The Sexual Harassment Backlash

The Sexual Harassment Backlash

The Sexual Harassment BacklashMost guys agree that defining and restricting sexual harassment in the office was, and still is, a good and necessary thing.

Here’s why sexual flirtation is indeed tricky at the workplace.

However, sexual harassment remains a difficult social situation in office environments since it’s, to a large degree, insecure and a matter of opinion. What one girl or co-worker deems as harmless flirting, another finds offensive and demeaning. It can leave a man feeling like he can not say anything at all — even though his intentions are — for danger of being yanked to the HR department for a movie and lecture on sexual harassment. Or what if you would like to discover if that’s true? Have hope, civilized men, there’s a way to talk in a positive way.

Compliments

If you are just meeting someone new, and you need her to know you find her attractive, begin with easy compliments…”I like that hairstyle,” or”that dress makes your eyes look blue.” Sounds dull, but the point is not to tell her she has rocking legs or a slammin’ back end. The purpose is to make her aware that her look is something that you notice. Keep your remarks simple statements of truth (rather than your {} opinion) and you ought to be in the clear.

Conversations

If you truly want to come up with anything like a relationship dating or more using a co-worker, you have got to have the ability to talk about things besides sex, nudity, lewdness, pornography, lingerie, etc.. Try conversation topics such as a favorite TV series, a concert you recently attended, or a restaurant you like to frequent. Based on the individual, you might even have the ability to talk about shared interests such as the gym or sports if you happen to notice them constantly leaving the workplace with a tennis racket or even in gym attire.

Invitations

It can be tough and unexpected for a woman to be approached for a date while on the job. With subtle work-safe flirtations happening, she might not be entirely aware of your interest. Begin by inviting her and a group to lunch, and then gradually reduce the size of the band… the day will come that not everybody can make it or you may offer to go pick up lunch to the group and invite her to come along with you. As soon as you’ve had some casual one time time, you can better judge her interest amount and see if you can follow this up with an invitation to do something together after work.

NEVER

Express feelings in writing/email, convey what you”want” or”want to do” to or with her, remark on body parts, initiate any touch over a handshake, or go over her merits with different co-workers. These are simply recipes for disasters you are better off avoiding because even though she is”cool with it” there could be other co-workers nearby which are not and then you are back in the hot seat.

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Admit it, it would be a truly boring world if we all had perfectly happy and harmonious interactions and relationships.  Though –it would also be a world without country music, so there is something to take into account.  But truthfully, it’s the melodrama of life that feeds our desire to grow, evolve and change. Everybody who has ever met another individual has had the experience of discovering that occasionally their first, besotted reaction finally ends up becoming categorized into the”what-was-I-thinking?” category.  All of us have emotional triggers and buttons which could get activated by fulfilling the wrong person at the perfect time (or the ideal person at the wrong time).  Attraction and adoration can devolve into revulsion or boredom.With revulsion being the more interesting experience, actually.Okay, we are HUMAN and we’re deeply programmed by our upbringing, our environment, the culture, the media, the age, and that I could go on.  Half the time we do not know if WE are the one responding or if the collective mind is.  So how the hell does ANYONE form a healthy bond with a beloved?Well, step one is obviously KNOW THYSELF.  Study your own personal history and get a sense for what draws you into relationships to start with (romantic or platonic).  Are you a health professional, searching for someone to mend or just look up to you?  Are you a placater (or do you will need to be placated)?Honestly, all of us have our problems and getting in touch with your own is the first and most crucial step to knowing how to relate to another individual in a wholesome way.  Because who is the worst kind of person to interact with?  For starters.At exactly the exact same time, realize that whoever you’ve attracted into your life is, in actuality, a REFLECTION of you somehow.  Maybe your very best self, possibly your shadow self, possibly your karma (sorry, this type of b*tch).  So the very first thing you will need to do when you start feeling annoyed (or itchy or like you will need TO ESCAPE AT ANY COST!) ???LOOK IN THE MIRROR.I had this come up lately (really, it comes up all of the damn time, but here is an example) with a few extended family members that confronted me about some behaviour of mine they had decided was unacceptable.  As soon as I attempted to explain my behaviour, I was accused of lying (I was not ) but the fact was that I had not fully contemplated the situation from their view (nor had they from mine) so upon doing this, I chose to apologize, though previous to the confrontation I had no idea I had hurt or offended anyone.  However, the lying thing stuck in my craw–so I took a look in the mirror.In doing this, I realized that part of the reason they had NOT considered the problem from my perspective is that I hadn’t been completely honest about it.  While the particulars they accused me of lying about weren’t true (or honest ), the overall reality was I was putting a”sunny side up” face on a tricky time in my life, so that they had no clue of where I was coming from or the challenges I faced at the time of this situation in question.Because, you know, they are not PSYCHIC.Outside of clinical abuse, the majority of us participate in some dysfunctional finger-pointing and abdication of personal responsibility in the majority of our key relationships.Because, you know, we are HUMAN.  (it is a thing.)The only way to cure this trend is hyper-vigilance about our own (NOT the OTHER’S) motivation.  We can’t cure or fix or alter anyone who’s not in the process of doing these things by themselves.  So if you’re in a relationship where you’re continuously dealing with an intolerable behavior/attitude etc., get the HECK from DODGE.Let them do the job they have to do while you concentrate on why you drove into Dodge to start with–and yes, there’s a reason.We’re not in connection by happenstance.We’re in relationship to grow and evolve and learn and yes, occasionally LEAVE.Growing, learning and evolving are supposed to lead to modify.Otherwise, you aren’t doing it right.Your relationships will reflect you and your present state of development quite professionally, and until you realize and work with this, you’re doomed to repeat the identical unhealthy loops you really have been spinning for years on end.When your spouse is being selfish, cruel, idiotic, unfeeling, disengaged, etc–LOOK IN THE MIRROR.Are they representing you?Or are they representing your beliefs about you?In any event, time to create a change.–Shutterstock

