a blind eye to”straight-sex sinfulness.” I will be totally cool with widespread outspoken condemnation of homosexuality just when the morally righteous outcry toward sinful heterosexual behaviour matches it. Because only hypocrites such as hypocrisy.

5. I think this trend will continue until guys jointly commit to not doing all {} Shitty Husband things most people (accidentally! ) do, OR reject relationships with girls, forsake family life, and move all-in on A.I. Ex Machina-such as sexbots or anything.

Girls Know What Girls Want

An fantastic author and speaker called Glennon Doyle Melton had a comparatively high-profile separation from her husband lately, only days before her second bestselling book Love Warrior (much of which focused on her marriage to her husband) hit store shelves.

FYI.”

To which I answered:”Shut the eff up.

Glennon is currently in a relationship with U.S. soccer star Abby Wambach, who became a national celebrity when the U.S. women’s team won the 2015 World Cup.

I was amazed because it feels unexpected for me to see or hear news that a long-time married mother with kids is in a romantic relationship with another girl, but out of this, I find it completely unsurprising.

Throughout some cursory Googling, I stumbled on this 2010 article from Psychology Today informs me that Katy Perry, Lindsay Lohan, Angelina Jolie, Lady Gaga, Anna Paquin, Megan Fox, and Drew Barrymore have publically identified themselves as bisexual.

You would have thought the world had ended in 1997 when Ellen DeGeneres declared her relationship with actress Anne Heche.

Now, nobody cares. Maybe that is why these episodes are more common now. I don’t pretend to understand.

However, I DO pretend to understand that girls generally demonstrate infinitely more understanding about what girls want in their romantic relationships than men do.

And given how much I’m bombarded with stories of wives in complete agony from how their husbands make them feel, and just how much Google traffic this site gets from women looking for answers to things like “Why doesn’t my husband love me?”  or “Why doesn’t my husband care about my feelings? ,” it makes a good deal of sense to me.

Here is the hard fact most of these men need to hear:

There is absolutely not any amount of money or material goods you may provide to satisfy her wants.

There’s absolutely not any amount of physical fitness, strength, or life skills you may have to make her feel secure.

There’s absolutely not any quantity of penis length or girth, or sexual art it is possible to have to make her forget how awful she feels the rest of the time.

All your money and your badass-ness and your porn-star-ness can easily make you a big, fat “Umm, I like women better than you” if you continue to fail all of the things she says she wants.

I have terrible news.

You thinking or feeling that her said needs are irrelevant, try as you may, will NOT magically make them insignificant. The things that matter to her, MATTER to her, even if they do not matter to you. It’s surprisingly simple to float through life not realizing or denying that, and then getting divorced for it.

Another Important Note: No one–certainly not me{} what an individual human being desires. I am just some divorced idiot who got all {} stuff wrong when I was married.

The most-effective means of studying the”secrets,” would be to respect the very first item on this list like it’ll ultimately dictate the health of your connection. Because something easy like LISTENING will.

To Feel Seen and Heard

This mostly means “to be listened to.” Not obeyed. Men like me have an awesome capacity for caring about anything we happen to care about in the moment, which leads to us appearing disinterested or dismissive of something our partners are discussing. Global history is full of stories of individuals who would not endure their voices going unheard. They either revolted or fled. Divorce functions that way too.

You know how a lot of U.S. residents said they were planning to move to Canada or Europe if Donald Trump won the election? Well, your miserable wives are like the disgruntled citizens, and Canada and Europe represent a lesbian oasis of like-minded relaxation and acceptance.

2.

This doesn’t mean that you can beat up the guy who receives handsy with her at a crowded pub, or you can skillfully defend your home from intruders.

It means she feels secure in every way one can. You can reliably be counted on to have her back and become a continuous presence in good times and in bad. Not only with sexual fidelity, but all of Life’s activities and hardships over time. You can be a fantastic parent to her children, who she loves intensely and strives to protect. That it’s possible to provide financially, or at least NOT be a fiscal strain on the long-term stability of your household.

It’s a lot more than just physical security.

And to that end, you ought to be a safe refuge for her to explore the things which thing in her life, including her relationship with you. She must have the ability to clarify her hopes and dreams and anxieties and anxieties WITHOUT you mocking or judging her for it. She must have the ability to inform you what you do and say occasionally increase her stresses or anxieties without you attacking her from defensiveness.

