You requested Allana: When my boyfriend and I have troubles, he simply shuts down. He desires for this to blow over. How do I get him to convey?
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What I have discovered from the people that I bring as training clients is they generally have big hearts. They are extremely kinesthetic, they feel things so deeply, which is amazing because they have the capability to love intensely and have intimate deep relationships and really allow the deliciousness of being in our bodies come alive.
The other side of it is that when we hurt, we actually hurt. It hurts a bit more than what other people can experience. It could take a bit longer to bounce back than others once we have not developed certain capacities to browse this.
What I’d say to you is give him space. Image what’s it going to feel like if someone is coming after you and pushing? He’s going to shield even more. As you give him space, do not judge him because he will feel it and feel it, and he isn’t going to speak with you. Your job because you give him space and do not judge him is to breathe and feel. The suppressing of the feeling just sticks at a location and you get nowhere. And this is a blueprint, you probably have a number of layers you’ve stuffed down. So my request is that you breathe and feel.
What happens when we really sit in the fire and breathe, the energy starts to change, to dissipate, to be discharged and you can rest on your body again. You may come home to yourself. You can be connected to the entire world and your instinct and your understanding, if you’re ready to experience this. I am not saying it is easy or enjoyable. It’s not but it’s just temporary, it isn’t forever. The resisting, that’s suffering. The pain of feeling it — that’s extreme. On the other side, you’re likely to find, I promise some wisdom and insight into why that fight occurred. Something he may be missing, something you may be missing. Something you may actually have a fantastic conversation about.
Step three, is to convey from this place of non-judgment. Then once you tackle him, let it be at a sandwich –“I love you. I care. I’m committed that we have an awesome relationship.” First bit of bread. At the center –“I discovered perhaps I was a controlling and pushy” OR”Perhaps I was not appreciating you.” Whatever insight you’ve got on your moment of kindness. Or perhaps you miss him or perhaps you just want to have more time together. You’re likely to get some insight so share it as an invitation. Place the bread on the end –“I’d like to hear how I could be a better girlfriend for you. Let you know how much I love you. How I can make our relationships much better.” So once you have that sort of conversation and you aren’t coming, where the one thing he can do is be defensive, it’s an invitation to reconnect into oneness, romantic relationship, and conversation.
I anticipate a terrific breakthrough for you. For those who have any difficulty with this at all, you aren’t alone. So in case you prefer to reserve a plan sessions, for me to maintain space for the both of you, or even just for me to allow you to feel through all of the discomfort so that you can rest in peace and listen to your own instinct, I’d like this — allanapratt.com/strategy. Only you and I or as a couple. I’m here for you and I believe in you.
All my love,
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