We aren’t in relationship by happenstance. 

The article Unhappy in Your Relationship? Look in the Mirror appeared on The Great Men Project.

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The Way to Get Your Girl at the Mood

How to Get Your Lady in the Mood

How to Get Your Lady in the MoodIt is true that men think about sex a lot more than girls do, so sometimes you have to receive your woman in the mood to have a little fun in the bedroom. With women you will need to wine and dine then to get them in the mood and sometimes it requires a bit more effort than simply dragging her into the bedroom like a caveman. So listen to these tips below and get started making arrangements to have a little fun tonight with your spouse.

Say Sweet Nothings in Her Ear

You can accomplish it by slipping sexualized comments into the conversation to get her thinking about it until you straight out approach her for a little slap and tickle. We mean remarks that spark her stimulation like talking about what you want to do to her or what your plans for the night are, telling her you missed touching her or how beautiful she looks, make her feel wanted and you will have won half the battle.

Get Romantic

A woman likes to be wined and dined and by setting the scene you’ll be able to get her in the mood faster. Show you amorous side by placing mood lighting like candles and wear a little mood music like Barry White or Marvin Gaye. Make the nighttime special and she’ll be in the mood before you know it.

Slow it Down

Girls like adoring kisses and gentle caresses; they do not need to feel like this is just one more night of fast sex before you head off to bed. Unlike men, women take a little time to get sexually aroused and ready for the main event, so treat her right and get her body and head in the mood before you take it to another level.

This does not mean buy her expensive items, but it means doing things like giving her a relaxing massage, taking her on a moonlit picnic at the park, feeding her sensual foods such as chocolate dipped strawberries or a oysters. If she feels pampered and cared for she’ll be more inclined to feel in the mood for playtime later.

Look the Part

You have probably approached her or other women previously in a sloppy shirt with your hair a mess and got rejected, right? That’s because you did not look the part. Exactly like setting the scene, you will need to look like a man on a mission of seduction. Before you approach her take the time to look sharp with your hair artfully arranged, wear fine put together clothing and smell good… This can help set the stage and put in her at the mood in no time whatsoever.

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Recognizing Sexual Performance Anxiety

Understanding Sexual Performance Anxiety

Understanding Sexual Performance AnxietyThe second is perfect. Your spouse’s in the mood. The two of you are definitely aroused. Can somebody please relay the message to your manhood?! What is the deal? It can be both frustrating and embarrassing when an erection does not appear on cue.   But, sexual performance anxiety is totally natural and it happens to men of all ages.