If she does not feel as though it’s safe to talk to you, she won’t. Finally, she’ll find somebody who will. Sometimes, that individual will be another girl who knows–in her heart –how dangerous and vulnerable it seems to live with somebody who regularly creates negative life experiences as opposed to positive ones.

To Feel Sexually Desired

This is extremely simple. When you first got together, you said and did things that conveyed appreciation for how she made you feel, how appealing you believed she was, and that you’re interested in her sexually.

The thoughtful actions you took and phrases you mentioned authentically and transparently demonstrated that sexual appetite.

The emotional and mental damage adults take on or accidentally inflict on each other during the course of a union and the trials of maturity can not be overstated. Husbands and wives are similar to two states who sign a Peace Accord with the best of intentions, but through the course of ordinary life, unintentionally fire heavy artillery at one another which sometimes lead to short lived, but damn, invasions.

We ACCIDENTALLY switch our partners sexually only by being ourselves and not realizing certain activities cause the deterioration of these feelings in another individual. Nobody would like to be unattractive for their spouses.

But when folks are MINDFUL of the, and intentionally do things to make our partners feel loved and desired, much, if not all, of the bad stuff goes off.

Because women often demonstrate more thoughtfulness and psychological awareness than men, it is not surprising to me that other women more efficiently communicate feelings of desire than many guys do.

4. To Feel Appreciated

Everyone likes feeling valued. Demonstrating authentic gratitude is a fairly strong Life tip, across the board. But there’s a lively in male-female relationships that rears its head with excellent frequency, and is in charge of a lot of the broken families scattered out there. And that is the dynamic where wives are forced to the position of handling most Life Tasks round the home. Keeping track of programs. Making doctor appointments and hauling the kids there. Responding to party invitations. Purchasing the gifts. Planning meals. Acquiring groceries. Paying bills on time. Orchestrating social calendars and vacation plans. Handling school-related matters. Keeping the home clean. Managing laundry. Cooking meals. Washing and putting dishes away. And often likely to work as many hours as her husband.

Sometimes, after all {} , he leaves a dirty dish from the sink for her to wash up even after she has asked him nicely not to. From time to time, he proceeds to do it anyhow, and calls her a little nag for getting upset about it. Often, that man ends up divorced.

Some wives want more ACTUAL aid and to be admired when these orders are made.

But occasionally, wives are not even asking for more attempt. From time to time, wives and moms enjoy the skillful management and support of the families and household.

And sometimes the only thing they crave in return is real appreciation.

Not to be taken for granted and treated like a housemaid.

Perhaps other women who’ve walked a mile in the same”housemaid” shoes know how to not make the person they love feel like that.

Nope.

I would like you to understand how to anticipate other people’s requirements and adjust your behaviour on a case-by-case basis REGARDLESS of the individual’s sex, or some other born-this-way quality they have.

That is what Life’s most prosperous people do in every conceivable scenario.

Ladies, for reasons I will not pretend to understand, demonstrate greater ability and proficiency at anticipating and meeting the needs of others than men do.

Period.

And THAT skill is a remarkably important element in relationship success.

Learn and create it, and I believe Life gets better because I think the quality of our relationships affect our lives more than anything out of particular health conditions.

Ignore it? And I think you’ll spend the rest of your life or in and from unpleasant relationships awaiting Life to bend to your will, only to finally realize, it never actually does.

Maybe a few of those women always liked women over men, and only now feel secure to pursue these relationships.

Maybe a few of those women woke up one day after years of heterosexual attraction only to detect those ideas and feelings were replaced by fresh ones.

Or just maybe, a critical mass of women have tried over and over and over again to obtain a life of contentment and peace with assorted men through time, just to have the couple they trusted entirely, disappoint, betray, or neglect them.

And just maybe that pain was so good, that it is simply not worth it anymore.

And just perhaps, while we continue to desperately cling to our Man Cards, girls will continue to pursue the comfort and security of other girls while we complain to our friends about their petty wants and delicate emotions as the dust collects on our furniture and we awkwardly fold another load of laundry.

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Women appear to be choosing different women over men with increased frequency. Men must try to understand why.

The article What Men Must Learn from Women Selecting Different Girls appeared on The Great Men Project.

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