In the huge majority of cases, the anxiety part of sexual performance anxiety is the offender. When we become stressed, our body begins sending and receiving signals to constrict blood vessels and rush blood to heart body systems such as the heart and lungs. In doing this, less blood is available in the body to assist even the healthiest of men make and sustain an erection. As well, the absence of blood flowing to the brain during stress results in a deficiency of focus, which may interfere with the stimulation process. “But I am not worried about sex,” you say… anxiety and nervousness can be difficult, sneaky things. Sometimes what you perceive as excitement about the situation might also have an uninvited bit of anxiety riding along with it. The situation might be full of anxiety and stress. Is it make-up sex after a fight? First-ever experience or first in a while after a while apart? Is it a vital moment in the connection like an engagement or marriage? These can all get in the way of your typical sexual routine.

Here Are a Few Tips to overcome an anxiety erection

To conquer a less-than-impressive or complete absence of erection, try extended foreplay, some pillow talk, or a change of venue. Occasionally moving from the bedroom into the shower can shake things up enough to get yourself out of your way. Concentrate your thoughts on the pleasurable elements of sex and quit worrying about what could go wrong. And above all speak, talk, talk.

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I Am Done Lending My Body to People Who Don’t Care

As I walked, I felt nothing but pity.

It was a long drive home. He had rather stopped talking to me after it was finished. His voice mellowed. The excitement to see me’d just, I do not know…faded. He appeared tired and I felt for the first time in those 12 hours I had become nothing but a nuisance.

Needless to say, it was raining when I got to the car, drove it around the corner and cried a little bit into my palms. I’d had a wonderful time. Yes, it was a fantastic time. But that fantastic time as over. There was no staying late and chatting.

I never heard from him again, but I would have liked to.

I have used Grindr to hook up. A great deal more than I want to admit.

Off and on again, like most people I guess, I would get lonely and sign back on. Hit delete when I got frustrated by people who stopped responding or desired to only hook up & go or seemed like they had not showered in a month.

Something changed the last couple of months, though. I heard that a Nicki Minaj tune and something about those lyrics just smacked me right in the fucking face.

I done fasted and prayed, needed to cleanse my body
Abstaining from sex, needed to zen my body
I ai not giving, so don’t ask, I do not lend my body
GotId be king standing to give a guy my body

Perhaps this is absurd, but that really changed my thinking. And I hope this does not come off as prude, but I believe I have felt extremely powerful since I have raised my standard for who I allow to set their hands on me.

Men appear to notice too. They reach out more. Not that there is anything wrong with sleeping with people, but I understood that if I would like to find a person of a particular standard, I have also gotta be that standard.

I strongly feel that we attract what we put out to the world. While I’ve lowered my standards, I have been taken advantage of. My feelings played. My body used as a tool to generate someone else’s feel great. There was no collaboration in that sort of sex. Not me.

I am all for people doing what they want with their body. I do not judge and I won’t preach. But I can tell you from personal experience that there’s power in being the sort of person you wish to attract. Focusing on yourself rather than relying on just how other people treat you.

I need to be treated better. Yes. Duh.

I guess I have just learned to treat myself better.

This post was previously published on P.S. I Love You and is republished here with permission from the author.

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I lay out this whole system in this publication . The quick overview is a real-life date in a wonderful pub or coffee shop for one hour followed by another”date” in your location where you proceed to gender. Here’s the picture overview:There are a list of certain things you have to do and not do on the first and second dates to be able to make this system function. Again, this publication sets it all out. I also summarize a few of the principles for the first date here. Today I will deal with the questions that I get from men regarding when to violate these rules, those isolated and rare occasions at which it makes sense to deviate from this system.Know this: These are RARE and ISOLATED occasions. These are items that don’t occur very often, maybe even never. The scenarios I’m going to describe aren’t an excuse for you to deviate from the machine each time you feel like it. If you do so, you’re going to get laid less, maybe more. Also, as they are rare occasions, if you encounter such situations repeatedly with a number of women, you’re most likely doing something wrong and want to perform a self-evaluation.With that being said, here are some of the questions I get, with their answers:1. Is there ever a time to allow the initial date go beyond 60 minutes? It is fine to let the initial date go a tiny past 60 minutes. Sometimes guys freak out and tell me that they”really fucked up” by allowing the date move 70 or 80 minutes. Don’t be worried about that. It is fine provided you did everything else properly.If you are asking if it is ever okay to allow the first date go a couple of hours or longer, the solution is no. Always remember you need the 85% participant, 15% supplier frame on all first and second dates for greatest chances of success across the wide spectrum of women.Are there any rare exceptions to this? Are there some women who’ll have sex with you really quickly in the event you’ve got a lot longer first date? If you are spending more time on a first date then you are not getting laid quicker. Through time I’ve had men tell me that they do quite well with getting laid on first dates but they generally have to spend 4-6 hours on the first date as a way to do it. Okay, but I am getting to sex within 3 hours or less with a very quick first date, so I believe I win.Even factoring that in, you don’t have any idea if she is one of these exceptions ahead. That means if you break the 60 second rule as you are imagining she might be an exception, you are working completely in the dark while the odds aren’t in your favor. Not smart.2. What if you do not get to gender on the next date when she is at your place? {Is it worth going after a third date or should you {} ? |} It depends on just what occurred during the next date.If the second date was not at your house, then yes, then proceed to the next date (ideally at your house ).If the second date was in your house, you did your best to get to sex, and you have sexual intercourse with her but not all the way to full-on sex, then yes, then proceed to the next date (ideally in your house ).If the second date was in your house, she is under the age of 33, you did your best to get to sex, and you have absolutely nothing (other than possibly some kissing), then no, forget that the third date and proceed. This is a top –ASD woman and fast sex isn’t something she is interested in at this moment. Quit wasting your time with her and move on to more relaxed girls.If the second date was in your house, she is over the age of 33, you did your best to get to sex, and you have absolutely nothing (other than possibly some kissing), then sadly, this is normal for women over 33. You have a choice to make: proceed on or suffer through another high-ASD third and possibly even fourth date until you get all of the way to sex. I personally would proceed, but that is me.3. Only if the date does not happen at your dwelling. If your next date is at another bar (or similar place ), which is permitted under this system, then you do not have to push for sex with this date (though you can and I often do).If the second date happens at your house, then no, you always need to push for sex as best you can 100% of the time while she is there. If you do not, and just sit and speak without sexually escalating as you are both alone in your bed or sofa, you will actually send contradictory signals and probably turn her off.4. Imagine if she orders food on the first date? This is uncommon, since girls do not need to”look like a pig” on a first date with a new man, but some more convinced girls will do this if they are really hungry. Let her purchase a cheese plate or another pub item (remember, you are in a bar or coffee shop on a first date, not a restaurant!) But do not order anything yourself and eat a little of her meals. Frequently this can actually boost results because she feels more”comfortable” with you.5. Is there ever a time you should agree to an “event date” pre-sex? No! All first dates must be you and her in a quiet place sitting and speaking to each collectively (pub, Starbucks, fancy deli, etc). No playing pool, no karaoke, no rock climbing, no hiking, no movies, none of that friend zone / boyfriend bullshit. Wait until you have had sex with her twice before you do this crap. Read this for more information if you would like to know why.6. Is there ever a time you need to go beyond 3 dates with zero sexual activity? No. Whatever women or beta men may say about it, the simple fact is that the world is filled with too many sexy, high quality, low-ASD girls who will not make you wait that long for something as basic as sex. If something as ordinary and mundane as gender is that big a deal for her, it’s extremely unlikely she will make for a excellent FB, MLTR, or OLTR. (The only way you could produce some type of exception to this is if you are talking about some type of A-list celebrity that you would like to have sex with just for the bragging rights; that is how mad you would need to get for me to turn this no to a yes.) Just do not do it.Some men will warrant putting up with zero sex past the next date if the girl does something like give them blowjobs. Again, this is dumb. There are thousands and thousands of other girls in town… why the fuck are you putting up with Only Blowjob Girl? Do you think I’d ever do this? No. You are destitute and you probably have oneitis. Move the fuck on.7. When should you like sex on the first date rather than the second? As I’ve explained on this site and in my books many times, focusing on a 3-4 hour complete face time 2-date system is much more time efficient than focusing 100 percent on constantly trying to bang girls on the first date. (Two quick exceptions to this: night game when you’ve got powerful game and pay-for-it sugar daddy game when you’ve got decent game.)The ASD you will need to battle through on all your first dates is simply too time consuming. If she is under the age of 33, you smash at least 80 percent of her ASD by escalating to gender on the next date rather than the first, and it doesn’t matter how long the first date was. It works really well. In these unusual circumstances, there is no reason to wait and you may also pull the trigger right then and there. I have had many of these initial dates and they are wonderful. Just remember they’re unusual and won’t be the standard under this system.How do you tell if she is ready for sex on the first date? Clearly if she asks to return to your place, say yes and take action. (Some men really say no.) This is going to be really rare though (though I have had it happen more than once!) . More often you will just need to learn how to read her. There is no hard and fast, always-accurate method to use, but here are some powerful clues:She is complimenting your look, particularly if she does it more than once. Complimenting your look .) She keeps saying you are sexy or handsome or adorable and so forth. Her body language is amazing throughout the entire date. She is always leaning forward, giving you fantastic eye contact, smiling, nodding, etc. She is under the age of 23. Boobs/cleavage hanging out, under-butt showing through her high shorts/skirt, etc.. I know feminists and left-handed girls will most likely hate this, but the empirical data I have (in my own monitoring and from other guys who have monitored this stuff) is that women dressed sexually do indeed often have sex with guys quicker. She’s always giving self-qualifying statements. By way of instance, you say you like girls with bigger boobs and she instantly points out that she has big boobs. Then after you say you like girls that are happy and she instantly begins talking about how pleased she’s all of the time. She exudes plenty of physical cues. She rolls her hair a whole lot, licks her lips a lot, fidgets with her hands a lot, etc. Be careful though; occasionally this can indicate nervousness rather than horniness. If a girl does at least two or three of the aforementioned items, you could pull the tiger on the first date in the event that you really need to. Simply say something like,”You need to return to my place for a little bit?” If you have read her correctly, you will find a very enthusiastic yes, and you will likely be having sex with her within 10-15 minutes of arriving at your dwelling. (Man. I love women in this way. I wish there were a lot of these.)If you read her wrongly she will politely say no. Just say okay, shed the subject immediately, and change the subject. Do not push it! Save the escalation for the next date when it is much lower.8. What if she invites a number of her girlfriends into the first or second date? Do not ever agree with this. My success ratio for girls who invite a friend to the first or second date is zero, so I learned very quickly to prevent this. Bringing a friend to a first date is a defense mechanism for girls to be certain they can prevent sex and maybe friend zone you more readily. I’d rather don’t have any first date compared to a first date with a girl and one of her girlfriends. But it would be wonderful to just speak with you. Let’s meet up, just me and you, and let us hang out with your friend next time.” Your likelihood of success doing so are only about 25%, but again, no date is much better than a friend zone-date with the girl and one of her damn girlfriends.The only possible exception to all this is sugar daddy game in which you are meeting up with two girls with the stated intention of you having sex with both of these. This may work if you’ve got decent game (I have done it). But even in these scenarios I have had guys have report that some women do so on sugar daddy websites as a scam to get you to pay them for platonic first dates (that you should never do, of course).

Today I will deal with the questions that I get from men seeing when to break the rules, those isolated and rare occasions in which it makes sense to deviate from the Blackdragon Dating System.

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84 Questions to Ask on a First Date

Conversation starters and thought provoking questions to create real connection and help you in your search for true love.

Modern day dating is catchy. Maybe, more of a challenge now than ever in history.

Why, with so many relationship programs making it easier to meet people, has it become increasingly hard?

I feel that since it has become very easy to find, talk to, and meet up with somebody, there’s minimal danger involved and therefore less attempt to create real relationship.

You meet up with somebody to make small talk for a couple of hours hoping to convince them that you’re a fascinating, charming individual. Secretly, you’re hoping to discover exactly the same about them.

I’ve committed my life to helping women create more self-love and confidence, which is vitally important in dating.

Below is a list of 84 conversation and thought provoking questions to create real connection and help you in your search for true love.

Now get out there and find your soulmate!

  • What do you do, and how long are you doing it?
  • Where are you from originally?
  • Where did you go to college?
  • That has been the biggest influence on your life?
  • What is your favourite place in the whole world?
  • What actually makes you laugh?
  • Are there any foods you absolutely despise?
  • What is your favourite movie of all time?
  • What is your favourite book of all time?
  • What is your biggest goal right now?
  • What is your favourite way to spend a weekend?
  • What were you like as a child?
  • What should I know about you that I’d never think to ask about?
  • What do you like to do if you are not working?
  • What is your favorite TV show at the moment?
  • Which sort of music do you enjoy?
  • Have you traveled anywhere really cool lately?
  • What’s your absolute favourite food?
  • Who is your biggest role model?
  • What is your biggest pet peeve?
  • Would you like tea or coffee?
  • Do you have any siblings?
  • In case you won the lottery, what’s the first thing you would do with the money?
  • Is there anywhere else you’d really like to live, besides here?
  • What is on your bucket listing?
  • Do you like cooking?
  • What is your favourite thing about your job?
  • What is your least favourite thing about your job?
  • Do you have a busy week coming up?
  • What combination of toppings makes your perfect pizza?
  • Do you drink?
  • Based on the above, what’s your signature drink?
  • What’s the most thoughtful gift you have ever received?
  • Does your family still reside in your hometown?
  • If you could be any person for a day, who would it be?
  • What is something you’ve been really proud of lately?
  • What is something you’ve always wanted to try?
  • What do you enjoy about relationship?
  • What’s your least favourite thing about dating?
  • What is something you are bad at?
  • Who in your family are you closest to?
  • What is your favorite holiday?
  • What is one of your favorite childhood memories?
  • What is your favourite article of clothing that you own?
  • What’s something you’re financially saving up for?
  • What is a New Year’s resolution you want to stick to?
  • What’s a job which you would never do?
  • What’s your complete dream job?
  • Do you believe yourself spontaneous, or a planner?
  • What is the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
  • Are you a big sports fan?
  • Who is your favourite sports team?
  • What quality for you is an automatic”no way” when chasing someone in a relationship?
  • What is the best single piece of advice you have ever received?
  • What do you want your 20 year old self could have understood?
  • If you could travel back and reside in any time period, when could it be?
  • What’s been your greatest achievement thus far?
  • What’s a tradition your family had when you were a child?
  • What do you enjoy most about where you live?
  • What was the worst job you’ve ever had?
  • When you’re a child, what did you expect to do when you grew up?
  • What’s one skill you want you may be better at?
  • Have you got a huge group of friends?
  • What is your favourite band?
  • If you could contribute to some charity, which charity would it be and why?
  • In one word, how would you describe yourself?
  • What do you look for in a spouse?
  • What do you find most attractive in a possible partner?
  • If you could be any animal, which animal would you be?
  • If you’re stuck on a deserted island, who would you choose to have with you?
  • If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what could it be?
  • What does your dream house look like?
  • What is an ideal day for you?
  • For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

A version of the post was previously published on huffpost.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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The Way to Balance your Online Dates

How to Balance your Online Dates

How to Balance your Online DatesWhen you’ve joined the world of internet dating you’ve seen how fast you can begin to interact with singles locally and set up dates. Now there are two sorts of people on dating sites: individuals who have no intention on settling down with anyone and individuals who want to settle down but wish to meet the ideal person. If you’re one of those who wish to find the perfect one you might end up with multiple dates having difficulty remembering who’s who.

Here are some ideas to keep your internet dates directly.

Write it Down

Just make sure you destroy the evidence sooner or later.

Never talk other Dates

It is ok to be fair that out on other dates but do not take it too much by going over them all in detail. That’s a whole turnoff and no respectable girl is going to want to feel as though they are just another one of your online dates.

Under no circumstance should you ever answer calls, respond to texts/ winks from other girls or check your profile as you’re out on a date.

Mix up Your Date Spots

If you take all your dates at the very same places you’re sure to bump into one another while you’re out with somebody else.

Establish Boundaries

If you bring any dates to your home make sure and convey that fall in’s aren’t welcome. Not unless you’re ready to stop bringing different dates there also.

The Grass is not Always Greener

The main rule is to know when you’ve got a good one on your grasps and it is time to say good bye to others. It’s simple to set up dates but it’s tough to find a partner you are truly compatible with. If you’re fortunate enough to locate the 1 know when it is time to unplug and devote.

Download my eBook The Secrets to Attract Women FREE now by clicking here

The Awkward Silence


That horrible, awkward silence that occurs occasionally on a date. You understand just what I’m talking about.

You are sitting on a date. You have been looking forward to this date. You’ve build up an entire fantasy in your thoughts about this person. You really think this will be the girl (or the guy ) for you.

Now they’re sitting next to you. After about twenty or twenty five minutes, but the conversation only kind of dies. Then there’s that awkward silence.

It’s funny. When you are with somebody for quite a long time, you have what people call comfortable silence. In the first twenty minutes or half an hour of the start of this so-called relationship that you were so sure was going to happen, however, it is known as an awkward silence.

So what do you do in that circumstance?

At those moments, it is time to produce a joke. It is so nice, is not it? It’s like we have been together for quite a long time. We are both eating our burgers at the moment, and we are having that comfortable silence that people have who’ve been dating for like six months. Do not you believe it, too? Are not you as comfortable as I am right now?”

Kind of make a joke about it, because most individuals are most likely nervous. Plus, bear in mind that there are permitted to be silent periods in discussions. You don’t need to just keep rambling on and rambling on and rambling on nonstop.

Now, sometimes, there’s silence on a date for a different reason. Perhaps twenty minutes or a half hour to the date you understand that there might not be as much chemistry between you as your head had imagined there would be.

If that’s the instance, that awkward silence may be due to a complete lack of chemistry. You may play that scenario two ways.

One, you do exactly the thing which I told you to do, i.e., make a joke about it, and then try to complete the date as enjoyably as possible. Two, you may take a look at the man and say,”Hmmm, do we have a lack of chemistry” Because I do not suggest going with the second option, I suggest that you go with the first choice.

This post was formerly published on Davidwygant.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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Being a Classy Gentleman Can Help You on the Dating Scene

Here’s Why Being Chivalrous Is Always the Best Way to Act

The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he’s really, really good at relationship. He has been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he is here to help the average man step his relationship game up a notch — or several.

The Question

Hello Dating Nerd,

A female friend tore me a new one lately because she says I am a jerk to the women I date. She listed off a whole lot of things I had done on dates with a number of her friends or women she knew (not paying for meals, not paying for cabs, speaking too much apparently, publicly asking if the woman wanted to hook up), and I had been behaving like a scumbag. This caught me by surprise — I feel like it is not any different from what every other man out there is doing. Is she right? Can not I come off bizarre and loser-ish if I am super nice and do not assert myself? 

The Answer

Danny, Danny, Danny. 

This may seem crazy, but maybe the single biggest favor you could pay your future self at this time is to understand how to be a gentleman.

Things like chivalry went from held in high regard to OK at best to fallen to the wayside. In the event you were to provide a random girl your arm to try to help her out of a vehicle at this moment, you would be met with a substantial quantity of skepticism — to say nothing of throwing your coat over a puddle so that she could walk without getting wet. 

Today, it’s a lot more common for women to experience shabby treatment in men. Obtaining ghosted, becoming roached, getting unwanted dick pics, brief flings that disappear the moment you develop any feelings for another person — that is the contemporary dating encounter in a nutshell for a good deal of people who date dudes. 

If you are not interested in treating your games well, that probably suits you just fine. It is likely that you’re not likely to be markedly worse than the next man, and most folks will be so burnt out by previous bad treatment they will not be expecting much by the time you roll around. 

However, the paucity of great dating behavior in modern singles civilization has a flip side, and if you are prepared to put in a small bit of work towards being gentlemanly, you stick out in a severe way. 

Nowadays, you are not competing against kings, princes, male models and rock stars. Your rivals are Kyle, who is hoping to have longer Tinder games than every other man in his frat before Friday, and Jon, who understands more porn stars by name than real girls. 

Perhaps you have heard the old canard,”People won’t remember what you said, and they won’t remember what you did, but they will remember how you made them feel?” Well, that is what being a gentleman is all about: making people feel good. 

The next time you are on a date, indicate a time and location. Request your date queries and make her feel like the star of a one-night, two-actor show. Pay for everything you do, and appreciate your time together regardless of what happens in the end.

In summary, you’re likely to become a gentleman. 

Why, you may ask? In one shot, you are doing a number of different things. 

For starters, you are elevating the level of relationship behaviour, even if microscopically, for the entire culture. We fix this environment where we are all horrible to one another by placing ourselves online, acting with kindness and grace instead of with nude self-interest.

Secondly, you are treating her right. You are not treating her like an audience to your blathering, and you are not treating her like a vending machine for intercourse. You are treating her like a person. Whatever she thinks about your looks, your musculature or your vehicle, I guarantee she is more interested in how it feels to sit across from you. And if it feels good, she is likely to need more of it.

Thirdly, look, the date may not fall how you want. When a first date sputters out, it is not fun for either party. But here’s the thing — if you’re a consummate gentleman from point A to point Z, that attitude will carry over to your future excursions. 

If you treat your date such as trash and make her regret the day she agreed to meet up with you? Well, you are only doing what you can to worsen the relationship culture for everybody. You are absolutely destroying your chances, and you are more or less guaranteeing that nobody will want to give you so much as another look. 

So take your choice. Being a douchebag may be simpler — but do not you think being a gentleman has a happier ending?

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